Kane

by Douglas, Cheryl

  “When I was seventeen,” I said, deciding to indulge him, “I decided to go all the way with my boyfriend. He looked a lot like you: tall, broad shoulders, black hair, blue eyes…” I shook my head when I realized I was babbling. He already knew what my ex-boyfriend looked like. “But it wasn’t until we were about to do it and your face popped into my head that I knew I had it bad for you.”

  He laughed, making a strangled sound as he struggled to sit up. “Are you telling me you lost your virginity while thinking about me?”

  I didn’t know why he found the idea so outrageous. I was willing to bet I wasn’t the first. “Yeah. So?”

  “Why the hell didn’t you say anything? You should have told me.”

  I rolled my eyes, patting his hard chest. Mmmm, God he was yummy. I just wanted to lick him all over. “I was seventeen. You were twenty-five. Eight years may not seem like a lot now that I’m thirty, but it would have seemed like a lifetime to you back then.” When he didn’t say anything, I tapped his chest. “Admit it, you would have patted me on the head, told me you were flattered, and sent me on my way. Right?”

  After considering his options for a minute, he said, “Yeah, okay. You’re probably right.”

  “So when did you realize you were attracted to me? And please don’t tell me tonight.”

  “No.” He shook his head slowly. “When I walked into Riley’s apartment a couple of months ago and found you there with Brody, I felt like I’d been blindsided. It was crazy. I’d known you for years, yet I felt like I was just seeing you for the first time.”

  “Maybe because you realized I was finally old enough for you?”

  “Maybe,” he said, tweaking my nose and making me smile. “Or maybe you’re just so damn gorgeous I couldn’t deny it even if I wanted to.”

  “I’ll take that,” I said, feeling smug. After so many years of crushing on him, it was nice to know he finally reciprocated. Tipping my head back, I said, “You should probably head back to your room. Brody got all of us rooms on this floor, and I don’t want anyone to catch you sneaking out of here in the morning.” Glancing at the clock, I was surprised to see it was almost four, which meant everyone should be asleep by now.

  He drew me closer and kissed the top of my head. “Well this sucks, having to spend our wedding night apart.”

  I knew he was just teasing, but my heart responded as though he’d meant it. “I’ll make it up to you when we’re back in Nashville.” I was suddenly looking forward to taking him home. I wanted to show him where I hung out, introduce him to my friends and neighbors, and maybe even drag him along to a show if he was in town long enough.

  “Promise?” he asked before kissing me.

  “I promise.”

  “Okay,” he said with a heavy sigh. “Since you’re kicking me out—”

  “You know I’d like nothing more than for you to stay,” I said, resting my hand on his back as he reached for his pants.

  He smiled at me over his shoulder. “I know, baby.”

  Baby. God, this was starting to feel like a real relationship, complete with pet names and shared secrets.

  “We’ll have to be careful at breakfast tomorrow,” I reminded him. “Riley said she wanted us all to get together for one more meal before we head our separate ways.”

  “I can keep my hands to myself if you can,” he said, winking.

  I watched him pull on his black boxers, my eyes trailing over every inch of his hard body as I bit my lip. “I don’t know if that’s a promise I can keep. Especially if you show up to breakfast looking half as sexy as you do right now.” My eyes zeroed in on the bulge hiding beneath the tight cotton.

  He growled. “Keep looking at me like that, and I’m gonna crawl back into that bed and I won’t give a goddamn who sees me leaving here in the morning.”

  As tempting as that offer was, we couldn’t afford to be reckless. Brody and Riley had enough to worry about with their wedding coming up. I refused to add our impulsive decision to their list of concerns.

  “Hey,” I said, reaching for his hand. “Don’t forget to take this off before you come down to breakfast.”

  He looked at the plain gold band I’d bought him in the jewelry store next to the cheesy all-night chapel where we’d exchanged our vows. “What if I don’t want to take it off? I’m kind of liking the way it looks on my hand.”

  So was I. “Come on,” I said, tugging on the snug ring. “Quit fooling around. Maybe I should take it now, just so you don’t forget to take it off.”

  Buying it for him was probably stupid since unlike me, he’d never be able to wear it without inviting questions. But when he’d bought one for me, I felt compelled to return the favor. Seeing it on him now, I was glad I had. Even if I was the only one who ever got to see it on him, it would still have been worth it.

  “I won’t forget.” He glanced at the ring on my finger. “How about you?”

  I slipped the ring he’d given me off my finger and set it on the nightstand. “There. Happy now?”

  “No,” he said, frowning as he pulled on his pants. “Are you gonna wear it all the time when you get back home?”

  “Of course. I want Brendan to believe this is a real marriage, right? So why would I take my wedding ring off?”

  “Right,” he said, smiling as he slipped on his shirt. “Good point.”

  I watched him finish dressing, wishing he didn’t have to leave. When he bent over to kiss me, I curled my hand around his jaw. “See you in the morning, Kane.”

  “Yeah. Sweet dreams, Mace.”

  They will be now.

  Chapter Three

  Kane

  Sitting beside Macy at breakfast and not being able to touch her was driving me crazy. I kept replaying last night in my head, remembering how incredible it had felt to touch her, to do all the things I’d been fantasizing about for months.

  “Hello?” Brody said, snapping his fingers in front of my face. “You still with us or what?”

  “Sorry, just thinking about a work thing,” I said, shaking my head. It was a plausible excuse since that was usually the reason behind my preoccupation. Never before had it been a blond, blue-eyed firecracker who was suddenly signing my last name. “What were you saying?”

  I polished off my pancakes, trying to ignore the glint of amusement in Macy’s eye as she clearly tried to read my mind.

  “We were asking whether you intended to stay on in Vegas a few more days,” Riley said. “Maybe try your luck at the tables.”

  “No, I don’t think so.” I wiped my mouth with my napkin before tossing it over my plate. Leaning back in my chair, I casually hooked an arm over the back of Macy’s chair. “In fact, I was thinking about heading to Nashville for a few days.”

  Macy sputtered, choking on her coffee as her eyes watered.

  “Nashville?” Brody asked, narrowing his eyes. “Why would you want to go there? You hate country music.”

  While rock may have been my genre of choice, I had a feeling I’d be wise to keep my aversion to Macy’s music to myself. “Hate is a pretty strong word,” I said, trying to hide my smile as Macy glared at me. “Anyway, I assume there are other things to do in Nashville besides visit the Grand Ole Opry.”

  “Like?” Brody asked, crossing his arms.

  Damn guy was like a dog with a bone. He just didn’t know when to leave well enough alone. “Like—”

  “He’s going to check out a couple of my shows and help me get settled in my new apartment,” Macy piped up, obviously trying to rescue me. “Isn’t that sweet?” To her sister, she said, “You know how busy I’ve been lately. I’m ashamed to admit I’m still living out of boxes.”

  “And Kane’s going to help you get organized?” Brody asked skeptically. “He does well to remember where the hamper is. How the hell is he going to help you?”

  “Why is this any of your business?” I asked Brody. “I have a few days off. I’m going to Nashville to hang out with Macy. End of discussion.”


  I knew Macy would let me have it later for telling everyone about my travel plans, but I wasn’t big on lying and sneaking around, and our new arrangement was already testing me. I didn’t want to withhold the truth from my family any more than I had to.

  When Brody would have argued with me, Riley touched his arm. “Well, I’m sure you’ll have fun. Nashville is a great city, and you’ll have the perfect tour guide to show you around.”

  That was what I loved about Riley. Even though she’d expressed her concerns about Macy and me getting involved, she was too classy to express those concerns over a family breakfast.

  “I’m thinking about visiting the old man later,” I said, trying to steer the topic in a different direction. “Anyone want to join me?”

  “We already did,” Ryker said. “First day we got here.”

  The others had been in Vegas for four days while I’d only been there three. I’d had to catch a later flight because of work.

  “Why didn’t you say anything to me about going to see him?” I asked, my gaze traveling around the table until each of my brothers, except Ryker, was squirming.

  “We didn’t think you were ready,” Ryker explained. “Whenever anyone mentions Jack, you shut them down.”

  “This isn’t about him,” I argued. “It’s about our brothers.”

  “I don’t know if we can have a relationship with them without including him,” Seb said. “They’re kind of a package deal, especially since they live with him.”

  “Did you know Tanner’s applying to schools in Florida?” Brody asked Ryker. “Both in Miami and Tampa?”

  “Yeah, he mentioned that. If he ends up in Tampa, Mac and I were talking about letting him stay with us.”

  “You don’t even know him,” I said, shocked my brother would even consider letting a stranger into his home.

  “He’s family,” Ryker said, leveling me with a look that told me to back off. “He didn’t ask to be born Jack’s son, but he was, just like we all were. I’d say that’s reason enough to help him out if we can.”

  “And it seems Beck’s really into old cars,” Seb said, a slight smile tipping his lips. “He was asking about the possibility of apprenticing with me if his brother ends up in Tampa.”

  “I don’t believe this,” I said, rubbing a hand over my face. Maybe it was the cop in me, but I’d always been suspicious. I assumed everyone had an ulterior motive until they proved otherwise and my youngest brothers were no exception, especially since they’d been raised by the man who was the reason for my deep-rooted trust issues.

  “What?” Seb asked, eyeing me. “That we’re willing to give them a chance? That we’ve accepted that they’re family? Because they are, Kane, whether you like it or not.”

  “This is all happening way too fast,” I argued, trying to make them see reason. “You don’t even know them. How do you know Jack didn’t put them up to this? You know he’s always been an opportunist. He’d sell his own mother for—”

  “Eventually you’re going to have to let go of this anger,” Brody said. He held his hand up before I could interject. “Look, I get where you’re coming from, man. No one hated that guy more than I did. But it was destroying my life. It affected every decision I made.” Reaching for Riley’s hand, he said, “And it almost cost me the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  “Ever asked yourself why you haven’t been able to hold down a relationship?” Ryker asked.

  “I’m not the only one,” I said, hooking a thumb at Gabe. “He hasn’t either, and you’re not jumping all over him.”

  “That’s because he’s willing to give this thing a chance,” Ryker said. “Not for Jack’s benefit, but because he realizes it’s the best thing for him and Beck and Tanner.”

  “So you’ve all talked about this?” I asked, hurt that I’d been left out of the loop. “And you all, what, decided you’re going to forget everything that son of a bitch did to Mom?”

  “Kane,” Macy said, laying her hand on my forearm. “Maybe the best way to honor your mom’s memory is by being a real family again. Isn’t that what she would have wanted?”

  “I can’t do this right now,” I said, pushing my chair back. “I need some air.”

  I heard Ryker offering to go after me, but the click of heels on the tile told me Macy had beaten him to it. We stepped outside just as the breeze picked up, and I passed a woman whose perfume was strong enough to knock me on my ass.

  Macy stepped in front of me, blocking my path, and gripped my biceps. “You can’t go there with an attitude like this. I get that you’re still angry with him, and you have every right to be. But if you want to let him have it, don’t do it in front of your brothers. Ryker’s right. None of this is their fault.”

  I wanted to lash out, to blame someone, and I hated that my brothers seemed so willing to forgive and forget the man who’d made our lives miserable. I shook Macy off before walking a safe distance away, hoping she would get the message I wanted to be alone.

  But she didn’t. She followed me to a stone bench and sat beside me, reaching for my hand. “I know it’s not easy to heal old hurts, but sometimes it’s worth the effort. Don’t you think?”

  “I’m not sure this can be healed,” I said, watching some guy pass the keys to a black Ferrari off to an eager valet.

  “Maybe that’s because you never let yourself consider the possibility it could be.”

  We’d talked about my father a lot during the time she spent at my place during her last visit to Tampa. She understood the things he’d done: drifting from one job to another, blowing money we didn’t have on gambling, bar fights, and drinking too much, and then blaming our mother because he felt worthless and wanted to make her feel that way too.

  She also understood the things he hadn’t done, and in many ways, that was harder to forgive. He’d never cared enough to read a single report card or attend any of our games. He’d called us losers, claiming we were headed nowhere. He’d never once tried to encourage us or insulate us from the world. Instead he’d shown us firsthand how brutal life could be when you didn’t learn how to defend yourself.

  “I know Brody says he’s changed,” I said, slipping my hand free of hers as I leaned forward. “And maybe he has. I don’t know. But I was just a couple of years younger than Ryker when he finally left, and I remember how hard it was, trying to make it on our own. Ryker wasn’t the only one working hard to try to keep everything together. I did my part too.”

  “I know you did,” she whispered, touching my back.

  I rested my elbows on my knees, looking at her over my shoulder. “Ryker was right about one thing in there.”

  “What’s that?”

  “My reasons for not getting into anything too serious. I have a hard time trusting people outside of my family. Some of that is Jack’s influence, but a lot of it has to do with my job. I’ve answered a lot of domestic violence calls, and I’ve seen firsthand how ugly things can get.”

  “But you already knew that,” she said, quietly. “You’d lived through it.”

  “Yeah.” And I would never be able to forget it. My mother had been a sweetheart who deserved a man who loved and appreciated her. Instead she got Jack, a man who hated himself and blamed her. “And I think somewhere along the way, I just shut down. I’m not even sure how to open up anymore.” Or if I want to.

  “We all have emotional scars. Whether it’s from our childhood, past relationships, jobs…” She sighed. “No one gets through life unscathed. It just doesn’t happen.”

  “I guess you’re right. But sometimes shutting down just seems easier, you know?”

  “I do,” she said, smiling. “Take it from someone who knows—relationships are a lot of hard work. Sometimes they’re worth it. Sometimes they’re not. But I guess you’ll never know if you’re not willing to try.”

  Glancing at her left hand, where her wedding ring would soon rest, I nodded. “I guess I don’t have a choice, do I? I’ve got to try.”

&n
bsp; ***

  Macy’s words came back to me as I stood on Jack’s front porch. I was here because I was ready to try. I wanted to bury the past, not resurrect it, but I’d intentionally come when Jack said he’d be alone because I knew I’d need a little help laying it to rest.

  I’d approached a thousand doors as a cop, never knowing what to expect on the other side, but not a single one of those experiences had made me feel as anxious as this one. For those experiences I’d been trained, but I was going into this blind.

  He met me at the door before I had a chance to ring the bell. “Hi, Kane.”

  He offered me his hand. He looked nervous, which helped put me at ease. I was used to people being guarded around me. I liked it. It reminded me that I was in control, often holding their fate in my hands.

  “Jack,” I said, accepting his hand.

  “Come in,” he said, stepping back to let me in. “I was so glad you called. It was nice to see everyone the other day, but I was sorry you weren’t able to make it. I wasn’t sure if it was because…”

  “I had a work thing. I flew in a day later.”

  “Officer in charge of a SWAT team, huh?” He smiled. “Who would have thought a son of mine would end up on the right side of the law?”

  I didn’t return the smile. I saw no reason to make this easy for him. He’d hurt me. He’d hurt the people I loved most, and I wanted him to answer for it. Glancing toward the back of the house, I asked, “Are we alone?”

  “Yeah, Sandra’s at work and the kids won’t be home from school for a bit.” He gestured toward a comfortable living room. “Can I get you something to drink before we sit down?”

  “No, thanks.” I followed him into the living room and sat on a brown leather chair across from him. “I know you’ve been in touch with Brody quite a bit over the past few months.”

  He nodded, waiting for me to continue.

  “And I know it may seem the others are coming around, but I’m going to be honest—I’m not quite there yet.”