Kane

by Douglas, Cheryl

  He curled his hands around the railing at the foot of the bed. “How about we talk about that now… where things are going.”

  “We had this conversation before the accident, and I got the message loud and clear. Things aren’t going anywhere.”

  “Damn it, Macy.” He ran his hand over his head, heedless of the fact he was messing up his hair. “I told you, I said things I shouldn’t have. If I could take them back, I would.”

  I forced myself to look him in the eye. “You’re the last man I would have expected to run. I always thought you were fearless.” Licking my dry lips, I diverted my gaze. “I think that’s what drew me to you. You were braver and stronger than I was. I thought maybe you could help me learn to be fearless too.”

  He drew a shaky breath, his knuckles turning white. “Are you kidding? You’re the most courageous woman I know. You’ve been forging your own path for years. You don’t need me to teach you a damn thing.”

  I ignored him, believing they were empty words chosen to make me feel better. “But at the first sign of trouble, you walked away like I meant nothing to you.”

  “That was my mistake, one I’d like to rectify if you’d give me the chance?”

  “I gave my heart to the wrong man once. I won’t make the same mistake again.” I’d spent years with Brendan, working with him, living with him. I’d thought I knew him, but I’d been wrong. Dead wrong.

  “Your relationship with Brendan was a mistake?” He cocked an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard you describe it that way. You said he was a good guy, someone you’d always consider a friend.”

  I realized I’d said too much. “Would you mind checking in with the nurse? I think I’m due for my pain meds soon, and I could really use them.”

  He walked to my bedside and pressed the button for assistance. We waited for the nurse to appear, and Kane asked her about my meds. She assured us she’d have them for me in ten minutes, leaving him just enough time to interrogate me some more.

  “I managed to get a few weeks off,” he said, sitting down beside my bed.

  Obviously he was taking pity on me because I was in pain, opting not to force the topic of Brendan… or us. “I wish you hadn’t done that,” I said, knowing my objection would fall on deaf ears. When Kane made up his mind about something, nothing could change it. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

  “You’re not a bother,” he said, reaching for my hand. “You’re my wife.”

  I hated it when he reminded me of that, as if I could have forgotten. I withdrew my hand from his. “In name only, Kane. Something we’ll have to rectify just as soon as we can.”

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” he said, crossing an ankle over his knee as he sat back.

  I hated that he could look so relaxed when I was tied up in knots. “Why not?”

  He gestured around us. “This is likely to cost a fortune. How would it look if we divorced immediately after the insurance company cut the check?”

  Damn, I hadn’t thought about that. If I’d had the money to pay the bill, I would have, but he was right. It wouldn’t be cheap. “That sounds kind of dishonest though, doesn’t it? Staying married for the sake of getting my medical bills paid?”

  “That’s not my reason for wanting to stay married,” he said, crossing his arms. “I want you to give me a real chance, and I can’t think of a better way to ensure that than being married. Can you?”

  “Why are you being so obstinate?” I asked, my frustration mounting. I hated feeling as though I was being backed into a corner. “We both know this can’t work, for all the reasons you stated on the phone that night.”

  “Then you do intend to return to Nashville as soon as you’re well enough?” he asked, watching me closely. “To continue working with Brendan?”

  I loved Nashville, but I couldn’t stomach the idea of working with Brendan again, not after everything that happened. But I wasn’t willing to commit to anything until I’d had time to think it through. “I guess I’ll have a lot of time to consider my options while I’m recuperating.”

  “Yeah, you will.” He ran his hand over my arm. “For the record, I’m really glad you decided to come home with me.”

  I huffed, rolling my eyes. “It’s not like you gave me much choice.”

  “You always have a choice. I’m just hoping you’ll choose me.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Kane

  Trying to prevent Macy from overdoing it was like trying to domesticate a wild animal—virtually impossible. Only six days after she’d been discharged from the hospital, I returned from a grocery run to find her sitting on the sofa in the family room and folding laundry.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, eyeing the laundry basket. “The doctor said no heavy lifting. Hell, you shouldn’t even have gotten off the couch without my help.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Please. This basket weighs a few pounds. Socks and underwear only.” She held up a pair of skimpy pink panties that made my heart kick into overdrive.

  It would be weeks before the local doctor gave her the all-clear to resume “normal activities,” but that didn’t mean my mind didn’t wander now and then, wondering if she’d be interested in sharing a bed with me once the doctor said she could. We’d gotten along well since her release, talking and laughing like old friends most of the time, since we’d agreed to a truce. But I didn’t want to be just her friend. I wanted a chance at being her husband or at least her partner.

  “Kendra should be by soon, right?” I’d hired the nurse to help Macy with some of the activities she didn’t want my help with, like getting in and out of the shower and redressing her wound.

  “Yeah,” Macy said, glancing at her watch. “In about an hour, I think.”

  “Good, that’ll give us time for lunch before she gets here.” Carrying the bags into the kitchen, I said, “You just sit and relax. I’ll bring it to you.”

  “Ugh,” she said, setting the laundry basket beside the hospital-issued walker she was forced to use. “I’m getting tired of the view from this couch.”

  Macy had always been an active woman who rarely stayed in the same place for more than a few days, so I didn’t take it personally that she was already itching to get out of my house. The way I saw it, she wouldn’t be able to live on her own again for a while, which gave me just enough time to convince her that leaving me would be a huge mistake.

  She got up and used the walker to come into the kitchen with me. I took some peppers and mushrooms out of the fridge, intent on slicing them to go with the chicken I planned to sauté.

  After I pulled a knife from the block, Macy took the vegetables from me. “Give me that. You just worry about the chicken.”

  “You shouldn’t be standing that long,” I said, frowning at her. “And that stool’s too high.” I looked around for another option before setting the knife and cutting board on the table tucked into the corner of the room. “Let me wash them, and I’ll bring them over to you.”

  “When are you going to stop babying me?” She pushed her walker to the table with a heavy sigh.

  “Maybe I like babying you,” I said, winking at her over my shoulder. “Ever think of that?”

  “You’re spoiling me,” she said, biting her lip as she watched me scrub the veggies with a brush.

  “I figure I owe you.” We’d been able to maintain our truce because we hadn’t talked about our future, but that couldn’t last forever. “You know, for being such an ass.”

  “You weren’t an ass,” she said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “You were just being honest, trying to save us a lot of heartache down the line. I get that now.”

  “I was wrong.” More so than I’d ever been about anything. If we hadn’t had that conversation, she would still be here now, but maybe she’d be considering the possibility of making this living arrangement more permanent.

  “You’re one of the good guys, Kane. I know that.” She blew out a breath before resting her head in
her upturned palm as she watched me carry the veggies to the table. “You were doing what you thought was right for both of us. I’m sorry I was bitchy with you in the hospital. That was just my pride talking. I wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you, and it hurt to realize you didn’t.”

  After setting the peppers and portobellos on the table, I pulled out a chair and reached for her hand. “I wanted you so much it scared the hell out of me. That’s why I said all those things to you. I let my brother talk me into believing we could never work because you lived in Nashville and I live here.”

  “I still live in Nashville,” she reminded me, picking up the knife.

  Her cat slithered into the room and plopped down in a patch of sunlight streaming through the window.

  “I think Boots likes it here better,” I said, smiling at the lazy cat.

  She laughed. “Of course he does. This is like a palace compared to the tiny apartment he’s used to.”

  “I still don’t understand why you’d get a cat when you’re used to traveling so much,” I said, getting up to tend to the chicken. Retrieving another cutting board from the cupboard, I reached into the fridge for the chicken breasts.

  “Don’t you have to put those groceries away?” she asked, gesturing with her knife to the plastic bags I’d left on the counter.

  “Damn it, I forgot all about those,” I said, hoping her ice cream hadn’t melted.

  She grinned when she spotted the box of chocolate fudge ice cream. “You realize I’ll gain ten pounds by the time I leave here if I keep eating that every day, right?’

  “You can afford to,” I said, my eyes skimming her trim body. She was wearing black yoga capris and a hot pink racerback tank. “You’ve lost a bit of weight.”

  “Only because I haven’t been eating takeout since I came here. Do you always cook like this?”

  “I try to eat healthy,” I said, putting the last of the groceries away. “But you didn’t answer my question about the cat.” I recognized avoidance when I saw it. “Why’d you get a pet?”

  Raising a shoulder, she said, “I guess I was lonely. I had Brendan, but… I guess I missed home. My parents always had pets while we were growing up, so having one of my own made me feel less homesick.”

  “Did your family know how you felt?” I asked, heating olive oil in the skillet. “That you were missing home and them?”

  “God no!” She laughed. “If I’d told them that, they would have figured out some way to get me back. I just had to pretend I was having the time of my life in Nashville, making all my dreams come true.”

  “But that wasn’t the case?” I asked, tossing the chicken strips into the pan. I waited for her to answer while I seasoned the meat.

  “There were parts of it I loved,” she said finally. “The city has great energy, and there are so many people there who share my passion for country music, so I always felt like I belonged.”

  “But…?” I reached into the drawer for a spatula before walking to the table to retrieve the vegetables she’d cut.

  “But it was a double-edged sword, I guess. Being surrounded by all of the talented people who wanted the same thing I did made me question myself. I began to wonder whether I was delusional to chase a dream that might never come true.”

  I poured the vegetables into the pan and added more seasoning before I set the lid back on and turned down the heat. I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms. “I don’t have to tell you that you can achieve anything you set your mind to, Mace. You already know that. But you have to ask yourself if you’re really following your bliss in Nashville.”

  It had taken me a long time to find my bliss. I felt as though I belonged on the police force, but it wasn’t until I joined SWAT that I knew I’d found my calling.

  “The travel is fun,” she said reluctantly. “But playing the larger venues is what really turns me on. I’m not gonna lie, I’m getting tired of the honky tonks.”

  “I know you moved to Nashville because it’s the mecca of country music, but there are a lot of successful artists who don’t live there.” I didn’t want her to sacrifice anything for me. I just wanted us to find a way to make our relationship work while we both got what we wanted out of life, assuming we had a relationship to speak of by the time she was well enough to leave.

  Looking amused, she said, “And you know this how?”

  Turning back to the food, I shrugged. “I may have done a little research.”

  “I know you’re right.” She traced patterns on the wood tabletop with her fingertip. “I don’t have to live in Nashville. I guess I’ve just always associated that city with my dream. I figured if it was going to happen anywhere, it would be there.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “By the way, I intend to pay you for all this.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, taking two bottles of water from the fridge and handing her one. “You don’t owe me a damn thing.”

  She took a sip of her water. “I’m not sure how I’ll ever be able to repay you for all this though. Not many guys would put their lives on hold to take care of their fake wives.”

  “Don’t say that,” I said, my voice hardening. “There’s nothing fake about this. We have the piece of paper, the rings. It’s as real is it gets.”

  She closed her eyes. “I don’t want to argue with you. But I do intend to pay my way while I’m here.”

  “No way.”

  “You said this is a real marriage,” she said defiantly. “Prove it.”

  “Huh?”

  “Would you let your wife pay some of the bills, if she was able?”

  “Well, I—”

  “That’s what I thought,” she said, sounding triumphant. “Listen, I don’t want to take advantage of your generosity. Please, let me help. It would make me feel better.”

  Without knowing her financial situation, agreeing to let her contribute to household expenses made me uncomfortable. Though I had to admit, it had an air of permanence I liked. “You still have expenses in Nashville, Mace.”

  “I was only subletting my apartment. The lease is up next month, and I don’t intend to renew.” My jaw must have dropped because she smiled. “Don’t read too much into that, big guy. I just wasn’t ready to make any long-term commitments, and the landlord was pressuring me to decide.”

  “You were right to let it go then,” I said, plating the food.

  “I figure when and if I’m ready to go back, it shouldn’t be too hard to find another place.”

  I wanted to pump my fist in the air. She was at least considering her options. That had to be a good sign. We ate in silence for a few minutes.

  She moaned appreciatively around a mouthful of food before she asked, “So? Will you at least let me buy the groceries? Maybe pay the utilities too?”

  “Whatever you want, but I am curious…” I knew how headstrong Macy was, how important it was for her to feel as though she was pulling her own weight. I didn’t know if I had the right to ask, but if we were going to get closer over the next several weeks, that meant opening up about our lives. “How do you get paid? I mean, I know you get royalties from the songs you’ve written and some have been hits, but—”

  “It’s like mailbox money,” she said, smiling. “At least for a songwriter. Of course we want to be recording our own songs, but when we can’t get a record deal, a lot of us have to find other ways to pay the bills.”

  “Makes sense,” I said, pushing my empty plate aside.

  “So we get what’s called mechanical-royalty payments every time the song is sold. Not to mention a royalty every time it’s performed on TV or played on the radio.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like it could be a pretty lucrative business?”

  “More so if I didn’t have to split it with Brendan. Now that we’ve developed a reputation as songwriters, it’s easier to sell our stuff. Sometimes artists, publishers, or record labels even come to us to find out if we’ve got anything new.”
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  “And that’s not rewarding?” I asked, trying to get some insight into why she wouldn’t want to pursue an avenue that already seemed paved.

  “It is.” She sighed, reaching for my empty plate so she could stack it on top of hers. “But when you write something special, you don’t want to let it go. You want to be the one to record it.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “Brendan didn’t know this,” she said hesitantly, “but I’ve written some stuff on my own. I think it’s pretty good, definitely has some commercial appeal. If I decide to stay here a little longer, I may put some feelers out, see if anyone’s interested.”

  I tried not to react, but I wanted to celebrate that she was even considering staying here, hopefully with me. “Brendan didn’t want you to work on your own stuff?” When she shook her head before reaching for her water, I asked, “Why?”

  “It was a control thing, I think,” she said, setting her bottle down carefully. “He didn’t want to think about the possibility of me venturing out on my own. He liked to believe I needed him.”

  “Did you?”

  “Obviously not.” There was a hard edge to her voice when she said, “I ditched him, didn’t I?”

  There was something she wasn’t telling me about her ex. Covering her hand with mine, I asked, “Have you been in touch with him since the accident?”

  Her eyes darted to mine. “No! Why? He hasn’t called here, has he?”

  “No, he hasn’t.” I read her face methodically. No question about it, she was hiding something. “That seems kind of strange to me. You’re friends, business partners. You were in a serious car accident together. Why wouldn’t either of you want to check in to make sure the other’s doing okay?”

  “It’s time for me to move on with my life, Kane. Brendan won’t be a part of it anymore, personally or professionally.” She gave me a tight smile. “I’d offer to help you clean up, but I know you won’t let me. I’m feeling kind of tired. Would you mind if I went into the living room to rest before Kendra gets here?”