by Kat T. Masen
My footsteps are heavy as I storm over, muttering beneath my breath, “De-Ja-Fucking-Vu.”
I grab the shot from her hand, pulling it away. “You need to stop.”
Amelia doesn’t appear disappointed to see me, yet her glassy eyes would have her anything but sober.
“Hey! Look who is it, William Romano—billionaire extraordinaire,” she slurs, pushing my chest.
Andy pulls up beside us, resting his hand on my shoulder while chuckling. “I told you to ignore Millie’s text. But since you’re here, join us. The more, the merrier.”
“How many has she had to drink?”
“I don’t know, man, she was pretty toasted when I got here,” Andy admits with a grin on his face like this is some god damn joke.
What the fuck is wrong with these two? Just like when they were kids, always getting up to no good.
“What about you?” I berate Andy, trying to ignore how Amelia is touching my arm now. “How much have you had to drink?”
Andy shrugs his shoulder. “Dunno, she made me drink.”
“What?” Amelia laughs loosely. “I did nothing of the sort.”
Andy is pulled to the dancefloor by some girl dressed in a short white dress. She appears to have some friends with her, and they all tag team him in which he seems to enjoy.
My attention moves back to Amelia. She’s dressed in the same attire as earlier in the evening, only her perfectly pinned back ponytail has some loose ends sticking out. My eyes gravitate toward her neck, admiring her skin and wondering if she tasted the same. I shake my head to rid myself of the thoughts, refusing to take advantage because of my own selfish needs.
“I mean it, you need to stop,” I warn her, still holding onto her drink.
“Can I have my drink back? It’s a fi..fire..ball,” she stumbles, only to giggle. “It tastes like donuts. Remember that morning when we ate donuts for breakfast, then you fucked me up the ass in the shower?”
Jesus Christ. I lower my head, ignoring the memory and how my dick hardens at the very mention. She means none of this, and she’s not thinking at all.
Don’t let her actions or words get to you.
I motion for the bartender to stop serving her and throw back the shot, letting it burn. The cinnamon tastes rather sweet, unlike the usual smoky liquor I drink.
“You drank my fireball!”
“Yes, because you need to stop, okay?”
Amelia pouts her lips. “Why do you have to get all alpha on me? I’m a big girl, and so what if I’ve had a few. It’s been a long day.”
“It has been a long day, which is why I’m taking you home.”
“My home is so far away,” she tells me, letting out a sigh. Her softened expression quickly reverts to annoyance, her eyes narrowing while staring at me. “This is all your fault. You walk back into my life as if nothing happened, looking all sexy. And what’s with the glasses? Did you know there is an actual thing as glasses porn? Men who act in porn wearing suits and glasses. It’s a thing…Ava will tell you.”
I can’t help but be amused by the glasses comment. “C’mon, no more. Time to go.”
It dawns on me that I have no clue where she lives. I attempt to ask her, but all she says is something about campus and water—neither one of those clues helping me. Andy is just as wasted and neck deep into two women. There seems no other alternative than to take her back to my hotel room.
I grab Amelia’s hand, gripping tight, so she doesn’t do a runner on me, and interrupt Andy on the dancefloor.
“I’m going to get her out of here before she passes out,” I yell over the music. “Will you be okay?”
“This isn’t my first rodeo with her,” Andy chuckles, then moves his attention back to the brunette with the bouncy tits.
Transporting Amelia back to my hotel is more challenging than I thought. She struggles to walk, even after I make her drink some water before leaving the bar. By the time we get to the room, she becomes even more sloppy. My arm is wrapped around her waist to hold her up until we get closer to the bed.
“I’m going to lay you down, but you need to drink more water and take some Advil, okay?”
She throws her arms around my shoulders, staring into my eyes so intensely. Her gaze is penetrating, no words escaping her perfect mouth. The trance she is in begins to worry me; it's more than a loving gaze. Amelia looks ready to pass out completely.
But then, she buries her face into my neck as she’d done many times before. A soft moan escapes her while I desperately ignore how right she feels. How much I want to place my lips onto hers and take back what used to be mine.
“You smell good,” Amelia murmurs, running her nose against the crook of my neck. “I can never forget.”
I take a deep breath, shutting my eyes tight to block out the voices telling me to strip her bare and lay her on this bed. Sliding my hands up to hers, I remove them and urge her to lay on the bed. She remains quiet, in and out of shutting her eyes until she’s flat and they fall entirely closed.
Slowly, I remove her shoes and place the blanket over her. The room begins to fill with the sound of her gentle snores.
As I sit in the chair watching her, I realize so much has changed yet nothing at all.
We are here, years later, living two different lives, but the feeling of longing, it’s still there, etched into me and a part of who I am.
I refuse to be second best, nor will I push her to choose me.
There should be no choice—end of the story.
And until she realizes that, I vow not to touch her.
No matter how impossible that may be.
8
AMELIA
A loud groan escapes me while I try to suppress the persistent throbbing inside my head.
With one eye closed, I dare to open the other, only to be blinded by the morning sun. The harsh rays make it all the more harrowing, forcing me to shut both eyes and hide from the light. I bury my head in the pillow again when a familiar scent lingers in the air. What is that? I can’t seem to comprehend much, consumed by the agony desperate to control my head. But as I place my hand on the pillow, it becomes increasingly unfamiliar. Not at all like my own pillow at home, nor Austin’s bed either.
My body jolts upright; eyes wide open as the room slowly comes to full view. It’s a hotel room, a very fancy one. It’s not just a room; it appears to be a suite, quite possibly a penthouse. Shit. Where am I, and who did I end up with? Beside me is my phone with a text message on the screen.
Will: Nothing happened.
It all comes back to me. Well, only part of the night comes back. The rest is hazy. I recall our encounter in the office, the uncomfortable exchange in the elevator, and the moment he told me he hadn’t forgotten about us.
Unable to handle what went down, there was no way I was going home to be alone. I knew myself too well. I would have spent the night festering over seeing him again. Instead, I called Andy and asked him to meet me for drinks. Given it was a Friday night, he already had plans but ditched his friends because it wasn’t often when I begged him to be my drinking buddy. At least not anymore.
The rest of the night is completely blank. No memory, no recollection of anything.
I throw myself back into bed, only to hear the churn of my stomach. With only a few seconds to spare, I race for the bathroom and empty last night’s contents into the fancy hotel’s toilet bowl. I spend a good hour in there, regretting my actions, of course. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking, just like always when I am around Will.
He is this magnetic force who screws with my capability to make good decisions. It’s like nothing else matters, no acknowledging the consequences of my so-called actions.
When I finally peel myself away from the bathroom, I enter the room again and gaze at the surroundings. There is nothing to suggest he even stayed here. Not a single item of his strewn across the room, though given his obsessive need to be so tidy, I’m not surprised either.
The
room is bare, and then I begin to think—why did he bring me back here? Why not to his apartment? For once, maybe he is thinking clearly. The apartment would have been too much and perhaps a temptation neither one of us could fight.
What are you even thinking? You’re engaged. You love Austin. You would never hurt him.
Shit! Austin.
According to Will’s text, nothing happened. I had to believe him. What other option did I have? It didn’t erase the guilt beginning to crawl its way through me and eat away at my conscience. At some point, I would have to tell Austin about last night. I just need to figure out the best time, given he won’t be pleased with Will’s return.
I make the journey back home, desperate for my own shower and bed. It’s Saturday morning, perfect to catch up on all the things I was unable to do during the week, like laundry. Yet my mind needs something more challenging, desperate to lose myself in case studies and theory notes.
When night falls, my eyes begin to strain once again from the constant focus on the screen. But I’d managed to get through the day and distract myself. The exhaustion has crept in, so I make myself a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, then call it a night.
On Sunday morning, I am woken up by the sound of my phone buzzing beside me. I lift it up to view the screen, only to see Ava calling.
“What?” I groan, eyes falling shut again. “It’s early.”
“I gave you a day to recover, which I think is very generous of me.”
I let out a loose chuckle. “I saw your Insta stories yesterday. You were at some shoot in Long Island surrounded by very sexy men. I highly doubt you were giving me a day to recover. You were knee-deep in dick, admit it.”
“You’re so crass,” she drags.
“Only for you, little sister,” I remind her smugly. “What do you want anyway? It’s early.”
“I want to know what happened on Friday night. Will called me.”
“Will called you?” I sit upright, my attention suddenly piqued. “What did he say?”
“You drunk texted him, apparently. He was worried and wanted to know where you were, so I suggested the bar near Andy’s.”
“I drunk texted him?”
My finger scrambles through to my inbox. I scroll up on Will’s text message to see what I wrote to him. Thank God…it could have been worse. My eyes close upon relief, but it doesn’t erase the fact I’d texted him first. And worst—while drunk on Fireball.
“Were you going to tell me you saw him again?”
“I didn’t have time…I saw him then met with Andy.”
“Millie,” Ava says in a softer tone. “I know you’re upset.”
“I’m not upset. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You got drunk and texted your ex, who saved you because that’s what Will always does. You fuck up. He comes running.”
“Will doesn’t always come running,” I argue back, hurt by her assumption. “And I didn’t fuck up. Nothing happened with him, nor anyone else that night. I love Austin and won’t cheat on him just because an ex is back in town. Give me some credit, will you?”
“Will is more than an ex. He’s the love of your life.”
“Correction, Ava, was,” I snap, curling my lip and baring my teeth. “And why are you Team Will all of a sudden? You were the one going on about how perfect Austin is. Now you’re trying to convince me I’m still in love with Will?”
“You know what? This is so you, Amelia. Always in denial. At least I live my life being honest with myself.”
“Oh yeah, easy when Daddy is helping you create your dream life.”
“You’re such a bitch!”
The phone call ends abruptly. I throw my phone across the bed, crossing my arms in annoyance. How dare she say all those things? I wasn’t some pity case in which Will needed to save me. He chose to hunt me down. I did not ask him to rescue me.
For the rest of the day, I turn my phone off, not wanting to deal with anyone. I cleaned the entire apartment, even the bathtub, which hasn’t been used since I moved in. When everything is sparkling clean, I go for a walk along the bay until I find myself at Liesel’s condo.
“Hey, girl! Come in.”
Liesel wraps her arms around me, a hug I so desperately need. She grabs my hand and leads me into the kitchen.
She smiles while pouring two cups of coffee. “Fresh brew.”
After she places them on the table, I welcome the steaming cup and wrap my hands around it. My lips move toward the steam on their own accord, a habit I’ve formed when drinking any hot beverage.
“How have you been?” I ask, eager to be distracted from my own thoughts.
“I love my new job. My boss is hot. I mean, he wears this suit, and it’s hard for me to concentrate,” she mentions, biting her lip. “Oh, and these glasses he wears. Did you know that glasses porn is even a thing?”
I nod my head with a knowing grin.
“So, I’ll probably have to quit.”
“Why? If you love your job, don’t let one man stop you from achieving a career.”
“I don’t think you understand how sexy. I can’t even talk around him, and you know me…I’m a born talker.”
“That is true, no denying that.”
“Then I end up saying dumb things. It’s a real bind to be in.”
“I mean, sure, plus the fact that you have an actual boyfriend.”
She scratches the base of her neck, then tugs on the gold chain and pendant. “Yeah, about that. It’s not working out.”
“You just moved in with him, Liesel. You’re still transitioning. You said you loved him?” I remind her.
“I also said I loved my boyfriend before that. What is love, anyway? I’ll probably need to find somewhere to live soon. Between moving, and a career change—this is not how I envisioned spending the summer.”
“Look, take your time and don’t make any rash decisions,” I tell her, knowing too well she is one to move quickly in life, never pondering nor waiting around for some miracle. “I have a spare room, and you know you’re always welcome.”
“I don’t think Austin will be pleased if I move in.” Liesel chuckles, her entire face brightening.
“Luckily, he rarely spends time at my place. His schedule is so full. He is back-and-forth between campus and the hospital.”
“So, how is the engagement going? Do you feel any different?”
I shrug my shoulders half-heartedly. “Aside from the ring? Not really. We both agreed not to rush into planning a wedding, especially this year because we’re so busy.”
“No wonder your dad gave his blessing,” Liesel snorts, taking a sip of coffee. “Speaking of your dad, how is the sexy old fella?”
“Can you not with the word sexy and my dad in the same sentence?”
“I guess I shouldn’t tell you what the girls in the office think about him?”
My nose wrinkles as I shake my head in disgust. “Um, no. I really don’t want to know.”
“There’s a photo of him online in gray sweatpants,” she blurts out, unapologetic.
I close my eyes while pursing my lips, willing this conversation to disappear. “Listen, if you want to have this conversation, call my mom. But for the love of God, never discuss my dad in sweatpants. I have seriously lost my appetite for coffee, and you know I love coffee.”
Liesel throws her hands up in the air calling defeat. “Okay, no more Lex Edwards talk. What else is happening with you?”
“I got into an argument with Ava this morning.”
“What’s new?” Liesel retorts. “Over what this time?”
“Just stuff…with Will.”
Liesel stops all movement, her eyes focusing on me with a surprised expression.
“Are we back to discussing Will? I thought the subject was closed on him?”
“It was closed,” I say, lowering my voice while running the tip of my finger along the rim of the cup. “Until I saw him again.”
“Wait a minute.” Liesel r
aises her hand in a flurry. “We’ve been sitting here for fifteen minutes. During that time, you let me go on about my sexy boss, and your dad’s big dick, only to drop this bombshell on me now?”
I shake my head, letting out a groan. “I’m going to ignore the comment about my dad. Yes, I ran into Will. It was not planned. It caught us both by surprise.”
“And?” she begs, leaning forward. “How did he look?”
“Hmmm, the same. Older, maybe. I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Liesel questions with an amused expression. “You are telling me you did not look at him long enough to form an opinion of how he looked?”
“He looked beautiful, okay?” The words come out but do nothing to ease the guilt eating away at me. “There’s more…”
Placing her cup down, Liesel presses her fist to her mouth, waiting in anticipation.
“I got drunk, sent a text which apparently prompted him to come get me from the bar. I woke up at the Four Seasons, and I haven’t heard from him since.”
“You woke up at the Four Seasons?”
“Nothing happened. That’s what he texted me.”
Liesel lets out a long-winded sigh. “So, this fight with Ava?”
“She thinks Will is the love of my life, and I can’t let go. She said no matter what bad things I do, Will always rescues me.”
“Well…” Liesel drags, prompting me to watch her with an unrelenting stare. “He does seem to have the tendency to find you when you’re less than sober. Take, for instance, that night of your nineteenth birthday.”
“One night,” I remind her. “So, he’s a little protective?”
“Is he the love of your life?”
I bow my head, unable to control my heart beating erratically. There is no rhyme or reason to feel this way, not after years apart. It was difficult to have this conversation with someone else, especially because I thought I was completely over him.
“He was, Liesel. But time has passed, and I love Austin.”
“Then tell Will that.”
“I did.”
“Okay…you’re holding back more?”