by Blythe Stone
“What, joy?”
“Yes. Actually,” I realized. I hadn’t laughed this much in a long time. Hadn’t been this relaxed with someone I cared about.
We got a little quiet after that. My loneliness threatened to invade and creep right back in like a dark cloud.
“Do you remember Joshua Tree?” Nat asked, gazing over at me.
“Of course I remember.” It hurt me to think she might not know how important she was to me. All the things that we did…
I’d been on a lot of vacations in my life, which made my life look a certain way. Truth was, I was never more loved than I was with her. It hurt so much I could cry right now but I didn't. “That was the best week of my entire life,” I said instead. “I think about it all the time. When I don't feel well and I'm sad.”
Nat slowly blinked and softly gazed over at me.
She licked her lips and remembered Avery, tugging her to get her to kiss her.
“What do you think? Should we get out of here or do some more damage?”
I drank from the bottle, like Avery had, and felt my own patheticness deciding to stay.
“We can always just do some more damage at home,” I laughed.
“Oh. She's a genius,” Nat teased, speaking to Avery about me.
29
(Avery)
The world was narrowing to a point. Something was coming and I could feel it even through my drunken haze.
Control was about to fly out the window and I wouldn't feel the loss until morning. They were too much with their memories and connection.
“Let's go, we can have more fun by ourselves,” I said.
“Mmm. I like when you get all bossy,” Nat growled at me.
Olivia drank the remainder of the bottle, filling her cheeks and then swallowing it down. I watched as she rose and followed us out. Soon as we got outside on the ground level it was freezing. The heaters on the roof must've been strong. Before now, I didn't even think about it.
“Fuck,” Olivia said, clutching her arms around her body as we waited for the car.
“Get over here, you dork,” I said.
I pulled Olivia by the arm toward us and made her stand close. With my arm around her she should be a little warmer.
When the car showed, we all got in but, I stumbled a little, falling into Olivia. I didn't move much after that and Nat slid in beside me so we were all in one side of the back seat.
“Better?” I asked Olivia.
“Uh-huh,” she nodded, touching the backs of my fingers with hers.
I turned and her face was so close to mine.
“You're dangerous,” I smiled.
“In what way,” Olivia smiled back, all dazed and openly staring. She licked her lips absentmindedly and focused on mine.
“I'm getting addicted,” I whispered.
“That sounds serious,” she teased. I felt her fingers slip in between mine.
“Maybe,” I replied.
Nat’s hand was wandering under my shirt, distracting me, so I turned away and laughed.
“Can I help you?” I asked her.
“Mmm, yes please,” Nat flirted. She bounced her eyebrows at me. “I don't know why you always insist on wearing clothes.”
She swiped my hair away from my neck and started to tease me there again.
“Clothes are pretty stupid,” Olivia agreed.
“Well, we can't take them off here,” I sighed.
“Too bad,” Olivia said.
“We’ll be home soon. We can take them off then,” I pointed out.
Red flags were flying but I ignored them. It didn’t matter anymore. We weren’t hitting much traffic and I didn’t even notice the drive otherwise. When we pulled into the drive I sat up and leaned close to Nat.
“Something is going to happen,” I said to her.
“Hmm… You think?” She asked, curiously. “I don't think I'd mind it,” she shrugged.
“What?” I squinted my eyes and focused on her. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I'm not scared,” Nat said.
“Are you hearing this?” I turned to Olivia.
We’d been talking kinda quiet but it wasn’t a whisper or anything.
“Hm?” Olivia asked, staring over at me, her lips tightened and she touched mine. She hadn't heard anything; her own mine had been somewhere else. “What?” She wondered.
“Natalie says she wouldn’t mind if something happened with all of us,” I said, using my hand to indicate each of us together.
“Something?” Olivia asked. Trying to understand what we'd been talking about. “Like what?” She wondered, leaning forward to look over at Nat.
Nat cleared her throat and looked to me.
“Yeah Avery, like what?” Nat asked, teasing me with her sudden seriousness.
“Guys, I don’t know. I just felt a vibe. We all know that everyone here wants to make out with everyone here,” I babbled.
Drunk. I had to engage my filter but that last shot had broken it.
“Some of us have already made out,” Nat teased, poking me.
“Hey, I'd love that,” Olivia sighed, leaning back. “But I wouldn't love complicating things. You'd have to get me really drunk to not care about that.”
Nat rubbed my inner knee and started to kiss my neck again, play with me.
“Um, we’ve got wine,” I said.
I cleared my throat, hoping that I didn’t sound too thirsty.
The car stopped and Nat opened the door, getting out slowly. I followed her and watched Olivia as she emerged. She looked different, a little nervous but she had a small smile and some permanent redness plastered onto her face.
I followed Nat inside and took Olivia’s hand. All night, I’d noticed. Olivia’s eyes softened when she stared at me. There were no words. At least, she couldn't find them.
“So, should we get drinks and go to the roof?” I asked.
“I'll get a couple bottles,” Nat said. “Go on up.”
I pressed against her side, kissed her cheek, and then let go, leading Olivia to the stairs and up until we reached the roof. When we were outside I felt a little calmer and I let go of her hand.
“You okay?” I asked.
She looked over at me openly. I could see how vulnerable she was.
“Little confused,” she shrugged.
She started to take her heels off and step down on the smooth wood paneling with her bare feet.
I felt her step forward and place her hands on my upper chest since she wobbled and needed stability.
“How are you,” she asked. Close, gazing up at me, it was intimate.
“Yeah, I don’t exactly know what’s going on either. Are you scared?” I asked.
“Kinda,” she breathed shakily. “It's been a long time since I've felt this much.”
“Me too, I guess I’m not sober enough to care about anything but what I’m feeling though,” I admitted.
I left her to sit down on one of the chairs and wondered if she would come near again. It was hard being close to her and not doing anything about it. I couldn’t until we were all here and I tried to make sense of what was going to happen.
“If you'll care when you're sober we shouldn't do anything,” Olivia said.
She turned away and hugged her arms, staring out off the roof at the wind and the trees.
“I only care if it’s going to screw things up with Nat and she’s the one saying that it won’t. That’s why I want to talk to her again. We’ve been coming to this point ever since you came out and I just want to figure out what we all want and need,” I explained.
“I can go,” she said, not looking at me. “I keep saying that and you both keep ignoring me.”
“Because that’s not what either of us wants,” I said.
“What should I do,” she asked to the wind.
“You should stop asking us to let you go,” Nat said, coming up the steps.
Olivia turned to her, arms dropping.
Nat observ
ed her sweetly, walking close. I watched them observe each other and touch hands. Nat surprised me, pulling Olivia in by a hand at her cheek and allowing her lips to crash with Olivia’s. It wasn't a meek kiss or a slow kiss. It was the kind of kiss you could only have if you've been wanting to do it for a very long time.
I stared at them, my jaw dropping. It was strange to see Nat kiss someone else outside of her job. There was so much going on in that kiss and I couldn’t move and I was lucky that I kept breathing. It only took a second for Olivia to realize what was happening. After that she was so alive.
“Uhh,” I uttered.
Nat broke from the kiss, hand falling into Olivia’s as she walked and tugged on her to come closer to me.
“It’s okay,” I heard Nat whisper to her. She sat down right next to me and tugged on Olivia to sit on her lap. Next I felt Nat reach for me and start to deeply kiss me like we’d done before at the party. Her hand was down Olivia’s thigh but her tongue was in my mouth and she wanted me.
Of course, it took Nat to bring us together. She was always the heart. Usually, I got so lost in Nat’s kisses but right now I could feel Olivia there and I wanted desperately to know what she was feeling and thinking.
When I ended the kiss I looked up to her and tried to see what she wanted.
“Well?” I asked.
I didn’t want to just kiss her without it being okay. That was beyond what I was capable of ever.
Nat leaned back and pulled Olivia closer to her lips. “She wants you to kiss her,” I heard her whisper.
Nat’s hands stroked different parts of Olivia’s body like she already knew it by heart and now owned it. Olivia bent her head back and had to breathe. All the touches and information overwhelmed her. “Come ‘ere,” she asked me, smiling then. She’d obviously felt relief and a rush.
As she bent down to me, I felt her smile on my lips before I felt anything else. She breathed me in, teasing me with suspense, and then I felt her tongue slide inside me, her hand on my jaw and cheek, leading me in to taste her too.
Her kiss was so different from Nat’s. We functioned differently together. Everything I’d been holding back was now allowed and I wanted more. I moved my hand around to the back of her head and pushed back against her tongue, battling with her a bit until we fell into a rhythm and I forgot to think.
Nat’s hand found my thigh and I slowed a little, taking a moment before parting from Olivia.
“Wow,” I whispered.
Olivia was still feeling me even when I pulled away. Her eyes had closed and they didn't open again until she breathed in deep.
I heard the sound of a zipper slowly coming down. Nat had pushed Olivia's hair to one side and now she was smoothing a hand at her bare back while she squeezed at my thigh.
Olivia breathed and held her hand against the front of her dress, easily taken by such a small gesture.
She whined a little and gasped for air as Nat slowly stroked her skin and kissed her neck.
Truth was, the action had her lost in feeling. Body moving with fast breaths and no time to catch up.
“Shhhhh,” Nat tried to slow her, to soothe her. She wrapped her arms around her waist and just hugged her for a little while.
Olivia had begun to breathe so fast that it broke some wall and made her emotional.
“I know,” Nat whispered. “Shhh…”
Olivia hugged Nat’s arms and stroked them.
“Shhh,” Nat tried, to calm her and slow her down.
All I could do was watch them. Years had passed but Nat was still the one that could anchor her.
“We have time,” Nat whispered.
There was something so heavy about all of this.
“You're shaking,” Nat whispered again. “Avery,” she said, calling for me.
I got up and walked around in front of Olivia.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
Olivia breathed in shakily and nodded, but I could tell she was really affected.
“Let’s go lay down,” Nat said. “She needs rest.”
I nodded and stood on one side of Olivia as she got up off Nat’s lap. She stood there, still shaking a little. I put my arm around her waist and tried to gauge what was happening.
We walked Olivia down, me in front and Nat behind her till we got to our bedroom and then we all went in. Nat took her to the bed and I went to the other side and got in. Olivia slid in and laid next to me. I opened my arms and took her into my body.
Nat spooned her from behind and I whispered soothing things to her as I pet her hair. It was too much. This was all too much.
30
(Olivia)
The night and my time here had indeed taken an unexpected turn. I knew what I wanted but I never could’ve assumed that my wants and desires would ever align with either of theirs.
When Nat kissed me again everything changed. A dam within me let go. I was allowed to feel it all: everything I put off, everything I wanted, everything I missed and needed.
And then there was Avery, whose kiss could capture and steal me, whose hands I longed so desperately to feel against every piece of my skin.
Something was happening and I couldn’t tell if it was good or bad, if it was my fault, if I’d lead us all into ruin.
As they both held and soothed me, I wept.
I’d been holding so much inside that I wasn’t entirely aware how much I was holding back. There had been so much I couldn’t release or understand.
The slow stroking from both of their hands got me to slow down and stop rushing to the thought that this might never ever happen again. Most of my panic resided there, in that possibility. I’d had Natalie before and I lost her for what seemed like forever.
To be loved by someone I too loved and desired?
I’d had that and lost that and right now I couldn’t tell if this was just one chance to have it again, or if maybe it was something else, something that could grow and progress and provide.
Words often failed me so I tried not to use them.
I shut my eyes and moaned into their touches. Nat had gotten me out of my dress so I could relax between them. Patient and loving, they’d both been petting me and kneading my skin, trying to make sure I was alright.
I let my hand slip down Avery’s back and squeeze at her ass to force her closer to me.
She gasped and moved how I wanted. Her body pressed into mine and her leg found its way between mine.
My mouth fell open again, Nat’s hand dragged against my neck while her other hand brushed my side.
I panted, feeling everything magnified. I groped for Avery’s face, I wanted to taste her.
Pretty soon I was kissing her skin, loving her.
Her hands moved to my breasts and she started touching me, teasing me, testing my flesh with abandon.
Instant ecstasy. I couldn’t contain my emotions. I made sounds and could barely hear them. Time moved differently, there wasn’t enough of it.
Nat kissed my back and felt me too. She found my favorite spots and teased them, adding so much more to what I was feeling.
Avery stopped kissing me and moved down to tease one of my breasts with her tongue.
I gasped and felt Nat’s fingers slipping down inside my underwear. My eyes rolled. I could die here. This was everything I wanted in life. Everything else was bullshit. This was it.
Did they know?
“Fuck,” I let out, loving it. I wanted it so much. My hands sank into Avery’s hair, keeping her.
She came back to my lips and nudged my nose before kissing me, pushing her tongue into my mouth, invading me.
I was gone then. It was like floating, everything was so right. My hands moved, I moved. My tongue pushed back at hers, I wanted her, but I didn’t register every piece of it, what I was doing, how I was doing it.
Everything was right and I finally let go, sinking into just being again.
I wept but I was pleased. When she pulled her tongue and lips away I instantly mourned for t
hem.
Nat’s hand slid across my body, placating me.
“Shhh,” Avery whispered at me.
She moved one of her hands lower and pushed the waistband of my underwear away to allow her hand to descend and touch my inner thigh before grazing along my sex.