The Game Changer

by Trio, L. M.

  “Mad? Are you crazy? This is great… You’re great. It’s just that... I’m not prepared… You know what I mean?” I lie, breathing heavy myself. When the hell did I become such a nice guy? I want her to think it’s me, not because of anything that she has done. I hand her clothes to her.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely,” I say, pulling up my shorts, giving her a peck on the lips. She begins to pull her shirt over her head, but I stop her. I can sense that she is feeling insecure about me putting the brakes on so quickly.

  “Wait. One more second, I’m not quite done; I need to feel your skin against mine for a little longer. You feel so good.” I hold her tightly and kiss her again, assuring her that I still want her and that it’s me that needed to stop, not because of anything that she’s done.

  Funny thing is, before we were officially together, I felt like I had to possess her for my own. Like, if she did something with me first, then she wouldn’t feel the need to do it with anyone else. I know, it’s selfish, but, now that she is mine, I want to take it slow for her. I want to build our relationship until she feels one hundred percent secure with me. It’s her first real relationship. Hell, it’s my first real relationship. I want to do everything right.

  After she finishes getting dressed, she snuggles up close to me and I wrap my arms tightly around her.

  “Luke, can we talk?”

  “Of course. What do you want to talk about?”

  “Well... Normally a girl would talk to her best friend about stuff like this... but, since it’s your sister, I don’t usually talk about this kind of stuff with her... and since you’re my other best friend... How weird is it for me to ask you questions about what just happened?”

  “Babe, you can ask me anything you want, you know that. Shoot.”

  “Okay, first question, can you tell that I’m inexperienced when we’re together?”

  “No way. Absolutely not. I mean that. I think it’s because we’re really comfortable with each other and you let yourself relax with me.”

  “When I’m with you, it’s really the only time I am truly relaxed; that’s true. Okay, now for the embarrassing stuff... I was feeling really...Uh... And I felt like I couldn’t control my body... Yet, it felt really, really good... And I know enough to know that you were feeling... Um… Well, you know?”

  “Was there a question in there somewhere?” I ask, amused at what she’s getting at.

  “Yes… Explain everything. What was going on with my body? When you touched me, you know… My God, I never felt like that before. What does it feel like for you? I want you to feel the way I do... Explain... I want to know everything,” she says, staring at me with those innocent, bright, beautiful green eyes as she snuggles her body closer to mine.

  My body is still on fire from being with her like this. She doesn’t even realize how much her innocence turns me on. It’s pretty damn crazy to me, too.

  I explain everything she wants to hear, embarrassing or not. I tell her what is going on with her body when I’m touching her and what is going on with my body. I explain the meaning of a cold shower and why I still feel the need for one. The conversation alone is keeping me worked up. I don’t leave anything out and, most of all; I’m extremely amused watching her expression as I explain it so bluntly. She has a few more follow-up questions. We talk about protection, which is why I told her we had to stop. Which isn’t entirely true, I have something in my wallet that’s been there from what feels like a lifetime ago, but I don’t want her to think I stopped because of her; it was the only excuse I could come up with.

  These personal talks we have with each other mean everything to me. No other girl would ever talk like this with their boyfriend. I love that she can come to me with anything, starting with last summer, the first night we kissed. I knew from then on, that I wanted to be the one that she experienced everything with, the only one.

  “Luke, you’re the best. We’re good, right?”

  “We are so good. Now, go to sleep,” I say as I kiss her goodnight and close my eyes. She softly runs her nails up and down my chest and stomach; again, sending those shocks through my veins. I begin to drift off to sleep.

  “Luke, are you awake?” she speaks in a soft whisper.

  Being the asshole that I am, I don’t respond; I keep my eyes closed, letting her believe I’m sleeping.

  “I love you, too,” she whispers quietly as she rests her head on my chest.

  I don’t move; just keep my eyes closed, hoping I don’t blow it by smiling or moving.

  Chapter 29(Jesse)

  Since I’ve met Luke, mostly everyone I know, relates him with baseball, everyone, except for me. Today is opening day and this is the first time I’m going to see him play. I have butterflies in my stomach; actually, I think it’s more like bats. By now, I have watched tons of videos of him online. I’ve read and heard all of the hype; especially, the last few weeks leading up to the season. Local papers, local TV; Luke and Mikey are everywhere. I’ve seen the change in them. They’re focused, more serious than usual, they’re always working on some pitch, some strategy. He’s always joking with me, putting me in some type of stance, teaching me how to properly throw a pitch.

  But, I’ve never actually seen him play in a real game. This is such a huge part of his life and we talk about it all the time, but for some reason, I still don’t think I totally get it. It’s the one area that everyone else is more familiar with than me. I still have a hard time grasping just how big this is. I keep thinking that he’s going to put this uniform on and, all of the sudden; he’s going to be a different Luke than the one that I know. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s what’s going through my mind as I sit through each of my classes, listening to all the talk in the halls about today’s game, anticipating the end of the school day and then, game time.

  Finally, with the last bell of the day, I wait outside the locker room, our usual meeting spot, for Luke to emerge.

  “Hey, babe… Wow, are you okay? You don’t look so good,” Luke asks as he approaches me from the room, looking pretty amazing in his uniform. And me, still getting that same old feeling every time I see him.

  “Really? I’m fine,” I answer meekly, annoyed at myself for not being able to hide my anxiety.

  He laughs, knowing me. “Okay, whatever you say. Well, I’ll see you out there. I have to get goin’. Mikey’s already out there havin’ batting practice while the scouts analyze him.” He laughs. “Finally, you get to see me play,” he adds with excitement.

  “Can’t wait,” I reply, trying to sound convincing as he kisses me goodbye and runs off.

  De, Lori, Cathy and I take our spots in the stands. I’m shivering; after all, it is March and it’s still cold. Or, it could be my nerves. I’m taken aback by the amount of people at the game. Football, I’m used to large crowds, but I didn’t think high school baseball drew such large crowds. The girls say it is because we’ve been state champions for the last few years and, of course, Mikey and Luke are top MLB prospects. They draw a huge following, not to mention, today they are opening against their biggest rival.

  So, reality begins to set in. I grow more nervous as I see Maria and Lucca, along with my dad, arrive and take a seat a few rows away from us. In the first row, ahead of us, are three men with clip boards and, from what De told me, are holding radar guns to measure the speed of Luke’s pitches.

  “They’re scouts,” De informs me. Then, points out a few others, standing along the fence. As the team takes the field, Luke and Mikey--who I must admit, looks pretty damn cute in his uniform, too--walks out together; talking as they stand on the pitcher’s mound. Both look confident as they end their conversation with a little laugh before Mikey gives him a pat on the back and heads to his position behind home plate. They warm up as if they are the only two people on the field. They seem to be at total ease. I, on the other hand, am more nervous than ever. First batter up, I watch as Mikey gives Luke a signal, Luke winds up, throws the bal
l, the three men fire the guns in his direction, the ump calls a strike. This scenario repeats itself throughout the next two batters as Luke strikes out all three. The three men seated in front of me shoot their guns simultaneously as they jot down notes on their clip boards. As the team hustles off the field, Luke gives me a wink when he catches my eye. The team now gets ready for their turn at bat.

  With two outs and a man on second, Mikey is the fourth batter up. From what Luke tells me--and, come to think of it, Mikey, when he’s bragging--is that Mikey is not just an awesome catcher, but he’s just as good at bat, as well. With a bit of arrogance, in my opinion, he gets up, swings on the first pitch and knocks it out over the fence. Once again, I watch as the three men in front talk amongst each other and jot down notes on their clipboards. The team stands by with high fives as Mikey enters the dugout. The inning ends with us leading, 2-0.

  After the first few innings, I finally begin to relax and actually enjoy the game. De gives me play-by-play details to explain what is going on. Not that I haven’t watched baseball before, but this is the first time I’m watching with a certain interest and I’m excited to learn everything about it. The game comes to an end with us on top 6-2. As the crowd begins to filter out, the three men in front share their notes and discuss Luke and Mikey. From what I can gather, they seem positive and impressed.

  As the team gathers in the dugout, for what seems to be a meeting about the game, my friends and I begin to gather up our things and head out. I turn back to see if I can spot Luke one last time as his team leaves the dugout. Luke sees me and waves me towards him. As I head in his direction, I spot Mikey speaking with one of the men with the clipboards.

  “So what did you think?” he asks excitedly.

  “It was awesome; I really liked it,” I answer honestly.

  “You really liked... it? Huh, what about me? What did you think about me?” he asks, teasing, as usual.

  “You’re alright, I guess. I really don’t see what all the hype is about.”

  “Really? I’ll have to show you when we get home,” he says slyly.

  “What do you and Mikey talk about when he calls a time out and meets you on the mound during the game?” I ask. They look so serious, but something in Luke’s eyes tells me that he’s just trying to make it seem that way.

  Luke starts to laugh. “He’s supposed to be telling me some type of strategy we should be using, but you know him; he’s a nut. Usually, he just does it to shoot the shit and make everyone think we’re coming up with this great plan.”

  “He’s crazy. Do all those people watching, make you nervous?” I ask, glancing towards the scouts.

  “No, not really. It pumps us up. It makes us want to prove ourselves even more. You know, make the trip worth their while. That’s why I gotta laugh when all of this is goin’ on and that nut is shootin’ the shit out on the mound in the middle of the game. It eases the tension.” He laughs. “I better get over there. I have to talk to a few of these guys. I’ll be over in a little while. Mikey and I are goin’ to work on a few things,” he says before jogging in the direction of the reporters and the men with the clipboards.

  When I enter the house, my dad is in the kitchen getting ready to prepare dinner.

  “Hey, Dad,” I say as I sit at the kitchen counter.

  “Hi, sweetie. Great game, huh? I heard it was supposed to be close,” he says excitedly as he begins to sauté vegetables on the range.

  “Yeah. He’s really good, huh, Dad?”

  “They both are. You’re surprised?”

  “Luke and I talk about it all the time. I hear everyone else talk about it. I guess, today just put a little more perspective on it for me. A lot of those guys at the game were scouts there to watch him and Mikey. He asked me after the game what I thought.”

  “And?”

  “I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of telling him I thought he was really good. I told him I didn’t see what all the hype was about.” I laugh.

  “See, that’s what he needs, someone to keep him grounded.” My dad laughs, too, knowing Luke and his big head. “Is he comin’ over to eat?”

  “He’ll eat later when he gets here. He has a few things to take care of.” I watch as my dad fixes a plate for Luke and puts it aside for later. Luke, De and Mikey are such a big part of our family now. My dad enjoys having them around all the time, it makes our house feel livelier, like before my mom was gone.

  The next several weeks, I become accustomed to going to baseball games, watching their interviews on the local news channel and watching the occasional new videos on YouTube, throwing his 98 mph fastball. Coaches and scouts continue to drop by the house to visit with him and Mikey. So, I have come to accept that my boyfriend is, at the time, somewhat of a sports celebrity, even though he likes to make me think that what I do is just as important. I was recently notified that I’ve been accepted for an internship at the Cape May Museum of Art. I have to submit my portfolio along with a letter of recommendation from my Art teacher. The internship begins in May and lasts throughout the summer. Listening to Luke talk about it, you would think I was the next Picasso or something. As much as I tease him, he has a big heart to go with his big head when it comes to me. He always encourages me about my Art work and makes it seem just as important as his baseball.

  Chapter 30

  (Jesse)

  A few days into April, I feel myself getting more anxious and panicky. I wake up one morning after a restless night of sleep, remembering how different things were this time last year; I was such a mess, even after months of therapy. Thinking back even further, remembering two years ago, I recall the day my mom and I were shopping. I was happy, felt at peace; everything in my life was going along just as it should... just like now. Then, suddenly in an instant, everything changed.

  I remember wanting to be alone, I didn’t want to feel anything for anybody. That way, I would never have to feel that kind of loss again. As all of those awful feelings come rushing back, I feel as though I’m having a panic attack, my heart is racing and I’m unable to catch my breath. I think of Luke and how happy he makes me feel, the same with De and the rest of my friends. I’m having way too much fun, I feel too good, something bad is bound to happen to me again, catch me off guard; just like before. As the anniversary of that day comes close, I begin to shut myself off from Luke, my friends, and my dad.

  ***

  (Luke)

  “Hey, De. How’s she doin’?” I meet my sister in the hallway, outside the locker room, where JJ is usually waiting. She tries to get JJ to come to school today. She missed yesterday and wouldn’t see or talk to any of us last night.

  “David said she won’t get up. I didn’t see her,” De answers with disappointment.

  “Damn, I thought she would be here since I have a game after school.” She never misses my games. “I’ll give her a call in a little while,” I answer more to myself, trying to convince myself that she’ll be fine.

  David and I talked last night. He told me this time last year she had a relapse as well. It lasted for about a week or so. He was hoping that this year would be different. I can tell he’s concerned; he can barely talk about what it was like with her that first year. I know he worries that he is going to lose her again. I won’t let that happen. I will get her through this.

  Before Study Hall, I duck outside to give her a call. No answer. I leave a message, telling her I miss her and hope she will be at my game today. Once again, I call David.

  “Hey, David, how is she?”

  “Hey, bud. She’s still sleepin’, I just checked on her.” “Yeah, I left a message, you workin’ tonight?” I ask.

  “I’m supposed to. I hate leaving her like this.”

  “De will be over right after school. She’ll stay until I get home. If she’s not up for talkin’, we’ll just hang out and watch TV. At least she won’t be alone.”

  “That would be great, you guys are the best. She’s lucky to have you.”

 
“Yeah, well, we’re hard to get rid of.” I try to joke to ease some of the tension I hear in his voice.

  I catch up with Deanna at the end of the day to fill her in. De would do anything to help JJ... and me.

  As Mikey and I walk over to the field, I fill him in on what is going on.

  “Alright, this is a piece of cake today. Let’s get it over with quickly, so you can get home,” Mikey says supportively as he goes to stand behind the plate.

  This is one of the easier teams we’ll be facing this year. We play in a tougher league than most high schools. There won’t be any scouts watching today. I should be able to get out of here rather quickly. Coach Briggs only pitches me the first five innings. I’m on a mission to end the game quick, so I throw twelve strike outs and we are up 7-0. I watch the remainder of the game from the dugout as Mikey makes a double play to end the game in the ninth. After a brief meeting in the dugout, I head to the locker room to grab my bag, not even taking the time to shower and change.

  On the way to her house, I replay in my mind what I will say to her. I really can’t come up with anything, so I figure I’ll know when I see her. I really can’t imagine what it must be like for her. I’ve never had anything terrible happen to me. I can’t even think about what it would be like to lose one of my parents, let alone being there when it happened.

  De is sitting in the family room when I arrive. “Hey.”

  “Hey, she’s in her room. David made dinner, but she didn’t want anything. I tried talking to her, but she really isn’t up for it. She said she was tired and would see me later.”

  “I’ll try talkin’ to her. I’m not goin’ to let her send me off that easy.”

  “I know, but I am afraid to push.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m gonna. I have to get through to her.” I thank De for sitting with her until I arrived.

  After she leaves, I try her bedroom door, it’s locked. I knock lightly. “It’s me; can I come in?” I ask quietly.

  “Can I call you later, Luke?” she answers as if she’s having a busy day at work or something.