by Holly Martin
I saw Elias up ahead, his bright green fins almost glowing in the water. He was waiting for us, making sure we were all right. I gave him the ‘ok’ symbol and he pointed towards something on or in the wall. Harry nodded and we followed Elias in that direction. Brightly coloured stalks of seaweed swirled gently in the water, as if caught in a breeze, fish continued to dart around us, escorting us on our swim. As we rounded a corner of the wall, I could see two of the other divers taking photos of a large turtle as it pushed its way through the water. Its eyes watched us warily as it swam away from the wall and disappeared into the blue gloom.
Of all the diving I had done, this had to be one of the best – there was so much life and colour. It couldn’t possibly get any better.
Harry nudged me again and I looked around to see what other creature we had stumbled upon.
As he moved to one side, I smiled round my regulator. Propped up on the reef was a whiteboard with the words ‘Marry Me’ written in shells. I turned round to look for Harry, only to see him on one knee down on the sea bed.
I floated down to land in front of him and I was very aware of the divers who had been taking photos of the turtle now taking photos of us.
I quickly took my regulator out and kissed him on the cheek. I saw him smile too.
*
I sat on the sunbed under the shade of the roof canopy as the boat bobbed on the water, furiously replying to as many emails as I possibly could. In the one day I’d been away from work due to travelling, there had been fifty-six different enquiries. But despite the sudden surge in my workload, I was blissfully happy. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt this happy. I was on a plush yacht bobbing on the crystal blue waters of The Galapagos Islands. I was on holiday with my best friend and I had just been proposed to surrounded by hammerheads, turtles, rays and seahorses. My face was aching from smiling so much. Nothing could ruin my mood. Nothing.
I gritted my teeth as a stupid girly giggle broke into my reverie. No – absolutely nothing was going to bring me down today, so the only tiny blip in my nirvana I was just going to studiously ignore. Another giggle and a deep laugh from Harry and I peered over the top of the laptop to see him chatting to some blonde Barbie on the next sunbed. He had actually been talking to her for the last hour. He was now sitting next to her on her sunbed as she showed him some photos on her phone. They were sitting so close that every part of their body from the knee to the shoulder was touching. As I watched, she laughed again, nudging his knee playfully.
I closed the laptop and walked inside, Harry watched me go but I didn’t look back. The bar was cooler inside and the crew were just putting the finishing touches to a buffet of cold meats, roasted vegetables, rice, pasta, and fresh fruit. I took a plate, loaded it up and found a sofa to sit down at.
As my mouth was filled with chicken, a shadow loomed over me. I sighed, really not wanting to speak to Harry at the moment. But when I looked up I was surprised to see Elias standing over me.
I quickly swallowed my food.
‘Do you mind if I join you, Suzie?’
I liked the way my name sounded on his lips. There was an extra oo in my name so it sounded like Sooozie. And with his accent, it was sexy.
I indicated that he should sit down.
He looked at me with those deep green eyes and it felt like he could read my every thought and feeling. I wondered what he would make of my sudden inappropriate thoughts about him.
‘I do not mean to speak out of turn, but I do not like your fiancé.’
‘Harry? Why?’ This surprised me, everyone loved Harry – especially the women – and he made friends so easily, being warm, charming and attentive to anyone he spoke to.
‘He is out there talking to another woman while you are here alone. I see the way he looks at her too. Many men look like that, but normally with a couple who have just got engaged, the man reserves that look for his fiancée, not some woman he’s just met.’
‘Oh.’ I couldn’t lie to this gentle man, I couldn’t have him thinking badly of Harry – although I didn’t like him talking to Barbie either, he wasn’t actually doing anything wrong. ‘Elias, we’re not engaged. We’re not even together.’ I dug around in my bag and handed him our business card. ‘We create proposals for couples. That’s our business. We’re doing this big promotion at the moment trying to find the ultimate proposal. What happened today was just another on the list.’
Elias looked at me again and I felt like I had disappointed him in some way.
‘I’m sorry we lied to you, it wasn’t done maliciously. Harry just finds it easier to say to people that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, otherwise it just seems weird when he keeps proposing to me.’
‘You sleep in his bed.’
‘Yes, but we’re friends. Nothing has ever happened between us, nor will it.’
He watched me. His eyes were startling and I found my gaze drifting to his lips, they were full and pink and I wanted to touch them, first with my fingers and then my own lips.
What was wrong with me? Had it really been that long without sex that I was willing to throw myself at the first man that smiled at me?
I was in love with Harry and just because being with him, or more to the point, not being with him, on a daily basis was sexually frustrating didn’t mean that I should jump into bed with any pretty man. Though Elias was more than just pretty, he was stunning. He was still looking at me and I felt beautiful in his eyes.
‘I think I like Harry even less now.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he lies in bed with his beautiful friend and doesn’t make love to her but then sleeps around with these vacuous creatures that mean nothing to him. He is shallow, yes? He doesn’t appreciate the truest beauty, the wonder of friendship in all its forms.’
My mouth was dry and I rolled my tongue around inside my teeth to attract some moisture. I tried to find the words to defend the slur on Harry’s character, combined with being ridiculously flattered that Elias had just called me beautiful.
‘I bet women throw themselves at you all the time. Women go on holiday to beautiful places like this, see someone like you, and they fancy a bit of a holiday romance. I would imagine you’ve slept with a lot of women over the years. I can’t blame you or him. I think if beautiful men were constantly throwing themselves at me it would be very hard to say no. Especially as there’s always the hope that one day, one man would be my happy ever after. I think it’s hard to find love if you’re not looking for it.’
‘Is that what Harry is doing, looking for the one?’
‘I hope so. My brother was the same, slept with lots of different women and one day there was Jules, there was no one for him after that.’
‘And you? You also sleep with lots of men?’
I laughed. ‘No, I can count on one hand the amount of men I’ve slept with.’ Wow that was embarrassing, why did I say that? But there was something about this man that commanded honesty. ‘I don’t get the opportunities that I’m sure you and Harry do.’
‘Then I think all the English men are fools if they are not appreciating your worth.’ He brushed a hair fondly off my face. Oh my. ‘And as for the opportunities that you say are offered to me, yes there have been a few women that have, as you say “thrown themselves” at me, but just because they are thrown doesn’t mean that I catch them.’
I smiled.
‘I was married to my wife for ten years. She died three years ago, there has been no one for me since.’
‘Oh, Elias I’m so sorry. I know what it is like to lose someone you love.’
He smiled at me, sadly. ‘I could tell. The grief in your eyes, it never really goes away. Your brother?’
I gasped. ‘How did you know?’
‘The grief is different when you lose a lifelong friend than to losing a lover. It taints you differently, you carry the scars in a different way, though the pain you are feeling is still the same. It never really goes away, it just becomes easier to de
al with.’
I stared at this man, willing myself to not suddenly burst into tears and cry on his shoulder. He knew, he understood.
‘I’m sorry, it was not my wish to make you sad. Maybe I misjudge Harry, if he has a friend as special as you, he must be pretty special too.’ He leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead. ‘I should go, I have jobs to attend to.’ He stood and took my hand, clasped between both of his. ‘Sometimes you wait for your dreams to come true, but sometimes the dream is just a fantasy, when in the real world there are things or people who could make you happier than any of your wildest dreams ever could. You should not wait any more, young Suzie.’
He kissed my hand, his eyes searing into mine, and then he turned and walked away.
I stared down at my plate of food, no longer hungry.
Chapter Nine
The afternoon was spent island hopping to see a plethora of wildlife. Normally people would spend a week or more travelling around the islands – we had to do it all in one day, tomorrow we were flying north to Mexico so one of the guides had volunteered to take us on a whistle stop tour of the islands to see, as he put it, ‘the best bits’. We went to Punta Espinoza and saw blue footed boobies, iguanas and amazingly penguins. I had always thought penguins were only found in cold locations, but here they were on the beach of this tropical paradise. Then we zoomed across to Puerto Ayora to see the giant tortoises lumbering slowly through the trees. Our little speed boat traversed the incredible coastlines and coves, our guide trying to give us as much information and as much beauty as he possibly could in the limited time allowed. As the sun set into the sea, leaving scarlet ribbons on the water, we finished our trip visiting Cormorant Point to see the flamingos. Their bright pink plumages, reflecting off the water as they gracefully waded through the shallows, was a startling sight to see.
It was just starting to get dark as we made our way back to The Star, our yacht. I sat staring out at the waves as they darkened in the early night sky. Harry, who had been taking hundreds of photos, finally sat down by my side, pulling me in close to him with his arm round my waist.
I turned to look at him.
‘Are you happy?’
I nodded and leaned against him. ‘Very. I feel like I’ve been tense for so long and now I can finally relax’
‘Good, I’ve seen you smiling so much today, I really like it.’
We drew closer to the yacht and I could see Barbie leaning over the rail waving at Harry, her boobs almost falling out of her little top. Harry waved back.
‘And if you stopped flirting with everything that has a pulse, my life would be perfect.’
Harry pulled back away from me. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Can open. Worms all over the place.
‘Well you’re on holiday with me, and you go off and talk to other women.’ It sounded so petty, even to my ears.
‘So I’m not allowed to talk to other women?’ He was pissed, all humour and warmth had completely vanished.
‘It’s what else you want to be doing to them that bothers me.’
‘Why does it bother you? Are you jealous?’
I stood up. ‘No, of course not.’ The boat bumped against the back of the yacht and Harry instinctively caught my arm to stop me toppling over. I shrugged my arm free of his hold. ‘I just think… its shallow, sleeping with a different woman every night.’
He stood up and towered over me. ‘You think I’m shallow?’
‘No, I don’t. I think you’re wonderful. I think what you are doing is shallow, there’s a big difference. These women obviously don’t mean anything to you and I think you should pick one woman, one that makes you happy, one that you actually care for and stick with her rather than sampling all the delights the buffet has to offer.’
‘Someone like you?’
I stepped aboard the yacht. ‘No, clearly not, you don’t have those kinds of feelings for me do you?’
He looked down, rubbing his hand over his head and although he didn’t say it, the answer was clear in his eyes.
It was like a punch to the gut to see the denial etched so vividly on his face as he tried to find the words to say it.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, biting my lip to try to supress the tears that were threatening to come.
‘Of course you don’t.’ My voice broke and I cursed my treacherous body for betraying me. ‘I mean you’re you and I’m…’ I gestured to his beautiful body and then mine. There was no comparison. He stepped closer to me but I stepped away. ‘I’m merely saying that if you’re here with me, then you should be here with me, not pick me up when you get bored of your other playthings. That’s not jealousy talking, it’s just good manners.’
‘I have spent the last year being there for you, dropping everything for you, all of this was for you.’ He gestured wildly to the yacht and the islands. ‘What more do you want?’
I turned away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
‘Hey!’ Elias was suddenly between us, seemingly appearing from nowhere. ‘Take your hands off the lady right now.’
Harry was clearly bigger and stronger than Elias and if it came down to a fight it would be over very quickly – and certainly not in Elias’s favour. Harry duly dropped my arm anyway.
‘Suzie listen…’ Harry was forcing himself to calm down, as Elias stood in front of me.
‘No, you listen, if I’m really that much of a burden, then please, go have fun with Barbie tonight. I don’t want you in my room, being somewhere you’d rather not be. Then tomorrow you can contact Silver Linings and call off this stupid charade and go and work for that big company who offered you all that money. I’d hate to be in your way.’
I quickly ran off before Harry saw my tears, bursting through the door of the dining room, much to the surprise of the other guests who were all busy eating. I ran out the other side and up onto the top deck, which was now deserted.
I sighed, heavily, closing my eyes in embarrassment at my sudden outburst.
The truth was, as his friend, it didn’t bother me in the slightest him going after these other women. Whenever Peri and I used to go on holiday together, I used to laugh at how she would be with a different man every night where I would quite happily go back to my hotel room alone and devour the pages of the latest book. The only reason it upset me with Harry was because I was jealous. I wanted him, I wanted him to want me too. And the horrible truth was, he didn’t. He would never be mine.
*
It was nearly midnight when I found myself wandering round to the back of the boat, near the launch deck. We were anchored in the middle of Darwin Bay and the still inky waters were lapping gently against the side of the boat. I hadn’t seen Harry all evening, he was clearly giving me some space. I was glad for it, because in reality how did I explain my little outburst? Either that or he was with Barbie, not giving me a second thought.
‘Sooozie, are you ok?’
I turned and smiled at Elias.
‘I’m fine.’
‘The man is an idiot.’ He came to stand next to me.
‘It’s fine, really. It’s me being sad and pathetic. He’s done so much for me, especially since Jack died. I can’t blame him for wanting to have some fun away from me. I’m not exactly much fun to be around at the moment.’
‘You are not sad and pathetic Suzie, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.’
He ran his finger down my arm, causing my whole body to erupt in goose bumps.
‘Come for a swim with me.’
He pulled his top off, his chest and arms glistening in the moonlight.
‘Now?’
He pulled his shorts off, revealing a pair of tight black boxer shorts.
‘Life is for the living. You should know that as well as I. There is nothing more liberating than swimming naked.’
‘Swimming naked?’ I squeaked.
Elias dived gracefully into the black waters and surfaced a few metres away from the boat. A second l
ater his shorts came flying out the water to land on the edge of the deck.
I swallowed and looked around. There wasn’t a single person in sight, everyone else tucked up in their beds for the night, ready for the next adventure tomorrow. Harry was probably tucked up in Barbie’s bed.
And that was the clincher.
I pulled my top off and my shorts, though I wasn’t quite brave enough to go completely naked and then I dived into the sea next to Elias.
The water was cooler now the sun had gone in, but Elias had been right, it was liberating. I laughed out loud.
Elias swam closer. ‘You have a wonderful laugh Suzie. You will enjoy it all the more if you were completely free though. It is an exhilarating feeling, to be at one with the sea.’
Feeling shy, even though he couldn’t see me, I peeled off my bra, tossed it up on to the deck. Elias arched an eyebrow at me and, not wanting to be prudish, I wriggled out of my pants too.
‘Perfect,’ he whispered, swimming closer.
He moved his hands to my waist and I wrapped my arms round his neck. The way he was looking at me now it was very obvious what his intentions were for tonight. But to be desired by someone so beautiful, so sweet, was incredibly flattering. Harry didn’t want me but Elias did.
He kissed me, his tongue in my mouth straight away, which was a bit of a shock. But once I got used to the rhythm and the urgency of his kiss, I found I was quite enjoying it. His hands roamed my body, grabbing my breasts as he moved me back through the water until I was pressed against the side of the boat.
‘We have a connection Suzie, you felt it too, didn’t you?’
He reached over my head onto the deck and rummaged in his shorts pocket, pulling out a condom. Oh. The shortest amount of foreplay ever. The little voice in the back of my head asked why he was walking around with a condom in his pocket, when he wasn’t someone who slept around, but as he kissed me again, I suddenly didn’t care. If Harry could sleep around, then I could too. The pain of rejection was lessened slightly when someone else wanted me so much. As he leaned against me, I could certainly feel how much he wanted me.