Loving War

by C. M. Owens

  Kode stirs, mumbling my name again, but this time my heart doesn’t clench uncontrollably.

  “You’re up too early,” he says, alert but keeping his eyes closed.

  Trying to swallow down the painful knot in my throat, I slowly move back toward the bed, my feet feeling weighted to the ground. Without releasing the sigh I want to, I slide in next to him and let him wrap his arms around me until I’m pulled flush against his hard body.

  “Much better,” he mumbles into my hair, smiling as he kisses my forehead. “What’re you doing up?”

  Seeing my sister’s endearing term on your phone.

  “I had some messages to check. It’s almost noon.”

  He groans while throwing a leg over me, cradling me to him tighter in a hold that has some of my tension easing. He wouldn’t be holding me like this if he didn’t want me. Just me.

  Right?

  Stupid, immature insecurities. I have to let it go.

  “So, do you change the names in your phone as often as you change your name in my phone?” I ask, sounding flirty and playful instead of bitter.

  He snickers, unaware of the reasoning behind my seemingly harmless question.

  “Nah. Most of the names in my phone have stayed the same since I programmed the numbers back whenever. I only change names to Do Not Answer on occasion. Other than that, I don’t mess with it.”

  It’s not much relief, but it is some. He might have programmed her that way a long time ago. But then again, that picture of her is less than a year or two old.

  Stop, Tria. Don’t do this.

  Deciding not to sabotage my relationship over useless jealousy, I wrap my arms around him and give in to his strong pull.

  “We’ll go out tonight. Somewhere nice,” he says, sighing into my hair.

  Kode Sterling may have wanted Rain Noles, but he’s falling for me. That can be enough.

  Chapter 22

  KODE

  “Make sure you contact them. Ms. Noles will be using my personal human resources department until she has formed a staff of her own. Thanks, Sharon,” I say, hanging up with my assistant.

  She’s a bitch, but she’s badass at her job.

  Scrolling through my messages, I see I have yet another new message from Rain.

  My Perfect Girl: Are you avoiding me? We’re going to talk, Kode. Text me or call me back.

  She has sent three text messages since yesterday, wanting to meet up alone. I’m not stupid. She’s pissed about me going after Pete alone, and now she wants to sit me down and scold me like a kid. I should probably change her name in my phone. She’s not my anything. Never was. And I’m learning that perfect is overrated.

  I’m not wasting time with Tria to go get reamed by Rain. No thank you.

  My phone buzzes in my hand, and I grin when I see the name on it.

  My Sexy Girl: I’m heading home right now to do some work. Leo is coming over, and I’m fairly positive he’s going to do a few backflips when I show him everything in writing. The lawyers are still tweaking the fine details, but we should be signing everything soon. I’ll see you later tonight. Thanks for this weekend.

  Damn. She left when we got home to run some errands, but I thought she’d be coming here when she got done. Something was off yesterday. I’m not sure what, but she wasn’t as… free?

  Usually she hands herself over to me like there’s nothing holding her back. Yesterday she seemed distant, and everything felt a little forced. I’m sure it has a lot to do with her nervousness over her business. It’s real for her now, and the adrenaline has worn off, making way for the reality that can be daunting. That’s why I’ve gotten her a team together. They’ll help make this launch go seamless.

  I decide I’m overdue for a training session with Jax, so I head over to his studio. He’s working with a few women when I get there, all of them eyeing him like they want a bite.

  Rolling my eyes, I walk his way, and he excuses himself from the admirers who are fanning their faces.

  “I swear you get more ass than a rockstar,” I say as we head toward the mats.

  He laughs while shaking his head, and the women move to the workout equipment, not moving their eyes off us.

  “Still with the hottie?” he asks as I start stretching.

  “Yeah. Just got back from New York.”

  “Sounds serious. Long weekend together? Or did she invite herself?”

  “It was planned. My idea. Long story, but damn good weekend.” Until she started stressing out, it was a damn good weekend. I can help her with anything she needs, so I wish she’d just come over and let me work on it with her.

  Christ. I’m the one who sounds clingy.

  “Did you ever screw her sister? Or was it one of those friend-zone things?”

  I really need to quit talking to him about my shit.

  “Never screwed her. Friend-zone hell more like it. But it all seems to be working out for the best.”

  Tria is so much better for me in so many ways. It’s shocking at the things we have in common. And she wants me. No one else even draws her attention in the slightest.

  Jax stops talking when we start working out, and he kicks my ass a few times, since my head is a little groggy from the weekend. After a solid two hours, I’m pouring sweat and breathing like an out-of-shape pansy.

  Jax mocks me when I drop to the mat to sprawl out, and I flip him off without bothering to lift my head to glare at him. When my phone blares some girly song from my gym bag, I silently curse Tria. When the hell did she do that?

  “Dude,” Jax says through his laughter, “nice tune.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” I grumble while answering the call from Corbin. “What’s up?”

  For a minute, there’s nothing but a long exhale on the other line.

  “Corbin, you called me, man. Why you being all heavy-breathing on the other line?”

  Jax continues laughing, but Corbin has me worried.

  “You remember when you and Dale went to see Edward? All that weird shit going on?”

  I remember, but I never told him. Apparently Dale filled him in. “Yeah,” I drawl, not interested in anything dealing with Edward right now.

  “Well, that woman that threw you out wasn’t his maid. She was his nurse. Apparently Edward has had psoriasis of the liver for a really long while now. It took a turn for the worse recently. I guess he tried to drink his guilt away for years and years.”

  Ah, shit. “How bad is it? Is there anything they can do?”

  Tria doesn’t need this shit. She and her father have too many unresolved issues.

  “It’s pretty bad, and I doubt they can do anything, considering he died just an hour ago.”

  Just like that, my heart slams into my chest. Shit. Tria. Motherfucker!

  “I’ve got to go. Tria—”

  “Rain just went to pick her up and tell her in person. They’ll be going over to Eleanor’s. If you call—”

  “Corbin, I really don’t give a fuck if Rain knows right now.”

  He blows out a breath, and I can almost hear him nodding in agreement. “Alright. Let me know if you need anything.”

  I hang up without responding, ignoring Jax when he starts sounding worried, and I dial Tria while grabbing my stuff and jogging toward the door. She answers with a voice as dead and dull as I’ve ever heard.

  “Hey.”

  Taking a deep breath, I search for anything to say. I suck at consoling.

  “Hey, where are you? I’ll come to you.”

  She sniffles, and a small whimper escapes her, but she clears her throat as though she doesn’t want to be crying.

  “I’m with Rain right now. I’m fine. I’ll be staying with Mom tonight. They’re going to… I can’t talk about this right now. I’ll call you in a little while.”

  She hangs up, and I stop in my tracks, trying and failing to come up with what I’m supposed to do. Son of a fucking bitch.

  I saw how Kade reacted when he lost his grandfather. Tria
just lost her dad. Kade needed space. Hell, he still does. But is that what Tria needs, too? What the hell do I do?

  ***

  TRIA

  I stare at the phone, wondering if he’ll try calling right back. Fortunately, he doesn’t. I’m barely holding myself together right now, and if I fall apart, I want to do it alone. All alone. There shouldn’t be any witnesses to see me cry over a man that I should have hated.

  “Who is Sex Master?” Rain asks, trying to lighten the mood.

  She didn’t love Dad. How could she have? It’s understandable why she’s not falling apart, but I don’t have it in me to play nice with the perfect girl at the moment.

  “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I mumble numbly, and I hear her sigh that seems to come from deep within.

  “Of course. Sorry, Tria. I was just—”

  “I know,” I interrupt, still staring out the window as we close in on our childhood home. There are already numerous cars outside. Mom is probably an absolute wreck.

  “Why didn’t someone call me sooner?” I ask as we near the house.

  Rain hated him, yet she found out before I did. It’s like I’m always the last on the list, even when my father dies. It’s truly impossible for one person to always be so overlooked.

  “No one wanted to tell you over the phone, since you actually cared about him.”

  She sounds sympathetic, and there’s pity lacing her tone—pity I don’t want or need. Everyone praises her for being strong. She is. She truly and honestly is. I refuse to be the weak one that everyone has to pet while they rave about her being so strong.

  Sucking in all my unshed tears and wiping away the few strays, I open the door as soon as we park. Rain has to run to catch up with me, and she laces her fingers with mine as we head toward the door.

  “I’m here, Tria. I’m here for you and Eleanor.”

  Maybe Kode is right. She really is perfect. Can’t blame him for taking notice, because right now she’s keeping me from falling apart.

  “Thanks, Rain. That means a lot.”

  The tears bang at the backs of my eyelids, but I restrain them. My phone chirps, and I release her hand as we walk in, so I can check the message.

  Sex Master: I’m here for you.

  Breathing out in relief, I stare at the screen for five long minutes. I’ll wait until I’m not on the verge of a sobbing breakdown before calling or responding. Right now, he’d see how weak I really am, and that’s something I’d like to keep hidden.

  Chapter 23

  KODE

  “Have you talked to her?” Dale asks while sitting down beside me in the back of the enormous church. It wasn’t too long ago we were here for Thomas Colton.

  With the amount of people here, the chapels just don’t have the necessary seating. But this massive church was built with the town, so it has become the rock for a lot of people in times like this.

  “Not much. She’s been staying with Eleanor for the past couple of days, and she hasn’t really been in a talking mood.”

  I try not to let anyone see how fucking stressed out I am. Tria is shutting me out, and I don’t know whether to let her or stop her. I’ve always sucked at this sort of thing, and since she’s been at her Mom’s, I haven’t really had the chance to see her. I should be doing something, but I’m clueless as to what.

  This is yet another suit I won’t be able to wear again. Once they’ve been tainted by a funeral, they go into the discard pile. I don’t want those memories burned into the threads I wear. Especially this one.

  Rain and Dane walk in from a door at the front of the church, emerging from a private room where the immediate family has been stashed. He’s holding her hand, and she’s looking over her shoulder at Eleanor who is clutching the hands of both of her sisters. Her eyes are rimmed red, swollen, and full of tears. I guess she hated him a lot less than she loved him.

  But my eyes move away from her when I see the girl with her head bowed, her face clean with no tears. She’s staring at her hands as she walks behind everyone, not bothering to make eye contact with a single person.

  My eyes never stray, and she sits beside one of her aunts near the front as the minister moves behind the podium to speak. Seeing her look so broken and alone is too much.

  “Fuck this,” I mumble before getting up.

  With long strides, I abandon my cousins and round the back of the church to move toward the girl who has no one holding her hand right now—the girl too afraid to cry on someone’s shoulder.

  Eyes fall on me from all around as I move into the pew, and Tria’s tired gaze meets mine. Her hazel eyes go wide in her face, but then her look softens as I sit beside her and put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her to me before kissing her softly on her head.

  It’s like something inside her snaps, and she buries her face in my chest as her body starts shaking. Silent sobs wrack her body, and I pull her to be almost in my lap, wrapping her up in both arms as the minister continues to praise the life of the man who destroyed his family.

  “I’ve got you, Tria,” I whisper softly.

  She fists a handful of my shirt as she weeps against me, and I continue to rub soothing patterns on her back. Eleanor looks over with glassy eyes, noticing her child’s pain for what seems to be the first time, and her tears start falling harder before she mouths, “thank you,” to me.

  But when my gaze meets a set of cold green eyes, I realize this day is going to get dramatic. Dane is staring at me with a murderous glare and a clenched jaw, looking every bit ready to punch me in the face.

  Rain’s eyes are wide in shock, her mouth slightly open in disbelief. I’ll deal with them when I have to. This is about Tria right now. Not them.

  My eyes go back down as Tria clings to me, and I do all I can to make it easier. For the first time in my life, it’s not hard to comfort someone. My movements aren’t forced or awkward. I’m not looking for a way to escape. This is exactly where I want to be right now.

  By the end of the service, Tria’s sobs have gentled, and she’s leaning against me as the minister carries on. She threads her fingers through mine with one hand, keeping it in her lap. I use the arm wrapped around her to run my fingers through the soft strands of her hair, trying to relax her any way that I can.

  As the service wraps up, I stand with Tria, keeping her hand in mine, and lead her through the church. We stop as people try to offer their condolences, and I wait, never letting go of her hand the entire time.

  When we finally reach the outside, my arm slides back around her shoulders, and I tuck her against my body. “I’ll drive you to the cemetery.”

  She looks up with her sad eyes that have me wishing I could do so much more.

  “Thank you,” she says hoarsely, swallowing back another sob.

  After opening the door for her and helping her in, I make my way around to the driver’s side. My eyes catch Dane’s cold glare, but I don’t acknowledge it past that.

  Tria’s hand finds mine the second I’m in the car. I only let go to shift gears, but I keep taking her hand back in mine in between shifts as we follow the line behind the Hearse to the graveyard.

  When we get there, she waits on me to open the door, but Dane is right behind me, calling my name loudly at the wrong time.

  “Don’t go,” Tria says, casting a hard look toward the man everyone adores. “He shouldn’t be doing this right now.”

  Rain is tugging on Dane’s arm, probably telling him to cool down. Neither girl knows the extent of our issues, so they don’t understand why he’s so pissed. Unfortunately, I get it. Now.

  “Just let me tell him to shut up,” I say softly, kissing her head before making my way toward my fuming brother.

  Several others pass by me as I backtrack, and Dane shrugs Rain off as he storms toward me.

  “How long have you been scheming this bullshit up?” he growls, drawing a few gasps and head-turns.

  “Dane!” Rain hisses, grabbing his arm again and trying
to pull him back.

  “Later, Dane. Not here. Not now. Your girl might not need you right now, because she didn’t love that asshole. But my girl does need me. You can say whatever you want later.”

  His brow furrows, as if he’s confused, and I walk away to rejoin Tria. My arm immediately goes around her shoulders, and I bite back a grin when she flips Dane off. Apparently she doesn’t find him so perfect in this moment.

  ***

  TRIA

  I don’t know what Kode and Dane said to each other, but I can guess. I can’t believe Dane would do this right now. Here of all places.

  Even though I was trying so hard not to fall apart, I was already on the verge of a breakdown when suddenly Kode was right there, pulling me to him like he knew I needed him. I’ve never been so grateful for anything in all my life.

  I never wanted to lose it in front of him, but I couldn’t help it. It was too much, and he held me to him like he couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Kode was the only one who knew I was hurting.

  Dane saw me in that church. He knows I broke. Yet he wants to accost his brother in the middle of the graveyard for being a damn good person, just because he thinks it has something to do with Rain.

  “I’ve got you,” Kode says against my temple as we reach the rest of the crowd. His lips brush my head gently, and I lean into him and wrap my arms around his waist. He doesn’t hesitate to return the embrace, and I hold him as my tears slip free.

  The gentle patterns he rubs on my back are soothing and comforting as the casket slowly lowers into the ground, burying the two fathers I knew—the one who loved me, and the coward who ran away.

  Dane looks our way, but his expression has changed. He doesn’t look like he’s ready to kill Kode right now. I’m sure I shocked him by giving him the bird in the middle of the graveyard, but he was pissing me off.

  Maybe Kode has rubbed off on me more than I realized.