The Monarch Room

by Danielle James

  “He’s your boss? Jesus, Roman. You work for an imbecile.”

  “Oh, I know. Not sure he’s caught on yet.”

  When my mother came back with River, I was busy filling my father in on all the bullshit Palmer spewed at me before I left school. That earned me a ten-minute rant session. I inadvertently added on ten more minutes when I told him I’d be putting in my two-weeks notice.

  “They’re forcing you out without any real reason,” he said. River climbed in my lap and I kissed the top of his head. I decided I’d wait to tell him about Michelle. I’d do it when it was just the two of us. I’d break it to him in a way that hopefully didn’t hurt too much.

  “Dad, this is all about money. Okolo has it. I don’t. Plus, I’m with his daughter so I can’t really fight back too much before they uncover the truth. Right now it’s still speculation but the moment they can prove it…I’ll get locked up.”

  “I’d have you out in a matter of hours, Roman.” I knew he was telling the truth but I didn’t want the hassle. If I got to leave of my own volition and still got to see Zuri, I’d take it. I could find another job.

  I calmed my father down about the fact that I was getting fired, then I took River home and we called Zuri on Facetime. We’d done the same thing every day that week and he was starting to look forward to it.

  So was I.

  **

  Zuri

  I didn’t know what constituted as being a good or bad person but I was pretty sure being happy that someone was dead was an awful way to feel. I tried to quell my excitement over what it meant for Michelle to be gone.

  River would finally be where he belonged though. With Roman.

  “Should I congratulate you?” I asked with a laugh. His face was unreadable. I couldn’t tell if he was happy or upset.

  “I don’t know. I guess so. It does mean that I finally have my son and nobody can take him away ever again.”

  “So then, it’s a cause for celebration,” I smiled. “Have you told River that he won’t ever go back with his mother again?”

  “Nah, not yet. I’m waiting a little while longer before I do that.” I nodded and stared into his brown eyes. I didn’t like the way he turned silent. There was something else he needed to tell me.

  I moved to close my bedroom door and locked it before dropping to the floor in front of my bed. “Roman, what’s wrong?” I asked him. “How’s the investigation going?”

  “It’s not really going anymore, princess.” His eyes were so tired and I wished more than anything that I could be there with him to snuggle beside him when he went to sleep.

  “That’s good, right? Did Principal Palmer drop the whole thing?” Butterflies invaded my stomach. Maybe I could see him again. It probably wasn’t smart but I knew the longer I had to go without touching him or being near him, the more likely I’d be to make stupid decisions.

  “No. He didn’t drop it. Not exactly. He told me that your dad wants me to quit.”

  “What?” I exploded, standing to my feet. “He wants you to quit? He hasn’t said a thing to me besides calling me a slut for sleeping with my art teacher and now all of a sudden he wants you to quit?” The butterflies in my stomach had evaporated all at once and were replaced with a molten ball of anger.

  “Zuri, calm down. We have to tough this out. We probably won’t be able to see each other for a while after I leave.”

  The air was pulled from my lungs with each word. I knew he was right and I hated that he was right. It didn’t make things any less painful.

  “That’s so fucking stupid,” I said, my eyes stinging with emotions.

  “It is stupid but…if I go to jail then there’s nobody here for River and I can’t be there for you either. I miss you so much, Zuri but I refuse to risk everything if we can just hold on for a little while longer and I know we can. We’re strong.” I nodded my head and Roman let out a deep groan that let me know even though his words were pretty and full of strength, being without me would bother him just as deeply as it did me.

  I wanted to yell at my father and tell him what a horrible human being he was. Not only for ripping Roman away from me but for being a generally shitty father and husband. All the money I had when I was growing up meant nothing without a real father in my life that loved and respected me.

  I was over being Adam Okolo’s daughter.

  **

  Every day when Roman got home from work, I locked my door and we talked on Facetime. Sometimes when my father worked late nights, I got the chance to Facetime Roman when he was putting River to bed and tell them both goodnight. It definitely helped lessen the sting of not being able to touch him but I’d be lying if I said that sting didn’t still linger in all the spaces of my heart.

  Having to walk into the Monarch Room and see Roman behind the desk then ignore him like I was any other student was awful. I sat in the front of the class pretending that my stomach didn’t drop every time he smiled or that I didn’t tense up when he leaned over my shoulder to look at my work. I buzzed from the moment I left the school until the moment I was planted on the floor at the foot of my bed, talking to my two favorite boys.

  “Hey, did my father ever contact you about that conference?” I asked Roman one Friday night. My father was working late and I was really trying to convince myself not to drive to Roman’s house and see him.

  “No. According to Palmer, he decided to cancel since I would no longer be a faculty member. He wants to reserve his time for the new art teacher,” Roman scoffed.

  The moment our homeroom class found out Roman was leaving Aspen Grove, they flipped out. There was a collective grumble that rippled through the students and some of them even started a petition to keep him on board. He thanked them but declined their help and involvement.

  In true Roman style, he was eloquent in explaining to the class that it was his decision to move on. They all knew better though. Rumors were eating away at the high school like moths in a chest of sweaters.

  “He’s such an asshole. He won’t speak to me at all. I don’t know why I’m even here. I feel so alone.” I hadn’t realized I felt that way until the weight of loneliness was resting heavy on my shoulders. It hit me that the only human interaction I got was from seeing Krissy and Roman in school then talking to Roman and River in the evenings.

  It was stifling.

  My mother had taken on a new job and was always tired and hurrying off the phone to go to sleep and I was stuck in the house, trying to lay low and not run to Roman’s arms.

  “You feel lonely?” Roman frowned. “Zuri…I’m so sorry.” I watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat and I shook away my sadness, opting for a smile instead. I didn’t mean it but it felt better than wearing my true feelings.

  “It’s fine. At least I get to see you on Monday.”

  “It’s hard not asking you to come see me right now. I hate that sad look in your eyes. I mean, you’re beautiful even when you’re sad but I hate to see it.” I would have given anything to be in his arms at that moment. It would have been a million times better than sitting on the floor on the verge of tears.

  “I’m just counting down the days until I graduate. Then I’ll be counting down the days until my birthday.”

  “Me too, Zuri. It’ll be here before you know it.” He flashed me his signature, dimpled smile and my stomach quivered. I needed his touch like water. Like sun. Like air. It helped me grow.

  “When is your last day?” I asked nervously.

  “Next Friday. Right before winter break. Matt said they’ve already found a new teacher. Miss Winestead.”

  “Fuck Miss Winestead,” I pouted.

  “She’s probably a good teacher,” he shrugged.

  “You’re such a sweetheart,” I laughed.

  “There’s that smile. You have no idea how much I need that in my life, Zuri.” He moved away from the screen then came back into frame to show me new sketches he’d drawn. “See? Since I can’t have your smile right in front of me,
I sketched it.” He did such an amazing job capturing my face.

  “Roman, how is it that you make me ten times prettier in your drawings than I am in real life?” I sighed.

  “You look exactly the same. I think you’re just getting a glimpse of how you look through my eyes.”

  “You must think I’m gorgeous,” I said, staring at the picture.

  “I do. You are.” We both grew silent. My throat grew tight and my shoulders tensed. I needed him.

  Our staring trance was broken when River piped up and asked Roman for dinner. He sighed heavily and I already knew he’d get off the phone to cook and I didn’t mind. I just hated when the ache of loneliness sank in.

  “Go make dinner, Roman,” I said. I didn’t force a smile for him because I didn’t have to. He knew I was sad.

  “I’ll call you before bed. I’ll fall asleep with you.”

  “Promise?” I asked, smiling through the tears.

  “Of course. Please don’t cry, Zuri. I know this is hard. It’s tearing me up too.”

  “I know. Go make dinner, Roman.” He nodded his head in response and then told me he loved me. I said the same and then I was alone again.

  It seemed like the moments that we were apart lasted for far too long and the moments we were together were far too short. I was in a time warp. Everything was jumbled and nothing flowed. Roman was my flow and moving without him was stiff.

  Before bed, we only managed to have a short conversation because River couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t help thinking that if I were there I could sing him a song and help him calm down. The thought nibbled at the edges of my sanity until I said fuck it and got in my car.

  I was tired of staying put and not seeing Roman or River. I knew my father wouldn’t be home until morning. I had nothing to lose.

  Even though I knew Aspen Grove was miles away, I was still paranoid creeping up to Roman’s house at night. I sent him a text asking him to open the door so I didn’t ring the doorbell and wake River up. He was standing in front of me in seconds.

  “Zuri, what are you doing here?” His words got muffled in my hair as he picked me up in a hug. My toes scraped the floor and I laughed while warm tears skated down my cheeks.

  “I missed you,” I sniffled when we pulled away from the embrace.

  “I missed you too.” He stared at me like he thought I would evaporate in a puff of smoke. “Come here,” he smiled. Oh God, those dimples… I melted when Roman hugged me again. It had been too long since his arms were wrapped around my body.

  I reacted with a shudder and a sigh. Roman was my home. Roman was my true north. “Where’s River? Did he finally get to sleep?” I asked, looking around the corner while Roman held me.

  “He just dozed off. He’s in my room.” He took me to his art room and turned on the light. Sketches of Paw Patrol characters hung on the walls and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t laugh at my drawings, Zuri.”

  “I’m not laughing at them. They’re amazing, like everything else you draw. I’m laughing because of how much your art room has changed since River came into your life. It’s beautiful. It’s amazing seeing how happy you are.”

  “I’m happiest when I have River and you.” He hooked his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek. I shut my eyes as his lips traveled further down, moving along the curve of my neck. My nostrils flared a bit to take in the familiar smell of charcoal and fresh paper in the air.

  I missed my man.

  The way his hands slid along my waist like I belonged to him, the way his lips owned my collarbones and the way his warmth blanketed my body and sent currents of nostalgia over me. I dug my fingertips into his hard shoulders and he crushed my soft lips beneath his.

  In that kiss, we said every word we never knew how to utter. The way our tongues slid against one another spoke more eloquently than any of my poems ever could. Our bodies thumped against the wall and I slid my arms around his neck. His shoulders were meant to hold my arms. They fit so perfectly. What other reason would there be?

  Roman’s cock was so hard, the pressure of it pulled slow, needy noises from my soul and sprayed them in the air like perfume. It made the moment so much sweeter. It was the loudest moment of silence I’d ever experienced.

  My body screamed out for his touch. For his kisses. For his dick.

  Once my clothes were shed in a useless pile on the floor, he thrust into me and I let my eyes fall shut. The sense of sight was too much right then. I wanted to feel him. Hear his groan as he slid in and out of my pussy like he was finally at peace.

  I was Roman’s peace.

  He stood for a moment, buried inside of me while our hearts pulsed together. Hungry. Happy. Horny.

  His full lips slid along my throat as he pushed out a staggered breath. My thighs pressed against his sides and he thrust into me again. I moaned and dragged my nails along his back then his neck.

  “I missed you so much, Zuri,” he told me while our lips fused together.

  “I missed you too. I don’t want to ever be away from you again.” I leaned my forehead against his while he put his solid mass behind every stroke. He nailed me to the wall and I didn’t complain once.

  I needed his pain and his pleasure. It felt so good when he hammered against me. I could feel the ache of how badly he missed me. I absorbed his violent thrusts and they made me shake.

  Oh, God.

  The vibrations .

  They consumed me like they were born with the taste of me on their tongue. They lapped at my core until I couldn’t stop trembling like a leaf.

  “Roman!” I squeaked when I came. I rained down on him and then I felt him surge deep inside of me. It was so warm and so good that I dragged out my moan until it seemed to run on for minutes.

  I’d never felt anything so silky and fulfilling before. I sucked on his lips while he stayed there, throbbing with me. When his eyes opened, I was already staring at him. I couldn’t risk taking my eyes off him. I didn’t know when I’d get the chance to be with him again.

  “Shit, Zuri.”

  “I know,” I whispered, touching his hair. He let me slide down to my feet and I stood, braced against the wall with shaky knees.

  “I can’t stay away from you. I’m trying to be strong but it’s hard as hell.”

  “I know,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I want to run away with you and River. I just want us to start a new life away from all this bullshit,” I pushed the messy hair from my face and sank to the floor. Roman sat beside me and I laid my head on his shoulder.

  “We’ll get through this. Time and space can’t separate us. You believe me, right?” He tipped my chin up and I nodded, holding my palm against his. I loved how his fingers shot above mine. I loved how the tips were coated in silky, dusty charcoal. I pulled his palm to my lips and placed a kiss there.

  “I love you, Roman. I don’t care how long I have to wait. It won’t make me want to be with you any less.” He smiled at me then kissed my forehead.

  “That’s why you’re my dream woman.” His arms wrapped around my shoulders and I sighed with my head against his chest. The loneliness was gone.

  At least for the moment.

  I was home.

  **

  Roman’s last day was much harder than I anticipated. I could barely walk into the Monarch Room. I stood at the door, my chest tight with the thought of not seeing him in class anymore after today.

  “Miss Okolo, Nice to see you this morning.” Roman looked so damn good. He had on a wine-colored shirt and a pair of tan pants. The way his clothes hung on him should have been illegal.

  “Nice to see you too, Mr. Clermont. I heard today is your last day.”

  “It is. I’m going to miss all of you.”

  “Then stay,” Krissy’s voice sounded from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and laughed a little.

  “Yeah, stay,” I batted my lashes even though it was tough.

  “I wish it were that easy, girls.” He swept the classroom
with his brown eyes and once he realized Krissy and I were the only students in there, he pulled me in for a hug. “I’ll call you tonight.”

  “Okay,” I said, breathing in his cologne. When I pulled back, my cheeks were warm with the need to cry. I didn’t realize how much I’d grown to rely on seeing Roman in class every day. He anchored me when I felt like I was drifting alone in the ocean. Now, he wouldn’t be there and I didn’t know how to handle that.

  I had no real choice other than to be strong and push forward until I graduated.

  “I love you,” I said to him, quietly.

  “I love you too, princess.” He gave a quick kiss to my forehead and I took my seat. Krissy sighed, her eyes dreamy.

  “You two are the stuff love stories are made of. My heart can’t fucking take it, so I’m gonna go to class now and fantasize about Mr. Wilmore bending me over.”

  “Krissy!” Roman and I both exclaimed with laughter dotting our tone.

  “What? I’m just playing…kind of. It’s not like I’m taken or anything.” She flashed me a look and I smiled, hoping she’d spill it all later.

  I was useless the rest of the class. All I did was stare at Roman. All the other kids talked to him and begged him not to leave but I stared. Why was such a small thing bothering me so deeply?

  It wasn’t like I’d never see Roman again but…still. An element of us was shifting. He wouldn’t be in the Monarch Room anymore and without him, it wouldn’t be the same. Whenever I opened the doors and saw the fluttering butterflies on the ceiling, I expected to see his face next. It wouldn’t be that way anymore.

  I’d be leaving Aspen Grove soon anyway. I had to. I couldn’t stay in the safety of the Monarch Room forever. One of us was bound to leave that room and it turned out to be Roman first.

  When the bell rang, everyone groaned and whined for Roman to stay. Brittany was right up front, pressing her breasts against his arm in a hug. I rolled my eyes at it and caught his eye, making him laugh.

  After he pried her thirsty ass off, he held his hands in the air and silenced everyone. “Thank you guys for letting me transform you. It’s been a pleasure. I hope to hear about all of you in the future. I want to hear about how you’ve migrated and are all living your fullest lives. I also want to thank you for transforming me. You all have made a huge impact. I’ll see you around.”