by Ian Doescher
A Jedi hunter, Ochi of Bestoon.
’Twas said he had a clue that leadeth to
A Sith wayfinder. Flew we halfway cross
The galaxy to find him here at last.
Yet when we found his ship, abandon’d ’twas—
With neither clue nor wayfinder for us.
REY
Is Ochi’s ship upon the planet still?
LANDO
’Tis in the desert, where he left it once.
REY
We must unto the ship and search again.
[The sound of TIE fighters is
heard in the distance.
LANDO
Hark! By mine ears, your time is running out.
I have a feeling bad about this sound.
Ye shall find Ochi’s ship in yonder land,
Beyond Lurch Canyon. Go, and be ye swift!
POE
All gratitude, good General. Thy zeal
To serve a friend is most commendable.
CHEWBAC.
Egh, egh.14
LANDO
—And I as well, dear Chewie.
REY
—Pray,
A word ere we depart. Our Leia needs
Skill’d pilots in the fight gainst tyranny.
LANDO
My days of flying ships past stars and space
Have long since pass’d, yet do me one small thing:
Give Leia all my love when thou seest her.
REY
’Twould better be if thou gav’st it thyself.
Farewell, and thank thee greatly for thy help.
[Rey, Poe, Finn, Chewbacca, C-3PO, and
BB-8 disembark from the treadable.
LANDO
[aside:] Such words play on me unexpectedly,
My conscience prick’d as when a bee doth sting—
Retirement, mayhap, is no life for me.
[Exeunt Lando and Kalo’ne in the treadable.
POE
There! To the skimmers let us swiftly run.
I shall secure a pair that we may use.
Th’excitement ’mongst the masqueraders is
Prodigious and may keep us from their sight.
[They run toward the skimmers, C-3PO
trailing slightly behind the others.
Poe begins hot-wiring one of the vehicles.
FINN
How is such mischief in thy skill set, Poe?
C-3PO
Ye need not worry, I am here at last.
You must have been most worried over me!
[Many Aki-Aki see what Poe is
doing and begin yelling.
POE
Just as if they had all been reading mine
Own thoughts, they notice and make their approach!
We must get hence, or else we are undone!
[Poe, Finn, and C-3PO board one skimmer.
Rey, Chewbacca, and BB-8 board the
other. They fly away. Exeunt Aki-Aki.
Enter STORMTROOPERS.
TROOPER 4
The fugitives are in our sight at last,
And we shall make pursuit with utmost speed.
[Four stormtroopers begin chasing them,
two troopers each on two treadspeeders.
REY
They fire on us, and ably we respond—
Trade shot for shot and fear no consequence!
[The treadspeeders’ repulsor lifts fire,
shooting one stormtrooper from each speeder
into the air, flying after the skimmers.
C-3PO
Foh, they fly now!
FINN
—They fly now?
POE
—They fly now!
How terrible a spectacle, by heav’n—
What dangerous peculiarity!
We shall split up and make them chase us still.
REY
Such bold maneuvers shall keep them away.
[Poe flies his skimmer into a ravine.
POE
A blessèd thing ’twould be for spirits if
We leave the rogues astern. Are they yet gone?
FINN
So doth it seem, for they are not behind.
C-3PO
Most excellently done, Sir Poe, in faith!
[One stormtrooper treadspeeder
catches up to them.
Most terribly ’twas done, Sir Poe, in faith!
BB-8
[to Rey:] Blic flliblik roohblis zzwa flew blavroil blee
Reej zzwarooq bliprooh roilflig zzwa fllizoon!
REY
Nay, BB-8, ’tis not the time for pranks!
BB-8
Zilf flewblox zzwaflib flitreej blic zoomrooh.
[BB-8 sparks a tank on the skimmer, sending
it flying into the air. It explodes, sending
yellow powder everywhere. Trooper 5
flies through the cloud of powder.
TROOPER 5
Alack, this powder flieth fore mine eyes,
And I am, for the moment, blind as—ah!
[Trooper 5 runs his treadspeeder into a rock. He
is ejected from his seat, and Rey shoots him.
REY
The words of Leia proven in a trice—
Nay, never underestimate a droid!
FINN
We are pursued by this determin’d fiend!
The fast and noisome speeder that he drives
Must have a weakness I shall find out yet.
A-ha! Here is a rope, which, if thrown straight
Around the tread, may stop the wretched foe.
[Finn throws the rope, which winds itself
quickly around the treadspeeder.
Poe, twist the skimmer—send him for a ride!
[Poe quickly turns the skimmer aside,
causing the stormtrooper and his
treadspeeder to hurl into a rock.
POE
The hopes of our humanity fulfill’d!
FINN
Hurrah! Now let us swiftly to our friends.
REY
There, in the distance—I spy Ochi’s ship!
What is this vision, dancing on my sight
And calling forth forgotten memories?
This ship—’tis certain I have seen’t before,
Unless ’tis some deception of my mind.
[Poe’s skimmer approaches Rey’s.
POE
Rey, come thou close. All thou and I have got
To do is pack it up, turn to, and then—
[The final stormtrooper shoots the skimmers,
sending Rey, Poe, Finn, Chewbacca,
C-3PO, and BB-8 plunging through the air.
They land on a sinkhole of dark sand.
REY
We shall not be outdone by one of them!
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!15
[They all shoot at the stormtrooper, who
is hit and explodes against the side of a
mountain. All begin to sink in the sand.
POE
—What is this, some rough-hewn, hell-born jest?
A desolation but surrounded by
Another desolation, verily!
BB-8
Zooz zzwablay roilblox zzwaflew blic blav blik,
Bluu flliflit blis flir fllirooq zoon blip blik!
REY
Take hold of something fixèd fast and firm!
C-3PO
O, agony beyond comparison!
[Poe exits through the trapdoor,
fol
lowed by BB-8.
FINN
Rey, hear me: I ne’er spake the words to thee—
[Finn, Chewbacca, and C-3PO
exeunt through the trapdoor.
REY
Alas, what is the poor Resistance’s chance
When e’en the ground doth look at us askance?
[Exit Rey through the trapdoor.
1 Editor’s translation: Should I stare at the pieces long enow,
Mayhap I can arrange them diff’rently.
2 Editor’s translation: Nay, if thou call’st me cheater, we are through!
I have pull’d arms off stronger men than thou.
3 Editor’s translation: I must unto the cockpit presently.
Touch not the game, unless ye would be touch’d—
My sure and certain victory is nigh.
4 Editor’s translation: If thou dost wreck my ship, I’ll wreck thy pate!
5 Editor’s translation: Behold the bridge toward which we approach—
Could it become a weapon in our hands?
6 Editor’s translation: Art thou insane? Heard’st not my warning, Poe?
Thy schemes are nearly ludicrous as Han’s!
7 Editor’s translation: Rey would be most unhappy, were she here!
Thou takest far too many chances with
This ship, which is most dear to her and me.
8 Editor’s translation: This folly-fallen pilot would assault
The Falcon by his lightspeed skipping. Fie!
9 Editor’s translation: ’Tis ever thus! Shall there ne’er rise a peace?
10 Editor’s translation: All is prepar’d. We may depart anon.
11 Editor’s translation: They call me stubborn, yet thou, Rey, art worse.
Let not thy pate be thick—we all shall go.
12 Editor’s translation: ’Tis well to venture forth with thee again—
Our band complete, an escapade at hand.
13 Editor’s translation: Brave Lando, holla! Thou art most well met,
Companion of our bygone glory days.
14 Editor’s translation: Would that we had more time to reconnect.
Long have I wish’d to see thee, treasur’d friend.
15 Editor’s translation: Destroy the knave. Yea, let him taste our wrath!
SCENE 1.
On Ajan Kloss.
Enter GENERAL LEIA ORGANA, ROSE TICO, and SNAP WEXLEY.
SNAP
Wise General, reports are reaching us
Of raiding at th’ancestral festival.
LEIA
This mission is our ev’rything and all—
We cannot fail. Hast any word from Rey?
SNAP
The Falcon, sadly, unresponsive is.
ROSE
Must thou speak such foul words in somber tones?
SNAP
How was’t I spake?
LEIA
—Grant me one favor, Snap,
Which shall be giving me a needed boon:
Speak thou with optimism, if thou canst.
SNAP
Yea, ma’am. All is terrific, by my troth—
Ne’er shall your eyes believe how all turns out!
We shall have victory, and that sans doubt!
[Exeunt.
SCENE 2.
On Pasaana.
Enter POE DAMERON and BB-8 in a cave below the sinking fields.
POE
Step altogether indescribable,
Which led to sharp fall! Rey, Finn, where are ye?
Enter C-3PO.
C-3PO
Thou call’dst not my name, sir, yet I am safe.
Enter REY.
POE
I have been frantic with each species of
Profound and wild excitement. Art thou well?
REY
Indeed, yet where is Finn?
POE
—Or Chewie, too?
Near an emporium of furs is he!
Enter CHEWBACCA and FINN.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!1
FINN
—I am present, safely here withal.
C-3PO
Ah, Master Finn. Our company’s complete.
POE
What is this place, with darkness all imbued?
Out are the lights—out all! A cavern grim.
C-3PO
’Tis not the afterlife, is it? Are droids
Allow’d herein?
POE
—Methought our cause was lost.
’Twould be the fostering of folly if
We had but perish’d neath the sinking sands.
C-3PO
It may yet be.
FINN
—Which way to exit, friends?
[Rey lights her lightsaber. Poe turns on his
flashlight, whose glow is far weaker.
POE
[aside:] My light is unto hers as is a worm—
Whose tail doth light a fraction of the night—
Compar’d unto the brightest sun e’er seen.
It doth give me distinct conception of
The marvels my friend hath accomplishèd.
REY
We must make haste. [To Finn:] What was it thou
wouldst say?
FINN
I follow not—what do thy words denote?
REY
When we were sinking in the dodgy sand,
Thou saidest, “I ne’er spake the words to thee—”
FINN
In faith, I later shall reprise the theme.
POE
Fell those few simple sounds within mine ear,
And what would be the consequence? Why wait?
Perhaps when Poe is gone, then wilt thou tell?
FINN
Perchance ’twill be a better time, forsooth.
POE
We shall within a burrow made of sand
Greet death in all its dark and fearsome robes—
A simile of sorrow and defeat—
And still our secrets clutch unto our chests?
FINN
I shall unfold my confidences once
Thou tell’st us of thine underhanded past—
How thou canst hot-wire vehicles so fast,
For instance.
POE
[aside:] —Change the subject swiftly, Poe!
[Aloud:] I would not know what hath these tunnels
made—
I dread whatever curse we have invok’d.
[They begin searching the caves.
C-3PO
To judge by the circumf’rence, it appears—
POE
Think’st thou my words themselves have little or
No meaning? Droid, hast thou not heard me speak?
I said I would not know, and there’s an end.
What is this here?
FINN
—A speeder thou hast found.
REY
’Tis old, methinks.
C-3PO
—Perhaps the driver we
Shall find herein.
BB-8
—Flib blayzilf blee roohflit
Zoom roil bloo fllirooq blikblis bleebluu roil
Flew blayzooz zoodblic blee flig zzwareej zood.
POE
Yea, BB-8, I heartily agree.
’Tis most unlikely one could e’er survive
Th’oppressive closeness of the atmosphere.
C-3PO
Behold, a hex charm, common symbol of
Sith loyalists!
REY
—Si
th?
FINN
—If ’twas Ochi’s, then—
REY
Luke sens’d it—Ochi never left this place.
FINN
His final resting place was in this cave.
POE
He did pursue his ship, yet reach’d it not.
True—desperate, but scarcely desp’rate more
Than we. Belike the fate we fac’d was his.
FINN
How, then, did Ochi reach the surface?
REY
—Nay,
He did not, for observe his cold remains.
FINN
Fie on it—thou hast spoke the words aright.
POE
Bones—horrid sight! I like not bones. My mind
Endeavors to reply, and yet my tongue
Refuseth its own office suddenly.
C-3PO
A set of bones glad tidings never doth
Suggest.
BB-8
—Blikroil zoom bloozoon bloorooq blik!
REY
I see it, BB-8. Well spotted, droid!
[BB-8 blows upon the sand, revealing
a buried dagger. Rey picks it up.
[Aside:] The evil in this blade is evident—
Deeds horrible hath it accomplishèd.
It is some portent of a darkness great.
POE
Look at the writing, etch’d into the blade.
What are these secrets most artistical?
C-3PO
I shall attempt to translate what’s thereon.
[C-3PO looks at the blade.
The hid location of the wayfinder
Hath been inscrib’d upon this dagger sharp.
’Tis certainly the clue that Master Luke
Long searchèd for.
POE
—What doth it say? Do tell!
That is, if it would be agreeable
Unto thy protocol and etiquette!
FINN
How may we find our way to th’wayfinder?
C-3PO
Alas, I may not tell you. Pray, forgive.
POE
Thou speakest languages twenty point three
Fazillion, yet thou canst not translate it?
Thou must have talents more than one or two.
C-3PO
I read it plain as any schoolchild’s text,
And know precisely where th’wayfinder is.
Unfortunately, ’tis composèd in
The runic language of the wicked Sith.
REY
What import makes thou importune us so?
What doth the language matter, Threepio?
C-3PO
My programming forbids me to divulge
Its meaning, yea, or translate what it says.
POE
The one time we would beckon thee to speak
Thou canst not do so, and thou callest it
A matter of unpossibility?