The Mess You Left Behind: An Enemies-to-Lover Romance

by V. T. Do

  “Emery, Joey? What are you doing here? Is it Wyatt? Is he okay?”

  I shook my head, forcing myself to speak. “No, Wyatt’s okay. Everything is fine.” I took in her features once more. I knew I took after my father, and I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what I’d gotten from her, but there was the resemblance. It was right there, the undeniable truth that I looked like Erin as well.

  She seemed a little calmer after I told her Wyatt was okay, but then the confusion was back. “What can I do for you?”

  “Can we come in?” I asked.

  She hesitated for a brief second, before widening the door and taking a step back. We walked into the warm house. “Let’s go in the kitchen. I’ll make tea.”

  Her house was nice and open and inviting. Something I didn’t get from her on our first meeting. It was hard to believe the woman who had been so cold to me had decorated her house like this. Like a hostess.

  Warm colors greeted us from the very first moment we stepped inside, from the brown couch to the orange curtains and matching rugs. It wasn’t awfully big, but from what I knew, Erin lived alone, so there was more than enough space for her.

  Her kitchen was equally as nice. With a granite kitchen island taking up most of the space, a garden window above the stove, and Cherrywood cabinets, it was a kitchen that felt lived in. It reminded me of everything we didn’t have at my house.

  Joey and I took a seat on the stools at the island as Erin filled a teapot with warm water. She stayed where she was, standing by the stove while she waited for the water to boil. I was glad for the few minutes to get my bearings.

  I looked at Joey, and she gave me a small smile, as if to ask if I was okay. I nodded.

  The teapot whistled when the water boiled, and Erin prepared the tea. Moments later, she carried it over to us, but remained standing. “Why did you come here, Emery?” she asked, her eyes on her teacup.

  “I found something. Letters from you to my dad.”

  Erin looked up, her eyes widening in surprise. “He kept them?” she asked, her voice low in a whisper.

  “I don’t know. I think so. But they were in my grandpa’s possession. That’s how I found them. I was going through his stuff.”

  Her expression changed then, from surprise to anger. “So Joseph kept them? Why? As mementos of all the pain he caused?”

  Joey and I shared a look. “What are you talking about?” she asked when I didn’t say anything.

  “You don’t know? Didn’t Wyatt tell you? I thought that’s why you were here.”

  “Wyatt didn’t tell me anything. What does he know?”

  “If you don’t know, then what are you doing here?”

  “To find out the truth. I want to know about your relationship with my dad. I want to know what my grandpa did to break you two up. I want to know when and why my dad started using drugs. Why did he think his life was so miserable that only drugs were his only escape?” And I want to know if you are my mother, I thought but didn’t ask. I want to know if Wyatt and I are cousins, and I want to know what I can do to make my shame and the love I feel for Wyatt go away. I just want it gone.

  Her eyes flashed with anger, and I would have moved back to get away from that look had I not been sitting. “You want to know what happened?” she asked bitterly, her hands clenched in a tight fist. “It all started because of Joseph-fucking-Caldwell. The man who was so rich and powerful that he thought he could get away with all of his sins simply because of who he was. The man who strung people along and discarded them like trash after his use for them ran out.”

  I shook my head, unable to believe what she was saying. She was describing someone I didn’t know. My grandpa wasn’t a terrible person. He spent most of his life helping people who needed it. He was the man who had pushed me on the swings, who had taken Joey and me bowling, who had helped us with our math homework. But the hatred in her eyes was very real.

  “You don’t believe me? The Joseph you grew up with was very different from the one I grew up with. Because the man I grew up with? He was mean and cold. He was a man who would do almost anything to succeed in the business world. He was a shark. He had everything going for him at work, being on top of the world and enjoying every moment. But at home, he was miserable. His wife was depressed, something that had been ongoing since she gave birth to her son.”

  “My dad.”

  Erin’s eyes turned soft. I realized then that she was still in love with him. “Yes, your dad. It wasn’t always like that. Sometimes she would get better. But those moments never lasted. It became particularly difficult when your dad was five. That was the first time Joseph cheated on his wife, because he couldn’t handle the stress of caring for someone who was mentally ill.”

  “What?” Joey asked, sounding as shocked as I felt.

  Erin looked out the window, her eyes shining with tears she wouldn’t let fall. Feeling uncomfortable at witnessing that, I turned to Joey.

  “My family wasn’t rich. My mom worked as a maid most of her miserable life. When she was thirty, she was hired as the maid for this business mogul. He had a small guest house on his property, just next to the main house. My mom lived there with my brother for the first six years. Then on the seventh year, she gave birth to me. Can you guess who my father is?”

  I stood up. “You’re lying!”

  She turned to me, her face expressionless. “What makes you so sure?”

  “You were in love with my dad. You still are.”

  “Can you guess what your grandpa’s sins are now?”

  I shook my head, my eyes burning. “He would have told you. My grandpa wouldn’t have let it get that far.”

  “Wouldn’t he? He was an arrogant man. He didn’t think he could fall. He kept my mother as his maid and his mistress. And when I was born, he kept us close, because I was his child, and he needed to keep all of his things under his roof.”

  I quickly wiped away my tears with my hands.

  Erin’s smile was sad when she said, “You have your grandpa’s eyes. And your dad’s eyes. You also have my eyes. Don’t you see?”

  I moved back a step as realization hit.

  “When did you find out?” Joey asked when I didn’t know what to say.

  “I didn’t find out until after it was all said and done. I was already too in love with your dad by that point. He told me we would run away together after I graduated from high school. He said we didn’t need his father’s money to survive, and I believed him. And we would have done it, except your grandpa caught us...” She took a deep breath, unable to finish the sentence. “After, everything went to hell. Your grandma committed suicide when she found out about your grandpa’s affair and his love child. My mother was fired from her job and kicked off the property, along with me. We received a large stipend for the inconvenience,” she added coldly.

  She looked at me, and there was something in her eyes I didn’t want to decipher. She really hated my grandpa. So who did she see when she looked at me? Did she see my grandpa, or did she see my dad?

  I looked away, and she continued. “I know now that it was because your grandpa was trying to keep me from his son. We corresponded mostly through letters, because it was discreet. Your grandpa had threatened that if there was any contact between us, he would ruin my mother. She would never be able to find a job anywhere. Then, a year later, just three months before my graduation, your dad broke up with me. And I didn’t know why. Until my mom found the letters he had written to me. She was horrified that I would do something so shameful, even if it had been done without my full understanding of our relationship to each other. So, you see, I hate your grandpa. I hate him with every fiber of my being. He ruined my life, and he ruined your father’s life.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said lamely. Because there wasn’t anything I could say to her that would make any of this better. I hadn’t known. How was I supposed to deal with all of this?

  To know that we were still dealing with my grandpa’s mistakes, even two
generations later.

  A thought occurred to me then. “You and my father...” I trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Joey knew what I wanted to ask, because she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

  “What? What do you want to ask? Why did you fly all the way here to see me, Emery? Wyatt could have told you all of this.”

  I closed my eyes, warding off the pain. Whether or not the pain was because of all that Wyatt had kept from me, I didn’t know. How could he not have told me earlier? There were nights we had spent in each other arms doing nothing but talking.

  “I broke up with Wyatt.” I tried to ignored how happy the news obviously made her.

  “Why?”

  Joey and I shared a look, one filled with meaning.

  Erin watched me closely. I knew when the answer came to her, because she laughed. And the sound was mean and bitter and ugly. “You didn’t think I was your mother, did you?”

  “If you’re not, then who is?”

  “That is another Caldwell secret, you see.”

  “What?”

  “It’s not up to me to tell you. But I wonder, have you ever seen your birth certificate, Emery?” I shook my head. “You should look for it. It’ll tell you everything you want to know, but be sure you’re ready for the answer.”

  “Why can’t you just tell her now?” Joey asked, a coldness in her voice. She didn’t like Erin’s reaction to me any more than I did.

  “Like I said, it’s not my secret to tell. Go home. And as much as I want you and my nephew apart, I hate the thought of him hurting more. You and Wyatt are not related. He’s my half-brother’s son from my mother’s side. And you’re my half-brother’s daughter from my father’s side. There are no blood ties. Although, if you ask me, the relationship you have with each other still borders on incestuous.”

  “They’re not related. It can’t be incestuous, and you know it,” Joey said firmly.

  Erin shrugged. “It’s not up to me to say. But I can tell you this—I don’t approve of this relationship. You are most definitely your grandpa’s granddaughter. There is no doubt about it. And there is just something about you Caldwells that ruins everyone who ever loves you.”

  “You’re a Caldwell,” I said tightly. If the blood running in my veins was dirty, that same blood ran in hers as well.

  “I am not a Caldwell! I will never hold that name. I will never claim to be one. Just go home and leave me alone.”

  She turned her back to us then, dismissing us from her sight, but probably not her thoughts. I knew she was bitter because of everything that had happened to her. I didn’t hate her. I pitied her.

  I hated what her secrets had done to her after all these years. And she was still in love with the one man she could never have. But walking out of that house, there was a lightness to my step that hadn’t been there before, now that I had learned part of the truth.

  Chapter Thirty-Five: This Is All You’ve Left Me

  Emery

  We were silent on the way to the airport. There was a slight delay, and as we sat there waiting for our flight, Joey grabbed my hand. I turned to her. “You okay?” she asked.

  “I think so.”

  “You don’t have to let what she said about your grandpa ruin the image you have of him. He was a terrible father to his kids, but he was amazing with you.”

  “Do you think he was only good to me because he felt guilty?”

  “Don’t do that. Don’t cheapen his love for you by thinking it was something else.”

  “How can I not? Now that I know, how am I supposed to feel about my dad? What the hell am I supposed to do with all of this information?”

  “You forgive your dad, and you move on. That is all we can ever do.”

  “Have you forgiven your dad?”

  She nodded. “He was easy to forgive. I didn’t know him well, so he didn’t leave me with a lot of damage. It was my mom who was hard to forgive. For the longest time, I hated her so much for being the way she was. I believe you when you say you do remember some of your time with your dad, but I had to live for sixteen years like that with my mom. That was hard, but I forgave her eventually. We won’t ever have a relationship—I know that now. But I’ve come to terms with it, and you will be able to too.”

  “He’s my grandpa, Joe. He hugged me when Vincent Martinez pushed me off the swings, remember? He hugged me so tight and told me everything would be okay because he was there. And he kept true to his word. He was always there.” Up until the moment he wasn’t. And that wasn’t his fault.

  “Yes, he was. And that is the grandpa you can keep close to your heart. You can tell your kids about that version of him. And if you can forgive Wyatt for keeping all of this from you, then they can be his kids too.”

  I laughed then, a choked out kind of laugh. Joey smiled and hugged me. I laid my head on her shoulder. “What am I supposed to do? Go back to Wyatt and pretend none of this happened?”

  “No, you go back to Wyatt, and you talk things out. And you tell him to never, ever keep anything like this from you again. I’ll have the same talk with Cole. I have a feeling he knew more than he let on.”

  “Bastards,” I said fondly. Joey laughed.

  “Do you know where your birth certificate is?” Joey asked.

  I nodded. I hadn’t seen it yet, but I was sure I knew its location. “Yes.”

  “Are you going to look at it?”

  “Should I?”

  “That’s up to you. I think you deserve to know. I think it’s time you live your life without any secrets.”

  “I guess so. But if my mom really was a stranger, then why would my grandpa try so hard to keep it from me?” That was the problem. Perhaps... she wasn’t a stranger after all.

  “Doesn’t matter. I still think you deserve to know.”

  “Right.”

  I spent the flight home fast asleep, both from the lack of sleep the night before and from being emotionally exhausted. But when Joey shook me awake a few hours later, I didn’t feel rested. I felt heavy.

  I rubbed my eyes and looked out the window in time to see the plane landing. When the wheels finally touched the ground, I had a sense of belonging. I was home. New York was my home.

  In the days before, when my whole world went to hell, New York had lost its magic, but now, seeing it with new eyes, the magic was back.

  Even if I didn’t know what the future held, there was this sense of optimism in the air that told me no matter what the outcome, I would be fine.

  Just fine.

  I refused Joey’s offer to come home with me. It was something I needed to do alone. She gave me an extra long hug goodbye, as if she knew I would need it once I found the answer I was looking for.

  When I got home, I ignored the look of surprise from Preston at the front door and walked straight into my grandpa’s office. The man who had helped raise me alongside my grandpa probably also knew more than he let on. But Preston was loyal to my grandpa, and I knew that loyalty extended to my aunt as well. Not me.

  I pulled the sleeves of my sweater down when I entered the cold room, and walked behind the desk. Everything that I had found inside the cardboard box was safety tucked away in the drawers, including the pictures. But that wasn’t what I was interested in.

  The manila envelope was what I wanted. It wasn’t thick; in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t anything else in there but the one thing I needed to see.

  I pulled out the single small paper, and looked at my birth certificate for the first time. Even if I’d had my suspicions on the plane ride home, to see her name listed under “Mother” still took me by surprise.

  I didn’t know how long I sat there staring at her name on my birth certificate. She had been right there in front of me this whole time. While I searched endlessly for my mother out there in the world, setting up charities with her specifically in mind, hoping that perhaps they might help her in some way, she had been right in front of me. I just had to look close enough.
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  I did take after my father. But I took after my mother in my impersonal manner, actions, and thoughts. I had her coldness. Her distantness to the world. I had her love for fictional characters and her slight tolerance for real people.

  And I didn’t want any of that.

  My eyes blurred, and when movement at the door caught my attention, the tears fell as I took in my mother standing there, with a less than perfect appearance. She wasn’t as cool and collected as normal.

  She looked haggard and worried.

  “Emery.”

  “Did you name me?”

  “What?” she asked, sounding shocked and confused.

  “Did you name me, Mother?”

  She leaned back against the threshold of the door, tucking her slightly shaky hands behind her. After a moment of hesitation, she said, “How did you find out?”

  I was glad she didn’t try to lie to me. I waved my hand in the general direction of the desk. “My birth certificate.”

  Aunt Helen looked down at the desk, taking in all of the papers and finally honing in on the piece of paper with her secret.

  “Please, baby, you have to let me explain.”

  I stood up. “I’m not your baby. I was never your baby. I was raised by Joseph Caldwell, and he turned out to be a liar. Same as you. So I just want to know, did you name me?”

  I didn’t know why that was important, only that it was. I always assumed my father had given me my unusual name, but now I knew that wasn’t the case.

  “It means ‘brave,’” she choked out, as if she couldn’t help herself. “Your name. I only wanted you to be brave in life. I wanted you to be everything I wasn’t. That’s why I named you Emery.”

  “How? You had a husband. Why would you have an affair with my dad? He was your husband’s nephew.”

  “He was the most wonderful man I have ever met.”

  I staggered back, away from the obvious love she still held for my dead father. Why was it that everyone had fond memories of him but me?

  “But he was lost, and young and hotheaded. A lot like you are now. My husband was a cold man. He was not physically abusive, but he thought he was entitled to things he had never earned. He hated your grandpa for all the things Joseph had achieved, but he needed him as well. He was a bitter man with a wounded ego. Those are the worst kind of men to live with.”