by Carrie Elks
“We’re leaving,” Johnny said, grabbing Nora’s arm. “Come on now.”
“What’s up, Johnny? You embarrassed of me?” Kim called out. “I don’t remember you being embarrassed when you were in my bed.”
Van squeezed her eyes shut. Please let her shut up. When she opened them again, Logan was hurrying toward them. Or at least she thought it was Logan.
“When I got back to the car she was gone,” he said, breathless. “I’ve been looking all over for her.”
“You hear that?” her mom said. “Young guys are still hunting for me.” She gave a little chuckle. “I’ve still got it.”
“You never had it.” Nora said, her voice harsh. “You’re just a dirty slut.”
Kim stepped forward, her smile dissolving as she lurched to one side. At the last minute she reached out, steadying herself on Nora’s shoulder. “That’s what your husband used to say,” she whispered. “Before he dragged me to bed.”
“Mom! You need to go. Now!” Van reached for her. Kim whipped her head around, her expression full of anger as she slapped Van’s hand away.
“What’s the matter?” she asked. “You don’t want me talking bad about your daddy?”
Van froze. It felt like the whole world did. Her mom’s words seemed to drip into her ear, letter by letter.
Your daddy.
Her chest tightened as she looked from her mom, to Johnny then back again, waiting for them to start laughing.
Then her eyes met Nora’s. She looked as shocked as Van. Beside her, she heard Tanner murmur something to Logan, but the sound of blood rushing through her ears was too loud to make it out.
“What?” Kim said. “Why’s everybody looking at me.”
“We should go,” Johnny mumbled, grabbing Nora’s arm. “Now.” He shot Kim a look. “Some people should learn to handle their drink.”
Van swallowed, her skin heating up as she realized everybody was staring at her. Tanner and Logan, Nora and Johnny. From the corner of her eye she could see some of the older ladies from Chairs watching her carefully and whispering quickly to each other.
She started to shake, her legs feeling weak as mortification washed over her. Johnny Fairfax was her dad? Her stomach twisted at the thought, forcing up the champagne she’d drunk earlier until she could feel the acidity bite at her throat.
She was Johnny Fairfax’s daughter, and everybody knew. All the hard work she’d put in meant nothing. She was still Kim’s bastard child. The kid everybody looked down on. The one that people whispered about as she walked along the street.
It didn’t matter that the dress she was wearing cost more than most people spent on clothes in a year. It didn’t matter that she’d organized this whole gala herself. Because they’d never see her as anything other than a piece of trash, just like her mom.
So she did the only thing she could.
She ran.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Tanner reached out, his hand missing Van’s by an inch as she ran past him. She didn’t even look his way. His mouth was dry he watched her kick off her shoes to run faster, her hair lifting in the breeze, like she was some kind of messed up Cinderella.
“I need to go after her,” he said, his chest tight.
“You need to put on the movie,” Logan said, his voice low. “You’ve got hundreds of people here, man. And if you don’t give them something to do, they’re all gonna be talking like crazy.”
“This is your fault,” Johnny hissed, pointing at Kim. “You and your stupid mouth. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer. This is slander.”
“It’s not slander if it’s true,” Tanner said, raking his fingers through his hair. Shit. He had no idea what to do next. Van needed him, but he couldn’t go. Not when this messed up show was still going on around him.
“Can you get Kim back to your car?” he asked Logan. “And this time make sure she gets home.”
Logan nodded, his lips pressed together.
“And can you call Becca? Ask her to find Zoe for me. I don’t want her hearing about all this… crap… from anybody else.” He let out a mouthful of air. “I’ll go and get the movie rolling and then find Van.”
“I’ll call Cam and Gray, too. Let them know what’s going on if they haven’t heard already,” Logan said. “Just keep in touch. Let us know what we can do.” He shook his head. “I’m so sorry about your big night.”
“I don’t give a damn about the night. I just need Van to be okay.”
“She will be,” Kim said, her voice quieter now. “Van’s always okay.”
“No thanks to you,” a voice hissed.
Tanner looked to his right, seeing Nora standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. She wasn’t looking at Johnny at all. He had a feeling the man was going to be put through hell tonight. And he deserved it. This was his fault.
His and Kim’s.
“You two need to leave,” he said, looking at Johnny and Nora. “Now.”
They gaped at him, as though he’d asked them to strip and do a dance for the crowd.
“You heard him,” Logan said. “Get out of here. Or I’ll make you leave.”
“I can’t believe this,” Nora hissed at Johnny. “Not her of all people.” Disgust dripped from her words. “Did you know about Savannah?”
“There’s no proof she’s my daughter,” Johnny stuttered, glancing at Nora from the corner of his eye. She shot daggers at him. “Kim slept around. Everybody knows that.”
The fire was rising up inside Tanner. He was so damn sick of them all. “You don’t deserve her to be your daughter,” he spat at him. “None of you do. She’s worth ten of you. You see this place? It wouldn’t be here without her. Tonight wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t taken charge. She’s amazing and none of you realize it.” He shook his head. “And it’s your damn loss, not hers. Now get out of here, and don’t come back. Both of you.”
He turned his back on them, striding fast across the grass toward the stage, where the orchestra was still playing. The conducter held up two fingers.
Two minutes until he could make his speech and start the movie. Two minutes until he could find Van and check that she was okay.
As the music slowly came to an end, he had no doubt at all that they had been the longest two minutes of his life.
The opening credits started to roll. Tanner let out a huge mouthful of air. Okay, so nobody was actually watching the screen, but right now he’d take it. And maybe turn the volume up a little more to drown out the gossip. From the corner of his eye he could see Nora and Johnny Fairfax striding to their car, Nora wrenching it open, her face full of thunder.
He wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall of their house tonight. Johnny would be lucky to come out with his balls in tact.
With a final glance at the guests who had been drinking champagne and were completely oblivious to Van’s real beginnings only moments ago, he walked out of the projector room and toward the refreshment stand, and office that was above it.
When he climbed up the outdoor stairs and opened the office door, he saw Van inside, tidying up the papers that had been strewn across the desk.
“Hey.” He swallowed hard. “I made the Fairfaxes leave. And Logan is taking your mom home.” He gave her a half smile. “And not that either of us give a damn, but the movie is rolling, so there’s that.”
She looked up. Her eyes were rimmed red. And they wouldn’t meet his. It was as though she was staring through him.
A shiver snaked down his spine.
He’d seen that expression once before. Years ago. He froze on the spot, as though some invisible hand was stopping him from stepping forward.
“I’m sorry,” she croaked, wrapping her arms around her chest as though she was cold. “For ruining your opening.”
“None of this is your fault.” Finally, he stepped forward, around the desk that felt like a barrier between them. He reached for her and she shrank away, and it felt like a foot slamming into his gut. “Van?�
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“Of course it’s my fault,” she whispered, a sob catching her words. “All of this is. I don’t know why I thought it would be different. Why she would be different. I was a fool to think it would work out this time. That the Butlers wouldn’t come in and ruin everything the way they always do.”
“To be fair, you could blame the Fairfaxes, too,” Tanner said, but the joke fell flat. Van inhaled a ragged breath and turned her head to the side, but he could still see the tears running down her cheeks.
“I can’t believe it.” She shook her head. “Johnny Fairfax? Why him, of all people…” Her eyes closed. “Though it makes some kind of horrible sense.” She looked up at Tanner. “Do you think he knew all along?”
“He’d been having an affair with your mom when you were conceived. I’m guessing he thought there was a fair chance he was the father.”
“And Nora. She must have known something was wrong.” Realization washed over Van’s face. “That’s why she’s always hated us.”
“Either that, or she’s just a bitch.”
Van’s eyes opened wide. “What about Chrissie?” She put her hand over her mouth. “Oh god, that makes us sisters. Or half ones. Did she know?”
“I’ve no idea…”
Van shook her head. “She couldn’t have. She would have used it to hurt me. She couldn’t have hidden a secret like that from me. At very least she would’ve hinted at it.” Her brows pulled together as she followed the thought through. “I guess she just learned how to be a bitch from her mom.”
Tanner’s lips twitched. “Do you want me to take you home?”
Van shook her head. “I don’t know. I have no idea what to do next.” Her lips trembled. “What do you do when you find out your dad’s the creepy guy you always avoided?”
“I don’t know.”
He stepped forward again, his arms wrapping around her. But she was still holding herself, her elbows jabbing into his chest as he tried to hug her. It was like embracing stone. Hard, unyielding. She didn’t melt into him, didn’t sob against his chest. She just stood there, stiff as a bone, as though she was enduring it for his sake.
“Van…”
She pulled her head up, her cheeks shining with tears. “I should never have come back home.”
Her words pierced him like a knife. “What do you mean?”
“I was okay in Richmond. I’d built a life. I had a good job. I was respected.” Her whole body was trembling. “But here, it’s like I’m that kid again and nobody will let me grow up. I’ll always be paying for the sins of my mother.”
Tanner blinked, trying to find the right words. But he felt like a kid, too. The one she’d rejected. The one who ran away when his mom died. Like his skin was slowly being peeled off, leaving him raw and vulnerable. “That’s not true,” he finally said. “Look at tonight. All these people are here for you.”
“They’re here for you, not me. Your friends, your family. Even the good townfolk came because the Hartsons are someone around here. And they support their own.” She let out a laugh, but there was no humor in it. “Imagine the talk at Chairs next week. They always said my mom was a floozy, and she just proved them right. They’re going to talk about this for months. And about me.” Another sob caught in her throat. “And Zoe, too.”
“Who gives a damn?” he asked her. “Seriously, just ignore them. Their opinion means nothing.”
“That’s easy to say when you’ve never been looked down on.” Her voice was soft. Almost calm, compared to a few minutes ago. “And I’m glad you haven’t. So glad. Because you don’t deserve this. Not me or my mom or the baggage that comes with us.”
He swallowed hard, as the strangest feeling washed over him. Like déjà vu, except he knew he’d never stood in this room with her before.
But he’d stood in another place, and listened to her tell him she didn’t want to be with him anymore. That he needed to go to Duke and live his life without her. That what they had between them meant nothing.
The memory made his mouth go dry.
That’s when he knew it. She didn’t have to open her mouth for him to know what she was going to say. He could read every word on her beautiful face. It was like watching a bullet careening in slow motion toward its mark. He knew it was going to hit, but the waiting was agony.
“Don’t say it,” he said, his voice full of gravel.
Her eyes met his, and he saw nothing there. Just a blankness that made his stomach turn. “Tanner, I—” She swallowed hard. “We both know this was a mistake.”
“No it wasn’t. It isn’t, Van.” He wrapped his arms around her tighter. She felt so slight, almost as if she wasn’t there.
“I can’t do this. Not to you. All these people, they support you, they support the drive-in. If you lose a single customer because of me… I couldn’t stand it.”
“Look at me,” he demanded, tipping her chin until her gaze met his. “I don’t give a shit about this place. I opened it for you. Everything’s about you, Van. All of this. My whole damn life.”
Tears streamed down her face. “Then do me the honor of letting me go. I’m no good, Tanner. It’s in my blood. I’ll never be able to walk down the street without people talking about me. I won’t be able to go to Chairs without hearing murmurs everywhere I turn. And I’m used to it. I almost expect it. But I don’t want that for you. You deserve so much better.”
“So what are you saying?” He could feel his heart hammering against his ribcage. “That you’re throwing us away for my own good?” His voice rose up. “Again?”
“You heard what Nora said. I’m trash, just like my mom.”
He had to lean forward to hear her, her voice was so faint. It killed him to hear her talking like this. But there was something else happening, too. It was like his skin was slowly closing up, as thick as leather to protect him from her.
From the aching pain caused by every word she uttered.
There was a tap at the door. They both turned to look as it slowly opened. Becca was standing there, shifting from foot to foot as a blush stole its way across her cheeks. “Um, Zoe’s asking about your mom. Logan’s taken Kim home, so I thought I’d take Zoe. I’ll stay with her, of course, until you get home.”
“No. I’ll go with her,” Van said tightly, nodding at Becca. “Can you tell her I’ll be down in a minute?”
Becca glanced from Van to Tanner. “Sure. Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine,” Tanner lied. “Thanks for taking care of Zoe.”
“Of course.” She gave them a brief smile, then pulled the door shut, her footsteps fading as they heard her descend the steps.
“I need to go,” Van said, pulling out of Tanner’s arms. She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand, leaving a smear of mascara beneath them, then grabbed her purse.
“I could come with you.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I meant what I said. This –us– isn’t a good idea.”
“So that’s it?” His voice rose up. “We’re over, just like that.”
She pressed her lips together, looking down at the floor. “It’s better this way.” Her voice was devoid of emotion.
A red hot flash of fury rushed through him, curling through his stomach and burning his muscles. She really was doing this. Messing it all up again. He looked away, trying to swallow down the anger, but it rose up regardless.
She went to walk past him, but he refused to budge, his eyes narrowing as he stared down at her.
“Your walking away and saying it’s for my sake? That’s bullshit. It’s not about me. It’s about you. You’re scared of putting yourself out there. So frightened about what people think that you’d rather lose the good things in life than let yourself be put under scrutiny. So if you want to walk away, do it. But just so you know, I’ll never stop loving you.” And the thought of that almost broke him. “You might be scared,” he told her, his voice raised even louder. “But I’m not. And I’m not afraid to tell you that yo
u’re breaking my goddamn heart right now.”
Her fingers curled around the doorknob, her eyes full of tears as she looked back at him. “I’m sorry.”
Then she was gone, and he was ready to collapse. He steadied himself on the desk because he was afraid that without it he might fall.
He’d lost her once, ten years ago, and he hadn’t known pain like it. But this was worse, so much worse. Because this time he had no idea how they’d ever come back from this.
Chapter Thirty
“Is Mom okay?” Zoe whispered. Van had found her waiting with Becca at the bottom of the office steps. As soon as she saw her, Van hugged her tightly, her legs still shaking from her confrontation with Tanner.
“She’ll be fine once she sleeps it off. She always is.”
Zoe looked up, her face masked with worry. “Do you think there’s something wrong with her?”
Nothing a month in rehab couldn’t fix. Van bit down that thought, because she knew it was cruel. Even though everything felt cruel right now, somehow she had to keep it together for Zoe. “She had a bad day. With the letter she got this morning, then seeing that man.”
“Mr. Fairfax?”
“Yeah, him. I think it sent her a little over the edge. But she’ll be okay, kiddo. She has us.”
“Is Mr. Fairfax really your dad?” Zoe asked as they walked to Becca’s car. She’d offered to drive them home, and Van had gratefully accepted. The way her hands were trembling she wasn’t sure she’d be able to hold the wheel of her own car. Becca promised that one of them would drop it off and put the keys through her door in the morning.
Becca unlocked her car and let them climb inside. It felt weird to hear who her dad was, because neither one of them had ever known. The thought that Johnny might be hers made Van’s stomach lurch.
“I don’t know,” Van told her. “And buckle up.”