by Abigail Agar
But he could not ignore the truth of it. There was no other woman like Miss Jamison. He had seen it long before this; perhaps even from the moment she set foot in his estate. But it was something he had been forced to push aside and ignore. He had hired her for one purpose and he had chosen another woman for a different purpose.
His daughter would have an excellent governess and a suitable mother. He would have a wife that England would expect for him and everything would settle as it ought to. His happiness might not be the matter in question, but Reginald could accept that. So long as Marian had a mother, he could accept anything.
Chapter 21
Arriving back at the estate, Victoria was surprised to see a carriage before the great manor. She looked back at the Earl and Marian behind her, and saw in the Earl’s eyes that he recognised what it meant.
She wondered who it could be, something he evidently knew already.
They led the horses to the stable and began the short walk to the double doors at the entrance of the house where Miss Franklin made way for them to enter, telling the Earl that his betrothed was present.
Lady Ingles. Of course.
The morning had been such a delight and things had been ideal, so it was little wonder that now of all times the woman would show up at the estate and make herself present. Victoria tried to maintain a smile and be polite as Lady Ingles came from the drawing room to greet them.
It was strange, Victoria considered. Should not the Earl have been led to the drawing room to meet his guest? Why would she come out and see all of them like this? It was unusual and caused Victoria to feel uncomfortable, as if she was on display where she should not have been, standing beside the Earl.
But instantly, the Earl of Hanover turned all of his attention to Lady Ingles, greeting her politely and with a great deal of grace and pleasantry. Victoria watched, trying to ignore the agony she felt inside as he entertained the woman and interacted with her.
But Lady Ingles turned quickly to Victoria, making a show of taking her hands and greeting her as well. The warmth of the greeting was not lost on Victoria and she sensed how easily Lady Ingles sought to firm a bond between the two of them.
“Miss Jamison, it is such a pleasure to see you again. You look terrific and I am thrilled to be here when there are no others surrounding us, taking away our attentions,” Lady Ingles commented.
For a moment Victoria thought that Lady Ingles was making an open remark regarding Mr. Smith, but then she quickly came to realise that the beautiful woman was referring rather to the party and the crowd that had been there. She smiled in reply and curtseyed, gently pulling her hand away.
“It is wonderful to see you again as well, Lady Ingles,” she replied in a formal manner.
Victoria did not wish to appear cold as it might give the Earl cause for concern or suspicion. But she also did not wish to bow to every whim of Lady Ingles and come across with the apparently obvious behaviour of a woman willing to cave to anyone’s wish.
The conversation she had just had with the Earl only reminded her of the consequences of her promise. She had confessed to him what lie she told on behalf of her father and now she was face to face with another unfaithful person for whom she was lying.
If only she could tell him the truth, if only the Earl knew that Lady Ingles was untrue. But it was not the time to share that secret. She wondered when it ever might be and felt certain that the truth would have to come from his betrothed.
The sincerity in Lady Ingles’ smile only drew Victoria in further. It was genuine and warm and the sort that showed her true gratitude. No one could see that smile and believe that Lady Ingles had lied when she had promised Victoria that she would not be unfaithful again, that it had been a terrible mistake that would nevermore occur.
But alas, Victoria felt a deep sense of loss when she noted how the Earl catered to his betrothed. Only half an hour previous to this, he had been open with her and shared the depths of what was in his mind. How was it that now she could see him being so free with another woman?
Victoria knew that he was behaving correctly. She knew that he was doing what society would expect of him and what was moral. He was being faithful to the woman to whom he was betrothed. But he had been so tender and sweet with Victoria that she could scarcely let it go.
The confusion overwhelmed her. She wished to be anywhere but present with the two of them in that moment.
“To what do we owe the honour of your visit?” the Earl asked Lady Ingles.
Victoria wished to slip away but it would have been rude were she to vanish in that moment, so she remained as Miss Franklin led Marian to change out of her riding clothes.
“I am on my way to another engagement but thought I ought to stop by as your estate was on my way, my lord,” she replied with a beautiful smile. Victoria made every effort to not be jealous but found that she could hardly help herself.
“How fortunate we are that you should stop to see us,” the Earl noted.
Victoria nodded, fear pounding in her chest that something should give away her knowledge of the secret. What if the Earl figured it out? What if he forever blamed her for hiding it from him?
“It is entirely my own fortune. I was thrilled to be able to come here and see you. You know that I always enjoy a visit to your home and a moment to share your company,” she remarked.
Victoria was intensely aware that she was out of place among the two. The Earl seemed not to notice her presence as he engaged with Lady Ingles, and everything had turned around on her. Lady Ingles spoke to the Earl, but her glance continually moved to Victoria in a silent plea.
She would have known by now if Victoria had not remained silent. There was no reason to beg, even with those large eyes of hers that spoke her silent request.
“Where are you heading?” the Earl asked.
Victoria wondered if Lady Ingles was going to see Mr. Smith or perhaps even another man. Surely she was not, but in some ways, she felt the petty part of herself wishing that Lady Ingles would openly prove herself unworthy of the Earl.
Except that she would have hated to have seen him hurt or humiliated, and that meant refraining from wishes of Lady Ingles being exposed. No, for the time being, all had to remain hidden.
“I am seeing a dear friend, the Dowager Francesca DiMotti. You know, she was the wife of the late Duke of Friedmont. Rather scandalous, their marriage,” Lady Ingles said, whispering the last part to Victoria and the Earl as if it was gossip of some interest to them.
Victoria knew the couple well. Her father had been a friend of the Duke even when he had brought his French bride back to England. The woman now continued to live in English lands despite the loss of her husband.
It all led Victoria to wonder if Lady Ingles thought herself immune to such scandal. And yet, no matter how Victoria wished to dislike Lady Ingles, no matter how she longed to see her come to a downfall, she could not deny that the woman was lovely.
She was elegant and beautiful, certainly. But it was the demeanour and the charm that Victoria could see enraptured everyone. Lady Ingles had a talent when it came to entertaining those around her and it was difficult to dislike her.
Even with everything Victoria knew about her and all the jealousy she had come to feel, she still couldn’t help but like Lady Ingles.
It was her own jealousy that Victoria was growing to hate. After all, she thought, it made her petty and weak, two things she hated to be.
In the midst of all of the chat and small talk that Lady Ingles was engaging in, Victoria nearly lost herself in thought. But Lady Ingles snapped her out of it when she made a rather startling invitation.
“Now I should dearly love if you would both come to my party tomorrow evening. I’m hosting somewhat of a ball and would be delighted if you would join me,” she invited.
Victoria paused, unable to process the ridiculous request.
“A ball?” she questioned.
“Yes, Miss Jamison. A ball. I should lo
ve for you to come along with my lord. You shall be a special guest,” she declared, cheerily.
Victoria imagined that she would only be the subject of further gossip, the young woman whose family fell from grace. Why would Lady Ingles dare to invite her? Evidently she was assuming that it would seal a form of a bond upon the two of them. Almost as a friendship, it would lead Victoria further into silence.
Was this a bribe?
Or perhaps it was a means of assuaging her own guilt. Perhaps Lady Ingles was trying to do away with the shame that she felt by making a bigger deal about entertaining the two of them and allowing Victoria to be a greater part of things.
It seemed strange and uncomfortable and Victoria wished that Lady Ingles would do away with that entirely. What exactly was she thinking?
Of course, perhaps it was a show of friendship. Whatever the intention, it left her confused and weary. Victoria did not wish to go, but the Earl was already agreeing to it all, willingly and happily. He accepted the invitation on Victoria’s behalf as she stood silently, watching her loyalties be bargained away.
“I am delighted. I shall be sure to get you all the details and please, do arrive on time that you might not miss out on all the best cakes and treats. I rather like to reward my guests who come for the full party,” Lady Ingles laughed charmingly.
Victoria nodded, trying to form words that would not come. Whatever had possessed Lady Ingles to make this invitation, Victoria was infuriated by it and wished that she could escape this nonsense and be free of it. She wanted to find a way out. Perhaps she could pretend to be sick the following evening?
But it was too late to think of a more legitimate excuse in that moment. The Earl had already agreed for her and she couldn’t undo that. So for the time being, all seemed settled and Victoria continued to stand while the Earl and his betrothed chatted away merrily.
Finally, she could take it no longer. The laughter and looks between the Earl and his betrothed were too much for Victoria and her heart was breaking with each moment. She waited for the briefest of lulls in the conversation.
“Excuse me, I must take my leave,” she said rather quietly, in a rush to depart from them.
“I shall see you tomorrow,” Lady Ingles called after her and Victoria bowed her head and smiled in acknowledgement before departing fully.
She felt the eyes of the Earl linger on her for a moment, but soon heard his voice mingling once more with Lady Ingles’. They were enjoying their conversation and she had no longing to hear them out. No, Victoria needed to be free of whatever was occurring between the two of them. She needed to escape their flirtation, or whatever it might have been.
One thing she knew well was that no matter how little they seemed to care for one another, they did interact quite well at times and it threw her into a fuss all over again wondering whether or not they were in love.
Victoria couldn’t handle it. She needed to be away from them and that meant departing to her room or anywhere she might go to allow her thoughts an escape from everything going on around her.
The ride had been too perfect and she ought to have remembered that. There was nothing else that should go as well again. No, Victoria had to accept the truth.
She would never enrapture the Earl as well as a woman who could not be faithful.
Chapter 22
Victoria reached her room, passing by the floor where Marian was being readied for dinner by Miss Franklin and one of the maids.
When she threw her body on her bed a knock came at the door, and Victoria sat up in dismay that she would not have the privacy she so desired in that moment.
“Yes? Who is it?” she asked.
“It’s me. May I come in?” called the voice of Miss Franklin from the other side of the door.
Victoria’s shoulders sagged. If anyone was to come, she was glad it was her new friend. But she still could not deny the fact that she wished she could have time alone and not speak with anyone in that moment.
“Come in,” Victoria called despite herself. She would have to handle this and allow for it no matter how difficult it was. She could not simply do away with the woman who had grown to become a dear friend, and she wished to continue their friendship no matter what it meant in that moment.
Miss Franklin entered the room and had a look of concern on her face. Victoria was sitting up in her bed and tried to paste a smile upon her own face, although it felt false and she was certain that Miss Franklin could see through it.
“What is it, Miss Jamison?” the housekeeper asked.
“Whatever do you mean?” Victoria replied, not wishing to allow anything of her emotions be seen further.
“I believe you know exactly. There is very clearly something the matter, will you not tell me what it is?” Miss Franklin pressed.
Victoria didn’t want to continue the conversation. She wanted to tell Miss Franklin to leave, to allow her to wallow in her own misery all by herself, free from expectations.
But she knew that she simply couldn’t do that. It would be far too unkind and she could not treat her friend that way. Instead it was easier to pretend, to lie and say that everything was alright.
“Good heavens, forgive me for making such an impression. I am well. And how are you? How has your afternoon been? I wish you could have come riding with us,” Victoria offered, trying to steer the conversation in a direction she could control without having to worry about the truth slipping out.
“Miss Jamison, please do not pretend that all is well when it is not. I can see in your eyes that something has happened that has upset you. My afternoon was fine, thank you, but I do believe that there is something else which we must discuss,” Miss Franklin remarked.
Victoria knew that she was caught. She could not hide her emotions any longer and Miss Franklin was going to push her until she confessed what truly was the matter. She would not be able to lie forever.
“Miss Franklin, it is difficult for me to discuss things that I do not like to discuss. I am uncomfortable sharing certain truths. However, I should very much like for us to be friends and if you wish, I can tell you, but know that I do so with a full heart of shame,” Victoria confessed.
For a moment it looked as though Miss Franklin might have been regretting her decision to push. Perhaps she did not wish to know the truth, after all. Victoria hoped that she would say this, that she would go back to her own quarters and leave her alone.
But Miss Franklin was a better friend than that and she remained firm.
“You had best just tell me and be out with it. I’m not going to simply leave and allow you to hurt when I see that you are upset,” she remarked.
Victoria took in a deep breath and nodded her head, conceding that she had little other choice than to tell her friend the truth of what she was feeling.
“Alright then. I suppose you should know. You see, I have been struggling a great deal of late with a petty jealousy. That is an emotion which brings me a great deal of shame and grief, you see. I hate to feel jealous. I hate to confess that I am bitter when someone has more than me or something that I should very much like to have for myself,” she confessed.
“And what is it that you are jealous for? Who has what that you should like?” Miss Franklin inquired, innocently.
Victoria paused again, hoping that she had the loyalty of her friend as she thought she did. She would have hated to learn later that Miss Franklin was confessing these things to other staff, or even to the Earl or Lady Ingles.
“Well, I must say that I have grown terribly jealous of Lady Ingles. I am thinking back to what my own life might have been like and I see her engaged to the Earl, such a great man. I know that I shall never be afforded such a union with a man like him.