Jax

by Penny Anglene

  I throw the first down and choke a little at first. It burns on the way down, but almost instantly warms the belly. I reach over for the second shot and do the same. It’s much smoother this time going down and tastes that much better. Trent takes his thumbs and wipes my tears away. He smiles at me.

  “Reason why you are packing heat, Sis?” he asks me with curiosity

  “Food first then we will talk,” I reply back with attitude.

  “Dinner first, honey, then we’ll hole up and we can talk,” he tells me. I know that having dinner will be first. No matter what, it’s going to happen this way. See, Trent is a take charge kind of guy. He just expects everyone to agree to what he wants.

  “That’s fine. I am a little hungry,” I say with a half-smile.

  “Care to tell me why Garr took off so fast?” he asks me with that infamous stare of his.

  “I have no idea of what you’re talking about,” I tell him with an innocent look.

  “Okay, we’ll play it your way for now, but I saw you say something to him when he got up and left,” he states.

  I shrug my shoulders, and he takes his hand, squeezes my shoulder and steers me into the dining area. He looks around for Debbie and asks Margie if she’s seen her. She tells him that she went to her room to clean up for dinner. I look at Trent and tell him I’ll go get her for dinner. He nods okay.

  I take off down the hallway and hear some arguing. I rush down looking behind me to make sure Trent isn’t behind me. I go to enter our room and the door is locked. I bang on the door, and shout whisper loudly for them to open the door. It gets really quiet, and Debbie opens the door. I have my eyebrows raised and ask her if she knows what she’s doing, especially with her brother down the hallway. Garr comes up behind her and pushes his way out, putting his cut back on. Both of them have swollen lips, hair standing on end. I just shake my head. I tell them both that he already asked me what was going on. I tell Garr, that I won’t lie to Trent. He nods his head and tells me nothing was going on.

  “Sure, if you say so, Pres. That’s why your hair is a mess and your lips are all swollen and wet,” I inform him with a hint of smartassism.

  “Watch it,” he tells me in a low voice. “This is my house. My club. You are a welcome guest, but you will watch how you talk to me.”

  I nod my head. “Understood.”

  I hear my cell going off with an incoming message. It’s Jax. I smile, excuse myself to respond to his text.

  I turn around and go sit in one of the chairs and text him back.

  Jax: You make it okay Ria? Good trip?

  Ria: I’m here. Got here about an hour ago. Just got to my room to put my things up. Leaving for dinner in a minute. What are you doing?

  Jax: Just got done with my last appointment for the night. I miss you, beautiful. XOXO

  Ria: I miss you too, handsome. I’ll send you a message when we get back, although it may be a little later. That okay?

  Jax: Great, anytime. Have fun, just not too much. Hugs beautiful

  Ria: XOXOXO, talk later.

  I’m sitting beside Trent and have just finished dinner. Margie and the girls sure can cook. There are about twenty of us tonight. Some get up and head toward the bar. Trent gets up and takes my hand. He heads toward the bar and asks for two and two. Angie places two shots and two beers on the bar top.

  “Here, drink up, toots,” he says.

  I throw back the shot with a grimace, shivers run through my body as it travels down my throat into my belly. I pick up my beer and he grabs my hand and drags me slowly out the back door. I see Debbie sitting with the girls getting her drink on too.

  “Hey kiddo what’s going on?” he asks me.

  “I’ve met someone, but I am so unsure of myself. Well, I wasn’t at first, then some strange shit started happening. Doors being unlocked when I know I locked them. Sassy a little more crazy than normal. I feel like someone is watching me sometimes. I don’t see anyone though. I don’t trust my instincts. After Hedrick, I just…” I fade off while speaking.

  “Honey, only you can decide if he’s the one. Only you can decide if he’s worth the effort. Only you can decide what to tell him. Keeping him in the dark though is not fair to him. Do you care for him?” he asks.

  “More than anything. I think I’m falling in love with him,” I sob out.

  “Why are you crying then? As for the doors and such, you should have called me immediately. I will see about getting some monitors set up, okay?” he tells me.

  “I don’t know. I just don’t know. I wake up sometimes reaching for him; some of the nightmares have come back. I am going to more meeting again.”

  “Have you had sex with him yet?”

  “No… I want to. We’ve fooled around, but we have been interrupted a lot. Then all the shit with the doors and stuff, I am spooked. Then the infamous duo—the asshole Pete and Ms. Meddlesome Franks—keep interrupting us.” I laugh with a sniffle. He places his arm around me and squeezes me to his side. He chuckles.

  “I’m afraid if I can’t follow through, he’ll get mad like jerk face did.”

  “He wasn’t a man. He was an abuser. You can do much better than that piece of shit and I done already told you that before. If he cares for you, he will help you get through this. Have you tried going back into counseling?” he asks.

  “I have thought a lot about it lately. I have also been hitting about four to five meetings a week. I go on my lunch break so that I’m not out after dark by myself,” I state while my head bounces up and down in an affirmative response. “I am better, I know I’m stronger too. We’ve spent the night together,” I say.

  “Really, and I’m just now hearing about this?” he mutters. “Damn Pete,” he states. I look down with a smile on my face. Ha. Ha, I think to myself. Pete is in trouble now. I told him he would pay.

  Angie is coming out the back door with two more beers and hands them to us. “Thanks, Angie,” we both say at the same time. We look at each other and grin.

  “Honestly, Trent, I have fallen in love with him. What if he can’t handle my quirks about sex? I gave him a blowjob in the shower one night,” I blurt this out so fast he spews his beer all over.

  “Why did you tell me that, at that exact moment?” he growls.

  “I had to say it. I felt like I had to. I need you to tell me this is real, that he is the one. At first I never even thought twice about not having sex with him. Since the unlocked doors and shit, I am more frazzled. I have taken to packing my gun with me everywhere I go now. I feel safe with you and you’re the one I always come to. You are my safety net.” I whisper so low he can barely hear me.

  “Honey, I can’t tell you that. I haven’t even met the man. I can say that what I have been told he seems to be legit in his feelings toward you,” he rumbles in that deep growly voice of his.

  I go through the same feelings, just like the kidnapping happened yesterday. I know it’s not the same, but I’m out of my element here. I remember how much weight I gained. Trying to make myself unattractive. I thought that if I was ugly, it never would have happened. I know that’s not the case, but I had all these emotions and I didn’t know what to do with them.

  “Look, Sis, you’ll never know unless you try and put yourself out there. I know you know how to defend yourself now. I taught you. I know you know how to shoot, I taught you. I know you know how to slice a person open. I even taught you that. I know you can poke a person’s eye out. You have to decide if he’s worth it. A man can’t make up your mind for you. So, my question is, is he worth it?”

  “I know, I want him. I’m just so torn. I know he’s worth it, but is he going to think I am? He’s been through some shit himself. His bitch of an ex aborted his baby and told him she had a miscarriage. Then, she screws his best friend. His ex-best friend called a while back and told Jax that he was sorry, and she did the same thing to him. The only difference is she was married to the best friend,” I tell him.

  “Right now, let’s get
you in the right frame of mind. Then we’ll discuss your man,” he says.

  “Do you still cringe when someone tries to touch you?”

  I shake my head no. “Although, sometimes I freeze up if it’s a man.”

  “Do you still lock everything up tighter than a drum?” I nod my head. “Do you still binge eat?” I respond no. “You said you have had a couple of nightmares?” he asks.

  “No, not in a long time,” I reply.

  “Still shy away from walking down the street?” he asks me while gazing into my eyes.

  “It’s getting better, or it was, now I feel like someone is watching me,” I mutter. It is, it’s not as bad as it was. I can go out and get my mail. I walk the streets in town if it’s busy. I’m always looking around my surroundings when I’m out there. I am keeping myself safe.

  I am still a bit of a mess. I was doing better and now I have this crap that keeps happening, I know I have come a long way. I just feel like I am getting trapped back where I was watching everything around me. My sexuality is more than it was for a long time. I wear clothes that complement my body. Not big and baggy like I wore for two years. I love myself and I am a strong and happy woman. I am not a dirty cunt or whore.

  I was a virgin, and although I’m technically not one now, I still feel as if I’m a virgin. That was stolen from me. I should be able to give myself to a man I care about for the first time and still feel like it is the first time. I know Jax is the one for me. I love him. Now I need to see if he can understand what I have been through. I turn to Trent and with tears running down my face, I say, “He’s the one, Trent.” I pause for a moment. “Jax is my everything,” I blurt out, with one of the happiest smiles ever.

  Trent looks at me and smiles so big. “I know kiddo, I know. I’m glad you figured it out on your own. I just sat and listened and asked you questions like you were in therapy. I love you, kid. Don’t ever doubt yourself. You may have been a victim, but you are now a survivor. Remember that,” he tells me with a sheen in his eyes. We get up and head into the clubhouse. He asks me if I want another beer and I tell him I do. We grab one at the bar and head over to the couch and chairs section. They have a little area off of it with a tv and such mounted so that they can watch that together when they want. There are several people including Debbie. Garr, I notice was in the bar with a Twinkie in his lap.

  Trent sits in the chair and pulls me onto his lap. He rubs my back and I get a few nasty looks from some of the Twinkies sitting by Debbie. I just grin at them. I can take them.

  I turn toward Trent and whisper, “I’m pissing off the girls.” He looks up and stares at them a second, looks at me and kisses me on my jaw.

  “Oh, hell no. You can’t pull me into your games, Trent. I have a man. I don’t do this shit,” I hiss.

  “He isn’t here and it’s a joke. They’ve been all over my ass, and I don’t want no ol’ lady. Women are a pain in my ass. You, lil sis, are my protector for the weekend,” he says with a shit-eating grin on his face.

  I just sit there, and we give each other shit for the rest of the night as I continue to get evil eyes from the Twinkies. Trent is having a grand old time at my expense. That old saying what goes around comes around. He will get his. Just like Pete is getting his soon. I smile.

  It’s Monday and we are loading up the car. I have missed Jax and Sassy a lot over the weekend. Trent and I talked a lot. I feel somewhat better and it looks like I’ll be having a long talk with my man, Jax, tomorrow night. I’m taking Wednesday off work, so he’s coming over for dinner. I told him it would be later when I got in and to just hold off until then to come over.

  Chapter Nine

  I arrive at work at eight. I have some paperwork I want to get caught up on. My first appointment isn’t until ten. I want to get this done so I don’t feel guilty for taking tomorrow off work. I have a lot on my mind and I just keep replaying what I want to say. Only Alexis knows what happened so long ago, she was here one day while something triggered a meltdown. She called my mom and she rushed right over. I love my little shop and my family of workers. We seem to sync with each other with what we do. I’m better at color, Mary more toward perms and straightening of the hair. She is also the bomb at putting in extensions. Alexis really likes cutting hair but likes the nails and waxing too. I unlock the door and turn around and relock it behind me. I look around as I go and turn off the alarm to see if anything is out of place. It seems that with all the feeling and talking of that time, I am more on edge. I need to make sure to hit a meeting today. I’m excited and all twisted up on my insides. I go to my office and pull out receipts and such and start logging onto my computer. I grab a diet Pepsi out of my small refrigerator and get to work with inputting information for taxes. I have quarterly taxes coming up soon. I am so engrossed with doing my work when the girls pop their head in the door, it scares the bejesus out of me. I just jump in my seat and scream. My heart is pounding, and Alexis says sorry really loud to get my attention. I tell her I’m okay and to give me a minute.

  I walk out to the break room and the girls are putting their things up. They all turn and ask how my weekend was. All because they think Trent is a hottie. I have never in my life seen so many females go ga-ga over a male. He is cute but Jax is much hotter.

  I fill them in, and they set out to open the shop while I head back into my office. I sit on my couch and lean back. I didn’t sleep well last night and after that scare I am jumping out of my skin. I just sit there and let my mind wander about nothing. The next thing I know, I hear Alexis calling my name. She tells me my appointment is there and asks me if I am truly okay.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. My nerves are shot, and I didn’t sleep well last night. I miss Jax and in the next sense I don’t want to see him tonight. It’s time we sat down and had a heart-to-heart. I’m going to a meeting today at lunch. That should help some. It normally does.”

  She looks at me and smiles. “Ria, he is crazy about you and you both will be okay. Take a deep breath, blow it into a balloon and let it all go.”

  I take out the imaginary balloon and blow it up. Then I release it. This is something I learned in therapy and the girls once asked me a long time ago what it meant. I just told them, that’s what I do with my problems. I look at her and smile. We both head out to the front and I get to work on my first client. I have her color on when my next one walks in. I get her set up and start her color. Before I know it, I have both ladies done and I have thirty minutes before my meeting. I am cleaning my area up when Toby walks in.

  “Hey Toby, what are you doing here?” I ask him.

  “Need a trim if you have time, Ria.” I nod my head yes, as he sits in my chair. I put on the cape and take him to wash his hair. While we are talking, he asks me about my weekend. I let him know that I had a good time and I’m glad to be home.

  “Hey, can I ask you a question?” he asks as I start to cut his hair.

  “Sure, whatcha want to know?” I say with an eyebrow raised.

  “Debbie seeing anyone?” he asks in a lower voice.

  “Debbie?” I repeat, with my eyes wide open.

  “Yeah, Debbie, your best bud?” he says snappishly funny.

  “Um, well not to my knowledge, why?” I retort.

  “Because I think she’s beautiful and I wanna ask her out, that’s why, smartass,” he says with a Cheshire grin.

  I just roll my eyes at him. I finish cutting his hair and tell him twenty dollars. He looks at me, reaches back and hands me the money out of his wallet. I just grin at him.

  “Can I have her number?” he asks.

  “No, I will ask if I can give it to you though,” I tell him with a laugh.

  He shakes his head and mutters on his way to the door.

  “You want to go have lunch?” he asks.

  “Sorry, I have some errands I need to run today, Toby. Maybe next time?” He nods his head yes.

  I holler at the girls as I sweep up Toby’s hair that I’m leaving as soon as
I get it done. I go get my purse and out the door I go. I get in my car and head to the meeting.

  I walk in and there are about eight ladies here. I say hi and settle in for the hour. I tell them about me and what’s going on. We all talk. They tell me that I need to put myself out there. Just take it one thing at a time. One of the ladies understands, she was where I am now a year ago in a new relationship. We don’t use names out of the meeting. Most of us have all been in this same group for a few years. We do call and support one another over the phone if we need to. I’m asked if I can take the hotline for an extra night this next week and I assure them I can. I say my goodbyes and head out the door.

  Things have been busy the rest of the afternoon, but I am in a better frame of mind. I am locking up when my phone rings. It’s Jax.

  “Hey, beautiful, I’m running about thirty minutes behind. That okay?” he asks me.

  “Hey, handsome. That’s fine, I’m just leaving the salon now and I’m stopping off at the grocery store. Any requests?” I ask him with a smile on my face.

  “Yeah, can you pick me up a six pack of beer?”

  “Sure, I can. That isn’t a problem. I’ve missed you, a bunch.”

  “You know that’s the first time you have said that, that it really sounds like you mean it. You’ve been distracted for a while. I’ve been worried,” he states with a dejected voice.

  “I know I have. I need to tell you some things tonight. I’m sorry you feel like I don’t care. It’s the opposite though. I love you, Jax. I want you to know that. Above all else that happens tonight, know that.” I sob in distress. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you soon, handsome.” I disconnect my phone and turn off the ringer. I turn back and make sure I have locked up tight.

  I make it to the grocery store and decide it’s going to be sloppy joes tonight with fries. Quick and easy. I get my groceries and check out and head home. It’s overcast a little tonight. I hope it doesn’t storm. I hate storms. The skies look wicked, blue and black hues and all the clouds are swirling.