Baby, It's Christmas & Hold Me, Cowboy

by Susan Mallery

  The peak crept up on her. It began so slowly, she barely noticed. Then it grew and became so inevitable, the world could have ended and still she would have reached her place of perfection. Then it filled her, reaching deep into every cell, lifting her to another time and place, making her scream, the sound swallowed by his kiss.

  While she was still shaking and experiencing absolute wonder, he knelt between her legs and began to fill her.

  Kelly felt tears in her eyes. Tears she couldn’t explain except to think that they were part of the release. He moved slowly, stretching her, making her cling to him, all the while kissing her.

  His weight settled on her, surrounding her, making her feel safe and truly a part of him. He clutched her close, as if he couldn’t get enough of her. Fortunately, she could relate to the feeling because despite all he’d done to her already, when he began to move inside her, it all started again.

  With each thrust he carried her higher. She hadn’t thought she could experience this and survive, yet she did. Again and again, going deeper and deeper. Her body tensed tighter and tighter until she knew she was going to snap. He moved faster. The world blurred, then disappeared. There was only this man and what he did to her.

  She felt him collect himself. Beneath her hands, his body tensed, his hips rocked. They were both going to explode. She could feel it.

  He broke the kiss and stared down at her. She looked up at his face, at his eyes, at the uncontrolled passion she saw there.

  Later she could not be sure who surrendered first. One minute they were hanging on the edge of eternity, and the next they were falling together. She watched exquisite release tighten his features into a mask of passion. She felt her body being torn into millions of points of energy before being reassembled in the most perfect way possible. She heard herself calling out his name even as he spoke hers.

  In the aftermath, when their breathing returned to normal and they were once again able to talk, Tanner cupped her face in his hands. He smiled at her and spoke one word.

  “Stay.”

  She nodded. Tonight there was nowhere else she belonged.

  Chapter 13

  Kelly leaned her head against Tanner’s shoulder. “Before you know it, she’ll be sleeping through the night,” she said, nodding at the baby in Tanner’s arms.

  He smiled down at his already dozing child. “Is it strange that I already don’t want her to grow up? She’s so beautiful just as she is.”

  “You’ll think that at every stage, that you can’t possibly love her more than you do right now. And time will prove you wrong again and again.”

  They were both in Tanner’s big bed, up against the pillows. Kelly had to fight against the urge to close her eyes and let herself believe that this was for keeps. Instead she reached out and touched one of Lia’s hands.

  The little baby closed her fist around Kelly’s finger and held on tight. She could smell the fresh scent of baby powder and the male fragrance of Tanner’s body. The combination went to her head.

  Despite her best intentions, she felt her heart opening to both this man and his child. She wanted to think it was just a reaction to mind-blowing sex. Anyone would have been shaken by what she and Tanner had just experienced. Except she knew it was more than that.

  He was the kind of man women dreamed about. Not just because he was handsome, but because he was strong and kind and caring. How was she supposed to resist a big, tough guy who was willing to change his life to accommodate a new baby? He’d taken Lia even knowing he was going to be a single father. He’d lacked both skills and practical knowledge. He’d been terrified, but he’d done it anyway.

  He made Kelly want to lean on him, to borrow some of his amazing strength for her own. She wondered if he would mind, if it was just for a little while. Until she could figure things out for herself.

  Lia finished her bottle. Tanner expertly rested the baby on his shoulder and patted her back until she burped twice; then he excused himself to put her back in bed. His quiet confidence was so different from those first few nights when he’d been afraid to do anything. He and his daughter had learned and grown together. They’d bonded. Kelly had known that would happen. But what she hadn’t thought was that she might do a little bonding of her own. Somehow, when she wasn’t paying attention, she had connected with both Lia and Tanner. She’d intertwined both her life and her heart with the pair, and she didn’t know how to separate from them.

  The timing was awful, she thought as she slid down into the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She was in no position to get involved with anyone right now. Her life was a mess, and she’d just started to notice. There were important issues from her past that she’d ignored. Well, it was time to stop pushing them into the closet. She had to drag them out and stare them in the face.

  In the meantime, what was she supposed to do about Tanner?

  “She’s already asleep,” he said as he walked back in the room. He hadn’t bothered to pull on clothes, and she couldn’t help staring at his amazing body. Even as she watched, that most male part of him began to stretch and grow. Her reaction was instinctual and immediate.

  She told herself they had things to talk about. There was much she had to explain to him. Tanner slid into bed next to her and gathered her close.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” he said as he pressed his body to hers. “You’re thinking that we have to talk about how mature we’re both going to be about this change in our relationship. You’re thinking that it’s going to take time to figure out how to balance this new intimacy with our existing friendship.”

  His earnest expression made her smile...almost as much as the busy hands caressing her breasts. “Actually, I wasn’t thinking that at all, but you’re right. We do have to discuss those things.”

  “I plan to be mature,” he told her, reaching for a condom on the nightstand. “I plan to talk about all those things, but first I want to make love again.”

  As he sank into her, she knew that she’d found an incredibly special man. But she wasn’t ready. If she wanted to keep him in her life, she was going to have to do something about getting ready.

  His mouth claimed hers. She sighed and welcomed him. Later, she thought hazily as passion overwhelmed. Like Tanner, she would wrestle with this particular demon later.

  * * *

  “Malone,” Tanner grunted into the phone. His gaze and his attention stayed focused on the schedule in front of him. They were catching up, but it was a slow process.

  “Hi, it’s Kelly. How are you?”

  Kelly? The familiar voice took about two seconds to settle into his brain; then he was instantly back in his bed, making love with her the way they had at five that morning. The memory made him smile...and get hard.

  “Well, hello yourself. This is a surprise.” He glanced at his watch. It was a little after three in the afternoon. “Everything all right?”

  “I’m fine. I’m here in the hospital with one of my patients.”

  “You could come and see me in person.”

  “I wish I could, but she’s having twins and they can get complicated. I want to stay close.”

  “Twins.” The thought made him shudder. Lia had been enough of a shock without him having to worry about dealing with two of them. “Good luck.”

  “Thanks. I’m not expecting any problems, but I want to make sure.”

  “You’re a good doctor.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate the compliment.”

  Her voice was soft and appealing, just like her. He could listen to her for hours. He could do a lot of things with her for hours.

  “About last night,” he murmured. “Did I tell you how much I enjoyed being with you?”

  She laughed. “You might have mentioned it a dozen or so times.”

  “Good. I want
you to know how special our time together was. And incredible.”

  “I’ll say. I didn’t even know that my body was capable of responding that way.”

  She had been remarkably comfortable with him. Tanner wanted to take the credit, telling himself it was his incredible technique or skill, but the reality was he and Kelly simply clicked in bed. He never knew what made that happen. It was some kind of chemistry or emotional connection or a combination of those and other elements. Regardless, he knew that their lovemaking had been extraordinary.

  “Do you want to come by after you’re done birthing your babies?”

  “I’d like to, but I can’t.”

  There was an odd note in her voice. He sat straighter in his chair. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I just...” She drew in a breath. “I have to go out of town tomorrow. That’s really why I’m calling. I wanted to let you know that I’d be gone.”

  Something was happening. Tanner could feel it, and he didn’t like it one bit. “Usually when I don’t satisfy a woman in bed she just refuses to see me again. She rarely feels the need to head out of town.”

  Kelly chuckled. The soft sound relieved him.

  “It’s not that, and you know it. This isn’t even about you.”

  “Then what’s it about?”

  “I have a couple of things I have to take care of.”

  “Business?”

  She hesitated. “More like my past. It’s just the one day. I’ll be back tomorrow night.”

  “Will you call me when you get back?”

  “Would you like me to?” she asked.

  “Always.”

  “Then I will.”

  He heard a voice in the background.

  “I have to go, Tanner.”

  “All right. You take care of yourself. Have a safe trip.”

  “I will. Bye.”

  She hung up the phone.

  Tanner slowly lowered the receiver to the cradle, then glanced back at his papers. But instead of seeing the work schedule, he saw Kelly’s face, her smile, imagined the way she’d looked that morning when he’d entered her.

  She was an amazing woman, and he was lucky to have her in his life. Even though he wondered where she was going and what she had to do there, he didn’t worry that it had anything to do with another man. He wasn’t jealous...yet.

  However, it was just a matter of time until Kelly started wondering what she was doing, wasting her time on a guy like him. They were good friends, they were good in bed, but it would never be anything more. Even if he was the type, she wasn’t for him. Eventually she would realize that she could do a whole lot better and when that time came, she would leave. Oh, she would want to stay friends for a while, but everything between them would change.

  He told himself it didn’t matter—that he’d survived without her before and that he could do it again. But the words were empty...as empty as his life had been before she’d entered it and showed him what he was missing.

  * * *

  The cab stopped in front of a pale-white house. As with most residential buildings in San Francisco, this was taller and longer than it was wide. She’d barely had time to step out onto the sidewalk before the front door opened and an older couple came out to greet her.

  “Kelly,” the silver-haired slender woman said, running lightly down the walkway, her arms open. “It’s so good to see you.” She enfolded Kelly with a warm hug. “You promised to come visit again, but I didn’t think it would take this long to get you back.”

  “I’ve been busy,” Kelly said.

  “We’re all busy,” Mary Englun told her with a smile. “Life has a way of moving too fast. But you’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

  She urged Kelly up the stairs, at the top of which Kelly received an even bigger hug from Mary’s husband, Jim. He was a portly man with thinning hair and a smile that brightened a room.

  “You’re still beautiful as ever,” he told her, ushering her inside the lovely home. “Those big eyes are just like Annie Jane’s. She’s a lucky girl to take after her mother.”

  “Thank you,” Kelly said, feeling both welcomed and awkward.

  Mary read her thoughts in an instant. “None of that,” she said, patting Kelly’s hand. “We’re all family. I’ll admit it’s a little complicated, but that doesn’t change the connection.” Mary smiled at her. “And it’s so good to see you again.”

  They took Kelly into their living room, a spacious area decorated for Christmas. A Victorian village took up nearly an entire wall. A red-and-green quilt was draped across the back of the large, comfortable sofa. As Kelly took a seat, she saw that Mary had already prepared a pot of tea and several plates of sandwiches and cookies. Mary firmly believed in feeding one’s troubles, a philosophy that didn’t match her girlish figure.

  Mary settled next to her while Jim took a wing chair to her right. “How are things with your practice?” Mary asked as she poured three cups of tea.

  “I’m very busy right now. I feel like every woman I see is pregnant. I delivered twins yesterday. A boy and a girl. The babies are healthy, and the parents are thrilled, if a little overwhelmed.”

  “Twins.” Jim shook his head. “I’m grateful we had our three one by one.”

  “Me, too.” Mary laughed. “It was hard enough to have all of them in diapers at the same time.” She handed Kelly her tea, then passed a cup to Jim.

  They chatted a little more about Kelly’s practice; then Mary changed the subject. “We told Sara you’d called. She thought about meeting you this time, but the idea still makes her nervous.”

  “I understand.” Kelly didn’t tell either of them, but she was secretly grateful that her daughter’s adoptive mother had stayed away. She wasn’t sure she could have handled that meeting right now.

  Mary placed her hand on Kelly’s forearm. “Annie Jane is a wonderful child. Most of the time talks like she’s twenty-five, but she’s still a little girl about some things. She doesn’t believe in Santa anymore, of course, but she still gets very excited about Christmas.”

  There was a folder next to the tea tray. Mary opened it and handed Kelly a school photo. A blonde, blue-eyed teenager stared back at her. As Jim had mentioned, Annie Jane’s eyes were shaped like Kelly’s although she got the color from her father. Kelly recognized her smile on the girl, and her hair. She, too, had been blonder when she was younger.

  So many things were familiar and an equal number strange. Kelly traced the photo and knew that if she and Annie Jane walked down a street together, no one would have trouble placing them as mother and daughter.

  “She’s doing well in school,” Mary said. “Good grades and she’s popular. She’s not dating yet, but that day is coming. We’re all terrified,” she added with a laugh. “Boys and hormones. I remember what it was like when Jim and I went through that with our brood.”

  Kelly couldn’t relate to that, but she knew what she’d been like as a teenager.

  “She likes science,” Jim put in. He smiled at Kelly. “She wants to be a vet. That commitment to medicine must run in the family.”

  “Does she know I’m a doctor?” Kelly asked.

  Mary nodded. “Jim and I have told her. Sara doesn’t like to talk about you very much, but we’ve always been available to answer Annie Jane’s questions.” Mary glanced at her husband. They exchanged an unspoken message.

  “I think Annie Jane will want to meet you in a few years,” Jim said. “Sara’s not going to take it well, so that might delay things, but your daughter is open to the idea.”

  Kelly didn’t know whether to cry or hug these two very special people. From the very beginning, Jim and Mary had included her as part of Annie Jane’s family. They sent regular updates on her progress and even pictures. Sara had been unable to concei
ve, so she and her husband had decided to adopt. But Sara had never been able to face the birth mother of her adored only child. Instead, Jim and Mary were Kelly’s connection. They even referred to Annie Jane as her daughter. As if she had the right to lay some claim to the child she’d given up at birth.

  Mary sorted through dozens more pictures, showing them all to Kelly, letting her pick a couple to take home. Eventually Jim excused himself, and the two women were alone.

  “It’s always lovely to see you,” Mary said. “But I’m wondering why you came here today.”

  Kelly sighed. “I’m not completely sure I have an answer to that,” she admitted. She looked around the beautifully furnished room. There were framed pictures crowded together above the fireplace and on small occasional tables, interspersed with Christmas decorations that had clearly been made by their children and grandchildren when they were little. Kelly could see Jim and Mary’s three, along with the next generation. All the pictures and decorations were tangible proof that this family prided itself on loving one another.

  “Sometimes I just need to be sure that I did the right thing,” she said at last. “I’ve been thinking about the adoption a lot lately, and I can’t help wondering if I was selfish to give up my daughter.”

  She looked at Mary. “Please don’t think this is anything about trying to get her back. I would never do that.”

  “I know, my dear.” Mary patted her arm again. “I just so hate to see you in pain. Why do you doubt your decision?”

  “Because...” Kelly faltered. “Because I wonder if I should have tried harder. To keep her, I mean. To make it work.”

  Mary gestured to the pictures in the room. “Annie Jane was the most significant gift anyone has ever given this family. You brought my daughter joy. Until she held your baby in her arms, I’d begun to fear for her life. She’d been depressed for over a year. All she’d ever wanted was to be a mother, and that was the one thing her body wouldn’t let her be. You and Annie Jane saved her. For that I will always be grateful. You weren’t selfish, Kelly. You were wise and brave beyond your years.”