by Dan Caddy
Another time, me and a Battle Buddy had come down on Charge of Quarters in the Company Training Area of the Basic Training barracks at the shitty hours of 0200 to 0400. One of us got the bright idea that we would take short naps in shifts. My buddy put his head down and passed out immediately while I kept watch. Soon after, I became bored and kicked my chair back on the rear legs and against the wall behind me. I guess I nodded off pretty quickly after that, as my head assumed the same position—kicked back against the wall, mouth open, and snoring, I’m sure.
I don’t know how long I was out for, or for what reason I woke up, but when I opened my eyes there was our senior DS looming in front of me with his index finger extended and fully in my mouth but not touching anything . . . staring me dead in the face.
It must have been only twenty to thirty seconds, but it felt like an eternity before DS removed his finger and while staring deep into my soul quietly said, “You’re lucky it was my finger, Joe . . .”
Lesson learned about falling asleep on watch! Well played, DS . . . Well played.
YOUR DRILL SERGEANT REALLY DOES WANT YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP . . .
“PRIVATE,
SHUT THE FUCK
UP OR I’LL TAKE
YOUR BOTTOM LIP,
STRETCH IT OVER
YOUR FOREHEAD,
AND SUFFOCATE
YOU WITH IT.”
AND YOUR DRILL SERGEANT REALLY DOES WANT YOU OUT OF HIS FACE . . .
“DO AN
ABOUT-FACE,
A LEFT FACE,
AND GET OUTTA
MY FACE.”
DRILL SERGEANTS JUST WANT TO DO THEIR JOB WELL AND RETIRE SOMEDAY . . .
“I SWEAR TO GOD,
PRIVATES,
BRM ISN’T THAT HARD!
I’VE BEEN TELLING
YOU THIS UNTIL I’M
BLUE IN THE FACE,
AND YOU STILL
DON’T GET IT.
I’M TELLING YOU,
I’M GONNA BE NINETY
YEARS OLD,
ON MY DEATHBED
OR SOME SHIT,
AND MY GREAT-
GRANDKIDS ARE GONNA
HEAR ME WHISPERING
SOMETHING.
‘WHAT IS IT, POP-POP?’
THEY’RE GONNA ASK AS
THEY LEAN DOWN, AND
ALL THEY’RE GONNA
HEAR IS ME SAYING,
‘PRIVATE,
PUT YOUR GODDAMN
NOSE TO THE
FUCKING CHARGING
HANDLE!’”
YOU SHOULD REALLY GIVE YOUR DRILL SERGEANT SOME SPACE . . .
“PRIVATE,
GO AWAY,
YOU SMELL
LIKE FAILURE
AND
CORN CHIPS.”
PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE . . .
DS: WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE?
PRIVATE: I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A PIECE OF PROPERTY TO CALL MY OWN ONE DAY.
DS: SEE THAT PATCH OF GRASS OVER THERE?
PRIVATE: YES, DRILL SERGEANT.
DS: UNTIL THE DAY YOU GRADUATE, IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GRADUATE, THAT IS YOUR PROPERTY. NOW GET OVER THERE AND FRONT BACK GO UNTIL THE GRASS IS GONE. MOVE!
The day I graduated Basic there was no grass in “my” spot. Parents took pictures.
YOUR DRILL SERGEANT WANTS YOU TO KNOW YOU AREN’T GONE YET . . .
“YOU AREN’T
OFFICIALLY
GONE UNTIL
YOU EAT IT
HERE AND SHIT
IT THERE.”
DRILL SERGEANTS KNOW HOW TO HANDLE YOUR ENTHUSIASM . . .
“YOUR MOTHERS
AND SISTERS
WON’T BE CRYING
ON GRADUATION DAY
BECAUSE THEY’RE
HAPPY TO SEE YOU.
THEY’LL BE CRYING
BECAUSE THEY SAW MY
WEDDING RING.”
IF YOU WORK HARD ENOUGH, YOUR DRILL SERGEANT MAY EVEN COMPLIMENT YOU . . .
“YOU PRIVATES
ARE ALL RIGHT.
EXCEPT YOU.
YOU SUCK.”
PUT IN THE EFFORT AND YOUR DRILL SERGEANT WILL PUSH YOU THAT EXTRA MILE . . .
“I WILL PUNT
YOU THROUGH
THE GOALPOST
OF LIFE!”
A DRILL SERGEANT AS SEEN BY AN ARMY MOM . . .
On May 29, 2010, my daughter graduated high school. Two days later, on June 1, 2010, she was on her way to Basic Combat Training (BCT). She was a mousy kid, introverted. She lived in her own little bubble because it was safer that way. She avoided conflict at all costs, even to her own detriment.
The letters started coming home quickly. She was distraught. She wanted to come home. She was miserable. She thought she’d made the wrong decision. Of course, as a mom . . . I was freaking out! I went to a close friend of the family, a retired brig. gen. that had watched my daughter grow up. He just smiled, sighed, and said, “Settle down, Mom. Those drill sergeants have got this thing down to a science.”
Slowly but surely, the letters started getting a little better. She was still homesick and still terrified, but there was a hint of a new happiness in those letters that seemed rooted in discovering teamwork and trusting others.
By the end of White Phase, the letters started sounding confident. She joked. She teased about DS “T” going batshit crazy on houseflies when she saw them and DS “R” having an evil sense of humor. During the last week or two of BCT, she said: “This is the best decision I ever made.”
I still read through all those letters. I still marvel at the change. I’ve read through them probably twenty times and I’m still stunned at the change.
When we went to her BCT graduation at Fort Leonard Wood, I was amazed when I saw my once mousy, introverted daughter. She was standing straight and tall, her jaw was squarely set. She was in rock-solid physical condition, and best of all . . . she was smiling. She was looking people in the eye. She was proud to wear that uniform.
To this mom . . . watching the whole thing unfold through letters, a drill sergeant is a potter with an impossible job. He or she has several lumps of clay lying in front of them. All of those lumps have different textures and degrees of coarseness. Some are easier to mold than others. But it’s up to the DS to mold, shape, and fire all of those lumps of clay into solid, finished work. And he has to do it all simultaneously. He has to take the raw, coarse lump and mold it at the same time as he’s molding a more pliable, smooth lump. It takes a special breed of cat to pull that one off.
To this day, my daughter views her drill sergeants as some of the most important people she’s met in her life. In fact, in many ways . . . she views y’all as having given her life. Or giving her life quality, at least.
One of y’all even gave her a nickname that sticks with her to this day: “Squidget” (1/2 Squirt + 1/2 Midget = Squidget).
Thank you. Thank you for knowing when she needed an “in your face, asshole,” when she needed an “atta girl,” and when she just needed to feel a part of. Y’all are amazing.
DRILL SERGEANTS KNOW WHAT LIFE AFTER BASIC IS REALLY ABOUT . . .
“PRIVATES,
THERE ARE TWO
THINGS IN LIFE YOU
CANNOT ESCAPE:
DEATH AND TAXES.
NOW, I CAN’T
KILL YOU, BUT I WILL
GET MY TAXES!
FRONT LEANING
REST POSITION,
MOVE!”
DRILL SERGEANTS CARE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE . . .
“WHAT THE
FUCK IS WRONG
WITH YOU,
PRIVATE?!
I HAVE A DEGREE
IN FUCKING
PSYCHOLOGY!
I WILL
MIND-FUCK YOU!
TEN YEARS
FROM NOW
I WON’T EVEN
REMEMBER YOU,
BUT YOU’LL
STILL BE A
CONTORTED LITTLE
SHIT BECAUSE
>
OF THE THINGS
I’M ABOUT TO
DO TO YOU!”
DRILL SERGEANTS WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW THE GOVERNMENT REALLY WORKS . . .
“THE ARMY IS NOT
A DEMOCRACY.
IT IS A DICTATORSHIP
THAT DEFENDS
AND ALLOWS FOR A
DEMOCRACY . . .
AND I AM THE DICTATOR.
NOW PUSH!”
DRILL SERGEANTS KNOW HOW TO LEAVE A MARK . . .
“I AM GOING TO
KICK YOU IN YOUR
CHEST PLATE SO
FUCKING HARD
YOUR FUCKING
GREAT-GRANDKIDS
WILL HAVE MY
BOOT PRINT AS A
BIRTHMARK!
BEAT YOUR
FUCKING FACE!”
SOMETIMES, YOU CAN ACTUALLY IMPRESS A DRILL SERGEANT . . .
“PRIVATE,
I USED TO THINK
YOU WERE THE
MOST USELESS
HUMAN BEING I HAD
COME ACROSS IN
ALL MY YEARS
ON THIS EARTH.
BUT THEN I REALIZED
THAT YOU ARE A
BEACON OF HOPE.”
THE TRUE ESSENCE OF THE DRILL SERGEANT
This story isn’t about my own basic training, but rather that of a WWII Veteran. I met him post-OSUT graduation at the National Infantry Museum, where he was working, a few years ago. I often think about what he said to me that day . . .
“WE COULDN’T UNDERSTAND WHY THE DRILL SERGEANTS HATED US, WE WERE JUST KIDS. WE DIDN’T KNOW WHY THEY CONSTANTLY SCREAMED AT US, AND RAN US TO EXHAUSTION. THEY WERE THE MEANEST BASTARDS I EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF KNOWING. SOON AFTER THAT I TOO WENT TO EUROPE, AND THERE I REALIZED SOMETHING ABOUT DRILL SERGEANTS. THEY DIDN’T HATE US, THEY CARED ABOUT US MORE THAN WE COULD EVER IMAGINE. THEY KNEW SOMETHING WE DIDN’T. THEY HAD FOUGHT THE NAZIS, AND SEEN THEIR FRIENDS DIE. THEY TREATED US THE WAY THEY DID . . . BECAUSE THEY KNEW WE WEREN’T READY.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
What a whirlwind this has been. There are a number of things I know how to do—putting together a book with a large national publisher was not one of them. I want to thank HarperCollins and Dey Street Books for giving me the opportunity to bring what we do at ASMDSS and Battle in Distress to the national forum. To my editors, first Mark and then Brittany, thank you for bearing with me and spending so much time walking me through the process.
A big thanks to the fans who have continued to engage with us and share their experiences. Since the beginning ASMDSS has focused on sharing the stories submitted by fans who want the public to know of their experiences.
To the page admins, moderators and our web development team, I could not have done or continue to do any of this without your help and dedication. Thank you.
RESOURCES
A nation is judged on how they treat their warriors once they return from the field of battle. Despite our best intentions and efforts as a society, we are failing those who sacrificed for us in exchange for the unspoken promise that we, as a nation, would have their back when the fighting was done.
—DAN CADDY, FOUNDER OF BATTLE IN DISTRESS, INC.
The ASMDSS Facebook page that inspired this book is not just fun and games and hilarious (and painful) drill sergeant stories. The ASMDSS community is so much more. In addition to donating and raising funds for veterans in need and supporting military charities, ASMDSS has been able to use our reach to connect those who want to help with those in need. For me the most amazing and life changing thing to come out of ASMDSS, beyond the laughs, was the creation of Battle in Distress.
Battle in Distress, Inc., was born of a serious flaw in our national thinking towards assisting veterans. As a nation, we have many resources available to veterans returning home. Organizations are in place to assist with mental health, housing, financial concerns, physical health, job training, and dozens of other categories. The common theme of these organizations is the requirement for the veteran to navigate a web of forms, requirements, procedures, and automated phone systems in order to receive help. How can we expect those who sacrificed and fought for our country to return home and take up another battle to receive the benefits and services they need and have earned? Battle in distress is a resource for modern veterans that harnesses the power of social media and uses it as a way to connect warfighters across the country who share the common bond of serving their country yet face the challenge of returning home alone. Battle in Distress, Inc., was launched on January 15, 2013, to serve as a strong support system to those brave men and women who answered the call, stood up, and served our nation. As we see it, our duty at Battle in Distress is to ensure that all service members, whether active or retired, know that no matter what they may face in their daily lives, they’re never alone. All a battle needs to do is reach out to our organization. We will take the fight from there and provide a three-tiered response system to provide resources suited to the veteran’s individual needs.
I first recognized the problem within our existing system by looking at how we treat veterans with PTSD and suicidal thoughts. I saw that suicide was not the problem. What I saw was suicide becoming a result of problems stacking up in a veteran’s life until they become too difficult to face. There are plenty of resources available for veterans contemplating suicide, but why are we waiting until men and women are suicidal before attempting to connect them with help? It is our belief at Battle in Distress that if we are waiting for our veterans to consider taking their own lives, we have failed. The problem should be confronted long before suicide enters the picture. There is no excuse for denying a veteran the assistance they require until they are so desperate that they consider hurting themselves.
For us, the solution to the problem does not lie within expensive government programs. Military service members hold the solution within themselves. Battle In Distress, Inc., focuses on rallying the brotherhood of service members to its full might to help to confront the seemingly minor issues in our veteran’s lives that, if left unchecked, grow into the big problems.
Battle in Distress offers a place for troops to stand up and stand together to take care of their own. It is time for our troops to strengthen their bonds and secure the future of anybody who bravely answered the call to serve our nation, the United States of America.
As a good friend of mine, Boone Cutler, says, “Every Warfighter needs two things to survive, a Battle Buddy and a mission.” By getting warfighters who are in distress connected to fellow warfighters looking to help, we are helping to give them the two things needed for them to overcome any obstacle.
Battle in Distress is formed of highly motivated volunteers who are all either active duty service members or veterans. The volunteers’ mission is to walk beside the veteran or service member who is currently over-whelmed with their current situation, re-engaging them in the warfighter community as well as linking them up with the proper resource in order to get them the specific help they need.
We use crisis intervention training and our CAD’s resource database, which currently contains over 200,000 resources throughout the country. Battle in Distress uses this database to establish and maintain specific points of contact with the listed resources. Our system sends out automated correspondence with the resources listed in order to maintain a detailed and accurate list of requirements, hours of operation, and specific starting points to receive benefits. This method is unique in the fact that we are not simply using Google and dropping phone numbers, but are linking up our veterans and service members in real time with the specific person and organization that will help them achieve their goals of coming out of the darkness and back into the light.
Since 2012, Battle in Distress has worked more than five thousand calls for service, ALL of which have been successfully resolved. In the beginning stages of the organization, the vast number of our calls were cases where the soldier was facing suicidal thoughts. As the word of our mission
continues to successfully spread, the number of our suicide cases continues to drop. But just one is still too many. Our highly motivated and trained staff of professionals is working relentlessly to make sure that number go to, and stays at, zero. At Battle in Distress you do not walk alone.
“I’d carry you through the flames of hell, my flesh burned to the bone. Through the places where the demons dwell, you’ll never be alone. We are your Battles, now and always, you never walk alone.”
If you or someone you know is in distress or needs assistance, please contact our Battle Response Team (BRT) via a message to our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/BattleInDistress
To learn more about us or volunteer for Battle in Distress, please visit our website at http://www.battleindistress.org
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
DAN CADDY is a former marketing professional and veteran of Operation Enduring Freedom. He is the founder of the Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said Facebook page. The Facebook page now has more than ten individuals on staff, including many current and former drill sergeants. Dan is the president and founder of Battle in Distress Inc., a nonprofit devoted to helping service members in crisis. He lives in Vermont and continues to serve in the military.
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CREDITS
COVER DESIGN BY RICHARD L. AQUAN
COVER ART COURTESY OF THE AUTHOR
COPYRIGHT
AWESOME SH*T MY DRILL SERGEANT SAID. Copyright © 2015 by Dan Caddy. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.