by Kat T. Masen
“I’m not holding back more. He knows I’m engaged. We are over. I just made a fool out of myself the other night, and the worst part is, I don’t remember anything I said or did.”
“So, apologize for your behavior, explain that it was a surprise to see him again. End of story.”
I nod. “You’re right, but enough about me. Let’s go back to your sexy boss…”
“You’re quiet.”
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” I stir the food on my plate with barely an appetite. Our weekly routine of late is dining at the Indian restaurant near Austin’s apartment. It helps that we know the owners who make our dishes extra special by throwing in starters. “It’s hard watching everyone have fun while I’m still studying. You know, Liesel has this new job, out there earning real money.”
“You’re studying law. It’ll be worth it in the end,” Austin reminds me.
“I guess so. Maybe I’m just tired.”
I lift my gaze to watch as Austin eats while laughing at something on his phone. Should I tell him about the other night? I’m too tired to argue, knowing it will probably lead to that, even though nothing happened. During our time apart, Austin dated other women. Nothing too serious, according to him, the longest lasting six months. After my relationship ended with Will, I didn’t have the desire to date, preferring to stay single. A year later, I went on a string of blind dates thanks to Liesel, but none of them lasted more than three dates.
Then, there was a drunken night during spring break. The guy was older, though I never asked his age, assuming he was maybe late twenties, if not early thirties. It took approximately five minutes on the beach in which I barely remember anything besides someone yelling out crabs. It turned out to be a couple not too far away in the same situation but less fortunate as crabs did invade their personal space… and genitalia.
“I’ve got to head back to LA for my sister’s birthday. Why don’t you come?”
With my elbows perched on the table, I lean my head into my hand. “You know I’d love to, but remember I’m going back next month. The week is already booked.”
“That’s right,” Austin replies with disappointment. “Hey, don’t be so down. We will make it work, okay? We’ve got tough schedules right now, but I promise to plan a weekend away, just the two of us.”
I nod with a smile as he rests his hand on mine to reassure me.
Back at the apartment, we head to bed early, both exhausted from the food coma we find ourselves in. It’s nice for Austin to just hold me without the pressure of having sex.
But as I try to fall asleep, my mind refuses to switch off. The moon is too bright, the noise outside the window is loud. My senses are heightened, and sleep is the last thing on my mind.
I’m unable to toss or turn, trapped in Austin’s embrace. His snores are gentle as he lays fast asleep beside me.
Wrapped around me are the arms of my best friend, the man I will call my husband one day. A wave of panic washes over me, the air inside the room becoming increasingly hot. I move Austin’s arm off me, careful not to wake him, and remove the sheet off my heated skin.
I check my phone, willing the anxious feeling to subside, only to note it's already after midnight, and I’m still wide awake. There is no way to fall asleep unless I read. I click on my Kindle app and take a quick look at my library, settling for a romantic comedy to ease the tension. Somewhere after the first chapter, my eyes begin to fall heavy, with sleep imminent.
The following day, I’m woken up to Austin’s warm kiss against my hand.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
I let out a groan, unable to open my eyes as if I got no sleep at all. My entire body feels dead like I’d run a marathon.
“Morning,” I mumble. “What time is it?”
“Eight, I need to go to class.”
“Hmm, okay. I should be heading back too. I’ve got a class at midday, but I’ll be back in the city on Wednesday for work.”
Austin places another soft kiss on my hand, then hops off the bed. “By the way, your dad is in the city on Wednesday and wanted to catch up for dinner.”
“My dad?” I repeat, scrubbing my eyes. “Why?”
“Why is he in the city, or why does he want to catch up for dinner?”
“Never mind. I’ll text him later and get details,” I yawn.
“You didn’t sleep well?”
I shake my head, pulling the sheet to cover my neck.
“Why don’t you sleep a little more. I’m sorry I can’t stay.”
“It’s fine,” I tell him, letting out another yawn though this time much bigger. “I love you. Go be a doctor.”
Austin chuckles softly, saying goodbye as he leaves the room.
I fall back asleep, only to wake an hour later. I take my time showering since the apartment is empty. The hot water feels like heaven on my skin, but as much as I wanted to bask in the glorious water for longer, I have a class to get to.
I’m wearing the only dress I could find in Austin’s closet, stepping outside onto the sidewalk to welcome the warm air against my skin. My car is parked at the parking garage a block over, but as I begin to walk toward it, something compels me to stop.
I turn back around, extending my arm out to hail a cab. Within a minute, a cab stops in front of me. I have no idea what the hell I am doing, but I need to get this off my chest to clear my conscience.
Everything about the building brings back memories. I take the elevator up, cramming into the confined space with a bunch of workers. I can’t help but feel out of place, dressed in my navy boho dress when everyone else is in suits.
When the door pings open, the nerves begin to cripple me. I’m unable to move until a man asks me if this is my level. As I’m forced to step out, I take a deep breath and find the strength to do this for my own sanity.
The receptionist greets me, a blonde, of course, with a nice set of tits on her. I wonder whether he’s screwed her, not surprised if he has since he is single after all. With a forced smile, I ignore the burning sensation inside my stomach and try to act polite.
“Is Mr. Romano available?”
“Do you have a meeting scheduled with him?” she asks, in a rather condescending tone.
“No, I don’t.”
“I’m sorry, he is only accepting scheduled visits.”
“Please tell him it’s Amelia Edwards,” I say, trying to control my tone.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
I pull my phone out of my purse and dial Will’s number.
“Amelia?”
“I’m outside your office, but your lovely receptionist will not let me see you, and I need to speak with you.”
Silence falls over the speaker until the door opens, and Will is standing at the entrance with an annoyed look on his face.
“It’s fine, Tabitha. Let her in.”
I smile widely at Tabitha, gloating at my accomplishment since she is purely a waste of time. A waste of time who is probably sucking his dick.
My momentary smile begins to fade as I clench my teeth. I follow Will into his office with my back facing her but stop in the middle of the doorway. His desk comes to full view, and I am unable to control the wave of emotions holding me in the position—my lips part at the memory of him taking me on top of the desk. My exposed arms begin to tingle, almost as if he is tracing my arm with his fingertips.
“You can step into my office, just to be clear.”
I take a step further yet keep my distance. His gaze fixates on me, but with a blank expression and completely unreadable.
“So, Tabitha, is it? Some receptionist. You would think she’s working for the CIA trying to protect you.”
“She’s just doing her job,” he deadpans.
“Right, of course.” My smile is coerced, only to mumble beneath my breath a moment later, “Probably not the only job.”
Will takes a seat behind his desk, trying to hide the smirk playing on his lips.
“I can assure you she is only performing the work she is paid to do,” he tells me with an arrogant tone. “But nice to know some things never change with you.”
I ignore the petty comment, reminding myself why I’m here, and do my best to ignore how incredibly handsome he looks behind the desk, dressed in a light blue business shirt and pair of black pants. I’m drawn to the glasses again but force myself to ignore how my body is betraying me.
“I wanted to come here and personally thank you for the other night. I’m not sure what I was thinking, but I should have been more responsible.”
“We all make bad decisions,” he replies flatly.
“Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you.”
“Amelia…” he softens, tapping his hand on the desk as if he is nervous or anxious. “It doesn’t have to be this way between us.”
“Be what way?”
“Strained.”
“Will.” I clear my throat, lowering my head while eyeing the floor. “It wasn’t easy when you left. In fact, it was the worst time of my life. I just want to make it known I didn’t just move on despite what you may think.”
Will stands up from behind the desk, moving closer to me yet keeps an appropriate distance between us. “And you think it was easy for me?”
I glance up into his longing gaze. I’ve seen this look before but under different circumstances. So much has changed, and just because I knew Will Romano back then—doesn’t mean he is the same man now.
“I never said that. I wouldn’t know, Will,” I admit, scratching the back of my neck while I struggle to find the right words. “Look, what your mom said is right. We are family, and chances are we will see each other again. I’m willing to put the past behind us if you are.”
His stare moves toward my hand, and at a slow pace, his footsteps echo against the concrete floor as he closes this distance between us. My chest begins to rise and fall, accompanied by a flutter inside my stomach. I bite my lip, scared of the power he still holds over me.
My gaze follows the movement of his hand as he reaches out for my own and brings the ring closer to him. His touch is like dynamite, igniting all senses at once. I can’t seem to pull away, desperate for his touch, if only for this second. If I just let myself have this moment, allow myself to relive the touch of his hand on my own, then maybe I will satisfy the curiosity, and the feelings will then disappear.
“I have no choice,” he utters with his stare still fixated on the ring. “You’re marrying another man.”
I pull back my hand, unsure why my throat closed in and my stomach hardened when he admitted the truth. “I should go.”
The guilt is like swallowing poison, a slow and painful spread to the entire body. I shouldn’t feel guilty for marrying another man, but here I am—questioning my decisions and for what? There is too much history between us, too much pain to ignore, and create something magical again.
The damage is done.
“Will,” I murmur, averting my gaze toward my feet. “I love Austin, and I won’t do anything to hurt him. I want you to know that.”
“Is that what you really came here to tell me?”
“No, I came here to thank you for the other night.”
“Well, you’ve done that,” he voices coldly. “And you’ve also informed me of your love for another man. Is there anything else?”
I shake my head, keeping my mouth shut.
Will bows his head, turning back around and toward his desk. “You can see yourself out.”
He grabs his phone and dials a number then raises the phone to his ear. Will begins to speak to the person on the other end as if I don’t even exist.
And the truth is— I don’t blame him.
I’ve hurt the one person who once mattered to me the most. There is no number of drunken nights, studying, distracting myself with housework, which can ever erase that.
Guilt is the thief of happiness, and right now—it has stolen everything I’ve built to be able to move on from us.
And the worst part is, I have no idea how to make it all go away.
9
AMELIA
The restaurant we are dining at tonight is nestled in a quiet street in Williamsburg.
According to an online article Austin read, the restaurant was only recently opened by three best friends who just finished culinary school.
Visiting Williamsburg is something I enjoy. From the artistic vibes to the chic boutiques, there is something about this place that fuels creativity and makes you want to explore your boundaries. I’m far from being a creative person, best to bury my head in a textbook and study facts. Yet, it doesn’t stop my fascination with how the creative mind works.
The wait staff is very accommodating tonight, despite the restaurant being at almost capacity. One of the brothers, Roman, had stopped by our table to introduce himself to the three of us, but I suspect his interest is geared toward my father.
And if my suspicions are correct, it has something to do with business.
“Okay, I’ll bite.” I open with while dipping some fancy eggroll into a special sauce. “Do you own the place? The waiters are nervous, and Roman was extra polite to you as if this isn’t your first visit here.”
Dad chuckles softly, swirling the Shiraz sitting inside the glass in front of him.
“I’m considering it, depending on how tonight goes.”
When it comes to business and opportunities, my father is always one step ahead. Growing up, I never paid much attention to what he actually did because I was intrigued with our legal system. Therefore, I gravitated toward my mom. As I grew older and began to understand business, I realized just how influential and powerful my father is. Back in LA, he owned Dreamteam studios. They created and produced Oscar-winning movies and TV shows streamed all over the world. Yet Dreamteam is only a fraction of the Lexed Group. What he does beyond that is more than I can comprehend. I just never realized he invested in start-up restaurants, especially this small.
“Tell me, Austin, how are things going with your studies?” Dad asks.
“Challenging,” Austin replies while exhaling. “I’m gravitating toward pediatrics. Though, a part of me is also leaning toward being a trauma surgeon.”
“It’s a big decision to make,” Dad concludes, letting out a long whistle. “I wanted general practice. Perhaps, in hindsight, maybe that should have been a sign that my heart wasn’t in it. I was completely unfocused. Not to mention Charlotte proved a distraction.”
My lips curve upward into a smile. I’m sure he wouldn’t argue the distraction was worth it in the end.
“Do you think if you and Mom stayed together after she finished high school, you would have been a doctor to this day?”
Dad rubs his chin with a downcast expression. “It’s hard to say. The demands of a medical career would have pulled me away from her eventually. Besides, it’s hard to imagine it being any different. Your mother studied at Yale, as you know, and a law degree wouldn’t have been as satisfying had we stayed in Carmel.”
I bow my head, willing my rampant thoughts to slow down and stop overanalyzing. Since Austin is studying medicine, and with me studying law, how would we be any different? Austin will be away most days as everyone knows you can’t just clock out in the hospital. Not when there is an emergency.
And then what about when we have children one day? Is it expected that my career will take a back seat while Austin fulfills his dreams?
“Hello, family,” the familiar voice breaks my momentary freak out.
I lift my gaze to see Ava standing at our table, beautifully made up as usual. She’s wearing a high-waisted faux leather skirt with a white ribbed tank top and matching white sneakers. Her hair is tied back into a ponytail, though her waves are perfectly styled and falling down her back.
Despite how gorgeous she looks, it doesn’t erase my feelings toward her after our fight. She wraps her arms around Dad before letting go and taking a seat beside him.
“Oh, look
what the cat dragged back in,” I mumble beneath my breath.
Austin eyes the two of us with an amused look on his face. “What are the two of you arguing about now? Is it about the whole pineapple on pizza thing again?
“It shouldn’t be on there,” Ava states.
“Says who?” I counter, crossing my arms before glancing away. “It’s not about that, anyway.”
Ava lowers her gaze while adjusting her napkin. “Just girl stuff.”
Neither Dad nor Austin breathes a word. They know better than to get involved in our arguments.
“So, I got some great news today, which is why I wanted to come here and share with you guys first, although heads up, Mom already knows.”
“What is it?” Dad asks cautiously.
“As you know, I’m launching a new lifestyle brand soon. The website is complete, and our marketing campaign is almost finalized. We just need a few stand-out pieces, including pictures for our launch,” Ava says with a proud smile. “A client of mine, Elle Rayven, is lending us her Hamptons house for the shoot.”
“The Rayven estate?” Dad questions with a knowing smile. “Your mother fell in love with the estate years ago. Jonathan Rayven, the owner back then, refused to sell.”
“Hmm, that’s Elle’s father, I think.” Ava pulls back slightly, tugging the bottom of her lip. “I don’t blame Mom. I’ve Googled the place, and it is breathtaking. So, anyway, I was late because I was chatting to Aunt Nikki about hosting Uncle Rocky’s birthday there. The only catch is, it’s next weekend. A few weeks earlier than his actual birthday.”
“I’m in LA next weekend,” Austin informs Ava, a heavy sigh escaping him. “I’d bail, but it’s my sister’s birthday, and I promised to come back home.”
All eyes turn to me. I begin to pinch the skin between my thumb and forefinger, trying to distract the thoughts coming to mind. Quickly, I come up with an excuse. “It’s kind of close. I have a paper due.”
“Can’t you finish the paper earlier?” Ava insists, staring at me avidly.
“I can try,” I mumble, lowering my gaze, only to lift it moments later, hoping she can read between the lines.