Fearless

by Annie Jocoby

  Nottingham got into his side and he directed the limo driver to the Union Club. “Get us to the Union Club on 69th and Park,” he said. The limo driver nodded his head, and Nottingham turned his attention to me. He put his arm around me and whispered “my god, you are a beautiful woman. I think that you are, by far, the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen in my life.”

  At that, he turned my head and planted a firm kiss on my lips. I held my breath, wanting the kiss to end as quickly as possible. I couldn’t stop thinking about Luke. I felt guilty and dirty even to be kissing somebody else.

  Nottingham grabbed my thigh and his hand started up towards my panties. I quickly and rapidly pushed it away. He looked at me questioningly, and, for once, he didn’t look cruel or lustful. He just looked bewildered.

  “I’m very sorry, Blake,” I said. I had practiced what I would say to him in the apartment, but I didn’t know that I would have to give him my speech quite this soon. I thought that I could say it when we got to the club, where I could have a glass of wine and tell him in a more leisurely and relaxed fashion. But no, it had to happen there in the limo, while Nottingham was trying to crawl all over me. “There’s something that I need to tell you.”

  “Go ahead Dalilah,” he said.

  “Well, here’s the thing. I’ve decided that I’ve been a bad girl and I want to clean up my act. I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I’m ashamed of how I have behaved. So, I decided that I need to stop having sex outside of marriage. I hope that this isn’t a problem.”

  He smiled. “Not at all,” he said. “I was hoping that you would actually say something like this. You’re a lady. I’m so happy that you are finally realizing that. So, don’t worry. You can wait until we get married. And then I can ravage you like you have never before been ravaged.”

  I drew a breath. That was really easy, I thought. He was delusional, of course, thinking that he and I would ever be married. It was strange that he was even thinking along those lines, considered he barely knew me. Also, well, he was extremely desirable, in that he was extraordinarily handsome and wealthy. I really had no idea why he would want to try to get married so soon, especially to a woman who had made it somewhat clear that she didn’t love him. At least, I hoped that it was clear that I wasn’t really interested in him that way.

  The limo finally pulled up to the provincial French building on Park Ave. This was an enormous stone structure that apparently was constructed in 1863. Which was obvious as we went through the doors, where there were two marble staircases and a huge insignia on the floor that said “1863” in gold letters against a black backdrop.

  All around us were well-heeled men and women who were heading into the main restaurant. I felt uncomfortable, not because I didn’t fit in, of course. Because, my parents being billionaires, I certainly did belong there. But that kind of place was just never my scene. Joey’s dive restaurant in Willets Point – now that was a place where I could feel comfortable. This place, not so much.

  Nottingham took my hand as he led me into the main restaurant. This was an enormous dining room with chandeliers and wood-covered walls. It was very opulently appointed, with crystal glasses and candles on every table. The maître d’ sat us, calling Nottingham by name. We sat down, and I looked around me. Everywhere were tycoons and their well-heeled wives. The men all looked very old money, and their wives were elegantly dressed and tended to have helmet hair. I felt a little bit underdressed, even though I knew that I looked good. But my gown wasn’t beaded nor formal, and most of these people were in their charity-ball clothing.

  The waiter came around, and Nottingham ordered for both of us, not even bothering to first ask what it was that I wanted. We both were going to get the braised squab with Chateau Chalon sauce and au jus, served with whipped potatoes and asparagus. While that did sound good – I had squab before, and it was tender and delicious – I was quite put off that he would order for me without even asking me what I wanted.

  A bottle of wine came out, a vintage Le Pin, which retailed for over $2,500, and was selling there for $5,000. The waiter poured the wine for Nottingham and me, and then left. Nottingham raised his glass to mine, and we clinked the glasses together. “To a wonderful life together,” he said, and took a sip.

  I said nothing. This was getting weirder and weirder by the second. It occurred to me that this man might have created an entire relationship between the two of us in his head, long before he even started making his presence to me known on the sidewalk bench that day.

  I took a deep breath. “This is a beautiful place,” I said, stating the obvious.

  “That it is,” he said. “So, Dalilah, I can’t tell you how happy you have made me to finally decide to give our relationship a chance. I’ve been dreaming about this for years now.”

  I took a sip of wine, feeling more than a little bit freaked out. I questioned my sanity in deciding to go out with this guy. What was I thinking? He was a stalker, and I knew this to begin with. I was blinded by my desire to help Luke.

  That was when I remembered exactly why I was there with Nottingham. To help Luke. This thought calmed me down.

  “Well, Blake, I couldn’t stay away,” I said, trying for my best throaty, sexy voice.

  “I’ve thought of nothing but you since the other night. You were so magnificent and so adventurous. I admit, in the limo, I was a bit non-plussed to know that our sexual adventures will have to cease for now. But just wait until we’re married. We definitely will make up for lost time.”

  Time to steer the conversation onto more safe territory. “Yes. Well, Blake, I must say that you have definitely hired a very talented artist to portray me. I think that you’ll be thrilled with the results.” I cocked my head. “By the way, I was wondering if you had looked at Luke’s website yet? He really is an exquisite talent.”

  Nottingham nodded. “Yes, of course I have looked at his website. I admit, I hired him on the spot without checking his credentials, just because he had sketched an amazing likeness of you. But I did some research on him later on that evening. The boy is clearly very talented. I’m very glad that he is the artist that I have hired. I think that he’ll do a wonderful job.”

  This is going to be quite possibly easier than I thought. I wondered if Nottingham was as naïve I was thinking. I mean, the man was clearly intelligent, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t have a blind spot. And he seemed not to pick up on the fact that I was touting Luke to him for a reason.

  Feeling more confident, I pressed forward. I put my hand on Nottingham’s arm and stroked it while I looked into his eyes. His blue eyes, which looked hopeful, met my gaze. I started to feel bad, because Nottingham was beginning to show real emotion. He no longer had a cold and cruel look, but was actually looking just a bit…human.

  “So, anyhow. I’ve been doing some thinking. Luke has this extraordinary collection of urban alienation landscapes. They’re really quite remarkable. They’re very thematic as well. I thought that they just might be perfect for a showing in one of your galleries.”

  Nottingham put his hand to his chin, and looked at me thoughtfully. “You know, I was thinking the same thing.” He shrugged, and then regarded his glass of wine. “I was looking at his website, and I saw that most of his paintings were thematic. I personally favored his panels on musicians and ballerinas, and I thought about talking to some of my partners about featuring them in one of our upcoming shows that center around that very theme.”

  My heart started to race. This was going to be easier than I thought! It was! I smiled big. And decided to drop the entire subject. I didn’t want Nottingham to get even a hint of how I was really feeling about Luke, and I thought that, if I kept talking about Luke, I might let on. And that would, no doubt, put a kibosh on the entire thing.

  “Well, that’s a really good thing. I’m glad that you want to give that boy a chance. Anyhow, how are things with you?”

  He took a sip of his wine. “Things are really splendid. It’s goin
g to be a very good year for Nottingham Industries. Very profitable. And, of course, I’m very happy that you are here with me.” He paused. “You have no idea what you do to me, Dalilah. I know that I have seemed like a stalker to you, and perhaps I am. I don’t want to think of myself that way, though. But you are just…glorious. I think that’s the word that I want to use to describe you. Glorious. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  Uh, oh. He was really gushing now, and, to my dismay, he actually looked sincere when he was speaking. It wasn’t like the other night, when he had a cruel look on his face and it seemed that he just got off on hurting me. Right at that moment, he looked vulnerable and a little bit lost. I started to feel sorry for him, and feel sorry that I ever went out with him just to manipulate him.

  Not that I wanted to be with him. No, that wasn’t it at all. I still had no feelings for his man, and still very much wanted to be with Luke. Luke was all that I could think about. But I never thought that I would start to feel sympathy for Nottingham, which was exactly what was happening right at that moment.

  I opened my mouth to say something, when, to my dismay, Nick and Scotty came over to our table. “Dalilah,” Nick said to me. “I thought that was you.”

  I was startled, and I jumped just a little bit when I heard Nick’s unmistakable baritone address me. Scotty looked beautiful, as usual. She had just turned 40, I realized with a start, but she hadn’t aged since I had first met her when I was three years old. I hoped to look that good when I was 40 and had three children with Luke.

  I smiled as I realized that envisioning children with Luke came as easily to me as breathing. That was when I realized that I truly was in love.

  And Nick…well, men just get better with age, and he was no exception. He had just turned 50, and, even though he had a few grey hairs, he was fit and trim and had barely a line on his face. He was like Dorian Grey – ageless and still beautiful. I wondered if he had a portrait of himself somewhere hidden away that was aging as we speak, while he, himself, stayed just as youthful as ever. I had just a slight crush on him when I lived at his house, because he was so handsome, intelligent and virile. Just a school girl crush, which was typical, really.

  I smiled, big. “Hi, Nick,” I said. And then I turned to Nottingham, who was regarding Nick warily. When I looked at Nick’s face, I saw the reason for Nottingham’s wary look, for Nick was giving him the stink eye. Unmistakably.

  It occurred to me that, even though the two men knew one another, they probably didn’t really like each other. I didn’t know what Nick knew about Nottingham, but I had a feeling that whatever it was that he had heard wasn’t good.

  Nick nodded his head. “I heard your dad’s going to be in town soon.” He said those words not just to me, but to Nottingham. As if he were warning him.

  “Yes, he is,” I said. “I think that they’re going to be moving into that Montauk house next weekend.”

  “Good,” he said. “I think that he needs to keep an eye on you.”

  At that, Scotty kind of nudged Nick, and then she smiled at Nottingham as if to reassure him that Nick wasn’t meaning to impugn him. She extended her hand to him. “Blake, I’m so sorry that my husband hasn’t acknowledged you. But it’s so good to see you.”

  Nottingham stood up and nodded his head and shook her hand, and kissed it gently. “As always, Mrs. O’Hara.”

  Nick nodded to him without bothering to shake his hand or even say his name out loud. “Well, Scotty and I have to go. We were on our way to the Met.” He raised an eyebrow at me, and didn’t acknowledge Nottingham. “I’ll be in touch soon,” he said, and I thought that perhaps his words sounded just a bit ominous.

  Scotty came around and bent down and kissed my cheek. “It’s so good to see you, Dalilah.” And Nottingham stood up again and kissed her hand again. “Always a pleasure, Blake,” she said.

  “The pleasure is all mine, of course,” Nottingham said.

  At that, the two of them headed towards the exit. Nottingham sat down and took a drink of wine.

  I tentatively asked. “What was that all about?” referring to the tension between him and Nick.

  He shrugged. “I don’t think I know what you are talking about.”

  “Nick. You and he seem not to like one another.”

  He tried to look genuinely surprised that I would say something like that, but I could tell it was all an act. He clearly knew what I was talking about. “I don’t know what you are talking about. Nick and I go way back.”

  “Huh,” I said, but said nothing more. At any rate, I knew, as sure as I was sitting there, that Nick would be calling me soon to read me the riot act about being there with Nottingham. That was one thing about Nick – he always told it just like it was. I was going to get an earful, I knew.

  Nottingham and I finished our meal, and I decided to say nothing more to him about Luke. It sounded like he was on the fence, anyhow, about featuring him. I didn’t want to push Luke too much on him, lest Nottingham get suspicious on why I was doing so. So, for the rest of the evening we talked about politics and other stuff upon which we didn’t agree.

  I was increasingly seeing that Nottingham was a corporatist who believed in little regulation. “It stifles industry, Dalilah. I think that we need to get rid of the EPA and any other regulatory agency that imposes needless and expensive regulation.”

  “Huh. Well, then, I guess that you haven’t absorbed the lessons of Upton Sinclair. Read The Jungle sometime if you really want to know how corporations will behave if there isn’t somebody policing them.”

  To this, Nottingham sat up straighter in his chair. I touched a nerve with him, that much was clear. “Don’t be ridiculous, Dalilah. That was another place in another time.”

  “Oh? And you’re telling me that corporations, who are beholden to their stock-holders and nobody else, will voluntarily be socially responsible if nobody is holding their feet to the fire? Seriously?” I snorted and took another sip of my wine. “I’m calling bullshit on that. Take away regulations, and you’re going to have sweatshops making a comeback, workers toiling in unimaginable conditions, and contaminated food. Good lord, even with these regulatory agencies, we still see plants exploding right and left because they hadn’t been inspected in years. Sorry, but corporations have never policed themselves, and they never will.”

  I was on my soap-box. Blame it on my socially conscious parents. Everything I knew about how factory farms worked, among other industries, came from them. I just hoped that he didn’t get me started on anything regarding animal rights. It would be at that point that I would pour my glass of wine on his head.

  As it was, Nottingham was decidedly getting angry that I was challenging him. Clearly, he was used to women who were seen but not heard. As he busily made his way through his dessert, he was glowering at me. “You really are an impetuous one. Well, that will soon change. When you’re my wife, you’re going to be a lady.”

  I took a huge breath, trying hard not to stand up and slap him and walk right out of that place. I reminded myself of why I was there in the first place – Luke. Luke was going to benefit from the sacrifice that I was making. The sacrifice being having to sit there and listen to this pompous wind-bag.

  I smiled, covering up my rage. I was starting to feel sorry for him earlier, but he was back to his controlling and cold self. I never could understand men who thought that they somehow had the duty to control their woman. Make her into some kind of a Stepford Wife. Then I looked around at the helmet-heads, all of whom had impeccable manners and sat up perfectly straight in their chairs, and I was, once again, so glad that I was never really raised in this world. My wealthy parents were so far removed from this place that it wasn’t funny.

  Come to think of it, I was surprised that Nick was here. He must have been entertaining somebody well-heeled, because Nick wasn’t stuffy or pretentious in the least.

  The rest of the evening didn’t go much better. In fact, it went much worse. We got into the
limo, and Nottingham once again tried to finger me. I slapped his hand away, and he slapped me across the face.

  “I told you no. You said that you were okay with that.”

  “No to sex,” he said. “I want to feel you with my fingers, that’s all.”

  “No to that, too,” I said. “No to all of that.”

  To that, he pulled away from me and stared out the window. I evidently hurt his feelings.

  Oh, well.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I finally made it back to my apartment around 11. I knew that Luke would still be working at the bar, because he said that was going to close. So, I threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and made my way to where he worked.

  I had to see him. After being with Nottingham that evening, my depression was coming back strong. And, truth be told, I knew that he lived above that bar. So, naturally, I was hoping that I could act like I didn’t want to go all the way home that night, and he would invite me to stay over. Unless, of course, he was embarrassed. But I hoped against hope that he wouldn’t be.

  It was a Friday night, so the bar was pretty hopping. I watched Luke behind the bar, as he feverishly poured drinks and shot them over to the patrons and then pointed at other ones. I saw some girls evidently flirting with them, and I wanted to scratch their eyes out. Didn’t they know that Luke was taken?

  I didn’t know how I would get his attention, or even if I should. After all, I probably shouldn’t distract him. So, I stood against the wall, as it was standing room only, and did my usual routine of politely rebuffing guy after guy, until finally the waitress came over and took my drink order.

  “Seven and Seven, please, with a twist,” I said, giving my usual drink order. After about twenty minutes, the harried waitress gave me my drink and I took it, tipping her three dollars on my seven dollar drink. That was me, though. I tried to tip well, because I knew how hard these servers worked.

  As I sipped my drink, being jostled all around, and having beer spilled all over me, I watched Luke from afar. Truth be told, that was most of the reason why I was down there. Just to be close to him. To feel his presence.