by Mary Calmes
And as I waited for the lecture and the scowl, and waited, I realized that it wasn't coming. He wasn't passing judgment on me; he was just stating the facts.
"You're not mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad?" he asked, reaching for my hand and tugging me forward to stand between his legs. "You ready to let me take you home with me, hotshot?"
I stared down into his eyes.
"Your face is all flushed and your pupils are huge."
I was stunned. There was no yelling, no growling, and no threats... just Sam talking to me.
"What?"
"Nothing." I shook my head. "I'm ready to go."
"Good, 'cause just watching you is killin' me," he breathed, standing up, his hand going to the back of my neck, massaging as I let my head fall forward.
I leaned into him and I heard the deep chuckle.
"I love the purring."
"I think maybe I'm hungry again," I said, suddenly ready to just sit and talk to him.
"Me too," he agreed, his arm wrapping around my neck.
"Come with me. Let's find Chloe and Jace and see if they wanna grab a late dinner."
At the car Jason told me he loved me, and I quickly returned the sentiment. Chloe groaned loudly and laughed before giving me a big kiss and telling Sam I was a keeper.
Something about me being as big a pain in the ass as her man. I liked her so much. I was glad that Sam had me meet this partner, and it was a nice way to spend a Friday night. I wanted everyone in his life to adore me. I was surprised when they didn't wait for us but instead drove away.
"Wait," I said, pointing after them. "Did you ask them if they wanted to eat?"
"No dear, you did."
"I did?"
There was a snort of laughter from him. "Yeah."
I looked up at his face. "What'd they say?"
He shook his head "They told you no like five times. You never listen when you're fucked up."
"Don't swear." I yawned. "Say wasted instead."
"Fine. You never listen when you're wasted."
I grinned wide. "Chloe liked me."
"Yeah, she did."
"Her boyfriend's nice."
"Her boyfriend barely looked at her. He paid more attention to you."
"You think so?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Sam, he just—"
"You move nice, by the way," he said with his smoky voice, and I felt the shudder pass through me just from the sound. "Cold?"
"No, I'm fine."
"I wouldn't get too attached to Jason if I were you."
"Whaddya mean?"
"I'm thinkin' he's done."
"Like how? You think he's cheating on Chloe?"
"Maybe not cheating, but you can tell just from watching them that he's not that into her. I mean, I'm not saying he has to throw her down and screw on the floor of the bar, but I don't think he touched her once all night."
As we walked to the car I thought about what he had said.
Could I roll back the night in my head and see disinterest from Jason? I made the argument that some people just weren't that demonstrative.
He grunted.
"Okay," I chuckled, "but for example... obviously, because we were in a straight club, you—"
"Even if we were in a gay club, J, which for the record I might never go in... I'm not usually into the whole public display thing."
"This is what I'm saying." I yawned quickly. "Maybe Jason isn't either."
"Yeah, but I never take my eyes off you when we're out."
I snorted out my laughter. "We've been out all of once at this point."
He shook his head. "No, even from before... I never take my eyes off you."
"Why's that?"
"Well, for one," he said as we reached the car. "I like looking at you, and for two, if someone other than me tries to get close to you without my permission, then we've got a problem."
"Whatever," I chuckled.
"We both know it's true."
I let him open the door for me, and as I climbed in he went around. I leaned across his seat to unlock the driver's side door and then put on my seat belt.
"That's nice, you know?"
I turned to look at him. "What?"
"That you always unlock the door."
I smiled at him. "It's common courtesy."
"To some people it is."
I nodded. I needed to accept compliments better.
"Okay," he said as he pulled the car away from the curb.
"About Jason, I know it's different when it's new and you're hot for each other twenty-four seven, but I can't imagine that there will ever come a time when I'm sitting with you and don't feel the need to touch you. I think when you're in love, even over time, that you still like that physical contact with the other person."
I nodded my agreement, because he had just told me he loved me again.
"So ya know, he doesn't need to maul Chloe in public, but you'd think he'd at least wanna stand close to her or make sure no other guy was hittin' on her."
"Maybe he figures since she's a cop she can take care of herself."
"He's still a guy, he should at least get jealous."
I shook my head.
"Okay, so you disagree, but I know people. He's not into her."
"Maybe not."
He let out a long breath. "It's probably been hard on the guy, ya know?"
"Hard how?"
"Hard to be alone so much."
"What're you talking about?"
"All the long hours, J. Being the spouse or partner of a cop is a rough gig. You hardly ever see them and you worry all the time if this is gonna be the day that they don't come home. I mean, most people don't have the potential to die every day when they go to work, unless they're in the military or something."
I turned to look at him. "This is all very comforting."
He chuckled and his hand went to my leg. "C'mon, J, you knew it was like this. I mean, as much as I can I'll be around, but the whole home every night deal ain't gonna be me.
You're gonna have a lot of time alone, and during that time I don't want you out drinkin'."
"What?" Talk about a weird transition.
"You heard me."
"I don't drink every night, Sam."
"Yeah, but when you do drink, you drink too much."
I scoffed at him. "I'm a social drinker."
"Not anymore. We're gonna skip this scene for a while."
I grunted. "Like you get to say what I do."
"Oh, I get to say," he said smugly, reaching out to slip his hand under my chin, draw me close to him. "Remember who you let back in your life, J."
I lifted my chin out of his hand and sat there scowling at him.
"You are fuckin' adorable."
"Stop swearing," I grumbled at him as he laughed at me.
* * * *
As I sat across from him at the diner, slouched down in the booth, I was struck by how easily we had both fallen into our old patterns. Back together for not even two full days and acting like we had never been apart. It was a little overwhelming, but I was trying not to dwell on it and freak out.
"What are you thinking about?"
I needed something that would give me a second to breathe. "Oh, I know," I said more to myself than Sam. "Tell me how many women you slept with while you were gone."
"Why would you wanna know that?"
"Because I do."
"Fine," he shrugged. "None."
"Any guys?"
"Yeah."
"How many?"
"I dunno, a few."
It was irrational, but I was very happy.
"Why are you smiling? That makes no sense at all."
"I just didn't wanna be the only guy you ever slept with, Sam."
"Why the hell not?"
"'Cause if I was, you'd always be curious about what it would be like with other men. This way, you know."
"Yep, I know."
"And what do you kno
w?"
"That it's not the same as sleeping with you."
I stared at him, my gaze unwavering. "It's not?"
"No, J."
"How come?"
"It was just sex, J. I fucked those guys and left. They were all one-night stands."
"You ever let any of them top, Sam?"
"What? Oh, fuck no."
"Don't—"
"Swear, I know. Whatever."
"I was just wondering."
"It's not me, J, it's not how I'm built. That will never happen."
"Okay."
"Why? Do you have the urge to fu—do me?"
"Nice save," I teased him.
"Answer the question."
"No, Sam," I told him sincerely. "I don't have the urge to do you. That's not how I'm built."
"Have you ever?"
"What? Topped anyone?"
"Yeah."
"Lots of times."
"And you didn't like it?"
"No, I didn't."
"Okay."
"Okay," I let out a breath. "So these other five guys... did you—"
"I fucked them and forgot them, J. End of story."
"Really. Simple as that?"
"Simple as that."
"Did you use protection?"
"No, J, I just fuck around without a condom," he snapped irritably, shooting me a look like I was an idiot.
"Sorry, it was just a question."
"A stupid one," he qualified, still scowling.
"Okay, now I know."
"Like I would ever do that with some stranger."
I smiled down at the table because he was so indignant.
"I didn't spend the night with any of them."
I couldn't have said anything if I tried.
"And you?"
I took a breath. "What?"
"Don't be an idiot, answer the goddamn question."
I took a deep breath. "After you left I was a little messed up. I slept with a lot of guys."
He nodded. "And then what?"
"Then for a while there was Aaron."
"Uh-huh. Who else?"
"No one worth mentioning."
His eyes were dark. Clearly he didn't like my number of conquests. "Where did you meet Aaron Sutter?"
"Why do you care?"
"Just answer the question."
"When I was working at Barrington. Dylan and I did some work for his company."
"What does he do?"
"He builds and manages hotels all over the world."
"Rich."
"Very."
"Huh. And so what?"
"You know the story. He wanted me to move in, wanted me to travel with him, just go places with him and be around."
"He wanted to be your sugar daddy."
"No." I shook my head. "He wanted me to be his partner."
"But?"
"But it was too soon. I wasn't ready."
"It was a year later, J, when were you gonna be ready?"
"His question exactly." I smiled lazily, pushing my half-eaten piece of apple pie away from me.
"And?"
"And I dunno. I liked him, I enjoyed being with him—we had a lot of fun... I dunno."
"You know."
I did, and Sam knew me too well to not get it out of me.
"He wants me to be what he wants me to be, and I don't feel like changing just to please him."
"Nobody can change anybody else, it's not possible."
We were in complete agreement on this one point.
"Was he good in bed?"
I groaned. "How is that your business?"
"Was he?"
"Yeah," I answered too quickly.
His grin was instant and evil, staring at me with heavy-lidded eyes. "You lie. He didn't do for you at all."
"You have no idea what you're even—"
"The hell I don't," he almost cackled, leaning forward, pointing at me. "I bet he was one of those gentle, considerate guys, huh, J, the kind who asks what he can do first. Tell me I'm wrong."
"Aaron was—"
"Lousy in bed," he chuckled, getting up only to take a seat beside me in the booth.
"Go back over there," I grumbled, pushing on his chest, trying to get him to move.
His thigh was pressed to mine and he leaned against me, his warm breath on the side of my neck, his lips hovering over my skin.
"He was the sensitive type, huh, J?"
"Yes," I snapped at him, trying to scoot over. "And a lot of guys get off on that."
"I'm sure that's true," he said, letting his voice drop to almost a whisper as he slid his hand down over my groin. He cupped me through my dress pants, and I sucked in my breath hard. "But you don't, baby. You like it when I hold you down and do whatever the hell I want."
"I like it when you're gentle," I corrected him, even as I pushed up into his hand and tipped my head so he could reach my neck.
"You like it gentle after, but first you like to be manhandled and wrestled down on the bed. Being thrown up against walls, pinned there, done hard—you crave that and I know, 'cause I'm the one who gets off on doing that to you.
Any guy who ain't strong enough to physically force you to do what he wants doesn't stand a chance of being in your bed for long."
"No, I—"
"You need a guy that can overpower you, J, plain and simple."
"You think you know me so well."
He kissed up the side of my neck to behind my ear. When I shivered, he laughed at me. "I do know you and Aaron Sutter can kiss my ass. I'm the only one that can give you what you need. Tell me I'm wrong."
I kept quiet.
"See," he said, biting the side of my neck before he kissed it hard. "There's only me for you."
I wanted to climb in his lap, but we were in the middle of a restaurant. "Take me home."
"Okay," he said, his voice husky and deep. "Tell me first, can I keep you?"
"I already said yes." I smiled at him as he pulled his wallet from the breast pocket of his leather jacket and took four twenties from it. I watched him get up and stand beside the table. He looked really good, and I had told him so when he met me at the bar in the restaurant hours ago. In his black jeans and boots, dark brown cashmere sweater and leather jacket, he was stunning. You saw how big he was; tall, with his broad shoulders, lean hips, and long legs. The sweater was tight, clinging to all the defined muscles in his arms and chest.
"Hey."
My eyes moved from the bulging biceps back to his face.
"What?"
"Focus, willya?"
"Sorry."
"I need you to say stuff."
"Like what?"
"I need ya to say that even though it's fast, it's okay. Say you're gonna stick around," he said, his gaze locked on mine.
"Say you'll wear a ring if I get you one."
I licked my lips and noticed how his attention was drawn there, to my mouth. The man definitely had it bad for me.
"Sam, you—"
"Please, J." He cleared his throat, his voice dropping lower.
"It's making me sick, thinkin' about you having doubts about us."
I sighed deeply, standing up beside him. "I don't have any doubts."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. I'll expect you to be around until you aren't anymore."
"I'm not going anywhere," he said, draping his arm over my shoulder, pulling me close to him.
"Okay." I grinned, patting the rock-hard abdomen as I lifted my head to look at him.
"So move in."
I groaned, trying to pull away.
His arm was suddenly an anchor holding me beside him. I couldn't move. "You say we're in this together, I've got keys for you at home... just move in."
"Sam—"
"Move in." He was insistent. "I want you to live with me."
I shook my head. "If anybody's moving anywhere, you're moving in with me. Your place is cursed, Detective."
A surge of heat fired his eyes. "You're o
n. I'll be happy to move in with you."
"Wait, that's not what I said."
"When can I move in?"
I had a feeling that this was going to be a daily conversation until I relented.
"J?"
I stared up into his eyes.
"I could move in this weekend."
"No," I chuckled. "It's too soon."
"How 'bout Monday?"
I groaned.
"I wanna kiss you."
I smiled at him. He was adorable.
"But I'm just not comfortable doing that in the middle of this diner."
I made a noise. "Please, like I'm into the whole public display thing either. You can kiss me in the car," I teased him, grinning lazily. "The windows are tinted, after all."
I watched the muscle in this jaw clench. "Okay. I'll kiss you in the car."
And he was as good as his word, even though I was much more than just kissed. I was mauled in the SUV, driven to a secluded spot, stripped naked, and pulled into his lap. It was where I had wanted to be all night.
* * * *
The thump woke me. I reached for the light beside his bed and the room came into dim focus.
"Where are you going?" I croaked out, finding Sam putting on his hiking boots in the Empire chair across from the bed by the window.
"I gotta go to work. Go back to sleep, baby."
I checked the clock on the nightstand and saw the time.
"It's three in the morning. Come back to bed."
He smiled suddenly and his eyes sparkled in the low light.
"I would like nothing better, believe me, but duty calls."
"Just go later," I pleaded, yawning, barely awake and groggy.
"I can't, baby."
"But Sam—"
"I left you a set of keys on the kitchen table."
"Okay."
"You know, you could just move in and then you wouldn't have to carry two sets."
"That's very logical of you."
"That's me, logical."
I stared at him and when both boots were laced, he got up and crossed the room to me.
"You know, I was thinking," he said, sitting down beside me, rubbing my arm. "I really rushed you into all this and I didn't even think about what was going on with you."
I squinted up at him. "And?"
"And I'm sorry," he said softly, leaning down, kissing my throat. "But I can't have it any other way."
"That actually makes me really happy."
"Good, 'cause like I said, I hafta have you with me."
I stared up at him.
"So you really should move in, 'cause you're gonna hafta start cooking."