A Potluck of Murder and Recipes

by Jeanne Cooney

  I had my bad foot propped up on a padded chair. Randy was sitting next to me, his arm slung over my shoulder. Tiny was on the other side of him. While Ed and his wife, Sandy, sat across from him, alongside John and Margie.

  “How are you two doing?” Ed asked John and Margie.

  John stretched his legs out and folded his hands over his stomach. “We’re hangin’ in there like loose teeth.”

  “I can understand why. It had to be a shock. Getting a call on your wedding night that the café was on fire.”

  “What are you going to do?” Barbie asked the question as she made the rounds with the coffee pot.

  “I don’t know,” Margie replied. “I guess I’ll see what the folks at the ‘V’ have in mind?”

  Barbie stopped, the pot hovering over Tiny’s cup. “Would you actually consider staying closed?”

  Margie glanced at John before shrugging. “It would give us a lot more free time, that’s for darn sure. And, at my age, I’m not lookin’ forward to goin’ through the hassle of buildin’ a new cafe.” She patted John’s arm. “Paintin’ the interior of my house has been challengin’ enough.”

  “What about keeping this town going?” I asked, my cup to my lips, the aroma of fresh coffee teasing my nose. “Won’t you feel as if you’re letting folks down if you don’t rebuild?”

  Margie tilted her head toward the ceiling and pursed her thin lips as she contemplated the tiles and, ostensibly, my questions. “No,” she said at last. “I’ve given most of my adult life to this town. It’s time some of the younger folks step up. It’s easy for them to say we should do this or that. It’s another thing for them to get off their duffs and do somethin’.”

  “Whoa!” Randy exclaimed. “You sound a little rough, there.”

  “Seein’ your life’s work go up in smoke will do that. It puts every-thin’ in perspective. No sugar coatin’.”

  Ed groaned. “I don’t know, Margie. What will we do without the Hot Dish Heaven Café?”

  “Uff-da, you’ll be so busy after becomin’ sheriff, we’ll never see ya anyways.”

  He chuckled. “I haven’t won yet.”

  John turned toward him. “Dat may be. But da sheriff can’t very well wage a campaign from jail. And dat’s where he’ll remain for a long time to come.”

  Randy let go of a giant sigh. “I still can’t believe he killed a man. And tried to kill Emme.” He kissed my temple, his whisker stubble scratching my face. I didn’t mind.

  “Yeah.” Ed rubbed his tired-looking eyes. “I always pegged him as dumb but harmless.”

  Tiny’s chair was pushed away from the table, and prior to speaking, he leaned forward and propped his elbows on his thighs and clasped his hands between his knees. “Between good and evil, there’s a lot of gray area. You play in it long enough, and you forget what side you actually came in on.”

  “Is that what happened to the sheriff?” Barbie placed the coffee pot on the table and slid onto the chair next to him.

  “Probably. The President, too. They both played fast and loose with the rules for a long time.”

  “Well, they’ll be held accountable now. State prison for the sheriff and federal prison for the President, Booger, and Delmont.”

  Margie waived her hand, a fork twined among her fingers. “That means there’ll be three spots open on the city council. I’m gonna encourage Burr to go after one of ’em.”

  “Really?” Ed twisted in her direction. “You think he deserves that?”

  Margie didn’t hesitate. “Oh, yah. He’s a good guy. He just got put in a terrible situation.”

  Tiny shook his head. “I’ll accept that he wasn’t actually involved in the scam, but I’m still not convinced he knew nothing about what was going on. He can’t be that dumb, can he?”

  Everyone else at the table responded with a resounding, “Yes!”

  “Ya know,” John said, “I’ve known Burr my entire life, and I want to think da best of ’im, but I’m not sure our friendship will survive dis mess.”

  Margie gazed at him. “Well, I sure as heck hope it does. He needs his friends, just like the rest of us.” She grinned. “Speakin’ of friends, guess whose car’s been in Burr’s driveway ever since late last night?” She answered right away, “Janice’s.” No one said a thing. “Well, I think it’s great. And I hope it’s the start of somethin’. Both of ’em could use a good relationship.”

  Barbie piped up, “If it makes her nicer, I’m all for it.” She snapped her fingers. “Hey, do you suppose that’s why she’s been dressing more conservatively lately? Burr’s a conservative guy.”

  “Could be,” Margie uttered. “Could be.”

  Ed’s wife, Sandy, spoke next. “Emme, are you gonna be okay?”

  Everyone looked my way, and I felt my face grow warm from the attention. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I twisted my hair around my finger. “Though I’m still confused about a few things.”

  Randy leaned in. “Such as?”

  “Well, for instance, why didn’t the café’s smoke detectors go off?”

  “The sheriff disabled them.”

  “And who called in the fire?”

  He snorted. “The Anderson sisters. Remember, they keep tabs on everybody and everything from their windows.”

  “But the fire started in the middle of the night. How did they—”

  “When you’re their age, I guess you get up a lot.”

  I had to close my eyes while attempting to make sense of what he’d said. “You mean to tell me I’m not only indebted to Shitty, I also owe Henrietta and Hester.”

  Randy chuckled. “Yeah, big time.”

  That would take some getting used to.

  “Any other questions?” Tiny asked.

  “Well, the sheriff said he practically led the President to you. How’d he do that?”

  Tiny remained hunched over. “This was not my best work.” He shook his head. “I dismissed any suspicions I had about the sheriff being involved in the murder because I thought he was a stand-up guy. Sure, he was full of himself. But he was helpful with the fraud investigation.” He immediately amended that statement. “Well, not right away. But after the murder, he was extremely accommodating. It should have raised some flags. Yet, it didn’t. Or, at least, I didn’t pay any attention to them.”

  “What did he tell you?”

  “Nothing specific. But he definitely nudged me along. Repeatedly told me how folks were concerned about the EDA loan the Kennedy City Council had awarded.” He stroked his bearded jaw. “Looking back on it now, I think he wanted to give me more but was afraid I’d ask why he never came forward sooner. Although last night he did tell me that the President had confided in him. Evidently said he intended to split the EDA loan money with Booger and Delmont but had no plans to give Rogers a dime.” He groaned. “Yeah, I missed a lot.”

  Randy nudged him. “Don’t beat yourself up. You and your buddies caught the President before he made it to the Canadian border this morning. If you hadn’t done that, we probably would have lost him for good.” He sighed. “Besides, we all made mistakes. I never should have left Kennedy after I saw Booger and Delmont with the sheriff. I knew something was off. I felt it.”

  Ed dropped his hand on the table. “Take your own advice, Randy. We all did the best we could at the time. And that’s all anyone can ask of us.”

  He glanced in my direction. “Does that fill in all the holes for you, Emme?”

  “Almost.” I adjusted my bad foot. “Was . . . umm . . . Boo-Boo . . . involved in the fraud scheme?”

  Tiny answered. “From what we’ve learned, it was just as we suspected. He didn’t want to get involved. He was scared. That’s why he asked to talk to you, Emme. He wanted your advice.”

  A part of me still felt as if I had let him down, although I didn’t get to wallow in self-pity because Barbie spastically waved her arms over her head until she drew everyone’s full attention, mine included.

  “Hey, now,” she began, “no
t that I want to belabor the point or anything, but despite Owen Bair’s fears regarding the fraud scam, he ended up dying because of his womanizing, which, if you will recall, was my theory all along, even though most of you poo-pooed it.” She cast a superior look at each of us. “Therefore, at the very least, you owe me an apology, not to mention your ever-lasting devotion.”

  Tiny threw a crumpled napkin at her. “Okay,” he said, “I’ll admit you were right about that. But you didn’t want to believe the two crimes were linked, and they were, in a way.”

  I peeked in her direction. “Barbie, at the risk of cutting short this whole gloating thing you have going, I have a few other questions. Like, why on earth did Booger and Delmont ever agree to put the sheriff’s gas cans in Delmont’s truck?”

  Again Randy answered. “The sheriff knew those two idiots would do whatever the President wanted, so he told them the President had asked that they deliver the empty cans to him.”

  “But, didn’t they see the fire? Didn’t they put two and two together?”

  Randy shook his head. “The sheriff sent them—and me—on our way before he set the fire. After he had poured the gas. But before starting the fire. Of course, when Ed picked them up and told them what was happening back at the café, they figured things out.”

  Ed joined in. “Yet, even when they insisted the sheriff was the guy we wanted, I didn’t believe them. In truth, they probably would have ended up being blamed for the fire if not for you, Emme. The information you got from the sheriff was paramount to solving these cases.”

  I took a deep breath. “Now for the million-dollar question. Is there any chance the fraud victims will get their money back?”

  Tiny groaned. “Rogers and his wife own some cars and houses and other assets, but because they’re encumbered for the most part, no one will get much.”

  Barbie blanched as he spoke, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. She was in her mid-fifties, and her retirement savings were gone.

  “But, who knows?” he went on to say in an obvious attempt to give her hope. “Maybe the prosecutors will come up with a way to use the President’s assets, along with those of Booger and Delmont, to make partial restitution.”

  “And the EDA money?”

  “Well, it actually looks as if we might recover that.”

  Barbie patted the table. “Now what?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She checked her Betty Boop watch. “It’s getting late. What’s everyone going to do?”

  Barbie wasn’t very good at subterfuge. It was obvious to the rest of us that she was primarily interested in Tiny’s plans. And when we all stared at him, he actually got a bit flustered before he answered. “Well . . . ahh . . . I need to get back to Minneapolis in a few days. And in the meantime, I’ve got to tie up some loose ends.” He hesitated. “I’ll probably stay where I am in Karlstad. Probably spend some time in the Maverick tomorrow. I really like that place.” He wasn’t the least bit subtle. He wanted Barbie to know exactly where she could find him if she were so inclined.

  “Hey,” he continued awkwardly while casting glances at Randy and Ed, “it was great working with you guys.” As far as cover-ups went, it was pretty lame.

  “Yeah,” Randy replied, his smirk only partially hidden behind his fist, “we’ll have to keep in touch.”

  Margie stood up and arched her back. “Well, John and I need to get on over to Vivian’s house. She thinks we need family support in our ‘hour of need,’ so she’s hostin’ a dinner for the entire clan.”

  Barbie snorted. “I doubt Buford or Buddy will be there. Wally and Little Val, either. All four of them were so drunk last night they couldn’t have hit the floor with their hats.” She winked at Margie. “As you often say.”

  “Well,” John interjected, “I hope it’s an early evenin’. I could use about three days in bed.” He realized his mistake as soon as the words left his mouth. “I mean three days of sleep.”

  It was too late. Randy and Ed teased him about wedding nights and honeymoons until Margie raised her hands and said, “You guys make me wish I had more middle fingers.”

  At that, we all doubled over with laughter.

  And only after everyone had settled down again did I ask, “Are you still going to Costa Rica?”

  “We’d like to,” Margie replied. “We’re waitin’ to see what kind of deal the airlines will give us under the circumstances. In the meantime, we have tons of paperwork to do for the insurance company.”

  “Yah,” John added, “and, if nothin’ else, we’ll set up da ice house out on Lake of da Woods, dere. I could go for a little walleye fishin’.”

  “Oh, yah,” Margie agreed, her eyes on me. “John has a real nice fish house, don’t ya know. It’s like a regular cabin. If we go out there for a few days, ya and Randy hafta join us for an afternoon. It’s always a good time.” She waved her finger. “Last year there were so many houses on the ice that an entire Girl Scout troop came out and went door to door, selling cookies.”

  John chuckled. “They made a killin’.”

  “Well, we’ll keep you posted,” Randy told them.

  “And what about you two?” Margie asked. “What’s on your agenda?” She winked at me, and I’m sure my face turned scarlet.

  For his part, Randy gave my shoulder a squeeze. “I guess I have to take her shopping tomorrow.” He had a silly expression on his face. “She has some foolish idea that she needs clothes.”

  I elbowed him in the side, as everyone guffawed.

  Rubbing the spot, he continued. “I suppose I also have to get back to work at some point.”

  Ed merely said, “Yeah, at some point.”

  Randy then leaned in and murmured to me alone, “We also need some quality one-on-one time, if you know what I mean.” He did the hula with his eyebrows.

  And I responded in kind. “Sounds good to me.”

  The End

  Recipes

  Potato Hot Dish

  Hungry Jack instant potatoes

  1 c. sour cream with chives

  1½ c. cottage cheese

  Mild cheddar cheese

  Make Hungry Jack instant potatoes for 12, according to the recipe on the box but reduce the required liquid by one 1 cup. Mix prepared potatoes with sour cream with chives and cottage cheese. Place in a greased, 9-by-13-inch casserole dish and sprinkle with a moderate amount of mild shredded cheddar cheese. Bake in a 350-degree oven (preheated) for 30 minutes.

  Chicken Crescent Hot Dish

  3 c. cooked chicken

  1 can cream of chicken soup

  1 4-oz. can mushrooms

  1 8-oz. can water chestnuts

  ⅔ c. mayonnaise

  ½ c. chopped celery

  ½ c. chopped onions

  ½ c. sour cream

  1 8-oz. can crescent rolls

  ⅔ c. shredded Swiss cheese

  ⅔ c. slivered almonds

  2 to 4 tsp. melted butter

  Mix ingredients in left column and cook until hot. Pour into a buttered cake pan. Separate rolls and place them on top. Mix cheese, almonds, and butter and pour over rolls. Bake in a 375-degree oven (preheated) for 20 to 25 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes before serving.

  Raspberry Squares

  Butter Crunch Crust:

  ½ c. butter (softened)

  ¼ c. light brown sugar (packed)

  1 c. flour

  ½ c. chopped pecans

  Mix first three ingredients, then stir in pecans. Pat mixture in a greased 9-x-13-inch pan. Bake in a 375-degree oven (preheated) for 15 minutes or until lightly browned. Take out of oven and immediately break into crumbs using a wooden spoon. Then, pat firmly into pan again, reserving ¼ cup for topping. Let cool, then refrigerate while making the rest of the recipe.

  Filling:

  1 large pkg. raspberry Jell-O

  2½ c. boiling water

  2 T. lemon juice

  2 10-oz. boxes frozen raspberries

  ½ c. suga
r

  Dissolve Jell-O in boiling water. Add lemon juice, frozen berries, and sugar. Stir. Chill until thickened.

  Topping:

  1 8-oz. pkg. cream cheese (softened)

  ⅔ c. powdered sugar

  1 tsp. vanilla

  2 c. whipping cream (whipped)

  Combine softened cream cheese with powdered sugar and vanilla. Fold in whipped cream. On top of chilled crust, place one-half of cream cheese mixture, then all of the Jell-O mixture. Finally, top with the rest of the cream cheese mixture, followed by the reserved crumbs. Refrigerate. Best if made the day before serving so it has time to firm up nicely.

  Salted Carmel Brownies

  1 c. butter

  1 oz. (4 squares) dark or semi-sweet chocolate

  2 c. white sugar

  4 eggs

  1 tsp. vanilla

  1 c. flour

  ½ tsp. table salt

  ¼ c. caramel ice cream topping

  1 tsp. sea salt

  In a sauce pan, over low heat, melt butter and chocolate, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Stir in sugar. Allow mixture to cool slightly. Beat in eggs, one at a time. Stir in vanilla. In a separate bowl, whisk flour and table salt together. Gradually add flour mixture to the chocolate mixture. Spread the batter into a greased 9-x-13-inch pan. Drizzle the caramel on top. Use a knife to swirl the caramel over the mixture. Sprinkle sea salt over the caramel. Bake 30 to 35 minutes in a 350-degree oven (preheated). Brownies are done when a toothpick inserted in the center comes out more or less clean.

  Nut Clusters

  1 12-oz. bag milk chocolate chips

  1 12-oz. bag semi-sweet chocolate chips

  2 12-oz. bag white chocolate chips

  Approximately 30 oz. of lightly salted peanuts

  In an electric skillet, melt all the chips over extremely low heat, stirring often. Add nuts and stir. Drop clusters by small ice cream scoop onto wax paper. Allow to set for a day. Store clusters in cool, dry area, but not in the refrigerator. To make the clusters shiny, stir in ½ cup of melted paraffin wax to the hot, melted chocolate.