The Path To Us: A Single Parent Romance

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  “A few reasons, I guess.”

  She nods, accepting my non-answer. Probably because she’s too afraid to know the truth. I watch as she twists around and stands to move to the center of the bed of my pickup and I know what I’m about to experience. Greatness. “Well, I think it’s dumb. If I could leave, I would. I’d find a way to get to New York and then I’d blow everyone’s minds on Broadway.”

  A huge part of me wishes that was possible for her. To achieve her dreams of becoming a professional dancer and show the world what she has to offer.

  The selfish part, though? Not so much. I want her here. Safe. Not in the spotlight that would steal her away from me. Where she would catch the attention of a man with more to offer her than me and she’d be lost to me forever.

  I turn so I’m facing her, my knees tucked up to my chest and arms wrapped around my knees and I watch as she moves gracefully. Spinning slowly, arms circled above her head, she lifts up on her toes as if it’s second nature. Which for her, it is. She’s seductive without trying to be. I could watch her dance for hours and never tire of it. And the crazy part is, she’s self-taught. Her family never had the money for dance lessons but the local studio opened their doors for anyone in the community one Saturday when she was nine years old. It took one hour for her to fall in love with all forms of dancing and to grasp enough knowledge that she was able to become a beautiful dancer by only practicing in her bedroom.

  In high school, she was on the dance team because it was the only way she could use dance as an outlet. The dance team was run completely on fundraisers and donations so anyone could afford it as long as they had talent. And she definitely has talent. She’s so good even the bitchy popular girls who normally turn down their noses at her for not having the money their parents do or the nicest clothes, couldn’t deny how incredible she is. And they don’t, either. They actually cheer her on.

  “You could. Leave, I mean. You could, Sadie. Come with me to college. Your grades are good enough to get in. They have financial aid.”

  She scoffs. “Right. And how do you suggest I pay for the financial aid once I’ve finished? Hooking?”

  Anger, hot and consuming courses through my veins at her suggestion, joking or not. “Not fucking funny, Sadie.”

  “Oh, come on,” she teases, giggling, doing a final spin before sitting down next to me and nudging my shoulder. “It was a little funny.”

  I roll my eyes and decide it’s best not to get into it with her. If I admit how badly it pisses me off to imagine her even with another man, not to mention, doing it for money, she’ll go running for the hills. Fucking woman, she drives me crazy. I don’t know if I love her or not, but it feels a lot like love. Even though I’m only eighteen, there’s something inside that tells me she’s the one for me. Maybe it makes me pathetic, but I’m willing to be patient and wait for years if it means she’ll eventually come around.

  “I don’t know why you think staying here is bad. I love Lakeside.”

  “It isn’t bad. I know that. I do love it here, and honestly, if I ended up in New York somehow, I’d miss this place and want to come back. It’s home, you know? I don’t think I could handle that many people around me all the time. And this,” she gestures out in front of her, to the beauty that Montana gives without even trying, “I couldn’t wake up every day and not have this.”

  I don’t have to agree with her, she knows this is how I feel about our home. “So what’s the plan then?” I know what her plan is. Stay here. Work at the diner. Live with her mom and little brother in the trailer and every time I come home from school, I’ll pray that she’s finally seen her worth. There’s nothing wrong with working in the diner, but I know it’s not what she’s meant for or what would make her happy for the rest of her life. She needs something that would fill her soul.

  Sadie’s slender shoulders shrug and she purses her lips, looking out at the mountains. “Oh, you know me, I’ll do my thing. Keep on keepin’ on. I just want to find a way to dance, that’s all.”

  I have one more week with her before I leave for college three hours away. It’s not enough time, though, it might never be enough time. Forever with her seems about right. Maybe I do love her. I couldn’t be thinking about spending the rest of my life with someone and not be in love, right?

  I scoot closer, heart racing. I want so badly to thread our fingers together, have the right to kiss away her fears that we don’t belong together. Assure her that college won’t change things because in my mind, they won’t. I might be leaving but I’ll come back often. “I won’t be far.”

  Her voice takes on a sad, resigned note and she sighs. “Yeah, Reed. You will.”

  “Sadie…”

  “Reed, you’ll go to college and meet new people and go to parties. You’ll be busy living a different kind of life, and that’s okay.” She rushes to add the last part and I know she’s saying it as much for me as she is for herself. “It’s what’s supposed to happen.” She’s daring me to argue but I won’t. A part of me knows it’s the truth, even if I don’t like it. That’s what college is about, besides learning, of course. She looks at me with a wry grin and nudges my shoulder. “Besides, every single woman on that campus is going to take one look at you and freak out.”

  “You saying I’m nice to look at?” I tease and now it’s her turn to roll her eyes.

  “I’m not here to stroke your ego. Go grab Miss Prom Queen for that.” The look on her face can only be described as a sneer when she mentions Victoria. Who, in all fairness, is one of the sweetest girls in the school and has never, at least to my knowledge, treated Sadie with anything but kindness. Aside from showing a little jealousy because of how close Sadie is with me. Which means that if Sadie doesn’t like her, it has nothing to do with Victoria herself, but rather the feelings Victoria has for me.

  It might not say much about me, but I love that she’s jealous. Love that she gets a little taste of me having to watch guys fawn all over her for years. Even had to endure the hell of standing by as she dated that dickweed Billy Richardson for a torturous five months, two weeks, and four days. Yup, like a complete creeper, I counted it down and did my best to be the supportive friend when she cried over their relationship ending.

  Maybe there’s a reason I’m still a virgin while I’m getting ready to go off to college. She’s it for me. My one. My only. I can’t give myself to another woman when my heart has been tangled up in someone else for as long as I can remember. My friends give me shit about it all the time. Girls throw themselves at me at parties and get annoyed when I turn them down. But I don’t care. Not one single bit. Because my heart was gone for her the day I saw her for the first time during our freshman year. She’d just moved to our small town, the one I’ve lived in since I was born. New kids moving in isn’t common here so they’re always under a microscope, everyone trying to figure out the kid shaking up our normal and Sadie was no different. Though, I’m pretty sure no one paid as close attention to Sadie Jones as me.

  Fuck me. I am in love with her. A large part of me knew it, but I guess I was holding back from admitting it to myself because the thought of her not feeling the same way scares me to death. I feel my lips tip up in a smile, even as my stomach ties in knots.

  I’m in love with Sadie Jones.

  I almost laugh out loud for not understanding what my feelings for her meant. The warmth that would fill me every time she was around.

  My grandpa used to always say something about risk and reward and not complaining if I don’t throw my hat in the ring. Dad always said he was a really philosophical man and most of the things he talked about always went over my head. But I think he basically meant, if I don’t try, I’ll never know.

  Now it’s time to finally show her how deep my feelings for her go. She needs to know but even more, I have this innate desire to tell her. Surely if she knows I’m in love with her, she’d forget this idea of not being good enough for me, right?

  I’ve never been shy about lett
ing her know I think she’s beautiful. I’ve even asked her out on a date a few times. And even though I’ve told her I love her, I’ve never said I was in love with her. Hell, I didn’t even know for sure until about a second ago. Besides, if she knew, there’s no way she’d try so hard to keep me in the friend zone, right? At least, that’s what I’m telling myself because if she doesn’t return my feelings, I don’t know if I’ll recover. My heart is so invested in this woman. I’m confusing myself, my thoughts jumbling together.

  She’s staring at me like she knows that something big is about to happen and it makes my skin tingle all the way from the top of my head down to the tips of my toes. Her chest is rising and falling and there’s a pink tinge to her cheeks. I’m shaking and so nervous I could throw up but I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t try. I lift a trembling hand to cup her cheek. She sucks in a breath and I lean over. I know she’ll feel like it’s coming out of nowhere but it’s not really. I’ve wanted to kiss her for years and I can’t wait another minute to feel her lips on mine. It’s been driving me insane and now my time is running out. If I don’t make my move, I’ll lose any chance I have. But still, it’s risky. I know that there’s a real chance she’ll reject me and if she knows my true feelings, that I’m in love with my best friend, it could end ugly and I could lose her entirely. The chance that it could end the way I want, though… it’s worth the risk.

  “Reed?” Her voice is shaky, breath soft against my skin.

  “Sadie. I know you don’t think…”

  She shakes her head, my hand sliding against her cheek when she does. I watch her swallow hard and her eyes fill with tears. “It’s not what I think. It’s what I know.” She sees the road that separates the homes that have lakefront property and the ones that don’t as a divide. I’m sure there are some people, on both sides, who see it that way. But I don’t. Living on this side, especially for our “vacation” home, yes, it’s expensive, but had my grandfather not purchased this land when the prices were low, we’d never have a cabin here either. It wouldn’t be possible. If she really paid attention, she’d understand. But she has a clouded view, and always has.

  I lick my lips and lean closer, resting my forehead against hers. I want to take the hurt away from her. The pain of feeling less than anything. Blood rushes to my head as I work up the courage to say the words that will change everything between us. “I love you,” I blurt out and she stills, her body going rigid. I guess I am in love with her because saying those words out loud, they feel right. Like something I’ve been holding in for too long and now that I’ve said them out loud, that’s all I want to say. “In love with you,” I explain further and lean back so I can look into her beautiful eyes. And then… I watch as a lone tear I never saw coming makes a trail down her cheek. I swipe it away with my thumb.

  “Sadie? What’s wrong?”

  “I…”

  “Yeah?” I ask, leaning closer, just wanting her to admit it. Say the words, I will her. Please. Just tell me you love me back and we’ll figure out the rest later. I can’t leave without knowing she returns my feelings. I can’t. I need to know that I can come back home to her and give me something to work for in college. Building a life that she’ll be a part of.

  My lips are so close to hers I can feel her breath brush against my lips and it’s making me dizzy. I’ve imagined kissing her so many times, dreamt of it and it’s finally going to happen. I wait for a sign that she doesn’t want this but she never gives it to me.

  “Sadie,” I whisper against her lips and then we’re kissing. My mouth is pressed against hers lightly and it’s possible my heart could explode out of my chest. I’ve only kissed two other girls and neither were anything like this, and we’ve only just begun. I press my lips harder to hers and turn my head to the right to get a better angle. Sliding my tongue against her lips, I silently beg her to open for me. When our tongues touch for the first time, I swear I see fireworks behind my closed lids.

  This is perfect. Exactly what I’d been holding back from being with anyone else. Our kiss starts out slow, exploring, tasting every inch of each other. But it doesn’t take long for it to build into something more. Hungry and anxious, our hands roam, touching places I’ve only dreamed of our hands touching. She grips the hem of my t-shirt and lifts, sliding one hand beneath the material and the second her soft fingers come in contact with my skin, I’m sure it lights on fire.

  My hands shake as I mimic her, and when I feel the silky skin of her tight stomach, I know there’s no turning back. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. And the way she’s moaning quietly and inching closer and closer to me, I know we’re on the same page.

  The only thing we have never agreed on is the way she sees herself so it’s my instincts kicking in that tells me she’s more than okay with this going in the direction I see it going. And once we take this step, there’s no turning back for us. And fuck, I’m so ready for that.

  “I’ve waited four years to kiss you,” I murmur and I feel her smile against my lips. It makes me feel like I just single-handedly won our football state championship. She’s so amazing. Gentle, kind, giving, so beautiful it’s breathtaking. If I had to choose between staring at her for the rest of my life and never seeing the turquoise waters of Flathead Lake that’s surrounded by the majestic deep purple mountains again, I’d choose her any day.

  I twist us so she’s lying back, I know it’s not comfortable for her and growl at myself for not thinking of grabbing the blanket out of the cab of my pickup. I’m afraid if I stop to get it, though, I’ll wake from the dream. But then she winces and I spring up, demanding she stays put. She giggles, nods, and touches her lips with the tip of her fingers. Lightning fast, I grab the blanket and two hoodies that are always in my pickup and return to her.

  We work together to lay the blanket down then I use the hoodies for a pillow for her head. Slowly I lower myself over her. Inside, I’m shaking. So nervous but at the same time wired. I’m a mix of emotions and I hate that she hasn’t told me that she loves me back, especially if we’re about to have sex for the first time. But I know she needs more time. That’s fine with me. We have a lifetime together ahead of us. Maybe that’s jumping the gun a bit, considering that I just kissed her for the first time tonight. But when a guy knows, he knows. At least, for me. I’m not wishy-washy. I know my feelings and they’re never going to change.

  I reach between us and look into her dark eyes for permission before undoing the button on her jeans. She smiles and bites her lip, giving me a slight nod. My fingers tremble as they work to get her jeans undone. I want to go slow, but Sadie has other plans. The second my fingers come in contact with her center, even over her underwear, something shifts and we’re no longer taking our time. It’s a race to see who can remove the other’s clothing first. We’re tossing shirts and jeans behind us, underwear goes flying and her bra gets unsnapped and flung to the side.

  “Reed,” she moans when I kiss my way down her chest. I suck and pinch lightly and drag my tongue over every inch of her that she allows me to. I’m about to go down on her, which I’ve never done before, but she stops me, placing her hands under my armpits and yanking me up to her. That’s fine, she’s not ready for that. Just like everything else, we have a lifetime.

  “I have a condom. In my wallet.” She raises an eyebrow at me and I roll my eyes. “Dad gave it to me a year ago. No clue why other than he said he wasn’t ready to be a grandpa anytime soon.”

  “Okay. That’s good.” I don’t know what she’s saying is good, but she’s not saying we don’t need one. Thankful my arms are long, I reach over and find my wallet, pull out the single condom that I prayed I’d use with her, and tear it open. She watches every movement when I pull it out of the foil and line it up over the tip and roll it on.

  “Are you okay? Is this… is this what you want?” I ask, needing to make sure. If she says no, we’ll stop. I would rather cut off my dick than force her to do anything she’s not ready for.

 
; “Yes.”

  One word. That’s all she gives me. So I look into her eyes. The ones that have never been able to lie to me and silently beg for truth. Confident in what I’m seeing, I lower myself and line us up.

  My next question feels like knives in my throat but I need to ask her. “Is this your first time?”

  Her head is jerky and eyes are wide when she looks down at our centers. I’m hard and throbbing, poised to enter her. I can tell she’s nervous but it doesn’t add to my nerves. It only makes me realize how right this is. “Yeah. It is.” Fuck yes! “Yours?”

  “Yeah.” I want to say I was waiting for it to be with her but I don’t want to freak her out. Instead, I tell her, “We’ll take it slow and if it hurts too much, tell me and I’ll stop, okay?”

  She nods and offers up a smile. I slowly push my way inside and let out a little curse. She feels so good. Tight and slick. The little amount of foreplay we did has her ready for me, but I still feel like a jackass I didn’t take more time with her. A lifetime. The reminder of what we will have together replays in my head. I move again, going in a little deeper. Inch by inch, I slowly enter her until I’m all the way. Our bodies fit together perfectly, our chests heaving. I lick my lips and kiss her as I continue to move, hoping that the distraction of the kiss will help with any pain she’s feeling.

  Her legs shift, wrapping around my waist and I raise up on my hands, like I’m doing a pushup over her. She lifts a hand and places it on my cheek, down my jaw, over my shoulder and down to grip my bicep. “You’re okay?”

  “Mm hmm. It’s good.”

  “Ready for more?”

  “Are you?” she counters saucily and fuck, why didn’t I know for sure that I was in love with her? I’m a moron for not seeing it.

  I smirk and move quicker, our bodies becoming one. The only thing that would make this more perfect, well, aside from her telling me she loves me, too, would be if there was no barrier between us and we’d have had more time together. Maybe in a bed instead of the back of my truck. But some day, soon, when we’re sure and she can get on the pill or something, we’ll get there. Fuck, there I go again, jumping ahead. But it’s hard not to when I’m buried inside her and nothing else has ever felt so right.