Do Penguins Have Knees?

by David Feldman

  Submitted by Nityanandan Ashwath of Richmond Heights, Ohio.

  A complimentary book goes to Jerry Arvesen of Bloomington, Indiana. Thanks also to David Schachow of West Hill, Ontario, and Ron Gulli of Tuscon, Arizona.

  FRUSTABLE 6: Why Do Dogs Tilt Their Heads When You Talk to Them?

  We assumed that this would be the easiest of the ten Frustables to answer. We’re still amazed that not one of the thirty or so dog experts we’ve contacted would venture an opinion on the issue.

  Imponderables readers, however, have no such compunctions. Readers were split among three camps: those that thought the tilting had to do with the dog trying to hear better; those who thought the dog was trying to sharpen his vision; and the doggy anthropologists who are confident that the tilting is a sign of (pick one) aggression or friendliness.

  Devotees of the last camp often compared dogs’ tilting behavior to that of wolves, who are also known to tilt their head. Typical of the anthropology camp is the response of Marty Flowers, of Weirton, West Virginia:

  Dogs tilt their heads when you talk to them to let you know they are listening to you. They don’t want to just stare at you, because that’s a sign of aggression in the animal world, but if they look away it might seem that they are not paying attention to you. So they look at you but tilt their heads to show that it doesn’t mean aggression. Dogs don’t growl and attack you with their heads tilted to one side.

  We wouldn’t know. We’d be too busy hightailing it away from the dog.

  The eye-camp was best represented by Jim Vibber, of Tustin, California:

  Dogs aren’t the only animals that tilt their heads when listening to humans talk, and I think this may relate to the answer.

  We humans often forget that most other animals do not perceive the world as we do. Binocular, 3-d vision probably should head the list of differences. Most animals (including dogs, birds, cattle, and fish) have one eye on each side of the head, and each eye sees half the world with little overlap in the fields of vision. We find it disconcerting to watch a chameleon looking at its surroundings, as each eye gawks around independently of the other like some clown doing cross-eye tricks. But we think it nothing unusual to watch a cockatoo turn its head sideways to get a close look at something. The same can be seen with goldfish and parakeets whenever you do something that gets their attention.

  Dogs and cats have eyes a little more forward on the head than, say, sheep or elephants, but not so far forward as people. They turn their heads sideways, but also frequently perform the more subtle movement of tilting the head at an angle while keeping the nose mostly pointed in the same direction. I’ve also seen this tilting movement in movies, such as when a wolf is looking at something, but I have no idea how much of this is in response to off-camera coaching by the animal trainer.

  This may be a way of looking at something tall, such as a human being or a tree. Has anyone checked whether dogs respond differently according to whether one is standing, sitting, or lying down?

  Not to our knowledge. Before we write the next volume of Imponderables, we’ll consult some more veterinary ophthalmologists and check out your theory, Jim.

  One point that several dog experts emphasized to us is that dogs’ hearing is so good that it is highly unlikely that they are tilting their heads in order to hear us. Still, we’re most sympathetic with the simpler but not unreasonable ear-theory proponents, led by Susan Scott, of Baltimore, Maryland: “Wouldn’t you tilt your head if everyone around you were speaking gibberish?”

  We haven’t given up yet. We’re going to nail this Frustable eventually.

  Submitted by Mark Seifred and Denise Meade-Seifred of Memphis, Tennessee.

  A complimentary book goes to Jim Vibber, who certainly has the best rap, even if we’re not sure we believe it.

  FRUSTABLE 7: Why and Where Did the Notion Develop That “Fat People Are Jolly”?

  We didn’t get much mail on this subject, but most of the letters we did receive were choice.

  Rick DeWitt, of Erie, Pennsylvania, sent us a reprint of an essay written by Eric Berne (author of Games People Play) called “Can People Be Judged by Their Appearance?,” which first appeared in his book Mind in Action. Berne argues that the three main body types (endomorph, mesomorph, and ectomorph) each yield specific personality characteristics.

  According to Berne, the round, soft, thick build characteristic of the viscerotonic endomorph is usually possessed by someone who likes to “take in food, and affection, and approval as well. Going to a banquet with people who like him is his idea of a fine time.” Berne’s depiction of the endomorph is a catalog of stereotypes about the jolly fat person (“The short, jolly, thickset, red-faced politician with a cigar in his mouth, who always looks as though he were about to have a stroke, is the best example of this type.”) with no evidence whatsoever to corroborate his conclusions.

  Berne, a psychiatrist, notes that most people do not fall clearly into one body type, but claims that if someone does, he or she tends to display behavior characteristic of that body type (“If he is a viscerotonic, he will often want to go to a party where he can eat and drink and be in good company at a time when he might be better off attending to business…”). We’re not sure Berne’s discussion really answers our Frustable, but it surely demonstrates how pervasive the image of the fat, jolly person is.

  We’re more sympathetic with the homegrown theory of Kim Anderson, of Alma, Arkansas: “The excess fat under the skin of their faces hides wrinkles and stress lines so they appear to always be happy.” This makes more sense to us than Berne.

  But Melinda S. Mayfield, of Kansas City, Missouri, took us at our word about digging into the history of the fat/jolly notion:

  In ancient and medieval times, the physiologists believed that the four chief fluids or “cardinal humours” of the human body, blood, phlegm, choler (yellow bile), and melancholy (black bile), decided a person’s physical and mental qualities and disposition by the dominance of one over the others. In the case of the humour blood, it created a temperament, or “complexion,” called sanguine. A sanguine person was characterized by a ruddy countenance, a courageous, cheerful, amorous disposition, and an obese body.

  Even in William Shakespeare’s day, people believed in the four temperaments, a fact evident in his plays. (Ever notice how the comic, happy people in them, such as Falstaff and Juliet’s nurse, are fat? Well, now you know the reason.) In modern times, we no longer follow the theory of the four humours, but we do still follow Shakespeare’s plays, and the idea of the florid-faced, jolly, roly-poly person has lived on.

  Sounds pretty convincing to us.

  A complimentary book goes to Melinda S. Mayfield of Kansas City, Missouri.

  FRUSTABLE 8: Why Do Pigs Have Curly Tails?

  We spoke to many zoologists, veterinarians, and swine breeders about this topic and struck out, so we thought we would throw the question to readers. Lo and behold, your response was exactly the same as that of the “experts.”

  We heard from reader Nena Hackett, who used to raise pigs. She claims, as do the swine authorities we spoke to, that you can gauge the healthiness of the pig by the curl of its tail: “The tighter the tail, the less likely it will have parasites. If the tail is loose or just ‘hanging around,’ the pig will be sick every time.” As Richard Landesman, associate professor of zoology at the University of Vermont, put it: “There seems to be only one good reason for the curl in a pig’s tail, and that is to call the vet when it straightens out. More than likely, the trait for a curly tail is just part of the pig’s genetic repertoire.”

  Maybe the uncurled tail is like the popout thermometer on a store-bought turkey. When you see it, it’s nature’s way of warning you to spring into action.

  Submitted by Jill Clark of West Lafayette, Indiana. Thanks also to Colleen Crozier of Anchorage, Alaska, and George Hill of Brockville, Ontario.

  A complimentary book goes to Nena Hackett of Harvey in the Hills, Florida.

 
FRUSTABLE 9: Why Does the Heart Depicted in Illustrations Look Totally Different Than a Real Heart?

  Before we get too carried away with wild theories, our illustrious illustrator, Kassie Schwan, gently indicated that the “symbolic” heart doesn’t look that unlike a real heart. The two upper lobes look a lot like real atria, and the “real” heart does taper at the bottom, although not as drastically as the heart we see on Valentine’s Day cards and playing cards. From her point of view, the “symbolic” heart is much easier to draw than a “real” one.

  So is our stereotyped heart merely the result of lazy efforts of mediocre artists? Anthropologist Desmond Morris, always quotable, if speculative, suggests in Bodywatching that the form of the symbolic heart might actually have been based on the shape of the female buttocks.

  A startling theory? Not compared to the discovery of New York City broadcast designer Laura Tolkow, who was looking through a book of Egyptian hieroglyphics and stumbled across several upside-down stylized hearts depicted alongside a bird and a pyramid. Laura was shocked that our stylized conception of the heart dated back to ancient times, until she read the translation of the meaning of the upside-down hearts—they weren’t hearts at all, but rather human testicles (right side up!).

  So now we have our Valentine shape signifying the human heart, the female buttocks, and the testicles. Any other possible explanations?

  We didn’t think so until we heard from reader Howard Steyn, of Morristown, New Jersey, who claims that he was taught the answer to this Frustable in his seventh-grade science class! His teacher said that the reason for our stylized heart is the vessel structure surrounding the heart. Howard sent a diagram of the circulatory system of a frog, with a series of arteries, called the systemic arch, that looks exactly like the Valentine heart.

  We immediately called up our favorite biologist, Professor John Hertner of Kearney State College in Nebraska, to talk to him about this breakthrough in Frustability. On very short notice, John conducted some comparative embryology and reported that indeed, most vertebrates, including humans, have a structural equivalent to the frog’s systemic arch, although not necessarily the “perfect” heart.

  Hertner made an important point that lends even more credence to Steyn’s theory. In earlier days, the Catholic Church frowned on pathological or gross anatomical work on human bodies. Most European scientists conducting research on humans were thus not able to gain access to human cadavers. Many experiments were conducted on amphibians and rodents. There is a chance, in other words, that the systemic arch of a frog, or some other animal, was considered to be part of the heart, and perhaps even an assumption that the human heart looked like the frog’s.

  Submitted by Kathy Cripe of South Bend, Indiana.

  A complimentary book goes to Howard Steyn of Morristown, New Jersey. Special thanks to John Hertner for help beyond the call of duty.

  FRUSTABLE 10: Where Do All the Missing Pens Go?

  This question was inspired by our observation that everyone we have talked to thinks that they are a “net” loser of pens. So where do they all accumulate?

  Evidently, a lot of them end up in Highland Park, Illinois:

  Most pens are probably lost through holes in pockets. I see lots of them lying on the ground, and pick up any that seem in good shape. I admit it! If you can prove that I have one of your pens, I would be happy to return it to you.

  Most of the rest of missing pens are probably borrowed temporarily, and not returned, accidentally.

  This last thought was echoed by Bill Gerk, of Burlingame, California, who was the smoothest operator we heard from. With folks like Bill around, we know why banks chain their pens:

  I can’t account for all of the missing pens. Just a few of them. Whenever I need to write a check in public or sign for a withdrawal, I ask the clerk or cashier, “May I borrow a pen?” After using the pen, I ask, “Did you give me this pen?” Usually the clerk or cashier will say, “Yes.” I’ll smile, say “Thank you,” and start to put the pen into my pocket.

  But then I start to return it. About one out of ten times I hear, “That’s O.K. You can keep it. We have a lot more.” At first I did this for laughs, but if some choose to take me seriously, I settle for the pen, even if I don’t get a laugh along with it.

  There are probably a few other similar, shameless, joking customers. Those who do this nefarious trick contribute to the disappearing pool of pens you’re concerned about. By the way, if the pen you have been lent (given) doesn’t write too well or you don’t like the color, you may want to ask for another one before you sign anything.

  We were surprised at how few readers sent theories about this Frustable. Our guess is that most readers, like us, are still losing pens and don’t know why. Those of you in the state of Pennsylvania, however, are in serious jeopardy. We got a long, chatty letter from Philip M. Cohen, from West Chester, Pennsylvania, that ended with these two chilling sentences: “Oh, one other thing. I have your pens.” Aha!

  Submitted by Damon Hunzeker of Boise, Idaho. Thanks also to Barry Long of Alexandria, Virginia.

  A complimentary book goes to Bill Gerk of Burlingame, California. After all, if we didn’t give him a book, he’d probably ask if he could borrow one. Then he’d ask if we gave him the book…Well, you get the idea.

  The Frustables That Will Not Die

  By their nature, Frustables aren’t easy to solve. Even the crack Imponderables readers can’t answer definitively some of our metaphysical quandaries. So we’ve promised you that we would keep you up to date on new contributions and discoveries in our search to take the Frust out of Frustables. This has become especially important since we’ve been putting out a new book of Imponderables each year, for it means that the readers of the paperback editions haven’t had a chance to contribute to our forum. Here, then, are some of the best new ideas about old Frustables.

  Frustables First Posed in Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise?

  FRUSTABLE 1: Why Do You So Often See One Shoe Lying on the Side of the Road?

  We have devoted more space to this topic than any other we have written about. We have received more mail about this subject than anything else we have ever written about. In When Do Fish Sleep?, we listed scores of theories to explain the phenomenon. Many of these theories assume that people deliberately throw shoes on the road. But until now, something was pointedly missing: an eyewitness account of a deliberate one-shoe toss.

  We are no longer deprived. We heard from Joseph Metzelaar of Masonville, New York:

  I was reminded of an incident that happened to me while riding in a car driven by a woman wearing high heels. Her right foot repeatedly became wedged under the brake pedal, so out of sheer frustration she threw the right shoe out the window…

  But don’t get smug, readers. Cars aren’t responsible for all one-shoe citings. And an alarming trend is evident. IT’S SPREADING! We don’t get too many letters from Sierra Leone, but we did get one from Peace Corps volunteer Jay D. Dillahunt, who is working in Freetown, Sierra Leone, West Africa:

  While walking down a bush path near my village, I spotted a single shoe lying in the path. There is no way it was tossed out of a car or bus window, because drivers of cars and buses have better sense than to drive down bush paths.

  More proof that there is no escape from Imponderability.

  FRUSTABLE 2: Why Are Buttons on Men’s Shirts and Jackets Arranged Differently from Those on Women’s Shirts?

  Most readers seemed satisfied with the explanations we provided. But we heard from Tereen Flannigan of Livonia, Michigan, who said that she heard in school that during the Industrial Revolution, different taxes were imposed on the importation of men’s and women’s clothing in several European countries. Ingenious importers had the manufacturers change the button configuration to guarantee preferential tax treatment.

  We haven’t been able to confirm any of this. Does anyone else know more about this angle?

  FRUSTABLE 9: Why Don’t You Ever See Really Tall Ol
d People?

  Daphne Hare of Buffalo, New York, passed along a clipping from Men’s Health magazine, with the results of an Ohio study that provides some pertinent data. In this study, men lost 1.2 years of life for every extra inch of height. That’s right. A 6′0″ man can expect to live six years less than a man of 5′7″.

  A previous study indicated even more dramatic height effects. Men who stood less than 5′8″ lived to an average age of 82; those over six feet tall lived to the unripe age of 73.

  FRUSTABLE 10: Why Do Only Older Men Seem to Have Hairy Ears?

  We’re glad we put the word “Seem” in the question, for some younger men do have hairy ears. In fact, we heard from a middle-aged man who can so testify—Albert Jeliner of Mauwatosa, Wisconsin:

  I have had extremely hairy ears since I was in my late teens and early twenties. Back in those days it was long, blond fuzz and as the years have passed it has gotten more and more coarse. I am now 51. Since I was 22, I have had to have my ears trimmed each time I went to the barber.