Loving War

by C. M. Owens

  “Has he tried calling?”

  Numerous times. And texting. But that’s not something I want to share. No one has to know he’s still chasing me. It’s better if they don’t, that way no one gets mad when he finally moves on. If they know he kept trying for me, then they’d think he was merely leading me on.

  “Have you talked to him? He was your best friend for a lot longer than he was my boyfriend. I know what he did was shitty, but what you said… Rain, that was way too low.”

  She looks down, and a tear slips free from her eye. “I know. I felt horrible about it when I woke up the next morning. I was on an emotional high, and I was way too drunk. I had told Dane I didn’t want to get married to a liar like my father, and then I called a cab. Dane was taking a minute to get himself together—probably trying not to lose his temper on me—and I left without saying anything.”

  She takes a deep breath before exhaling it loudly. “Fucking Edward. I never should have read that letter. None of this would have happened. Kode had moved forward, Dane and I are together, and you were happy. I fucked it all up by going crazy.”

  I pat her leg and offer her the bag of chips. She takes them, and puts the salt-and-vinegar flavored thing in her mouth, cringing when she realizes it wasn’t a plain chip. I’d laugh at her face under normal circumstances.

  “I always did have a flair for the dramatic,” she adds, dusting her hands off. “Guess that’s why I started writing.”

  “It’s not your fault that this happened, Rain. It’s just one big cluster fuck, and all four of us got weaved into the mess. Shit happens.”

  I need her to go so I can cry some more. She’ll stay if I start crying right now.

  “Are you going to forgive him?” I ask, hoping she says yes.

  She gives me a weak smile. “If he’ll ever talk to me again after what I said, then I probably will. I’ve been calling, but he won’t answer. He told Maverick that he wasn’t making up with me until he made up with you. Says he’s never letting you think you come second again.”

  My heart squeezes and aches in a violent, unforgiving rush of painful emotions. But now I feel so guilty for putting this on him.

  “Then maybe you should go to him,” I say softly, moving my eyes back up to the movie and praying for escape.

  “He never loved me, Tria. He never looked at me the way he does you. He has never held anyone so tightly in all his life as he held you at Edward’s funeral. Kode would move heaven and hell to be with you.”

  She just never saw the way he looked at her, because she was too busy looking at Dane.

  “He thinks you’re perfect,” I grumble. So what if I’m sulking. I’m in mourning. I’ve lost my father and the man I love in a two week span.

  “Then he never really paid much attention to me. Dane knows I’m not perfect, which is what makes him love me more. Since Kode hated you for a while, I’m pretty sure he knows you’re not perfect, and he loves you anyway.”

  I groan while leaning back and putting my arm over my eyes. “Rain, I love you for trying, but you don’t see things the way I do. Never had to. Please stop pushing this. It’s hard enough as it is.” I peek out to see her staring at me, and I add, “So you’re not mad at him anymore?”

  I need her not to be mad at him. And she seemed pretty pissed a week ago. It’s hard to believe that fury has died down so soon.

  “A lot can happen in a week.”

  “Go to him. Talk to him. Let him apologize to you. He needs you as his friend. Don’t let one thing tear you guys apart.”

  I see her studying me out of the corner of my eye, but I don’t acknowledge it.

  “Don’t let the same thing tear you apart, Tria. Hollywood doesn’t control your happily-ever-after. You do.”

  I wish it was that easy. I really do.

  “Care to tell me what helped you get over everything so fast?”

  Her smile forms instantly, and her eyes water as she pulls a picture out of her purse and hands it to me.

  “This did.”

  ***

  KODE

  “Holy hell,” Maverick drawls as he uses the damn emergency key for the wrong reason, just like all my cousins have done this week—my brother, too.

  He walks around, looking at the messy house I’ve let go, as he makes his way toward me. My couch and I have gotten overly friendly this past week. Whiskey has also become a close companion. I haven’t started drinking today… yet.

  “I leave you alone for a few days, and you go from looking like Pretty Boy to looking like Mountain Man. When’s the last time you shaved?” he asks.

  I rub the longer hairs on my face and shrug while turning my attention back to the TV.

  “Dude, you look about as good as your house right now. You should come out with us tonight or something. This shit isn’t healthy.”

  Well, fucking up the best thing that ever happened to me is unhealthier. I should have come clean from the beginning. I should have made sure she never had a reason to doubt me when I told her the truth. And I should have changed Rain’s motherfucking name in my phone. Why did I leave it that way?

  Because I’m a procrastinating stupid jackass, that’s why.

  “Mav, any good reason you’re here?” I ask, annoyed and on the verge of punching him just to shut him up.

  “Yeah. I just told you. I want you going out with us tonight. We’ve given you a week.”

  Rolling my eyes, I shift on the couch, turning over and away from him.

  “Not long enough.”

  He huffs, and I hear a chair shift, clueing me in that he just sat down.

  “Have you talked to her at all?” he asks.

  I fucking wish. “I’ve called. And texted. And called. I’ve sent her flowers. And called. I’ve emailed her. And called. I’ve tweeted her. I’ve even hit her up on Facebook. Nothing. She won’t speak to me.”

  “Well, there’s an obvious way to see her. You know where she lives. Just show up.”

  That fucking crazy dick ruined that option for me.

  I turn back over to face him, barely able to hold myself together at this point.

  “After everything Pete put her through, I can’t do that. I don’t want her ever putting me in the same category as that psycho.”

  Maverick shakes his head, glancing through the sliding glass doors that lead out to my deck.

  “Man, you and Pete are not in the same category.” His eyes come back to mine. “Tria loves you. She doesn’t want to give you up. It’s killing Rain, you know. She’s blaming herself for this.”

  “She shouldn’t,” I grumble. “I fucked this all up on my own.”

  “Actually,” a feminine voice says, causing us both to jump, “there’s a lot of people in on this fuck-up.”

  Rain is moving toward us, her eyes as sad as her slow walk of defeat. I never even heard her come in. Maverick must have left the door unlocked.

  Maverick tightens his lips while standing, and he goes to press a kiss to her forehead before waving to me.

  “I’ll leave you two to talk.”

  Rain walks closer as Maverick heads out, and she comes to sit down across from me, looking as crestfallen as me.

  “Rain,” I say hoarsely, instantly choking on all the guilt I didn’t feel before Tria.

  Sitting up, I meet her sad gaze, and shift uncomfortably.

  “Sorry to just show up, but you wouldn’t take my calls. Tria and I talked. She wanted me to come.”

  Hope fills me, and I sit up straighter, leaning forward with eager attention.

  “She wanted you to come see me? Can I go to her?”

  A tear falls from her eye, and she stands to come sit by me, her breath leaving in a sigh.

  “I think you should go. She loves you, but she thinks you’re in love with me. She’s been overlooked for so long, that she refuses to believe someone finally wants her over me.”

  I swallow the knot in my throat. She knew I saw her before I fucked up.

  “That’s m
y fault. I handled everything wrong. Is she okay?”

  Rain’s eyes drop to the unruly facial hair I’ve unintentionally grown over the past several days.

  “She looks about as great as you—minus the bad beard.”

  I try to smile, but it doesn’t work.

  “Do you hate me?” I ask softly.

  I don’t want to smooth things over with Rain before I fix this shit with Tria. But Tria sent her here.

  “No. Kode, I’m sorry for what I said. That was the cruelest, most unfair thing in the world to put on your shoulders. It’s not your fault I went six years without confronting Dane. It’s sure as hell not your fault that I got uterine cancer and lost the ability to have children. I hate myself for saying that.”

  I pat her knee, keeping my eyes low.

  “But it was true that I’m the reason you two didn’t get together soon enough to have children.”

  Her hand covers mine and squeezes it, a motion that used to mean something to me. Now it feels sisterly—the way it should.

  “That’s bullshit. You know it. I know. Even Dane knows it. You started the snowball, but we let it turn into an avalanche. Even if we hadn’t, there’s a very good chance things would have eventually gone wrong back then.”

  “Doubtful,” I scoff, knowing damn well how perfect they are for each other.

  “Kode, Dane asked me to marry him after dating me for a very short period of time. And I said yes. If we had gotten together when we were eighteen, we would have gotten married just as fast as we are now. We would have probably gotten divorced just as quickly and destroyed our futures before our lives even really began.”

  My eyes come up to meet hers, and she smiles sadly at me.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that Dane and I ignored each other for six years because of one miscommunication. We were just too damn young for what we were feeling. As much as it pains me to admit this, you may have done us a favor.”

  Guilt spikes my blood, and I shake my head. “Don’t do that. Don’t justify my actions.”

  “Oh, I’m not. Believe me, it’s not that easy, Kode. I’m still royally pissed at you for what you did and for keeping it a secret. Doesn’t mean I had the right to dump the shit on you that I did.”

  I move my eyes to meet hers, and I smile. I prefer it when people don’t sugar coat shit.

  “Thanks for that. But I still feel like it’s my fault you didn’t have any kids.”

  Another tear falls from her eyes, and she pulls out a picture that she holds with the back facing me. “Kode, if I had been able to have kids, then I might not have ever gotten this chance, because I would have been too busy to consider this.”

  She hands me a picture of a small girl, and I study it with confusion. Sad blue eyes stare into mine with loneliness and longing. Her lips are turned down in a frown that looks too permanent on her face.

  “Who is this?”

  Rain sniffles and laughs while wiping her eyes as more tears fall. “This is Carrie. She’s five, and she’s currently in foster care. Her mother died of a drug overdose; her father died in a drive-by shooting; and she has no other relatives. Despite all that, no one will adopt her because she has a hole in her heart. In her case, it’s not a life-threatening thing, as long as she is cared for properly. Dane and your mother are in Louisiana right now, doing all they can to expedite the entire adoption process.”

  My eyes go wide in shock. Hell, Dane didn’t even tell me he was leaving the state.

  “Rain, that’s incredible.”

  She hugs me, and I wince when I think of the Noles sister I want to be hugging. As she draws back, she wipes her eyes again.

  “I know. Most people don’t want a child that has any medical condition. This was a sign, Kode. She was made for us. Elizabeth had a friend call her and tell her about Carrie’s situation. She told Dane, and from there, everything went into action quickly. Dane and I fell in love with her after meeting her on Tuesday. We had already decided we were adopting her, but I just had to meet her. I flew back that night, but Dane stayed in Louisiana with Elizabeth.”

  I look over the picture again, sitting back and staring at my future niece. It’s amazing, really.

  “Go to Tria, Kode. Don’t waste six years making stupid excuses.”

  Her comment draws my eyes up, and I see her tight expression as I breathe out heavily.

  “I’m fighting for her, Rain. I really am. I’m just trying not to push too hard too soon. My biggest fear is losing her forever.”

  She stands and stares down at me. “The longer you wait, the more convinced she’s going to be that you’re not in love with her. So go. Before she builds a wall around herself that you won’t be able to penetrate a second time. She’s in a lot of pain right now. I’m fairly positive she’ll never allow herself to go through this again if you wait too long.”

  Cursing, I close my eyes and search for answers inside my scrambled mind.

  “And, Kode?” Rain says, her voice a little sadder again.

  I open my eyes, staring expectantly, and Rain continues. “Give her back Edward’s letter. She needs the closure whether she realizes it or not. I know I didn’t demonstrate it very well, but I’m glad I read it. It’s done now. As long as that letter is out there, she won’t ever have the closure she needs.”

  With that, she walks out, and I curse again while heading toward the bathroom. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to say. This had so better not backfire on me, because I don’t want her thinking I’m just like Pete.

  The letter her father left is staring at me when I open the box I hid under the bathroom counter. Rain has never steered me wrong before, but I can’t force her to read it. Tria can decide on her own what to do.

  After taking a deep breath, steeling myself with the resolve, I grab my razor and prepare to dull a few blades.

  It takes me longer than it ever has to get ready, considering I can’t go to see her looking my absolute worst. And after getting showered, shaved, and dressed, I finally grab my keys and head over to her house.

  My hands are practically shaking by the time I reach her home, and I give myself a minute or two to rehearse what I might say. Her garage is closed, so I can’t tell if she’s at home or not.

  After finally digging up my balls, I make my way to the door. I knock, but hear nothing. So I knock harder. Finally, the door swings open, but it sure as fuck isn’t Tria looking back at me.

  A fucking beast of a man is standing at the door in nothing but his boxers, looking as though he just woke him up from a nap. It’s the middle of the damn day.

  His shoulders are broad enough to put him in a linebacker position. And the muscles are rippling all over like he lives in the gym. And he obviously doesn’t give a damn who sees him in nothing but his underwear.

  “Can I help you?” he asks, seeming bored or tired. Not sure which. And I really don’t care. My blood is boiling.

  “Who the fuck are you?” I growl.

  The dude cocks his eyebrows at me, and he tilts his head, studying me as though he’s trying to place my face.

  “You’re Kode, aren’t you?” he finally asks.

  I nod slowly, still trying to figure out what this dick is doing in her house, wearing nothing but his damn boxers. And how does he know who I am?

  “My name is Leo. I’m Tria’s business partner.”

  Son of a motherfucking bitch. Hell no. This is sure as shit not how I pictured him. He’s supposed to be old, short, bald, ugly as fuck, and nerdy as hell. He is not supposed to look like this.

  “You always answer the door in your boxers?” I snarl.

  He snickers as though something is funny. There isn’t a damn thing funny right now.

  “I’m staying with Tria for a while. Come on in. She’s in the shower. I need to head to town anyway, and you need to straighten this shit out between the two of you so that she doesn’t keep crying herself to sleep.”

  She’s crying herself to sleep?
>
  I visibly relax, and my angry snarl slowly starts to simmer down. He seems a little too amused as he walks down the hall, and I move to drop down on her sofa. My palms are sweating like I’m a kid going out on his first date. Christ. I hope this isn’t a bad idea.

  Chapter 26

  TRIA

  “Hey,” Leo’s deep voice says into the bathroom.

  I move my head out from under the water, and peek through the crack I make in the doors. “Yeah?”

  He steps in, his body clad in his date-night attire instead of his couch-potato or work clothes.

  “I’m going to go meet that guy you set me up with. He’d better be as hot as you say.”

  I smile while nodding. “Jamie is definitely the catch of a lifetime, because he’s sexy and nice. Trust me. You look good. Don’t worry about coming in late. I sleep hard.”

  He frowns as he leans a hip against the counter. “You don’t sleep at all. It’s starting to worry me.”

  Leo and I have had a mostly professional relationship until he needed a place to stay. Now he has taken on a worried brother role. It’s not something I’m used to, and though I appreciate it, it’s not something I need right now.

  “I’ll be fine. Just a bad breakup. Go on your date. Jamie is hot. Women and men all over will be pissed at you.”

  He grins that full-teeth smile, and he nods. “You sure he wants to do this?”

  “Positive,” I promise for the fifteenth time. Leo is more insecure than I am.

  “Alright. Have fun. I’ll see you when I see you,” he says in that deep rumble of his.

  He winks at me, and I return to rinsing my hair under the water, listening as the door clicks shut behind him. It’ll probably suck to see Leo wrapped around someone when I’m still pining after Kode, but he needs a good guy. He has dedicated his time to school and work, and now it’s time for him to have a life.

  When I get out of the shower, I grab my towel and lift my eyebrow. Where did my clothes go? I wore clothes in here, and I hung up new clothes to put on when I was dry. But they’re all missing.

  Leo. Why the hell would he do that?

  Wrapping up in the towel, I head toward the living room, curious as to if he’s gone yet or not. But my feet tangle and I almost fall when I see the long body slowly lifting into a standing position from my sofa.