by Elle Linder
“Well, I like weddings, and by the looks of it, so do you.” Louise swung her arm over the floral arrangements.
“I do. But not everyone wants a wedding.”
“Do you think Rick and Lauren will get married this spring? Should I pry a little?” Her eyes widened. “Or maybe they’ll wait until after the baby is born. I should pry a little.”
“No, don’t pry. Lauren will bite back. And hard.”
Louise waved her off. “Lauren doesn’t scare me one bit…or bite.” She cackled. “Where is the little mother?”
“She’s taking a nap. She gets grumpy when she’s tired.” Julia moved around the table. “Trust me, we want her to sleep.”
“I remember those months with Denise and Dane. Pregnancy knocked me on my caboose!”
Julia could feel the questions coming, so she halted them before they started. “I must be going. Lots to do, y’know. I appreciate all that you’ve done. What time will you be at the resort Saturday morning? Luke will be there with his truck, so if you need help just let me know.”
“Okay, dearie, I will. Have fun being single for two more days. Once he puts that ring on your finger and the I dos are said, you’re stuck with him.” She glanced over at Nyle, who was quietly working at his desk. “Ain’t that right, Ny? Till death do us part.”
He nodded, keeping his head down.
“Well…I want to be stuck to Luke.”
“Honey, who wouldn’t?”
Nyle grumbled.
“What’s that, Ny?” Louise said.
“Nothing,” he grumbled again.
“He’s jealous of Luke.” Louise winked.
“Right. Well…I’ll be seeing you.” Julia darted out of the stockroom quickly.
She giggled to herself as she walked to her car. Louise clearly had a thing for Luke. Julia had learned months ago Louise wore the pants in her marriage and was the talker; Julia had never heard Nyle say much more than a few words. It took all kinds, she supposed. She definitely didn’t want her marriage to be like the Seaton’s.
Turning the corner, Julia stopped dead in her tracks. Butterflies took flight in her stomach as a grin stretched across her face.
“Hi, baby.” Luke was leaning up against her car, arms crossed over his chest and a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Bring your sweet mouth over here.”
“What are you doing here? You have work to do.” She approached him, her insides cheering with excitement. “You’re impossible.”
“Quiet.” He gripped her waist, pulling her firmly to him. In one deft move, he turned her around, pressed her against the door of the car, and took possession of her mouth.
She gripped his nape, tilting her head to deepen the kiss. His warm, sensual lips spurred her desires, setting off a heat in her core. Their tongues played, swirling as they both hungrily devoured each other. In unison, they moaned and hummed.
A car horn caused Julia to jump, ending their passionate kiss.
Giggling, she wrapped her arms around Luke’s neck, burying her face in his chest. As if that would help hide her.
“What has gotten into you? First the wedding site and now here in town. Have you lost all sense of yourself?” Julia teased.
“Yes, I’ve lost all sense of myself.” He pressed his lips to her temple. “I hate being without you. Hate it.” He stared into her eyes. “I’ve never been so damn happy in all my life. Come Saturday, I’ll be marrying the woman of my dreams.”
“Aww. Will you?” She squeezed him tighter. “You are a precious man. You make me feel completely adored.”
“I do adore you.” There it was, adoration in his gaze. “Forever, sweetheart.”
“Oh, Luke.” She smiled up at him, releasing a reluctant sigh. “As much as I’d love to stay like this with you, we have so much to do. Plus, dinner is in an hour. I need to get back to the resort and get my mom. And freshen up for our dance later.”
“I know. I just had to see you while I was in town.”
“Why were you in town?”
“I ran into the hardware store for duct tape.”
“Well, lucky me.” She rubbed her hand along his jaw, enjoying the feel of his bristly beard on her palm.
Luke opened her car door and kissed her once more, and she blew him a kiss as she drove off. The fullness in her chest, the grin on her face, and the warmth in her core were a product of Luke’s love.
In two days, they’d be husband and wife with two kids. She sent up a silent prayer.
If you’re listening up there, I humbly ask to have a baby with my husband soon. Ideally, before this time next year. A little human born out of our love is my greatest desire. Someone who would have Luke’s dark, alluring eyes and solid morals, and my business smarts and big heart. A little person who would have the best parts of both of us. Please. I won’t ask for anything more. Thank you.
six
I Need Luke
Cloud nine carried Julia straight to her suite. She floated high in the sky, dreaming of Luke and the life they would share together. He had stirred her up good in the parking lot with his confident demeanor as he’d gazed at her intently. With every kiss, he claimed her all over again as if it were the first time. She was tempted to sneak away with him to his truck to calm the roaring fire, but then she’d be breaking her own rules. Not that Luke would complain.
She giggled, opening the door.
“Mom, are you here?” she called, entering the suite.
“In here…”
“Did you have a good day with the kids?” Julia slipped off her denim jacket and pulled out a tan boho sweater dress and some over-the-knee brown suede boots. “I’m going to freshen up quickly.”
“Can we talk first?”
Julia stopped mid-step at the threshold of the bathroom. Talk? Her heart sputtered as her stomach twisted into a knot.
“Sure.” She turned around and hesitantly walked over to where her mom was sitting. The sadness in her mom’s eyes put a lump in Julia’s throat. “Mom, what happened?”
“Sit, dear.” She patted the spot next to her. “We need to talk.”
“Okay. About what?” She sat down, heart racing, hands clamming up.
“I’ve never lied to you. But I have kept something from you your whole life.” Donna inhaled, looking out the window. Her vacant gaze alarmed Julia.
“Mom, you’re scaring me.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. This is the worst timing ever to tell you this, but if I don’t, Becky will. And you know how brutal she can be.” Julia nodded. “I should have never talked to her about it today. I just needed some advice, and boy did she have a fit and a mouthful of advice.”
Thoughts whirled through Julia’s mind faster than she could comprehend them. But she wouldn’t let her imagination get the better of her.
“A fit about what? Stop dancing around it and just tell me already.” Julia sighed, feeling flustered. Why was she dragging out what appeared to be dire? It was clear her mom was wretched with…what, guilt? Sadness? If her mom didn’t tell her immediately, she might unravel. The morose air in the suite suffocated her.
“That I haven’t told you infertility seems to run on the Godfrey side of the family.”
Julia blinked, confused. “What?” Tears stung behind her eyes. Was this why she hadn’t gotten pregnant yet? Was she infertile and didn’t know it? She swallowed, eyes pooling with tears. Would she never be able to have a baby?
“Now, before you fall apart, there isn’t proof that it’s hereditary. It just appears that it is. And you could have more of your father’s genes in you than the Godfrey side.”
Julia was without words as a stray tear streaked down her cheek.
“Oh, honey, please don’t cry. I should have told you years ago, but it didn’t seem important then. You rarely had a man in your life. I guess I just didn’t want to burden you. But now that you’re eager to have a baby, I couldn’t not tell you.”
“Why? Because I’m getting married and wanting to start a
family? Two days before my wedding was the best time to tell me this crushing news. Mom…what if I can’t have a baby? What then?” Julia gripped her neck, trying to hold back her devastation and the sob forming in her throat, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t fight the powerful surge of emotions, and her tears rushed out of her like a raging river.
“Baby…” Donna took Julia into her arms. “Sweetheart, this is just information. It’s much too early to assume you’ll have difficulties conceiving. Like you said, it’s only been a couple of months that you’ve been off birth control. There’s no need to fall apart now.”
“No?” she said through her sobs. “Other than the thought of never being able to have a baby with my husband. God, Luke wants a baby so badly. What is he going to say?” Julia held tight to Donna as she sobbed. “What is he going to say?”
“He’s going to love you no matter what. A baby isn’t why he’s marrying you. It would be a wonderful addition to your family for sure, but Luke loves you. You’re what’s important to him.”
Julia wasn’t really listening. Her mother’s confession rocked her world. All her hopes and dreams came to a screeching halt. Of the three Godfrey sisters, only her mom and Aunt Diane had babies. One baby each, born several years after they were married. They had likely struggled to get pregnant with their one baby.
Years flashed in her head. A neon sign blaring so blatantly and brashly that it could not be ignored. It could take her years to conceive like it had her mom and aunt.
If she were able to conceive at all.
“Honey, I’m so sorry to upset you this way. Try to calm down.” She rubbed Julia’s back. “This doesn’t change the way you and Luke feel about each other. Your wedding will still happen. I just couldn’t carry this knowledge knowing how much you had your heart set on having a baby right away. I honestly believe you will have a baby one day…when the time is right.”
When the time is right? If it’s ever right.
“I need to get ready. We’re going to be late.” Julia pulled back. “I need Luke.” She needed him more than ever. She needed to be assured they would be okay. There wasn’t the slightest doubt the wedding wouldn’t happen, but this news was big. Bigger than big to her. It was huge. And Luke wanted more kids with her. He should know what he was signing up for.
“Okay, honey. I am so sorry to tell you this.”
“I know…” She kissed Donna on the cheek before escaping into the bathroom, where she let her tears continue to roll, but not too much. She didn’t need Luke seeing her with a red nose and blotchy face. For sure he’d whisk her away to find out what was wrong.
Crying at The Peak wouldn’t be acceptable. For now, she’d let herself grieve the possibility of never being able to conceive. Then she’d pull herself together and put on a happy face.
Driving into the parking lot of The Peak nearly twenty minutes late grated on Julia’s nerves. She hated to be late for anything. When her phone had pinged twice in the last ten minutes while she was in the car with her mom, she knew it had to be Luke wondering what was keeping her. She put her car in park and dug out her phone.
“Luke, I assume?” Donna asked.
“Yup. I should have texted him that we were running late.” She read his texts.
Luke: Hey, where are you?
Luke: You’re fifteen minutes late and no reply. I’m worried. Where are you?
Julia: We just pulled into the parking lot.
“Okay, let’s get in there before he runs out here to make sure I’m okay.” She forced a laugh. “And don’t say anything about…well, you know. I’ll tell Luke in my own time.”
“Yes, dear.”
They exited the car and walked quickly inside. No sooner had she appeared in the entry than Luke was stalking toward her. His intense eyes darted between her and her mom. He was always assessing every situation so he’d be prepared to handle anything that might be amiss.
“Hi, sorry we’re late,” Julia said right away to defuse his worry.
“Ladies, everything all right?”
Julia walked into his arms. “Just fine.”
He kissed her on the cheek. “You sure?”
“Well, except, whatever you do, don’t be alone with Paige. Right, Mom?” She giggled, trying her damnedest to appear normal. Luke furrowed his brow. She knew he wasn’t buying it.
“Julia!” Donna said in a reprimanding tone.
Luke looked at them with a questioning gaze. “What about Paige?”
“Just that she’s forty-five. Not much older than you. Be careful. If you get what I’m saying.” She shimmied up to him.
“Okay. No problem whatsoever.” He kissed her temple softly. “But why are you late?”
She groaned. “Where are the kids?”
“Erika’s got them out on the dance floor. Everyone has ordered drinks, and I ordered appetizers.” He stared at her, searching her face. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it all under control.”
It was just like him to make sure Julia wasn’t carrying the load. He made sure to handle as much as she would let him. They were a good team—a perfect team.
“And you didn’t let Rick lift anything when you were unloading earlier, did you? Lauren would flip out if his stitches open up.”
“No worries, he was just along for the ride.” He put his lips to the shell of her ear. “He doesn’t want to be left out,” he whispered. His warm breath sent electric currents through her body. If her mom wasn’t standing just a few feet away, she’d be all over Luke. Maybe even down on her knees, she mused, recalling Lauren’s escapades in the car with Rick.
Donna cleared her throat. Their earlier conversation flashed in Julia’s head. In an instant she could feel tears on the cusp of pouring out of her eyes. Now what was she to do? A gnawing in her stomach made her suck in a breath. After a couple of months of trying, shouldn’t she be pregnant by now if she were normal?
“We should join the group,” Luke said.
“Yes, let’s join our guests,” Julia agreed, taking his hand. She could tough it out for a couple of hours and try to enjoy the evening for Luke’s sake.
Thursday nights at The Peak were always hopping with activity. Tonight wasn’t any different, but they had their favorite table, and the hustle and bustle all around helped to distract Julia. If only it would help to relax her too.
The music, the chatter, and two glasses of wine did nothing to pull Julia out of the vortex of grief. The loss she felt might be premature or even unrealistic, but nonetheless, her uterus wept watching her pregnant bestie tend to Izzy. The sight of the nurturing scene was more than painful to watch.
Izzy’s intoxicating giggles were so adorable Julia couldn’t help but smile. The little family was precious and would grow by one next May. She was over the moon for Lauren, she really was, but it reminded her of what she might never have.
To her right was her mom sitting next to Paige. She couldn’t imagine what they were gabbing about. Whatever it was must not be interesting to Paige, whose gaze appeared fixed on Luke. He had his arm around Julia’s shoulders, attentive as always. Heather and Brice were on the dance floor, and Bruce was with Tiffani at the bar.
For as normal as the scene might have looked to outsiders, Julia didn’t feel part of the group. She felt like an observer, and that made her angry with herself.
She shook the melancholic thoughts out of her head and sipped her wine.
“What’s going on with you?” Luke asked. She turned toward him, squeezing his thigh. “If this wedding business is stressing you out, I want to know how I can help.”
She sighed. “You’re the best.”
“I am.” He winked. “Want me to take you home and work you over until I’ve exhausted you?”
“That sounds wonderful, but you know we can’t.”
“Yes, I know. But I had to try.”
“Of course you did.”
“Hey, Luke, I was thinking…” Rick said. His voice faded, and Julia drew into herself again.
Everyone was having a great time. She should be too. She was marrying her lumberjack. Not being able to have a baby wouldn’t change that. Luke would never call off the wedding. Would he? Doubt was an evil force. No matter how many times she had told herself that Luke would never leave her, she still felt uneasy. It was stupid thinking to be sure.
“Where are you going on your honeymoon?” Paige asked, interrupting Julia’s mental pity party. She was seated next to Lauren now, adjacent to Julia, but the way she leaned forward with her cleavage poking out of her blazing red low-cut blouse was clearly for Luke.
When had she changed chairs?
Lauren elbowed Paige, rolling her eyes.
Luke didn’t look in Paige’s direction, deep in a conversation about the brewery with Rick.
“We haven’t made plans for a honeymoon yet. With the kids, it’s a bit of a challenge to leave them for anything longer than a night, much less a week-long vacation.”
“Seriously? That’s why you haven’t planned a honeymoon?” Lauren gaped, sapphire eyes bulging. “Rick and I can watch the kids. I mean, they are Izzy’s brother and sister. Right, Rick?”
He paused mid-sentence, turning toward Lauren. “What’s that?”
“We can watch Luke and Julia’s kids so they can go on a honeymoon,” Lauren replied.
“Oh. Yeah, absolutely.” Rick smiled at Julia, then resumed his conversation with Luke.
Julia’s emotions flared. Lauren had said Luke and Julia’s kids. It meant the world to her hearing that Brice and Heather were hers too. Luke had said they were “hers too” dozens of times. But the impact of someone else saying it was monumental.
“See. We’ll watch the kids.” Lauren ginned, looking toward the dance floor at Izzy. Erika had taken her away only a minute ago, and Izzy was hopping along, smiling and giggling.
Julia’s heart swelled as she watched her little flower girl. Spending time with Izzy had strengthened her desire to have a baby. Until Izzy, kids had always simply been an idea for the future. But Julia had learned firsthand how wonderful kisses and cuddles were with a toddler. Each time Izzy called her “Ulia” it touched her deeply and made her long to be called Mama.