by Holly Martin
Even though it was the weekend, I was still answering emails or doing research for the.PerfectProposal.com. I’m not sure when it had become my life, Before Jack or After Jack, but it had become something of an addiction now. Every spare minute I had was spent researching new locations, new proposals. I loved it. It made me so happy to think of couples getting engaged in these places and that in some small way we were helping them to start their life together.
One of my clients was taking his girlfriend to Australia this summer and wanted some ideas for romantic places to propose. Maybe I had taken a little bit more interest in researching Australian locations because I’d always wanted to go.
My friend, Peri, had emigrated there two years before to marry some beach bronzed Adonis called Brad. Her emails and Skype calls ever since had been filled with details of beach barbeques, surfing, sunshine, scuba diving, water skiing and the incredible beauty of the Australian east coast.
I was living in her tiny flat, on permanent loan from her and the only way I could afford such a central affluent location. But despite my house sitting duties, Peri tried to convince me to move out there with her every time we spoke.
When she was first set to move there, she desperately tried to convince me to go with her. With my parents over in New Zealand, and most of my friends scattered to the four corners of the world, there didn’t seem a lot to hang around for. I’d always wanted to live abroad, somewhere hot or maybe a big city. Then Harry had come into my life and all thought of leaving Britain had quickly vanished.
But I wanted to visit. I was desperate to experience some of this sunshine bliss for myself and had set about saving for it. My savings account, renamed ‘Aussie Dreams’, currently had a huge total of two hundred and forty six pounds in it. I had a long way to go.
My computer pinged to indicate I had a message just as I was looking at pictures of the beach paradise at Tangalooma.
I closed down my web browser and opened up my email. I frowned with confusion as I read the notification. Harry’s Proposer’s Blog had been updated. The followers of our blog had all registered so they would be notified of when the next blog went live. For some reason, Harry had included me on this notification as well. But what new updates would Harry have now? He hadn’t proposed to me today. He was supposed to be with Sexy Samantha. I clicked on it and my confusion deepened.
Proposer’s Blog
Day 4: The Self-Humiliation Proposal. Location: Trafalgar Square. Date: Valentine’s Day. Time 1pm.
My dear would-be proposers, nothing says ‘I love you’ like some toe curling humiliation. If you are prepared to go to any length necessary to declare your love for your woman, no matter how embarrassing or degrading, then that surely can’t be a bad thing.
Join me, if you can, for my special Valentine’s Day proposal. I’ll be near one of the four lions. I’ll be the one dressed in black and white.
I stared at the words. I looked at the clock. It had just gone twelve. I stared at the words again. Then quickly grabbed my bag and coat and ran out the door.
*
Trafalgar Square was packed, as it was at all times of the year, despite the cold weather. Pigeons fluttered about, scrabbling for any kind of leftover food that the tourists may have discarded.
Four big bronze lions stood proud in the middle of the square as I cast my eyes frantically around for Harry. He’d said he was going to be wearing black and white, did he mean a tux? My heart leapt at the thought of Harry looking delicious in a sexy tux.
There was quite a crowd around one of them so I headed in that direction.
I saw Badger first, his bright ginger hair welcoming me in like a beacon. He greeted me with one of his huge bear hugs.
‘Hey, Badger, how much did Harry pay you to be involved in this one?’ I could see people giggling and laughing at something on the other side of the lion that I couldn’t see.
‘Are you kidding, I wouldn’t miss this for all the tea in China.’ He nodded his head behind him and I followed his gaze.
As the crowd parted slightly, I saw Harry dressed in a very tight cow print onesie that was clearly several sizes too small for him.
My eyes temporarily dropped to the significant bulge, shown dramatically because of the tightness of the onesie. I dragged my eyes away from it to look at Harry as he approached me, holding a single yellow rose.
He looked ridiculous.
‘Hi,’ he said, passing me the rose.
‘Hi.’ There were no other words in my head.
He bent his head and whispered in my ear so only I could hear him. ‘I wanted you to know that I loved Jack almost as much as you did. So this one’s for him.’
I smiled with love for him.
‘And you have to have a special licence to perform anything here so I don’t think we’re going to have long before the police descend. If it all kicks off, just run.’
He stepped away. Police? What on earth was he going to do that would bring the police down on us?
‘What? Harry, wait…’
He let out an ear piercing whistle. Music started from the other side of the lion and the immediate crowd fell silent.
The music was classical, possibly Tchaikovsky.
‘You wanted the ballet and a bag of chips.’ Harry said as Badger plonked a bag of slightly cold chips in my hands. ‘Well, there are the chips and here is the ballet.’ He raised his voice. ‘Ladies and Gentleman, may I present to you the National Ballet’s version of Cow Lake.’
Laughter erupted as the crowd parted. From behind the lion danced twelve big burly lads holding hands and kicking their legs about in some very bad attempt at ballet. I burst out laughing. I instantly recognised them as being from Harry’s rugby team. They were all wearing cow print onesies and pink tutus over the top. Harry joined on at the end, seamlessly, as they danced inelegantly from side to side, kicking their legs out, kicking each other, stamping on each other’s toes. This clearly had not been practised and it made the crowd laugh even more every time they hurt each other. I was laughing so hard that my face was aching. The music gained in speed and they broke off in pairs, lifting each other off the ground as their partners kicked their legs in the air. It was a mess but the crowd were lapping it up.
The music reached a crescendo as Badger started signalling frantically to wrap it up. They quickly formed rows – two rows of five, one row of two – as Harry broke away and moved to stand in front of me. As the music stopped they all turned around to reveal a letter on each of their backs. In foot high sequinned letters, the words ‘Suzie Marry Me’, were clear for everyone to see. With a final dramatic pirouette, Harry came down on one knee with a huge grin on his face, he clutched my hand.
The crowd broke into spontaneous applause.
Badger interrupted the romantic scene before my eyes with a sudden shout. ‘RUN!’
The cows leapt up and dispersed into the crowd. Harry stood up and kissed me on the cheek before he disappeared into the crowd too. Within seconds, my own personal Flash Mob had vanished, leaving behind only a cold bag of chips to show any sign that it had actually happened.
I casually ate a chip as I sauntered away, hoping I was pulling off the nonchalance I was going for. Though the police were clearly not that bothered. They ambled over to see what had caused the great crowd but when they saw it was over, the last thing they were going to do was give chase to thirteen burly cows.
My phone buzzed in my bag and I fished it out from amongst the tumble of rubbish. It was Harry.
‘Hey. Meet me by the fountain in five minutes. I just need to get changed.’
I was still giggling when he came jogging over, thankfully dressed back in his jeans and T-shirt.
‘Well?’ He sat next to me and stole a chip. He didn’t seem bothered at all that it was now stone cold.
‘I loved it.’
He laughed and slung his arm around me. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day Suzie.’
‘Aren’t you supposed to be with Sexy Samantha
right about now, instead of entertaining me?’
He shrugged. ‘She’s not returned my calls.’
A flash of hurt crossed his face but it was gone so quickly I thought I might have imagined it. This wasn’t normal. He used to go through so many women when we first met, but he never grew attached to any of them.
‘So, no hot plans tonight?’
He shook his head.
‘Surely not. Harry Forbes alone on Valentine’s Day night.’
‘Ah you know me, Suze, I don’t believe in all that rubbish anyway.’
‘You mean love?’
He nodded.
I frowned. To close himself off from the possibilities of love meant closing his heart to happiness. I understood he was trying to protect himself but not moving on at all didn’t sit with his happy, spontaneous demeanour. I decided to push it.
‘I don’t see how you can say that, considering the line of business we are in. We’ve seen so many happy couples get together, get married, live happy lives with each other.’
‘Loving someone means trusting them.’ He looked at me in a rare moment of seriousness. ‘I learned many years ago that I couldn’t trust anyone.’
What was he hiding? I knew so little about his past. I’d asked but he always gave me the vaguest of information then changed the subject. I’d stopped pursuing it in the end.
He took my hand. ‘I trust you, you’re my best friend. You’re the only one I do trust.’
Though not enough to tell me why he had these issues in the first place.
He picked up a chip and offered it to me, deliberately prodding me in the nose when I leaned forward to take a bite. I giggled and I sensed the moment was over.
I loved this man. He made me laugh, he made me cry, he was there for me in every possible way that he could be. Who went to that much trouble for someone they just liked? What if… he had found love… with me? The only one he could trust.
Jack’s letter dug into my back pocket, almost burning me with my brother’s final wish. I would tell him. In fact I would tell him tonight. I would never hurt him, he must know that and if he didn’t feel the same way then at least I would know, one way or another.
Chapter Six
I stood at the bottom of Harry’s steps willing myself to do this. Jack was right, I had to tell him. I couldn’t go on like this, loving him from afar. Yes it would be weird between us, especially if he had no inclination in that area, but it wouldn’t affect our friendship. And if it did… I swallowed. If it did and he didn’t think he could be friends with me anymore then maybe without his constant presence in my life I could finally move on.
I looked down at myself. I was dressed ok, my best jeans and a pretty flowered top. It wasn’t over the top. If I chickened out, he would never know what I had come here for tonight. We had done Chinese and movies a hundred times before, this would be totally normal at first. Then with a few glasses of wine inside me, I would simply tell him. I could do this. My heart leapt. I couldn’t do this.
I sighed. One thing was for sure, if I didn’t go up the steps now and knock on his door, the Chinese was going to get cold.
I walked up the steps with renewed determination. I was going to tell him. I rang the bell.
There was no answer at the door, and no sign of movement inside. I could hear music coming from the lounge so he probably hadn’t heard me. Carefully, I leaned over the bannister, putting my hand on the windowsill for balance and peered through his window.
Harry was there, sitting on the sofa with no shirt, intently watching something I couldn’t see, though it wasn’t the TV – it was the wrong place for that.
I raised my hand to knock on the window when a movement caught my eye. A woman. Sexy Samantha. Dressed only in her underwear, she walked towards Harry with two glasses of champagne, she passed one to him then straddled him. I watched him smile as he moved his hand to her waist. She took a sip of her champagne then kissed him.
I couldn’t move. I was frozen in shock. It had taken me hours to sum up enough courage and Samantha was in there with him doing exactly what I wanted to be doing. I’d thought they had broken up. I watched with a huge wave of disappointment as she ran her hands down his chest to the buttons on his jeans.
So that was it. The conversation, the words I’d spent ages practising faded from my mind.
It was stupid to think that Harry could ever feel that way about me, not when he seemed to have a huge collection of girls on tap. I had to go quickly before he saw me.
I pushed myself off the windowsill, but my foot slipped off the step behind me. I head-butted the window hard, toppled over the bannister and fell into the bush below. A second later the red sweet and sour sauce, the noodles and Harry’s favourite prawn with cashew nuts emptied their contents all over me. The bag of prawn crackers fell at my feet.
I stared morosely at the mess, wondering if I could still use the prawn crackers to mop up the sauce.
To make matters worse, I wasn’t alone. Jemima, Harry’s cat, stood unblinking at me from the depths of the bush. Then, almost as if she shrugged, she stalked towards me and proceeded to lick the sauce off my face.
If Jack was here now, if somehow he had been brought back to life, I would wrap my hands round his throat and kill him all over again. Immediately guilt lanced through me at such a horrible thought and coupled with the crashing disappointment of seeing Harry with Samantha, I pulled Jemima tightly against me and cried into her fur.
‘Hello, who’s there?’
Harry’s angry voice came from up above me and I froze, trying desperately to stifle my sobs.
‘Bloody peeping tom,’ I heard Samantha say.
Footsteps came down the steps towards me.
‘There’s someone in the bushes,’ Harry hissed.
‘Shall I call the police?’
Oh God, could this situation get any worse. Although maybe the police taking me away would be better than having to face Harry and Samantha.
‘Get my baseball bat,’ whispered Harry. I heard her footsteps run back inside the house.
What was he going to do with the baseball bat? Ok this was getting out of hand. I stood up, popping up out of the bush like a jack in the box.
‘Hi.’
Noodles slowly moved across my forehead and down my cheek, thankfully my tears seemed to be lost in the sweet and sour sauce.
Harry, still without his shirt, looked at me and slowly broke into a huge smile.
‘Hello.’
Jemima was still licking my face.
‘I brought Chinese.’ I held up the now empty bag. ‘I thought we could watch the latest zombie film. Though I see you are already set for entertainment tonight so I’ll leave you to it.’
I climbed out the bush as gracefully as I could, but Harry was already coming down the stairs towards me.
‘So the noodle hair, is this a new look you’re trying out? I think I prefer the onesie.’ He picked a clump of noodles and beansprouts from my head and threw it on the floor. Jemima treacherously leapt out of my arms and started eating the remains. ‘I’m presuming none of this is blood, are you hurt?’
My pride and my heart were definitely. Though any external pain I’d received from the fall had yet to catch up with my brain. I shook my head.
He had the most glorious body, he was so big in every sense and I just wanted him to wrap his arms around me and hold me like he did the other night. But clearly that wasn’t going to happen with Samantha, ready, willing and able, waiting for him inside.
‘Oh!’ Samantha’s voice sliced through the air above us. ‘It’s you.’ The disappointment was evident. I looked up at her and saw her shifting awkwardly, not least because Harry hadn’t taken his eyes from me. She was dressed just in his shirt, it swamped her but with her hair tousled and her lips red she looked every inch the sexy girlfriend.
‘I’m sorry,’ I mumbled to Harry. ‘I didn’t realise you had company when I came over. Don’t worry about me, go and have some fun.�
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I took a step away from him but he caught my hand. ‘Don’t go.’
‘What are you suggesting, that I join you for a threesome?’
He laughed. ‘I don’t think I could cope with that. You naked in my bed…’ He rubbed his hand across his eyes as if to dispel that image from his brain.’
I was mortified. ‘Right well on that rather unflattering note, I’ll leave you to it.’
Harry caught my arm. ‘Wait, I didn’t mean…’
I pulled my arm from his grasp. ‘I got it.’
‘I don’t think you do…’
I turned and walked away. Could this evening get any worse?
‘Hey, wait up.’ I heard Samantha’s voice call out to me. Oh apparently it could get worse. I turned to see her running across the green towards me, Harry was standing at the top of his steps watching us curiously.
‘Look, Harry told me about your brother, I’m very sorry to hear that.’
‘Erm thanks.’ Where was she going with this?
‘Harry’s a great guy.’
‘He is,’ I said, cautiously, painfully aware of what a mess I looked like in comparison to her effortless beauty.
‘I know he’s been there for you a lot since James died.’
‘Jack.’
‘He feels sorry for you. He told me.’
Wow. That hurt a lot more than it should.
She stared at me, her eyes were honest and clear. ‘I like you Suzie, and I don’t want to see you getting hurt. Just… don’t confuse pity and kindness for love, because it’s not that. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.’
Talk about brutal honesty.
‘Samantha!’ Harry called. There was a warning edge to his voice. He didn’t like that she was talking to me, or warning me off more like.
Samantha smiled at me. ‘Have a good night.’