Claudia's Big Break

by Lisa Heidke

  Not that I was about to let myself be left broken-hearted. I was putting an end to this liaison before it had a chance to do any more damage.

  By seven in the morning I was lying in bed desperately wishing Jack would stay asleep long enough so I could edge out of the bed, retrieve my clothes and make a hasty escape to the bathroom. I’d had my chance last night. Why hadn’t I done the sensible thing and put my pyjamas on then? Because I was still in la-la land. That’s why. Still trapped in a fantasy where Jack and I were on the fast track to happily ever after. What the hell was I thinking?

  Last night we’d been perfect together. Too perfect. The conversation was great, the sex unbelievable. I didn’t want him to wake up and face morning Claudia. The real one. The one without makeup. Puffy eyes, dull skin, lifeless hair. Such a contrast to last night’s sexy and wanton Claudia.

  I stared at myself under the sheets. Less than toned thighs, rounded belly, cellulite. Last night I’d obviously been delusional. I edged further and further to the side of the bed, stopping mid-motion at the slightest change in Jack’s breathing. Finally, my left big toe touched the floor. Soon enough both feet had connected with the ground. Breathing easier, I crawled around picking up clothes and underwear and a towel. Bottom in the air, on all fours with assorted clothes in my mouth, I finally reached the closed door. Carefully, I reached up and turned the handle. Overriding the need to keep quiet, I got out as quickly as I could. In the process, I gave the door a tap as it closed. No matter. It was done and I was free. Relief. Relief tinged with sadness, but mostly relief. I stood up, wrapped the towel around myself and slowly made my way downstairs to the bathroom.

  Amazing how therapeutic showers can be. Under the warm spray of water my heart rate calmed to its normal pace, and while washing my hair I was able to rationalise my fling with Jack. He was a good bloke. It wasn’t his fault that the relationship hadn’t worked out.

  ‘Tara, have you been to bed?’ I asked when I saw her surrounded by empty coffee cups and lying on the sun lounge in exactly the same position she’d been six hours earlier.

  ‘Nope,’ she replied, bug-eyed and clearly in the grip of some Mediterranean fever. ‘Too busy writing.’ She looked up from her notebook. ‘Jack.’

  ‘Ah, Jack.’ I sat down facing her and ran my fingers through my wet hair. ‘Well, it’s like this. I didn’t come all this way to shag an Aussie bloke . . . I mean, where’s the Greek Adonis? He’s the one who’s supposed to be in my bed right now loving me up!’ Tall, tanned, with curly dark hair and muscles from here to Sunday. Whatever the hell muscles from here to Sunday meant, I wanted it and wanted it wrapped up in the form of a virile Greek boy, thank you very much. Not some boy from Yackandandah.

  ‘Um,’ Tara said awkwardly, ‘I meant that Jack,’ she pointed behind me, ‘has made you a cup of tea.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said, wondering whether I shouldn’t just saw off my foot now it was so firmly jammed in my mouth. I swung around to face him. ‘Jack, you’re awake.’ I caught his eye for a millisecond before turning my attention to the marble floor.

  ‘Here’s your tea,’ he said with forced politeness.

  Shit. What had he heard? And if he had been listening, why hadn’t he coughed or done something to let me know he was here? He must have been eavesdropping. So really it ws his fault he’d overheard.

  And he still looked bloody handsome. And fresh. Fresh and perky.

  Why did he have to be so nice and bring me tea anyway?

  ‘I’ll leave you both to it.’ With that, Jack retrieved his keys and wallet from the dining room table.

  ‘Please stay and eat breakfast with us,’ I croaked when he reappeared less than a minute later.

  ‘Better not, your Greek Adonis might appear any minute. I’d hate to get in the way.’

  I wanted to die, for a sniper to shoot me. But snipers appeared to be few on the ground in Santorini that morning. I wasn’t struck by a bolt of lightning either. Nor did the volcano across the water erupt and send boiling lava in my direction and swallow me up. No sir! I had to face the humiliation on my own, had to look Jack in the face. All alone, I might add, because Tara had rudely excused herself and scurried as quickly as she could back inside the apartment.

  ‘I didn’t mean anything by it.’

  ‘That’s okay.’

  I didn’t believe him. It wasn’t okay. It was insensitive and cruel of me and I told him so.

  He shrugged. ‘So why say it?’

  Good comeback. You win. I don’t know. Because I’m an insecure and pathetic idiot? I shook my head. ‘I don’t know. Sorry.’

  ‘So am I.’

  ‘He’s gone?’ Tara asked a few minutes later when she finally came back outside.

  I didn’t answer, just sat curled in an uncomfortable position on an even more uncomfortable deckchair staring out across the azure blue ocean.

  ‘Anyway, what the hell were you going on about? I thought you liked Jack.’

  ‘I do.’ I sulked. ‘Anyway it’s your fault. Why didn’t you say he was behind me with a bloody cup of tea for God’s sake?’

  ‘My fault? I couldn’t get a word in. You were going on and on about an imaginary Greek Adonis. Besides, I did try to tell you, but you ignored me.’

  ‘So it’s my fault, is it?’

  Tara gathered up her notebook and pens. ‘Don’t look at me. I was sitting here minding my own business.’

  ‘I just wish that at some point in my life I could stop being an idiot. But I can’t seem to help myself. It’s like I’m on some kind of sabotage mission, and every time, without fail, I succeed in making a complete arsehole of myself. I need to find the land of arses and hang out there.’

  Tara grinned. ‘If you think it would help. Seriously, though, why do you say things like that?’

  ‘It wasn’t that bad, was it? I mean, Jack could tell I was joking.’

  ‘Of course he could. That’s why he left so quickly.’

  I slumped further back into my chair. ‘I’m really sorry about the break-in the other day. It was stupid of me not to tell you and Sophie about what had happened in Athens.’

  ‘It’s okay.’

  ‘I only wish the guy on the scooter had run me down. At least then I’d be in hospital, or worse. Either way, I wouldn’t have slept with Jack last night and made a complete fool of myself this morning.’ My stomach was in knots. I couldn’t believe I’d acted like such a juvenile.

  ‘Tell me about Marcus,’ Tara said, interrupting my thoughts.

  I looked up her, unsure of what to say.

  ‘What were you thinking? Sleeping with your boss, for God’s sake?’

  ‘It just happened. It wasn’t planned —’

  Tara snorted.

  ‘I hate it when you snort. It’s like you don’t believe me.’

  ‘I don’t.’

  ‘I swear to you, Tara, it wasn’t planned. But he was so understanding about the mess with George, especially after the bank got involved —’

  ‘Great. So you say thanks and buy him a bunch of flowers or a chocolate muffin. You don’t sleep with the guy and say, by the way, would you like a blow job with that?’

  It wasn’t like that, at least that’s not the way I saw it.

  ‘And Jack?’ Tara said.

  ‘He’s great but I don’t want to get involved with anyone right now.’ I didn’t want to be let down again, to find out down the track that Jack was a liar or thief. I couldn’t face being betrayed again. So I had taken the coward’s way by forcing the end of our friendship before it could develop any further.

  ‘Perhaps it’s for the best,’ I heard myself say.

  I’d always hated that expression. It was what people said when they couldn’t think of anything better to say in a bad situation. It was designed to make fools like me feel better about themselves. But in my experience, it never worked. Nine times out of ten, it wasn’t for the best at all. However, in this instance, maybe it really was for the best. Because let’s face it
, I was off to live in the land of arseholes and was only ever going to be happy with other arses like myself. So far, Jack had failed the arsehole test.

  ‘So?’ Tara said, still glaring at me.

  ‘So, nothing. I don’t want to get involved with anyone so soon after Marcus.’

  ‘But what if Jack’s the one?’

  Was she kidding? I shook my head. ‘I don’t think so.’

  Jack was definitely not the one. That is, I hoped he wasn’t because I wasn’t ready for the one to pop into my life right now. I needed to work on myself, sort out the mess with Marcus, throw myself into a new job that I loved . . . I had too much to do to be distracted by the one.

  ‘Claudia, you’re thirty-nine years old —’

  ‘Don’t remind me.’

  ‘The one,’ she continued, mimicking quotation marks with her fingers, ‘had better present himself soon or you’re going to be old and withered before you know it.’

  ‘You can talk.’

  ‘Don’t worry about me. I’m doing just fine.’

  ‘And I’m really excited for you. You’ve been awake all night and you’re still at it. How are you feeling?’

  ‘I know you’re just changing the topic, but since you ask, I’m feeling inspired. I don’t want to jinx it, Clauds, but I really feel that I might have a story to tell — a long one, this time. I’ve been making a plan, drafting characters and scenes. I think it could work.’

  ‘I haven’t seen you this animated since . . . since I can’t remember. Where do you think it’s come from?’

  ‘From being here and meeting some great people,’ she said, stretching her arms out wide to take in the island and the volcano.

  Hmm. That would be the same inspirational volcano that failed to erupt and engulf me in flames fifteen minutes ago.

  ‘I’m finally starting to understand that I need to make things happen for myself and take responsibility for my writing. I need to look beyond my own fears and doubts and start writing about how I feel.’ She paused for a moment. ‘It’s been a long time coming. I needed to step out of my comfort zone. And now I’ve done that, it’s like a whole new world has opened up to me.’

  Was Tara blushing? The wakefulness, the feverish writing — was there more to the story that she wasn’t telling me?

  ‘Is there anything else?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You’re so bright and bouncy.’

  ‘Claudia, I’m finally writing! Writing words that have meaning and potential. Do you know how long it’s been? I’m relieved. I’m excited. But most of all, I’m happy.’

  ‘Glad to hear it,’ said Sophie, grinning as she walked down the stairs and onto the patio. ‘Hey Claud, I just saw Jack up the road. And he definitely didn’t look happy.’

  ‘Ah well. There’s just no pleasing some people.’ The last thing I needed was another lecture, this time from Sophie.

  ‘But,’ she continued pleasantly, ‘he was kind enough to take Levi off to find some donkeys to pat.’

  ‘Really? So he’s coming back?’

  ‘I guess. He has to return Levi.’

  ‘I need to get out of —’

  ‘What? I thought he stayed the night. I’m pretty sure I heard giggling followed by eager romping up the stairs in the middle of the night.’

  ‘You did. You did,’ said Tara gleefully. ‘But sadly it’s all gone pear-shaped because our Miss Claudia wants a fling with a Greek Adonis, not some handsome Jack from the outback.’

  ‘I can speak for myself you know, Tara. I’m right here.’

  ‘So speak,’ said Sophie.

  ‘There’s nothing much to say. Yes, Jack stayed the night. Yes, we did the wild thing. And now Jack’s gone and we’re both moving on.’

  ‘Well, that’s a bit of a turnaround from yesterday, isn’t it?’

  ‘Not really. We all knew that Jack was only ever going to be a quick fling.’

  ‘Could have fooled me.’

  ‘Yes, well, Soph, you’re easy to fool.’

  I resumed my uncomfortable position on the deckchair in the sun. ‘I notice that no one’s asked about my foot.’ I held up my leg for the pair of them to inspect. ‘Or my cheek for that matter.’

  Only when it became clear that I wasn’t going to talk about the Jack debacle any more did Tara and Sophie finally start talking about themselves.

  ‘I’ve made a decision,’ said Sophie after she’d taken a sip of coffee.

  ‘All ears,’ I said.

  ‘I’m going to see Bryan when we get back from holidays.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘My friend, Bryan,’ Tara said. ‘He texted yesterday, inviting Sophie to come in for a chat when she gets home.’

  ‘We’ll see,’ said Sophie, trying hard to hide her enthusiasm. ‘But after that discussion we had at dinner the other night and the argument with Alex yesterday, I had a long think about everything. I love fashion and interior design and I think I could make a real go of it. And I’m definitely signing up for the TAFE course as well.’

  ‘Best of all,’ said Tara, ‘Bryan has heaps of contacts, so if Soph doesn’t want to work for free, I’m sure she could get a paying job.’

  ‘That’s the aim, at least when I’ve finished the course,’ agreed Sophie. ‘Meanwhile, I can also learn from him about the practical aspects, like magazine shoots.’

  ‘God help you,’ Tara said.

  I clapped my hands. ‘Congratulations. It’s wonderful news.’

  ‘I hope you’re right. I feel really good about it. I need something in my life other than Alex and Levi. I’m starting to go mad.’

  ‘Nah . . . really?’ Tara and I said together, huge grins on our faces.

  ‘Have you told Alex yet?’

  ‘Only about the course, not about Bryan, but I will.’ With that, Sophie disappeared inside and Tara and I were left on the patio in the sunshine contemplating our navels.

  ‘But they do poo a lot,’ we heard Levi say from the top of the stairs.

  I was horrified. I couldn’t sit there and wait for the flood of humiliation to wash over me when Jack appeared on the patio. I needed to make a run for it and lock myself in the bathroom until he left.

  ‘Quick, Tara, I’ve got to run,’ I said, struggling to extricate myself from the chair.

  I was hell-bent on taking the coward’s way out and disappearing inside, but my body wouldn’t cooperate. It was stuck. Stuck like a rabbit caught in a car’s headlights. Where was that bloody volcano when I needed it? Meanwhile, Tara was looking on in quiet bemusement.

  ‘It’s true,’ Levi continued, unfazed as he and Jack descended the stairs. ‘Tara fell into the donkey poo and got berry angry.’

  It was too late to escape, even if my body allowed me to — Levi and Jack were now on the terrace.

  Was that a half-smile on Jack’s face? I could barely look at him.

  Tara sighed. ‘Yes, Levi, it’s true.’

  ‘And your clothes got stinky,’ Levi said excitedly. ‘And you got angry and cried.’

  ‘I don’t know if I cried exactly —’

  ‘You dib . . . she dib,’ Levi said, turning to Jack.

  ‘I believe you,’ Jack soothed.

  Jack glanced in my direction. ‘If you haven’t already guessed, Levi and I have been talking about donkey poo.’ Jack checked his watch. ‘It’s a conversation that can last a good fifteen minutes.’

  ‘Where’s Mummy?’ Levi asked, bored with the adults on the patio.

  ‘Inside,’ said Tara, taking his hand. ‘Let’s find her.’

  Please don’t leave me here alone with him, my eyes begged her. Fat lot of good it did me. Tara and Levi had vanished within seconds. Meanwhile, I was glued to a deckchair with a citrus-smelling Jack hovering beside me.

  18

  ‘Jack,’ I said after I’d managed to prise myself out of the chair, ‘I am really sorry about this morning. I was being really silly and I’m really sorry for being so stupid.’ All I wanted him to
do was to hug me and tell me I was forgiven. Call me a people pleaser, but even though I might not want a relationship, I didn’t want Jack to hate me either.

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said calmly, wrapping his arms around me. ‘You were just showing off in front of Tara. It’s okay.’

  ‘Really?’ I said, my eyes teary. ‘I thought I’d screwed up big-time.’

  ‘You did, but I’m a big boofy bloke and I can handle it.’ Jack paused for a moment. ‘I have to go now but how about we meet up later and head to the beach?’

  ‘Sounds great.’ I said, immediately recalling the foot debacle from yesterday.

  ‘Promise I’ll check for sharp objects before I let you in the water. Let’s meet at that café you were lurking at the other day? Say oneish?’

  ‘Sure.’

  Jack was clearly not one to stew on trivial arguments. That boded well for me because I was always putting my foot in my mouth. He was also a take-charge guy. I didn’t want a Greek Adonis after all. Jack from Yackandandah would do me just fine.

  When he kissed me, I knew we were back on track. It was a great kiss. A passionate kiss. Even my toenails danced. Everything was right with the world and I was damn glad the volcano hadn’t swallowed me up. I told myself Jack was only a holiday fling. No point beating myself up about a future with him back in Brisbane when I knew it was only going to last until we left the island.

  ‘Thank goodness he’s gone,’ said Tara, dragging Levi behind her onto the terrace a few moments later. ‘Sophie’s on the phone to Alex and it’s getting quite h-e-a-t-e-d,’ she said, spelling out the letters and pointing to Levi.

  ‘Exactly . . . heated . . .’ I was miles away, kissing Jack on a huge yacht in the middle of the Mediterranean.

  ‘It’s getting quite hot in there,’ Tara hissed, pointing inside.

  ‘Hot?’

  ‘Bloody hell, Claud. They’re arguing on the phone, for fuck’s sake, and I don’t want Levi to hear.’