by Trio, L. M.
“It’s hitting him hard right now. He’s leaving tomorrow and he feels as though his life is over. I’ve been there. It’s a very dark place, but he’ll be alright,” I answer while trying to reassure myself.
I remember how I felt, it wasn’t something anyone was able to help me with until I was ready. I shudder at the thought, hoping it won’t take Luke as long as it took me. I focused on how being with him has helped me and that is what I need to do for him. “Go ahead. You’re going to be late. I’ll see you there.”
“I’m scared, JJ. I don’t know if I can stand to watch him spend his last night with his friends.”
“Me, too, but it’ll be okay. I’ll be there in a little while,” I answer as we hold onto each other tightly, tears flowing from our eyes.
I would have preferred to have tonight alone with him, but maybe it’s good that he spends a few hours with his friends. They’re usually good for a few laughs and maybe they can make him forget for a little while about what’s in store for him. Then hopefully, when we get home, I can make him forget for a little while, too. Luke has a lot of people pulling for him that want to help him through this. Thankfully, the Ray’s organization has been supportive, so far. They’re not giving up on him and are looking towards his return. Luke’s hopeful about this in the beginning, over the last few days, something changed. He doesn’t want to hear anything that has to do with baseball.
As I shower, my mind is going in a million different directions. My stomach is in knots thinking about seeing him tonight. I’ve never seen him like this before. Luke has never spoken to me like that; how will he react to seeing me? I’m scared. I don’t want to think about him leaving for so long. As the water splashes over my face, I wash away the tears and begin to pull myself together.
I wear something I know will get Luke’s attention. I bought it a few weeks ago, but never got a chance to wear it. He would have said he loved it since it matches my eyes. I carefully apply my make-up and spend extra time on my hair. I am trying to make it hard for him not to notice me. Funny, but I usually don’t have to try much at all to have Luke’s full attention when I enter a room. That is the one thing I love about him. We can be in a jam-packed bar or a crowded stadium and he always makes me feel as if he only sees me. As I reminisce in my mind over the last two years, I’m interrupted by the sound of Lori’s car honking. I nervously twist my ring as I give myself one more look in the mirror and head outside.
“Hey, girlfriend, how are you holding up?” Lori asks as I open the door and slide into the passenger seat.
“I don’t know. We’ll see… he’s not doing so well.”
“Yeah, I know. De told me.”
I’m feeling kind of dizzy, my stomach is sick and everything feels as if I’m watching from the outside. Before I know it, the car is parked in CJ’s parking lot and I hardly remember picking up Cathy, Billy and Sean. As everyone filters out of the car, I start having regrets about coming here tonight and facing Luke.
Billy and I had a lot of classes together and we have actually become pretty good friends over the last couple of years. He’s always respectful of my relationship with Luke. He throws his arm around my shoulder as we walk up to the door. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks, knowing how upsetting this has been.
“It’s hard. He’s a mess. This was supposed to be so different. We should be preparing for my move to Florida, we made so many plans.”
“It’ll be okay, Jess. I don’t think there is any way of separating you two. And I’m a guy, admitting that,” he says, joking as he gives me a little shake.
“Thanks,” I say, forcing a smile at him.
CJ’s is already crowded when we arrive. I do a quick glance through, but don’t spot Luke. I’m figuring they’re in their usual spot at the back bar. As we make our way through the crowds of people, I hear someone yelling my name from the bar to the left of me. I turn around to see Blake sitting at the bar with a guy I don’t recognize. I’m not in the mood, but we make eye contact and there is no getting out of it. I tell my friends I’ll catch up with them as I make my way towards Blake.
“Hey, Jesse, my favorite girl in Bay Point,” he says enthusiastically as he puts his arm around my shoulder while holding his overly filled martini in his other hand.
Not too many people drink martinis in CJ’s. It’s really not Blake’s kind of place and I wonder why he even bothers to come.
“Hi, Blake. What are you doing back?” I say, nonchalantly slipping from under his arm. Blake couldn’t wait to leave Bay Point and head back to Manhattan. He left immediately following graduation.
“Just here for the weekend. I’m glad I ran into you. I had a feeling you would still be hanging out here. What are you drinking?” he asks.
“Nothing. I just walked in,” I answer distractedly. The pretty bartender is already waiting to see what he needs. I notice the huge pile of money sitting on the bar in front of him. He leans in to whisper something to her as he hands her a twenty. “I’ll be back in a little while to see you, I need to find De,” I say, trying to break free. The bartender fills four shot glasses and leaves a pitcher next to the glasses.
“Not so fast. You can’t just blow me off like that. I haven’t seen you since graduation! You at least have to do one shot with me,” he says, pulling me to his stool, holding me by my waist so I cannot break free. I am one of Blake’s only friends in Bay Point, although I’m not in the mood for his games tonight. My nerves are on edge. Maybe a shot is what I need. He lines up the shots, handing me one as he clinks our glasses together. My throat burns as the warm liquid flows down.
“Oh, my God. What was that?” I ask, breathing fire.
***
(Luke)
As Mikey and I make our way to the doors leading out, I happen to glance over at the side bar and spot Blake Christiansen with his arm around JJ’s waist. Mikey must have caught it too because he swiftly begins pushing me out the wooden doors.
“What the fuck is that about?” I yell as we get outside. “I’m not even gone yet and she looks pretty fuckin’ okay to me. See what I mean? That’s why I don’t want her around!” I’m yelling, but my mouth feels like it is full of marbles. I can hardly understand myself, I know I’m slurring.
“Let’s go, man, you’re trashed. It’s nothing really. I’ll go get her,” Mikey says, leading me towards the car.
“It’s something to me!” I grumble as I shove him aside and rush back through the doors. I instantly feel Mikey behind me, his hand on my back. I see her immediately, walking towards us. I ignore her. I look straight, heading to the back bar. I order another round for everyone. I pass out the drinks with one thing on my mind, to make her pay.
***
(Jesse)
“Black Hills Gold,” Blake says, answering my question about what it is that I just drank. He grins, handing me another. “Here, chase with this,” he says, handing me a purpley looking drink that has a fruity flavor to it. He has a pitcher prepared in front of him. We do the second shot and chase with the fruity drink.
“That’s better,” I answer, drinking down the whole glass in one gulp. He laughs.
“Blake, really, I have to go. I’ll be back in a little while to talk, okay?”
“Alright, if you promise to come back.” He smiles as he loosens his hold on me. “Besides, I want to tell you about this class I’m taking in New York. You’d love it.” Blake and I had become friends our junior year, after his New Year’s Eve party. He’s a flirt, but he’s harmless. Mr. Collier always partnered us up together in Art class for projects and art shows since we’re both more advanced than the other students. He always teased me about my relationship with Luke, but he didn’t bring it up tonight. I’m sure he knows what happened. Mostly everyone does. It’s the highlight of the Sports Channel this summer. I finally make my break after, again, promising him that I will be back.
As I’m walking away, I spot Luke and Mikey walking in from the front doors, both looking extremely serious. I
t seems as if they have spotted me, but they keep heading towards the back bar. Mikey’s hand rests firmly on Luke’s back. Luke looks to be furious and on a mission. Where did they come from? I wonder to myself. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and instantly regret having those drinks, which are now going straight to my head. I hang back slightly and follow behind.
I catch up with my friends, who seem to be oblivious as they talk and enjoyed themselves. Mikey and Luke join their friends at the bar, Luke orders shots, and he has a crazed glow to his eyes, but seems to be having the time of his life. I stand from afar, trying to analyze his mood. As I’m about to make my move towards him, I spot four girls standing slightly to the right, closely behind Luke and the guys. My heart sinks. It is Alexa and her friends. Just then, Luke turns to them, smiling, a handful of shots in the palm of his hand. He hands them each a glass. I walk over, not wanting to seem like that same shy, little girl that is insecure around her, the one who hangs in the background whenever she is near. Luke’s glazed over eyes meet mine, he turns his back on me and faces the bar, downing his shot, not waiting for the others to join. The rest of the group, except Mikey, raise their glasses to salute while they throw back their drinks. Mikey instead, catching the exchange between me and Luke rushes over to my side. He wraps his arms around me tightly.
“Hey, JJ’s here!” He says loudly, trying to sound cheerful, hoping to get Luke’s attention. The other guys all turn to say, hi, as Luke continues to talk with the bartender, ignoring me. The girls sort of giggle to themselves as they form their own little circle. Mikey rests both arms on my shoulders and looks into my eyes. “You, okay?”
I nod my head, determined not to let them see me cry as I give him a half smile.
“JJ, it’s not a good night for you to be here. He’s wrecked. I promise, I’m trying to get him out of here. Wait for him at home,” he says quietly so only I can hear.
I nod my head in agreement. “Where were you coming from? I just saw you both walk in?”
“I actually convinced him to leave. As we were walkin’ out, he spotted you… with Blake. You know how he feels about that kid. Once outside, he started freakin’ out, and then headed back in. I’m afraid he’s goin’ to do somethin’ stupid. He can’t afford to get in any more trouble or have any more bad publicity. Go wait at home, okay?”
“I can’t leave him here, Mikey. I’m scared. I need to talk to him. Please try to get him outside again,” I plead.
Mikey nods in agreement, but it’s too late. We both turn in Luke’s direction at the same time, horrified.
***
(Luke)
Blake Christiansen? Really? I guess she’s fuckin’ over me already. I can play that game, too. I know I’m out of my mind, but I don’t care. This is what I wanted, right? To end things. This is the perfect time to put the nails in the coffin. End things once and for all… make her hate me. That’s what I want, right? Why not? I hate myself.
I pull Alexa aside, sweet talkin’ her. She’s so fuckin’ easy. I begin to kiss her. I hear JJ scream my name, it startles me at first. Then I follow through with my revenge. As I’m leaving with Alexa, I see JJ out of the corner of my eye twist off her ring and wind up for the throw. She nails me in the back of the head… hard! As drunk as I am, I still have enough sense to think… she has good form, my pitching lessons paid off.
***
(Jesse)
Everything happens so fast, my head is spinning from the drinks I had quickly consumed, but mostly because Luke is making out with Alexa! Her arms are tightly wrapped around his neck while he holds his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. I feel everyone’s eyes turn to me. My own eyes begin to glaze over, not believing what I’m seeing. I can hear myself yell, “Luke! What are you doing?!” In the haze, I can see De across the room, looking horrified. Mikey drops his arms away from me and turns towards Luke. Luke stops instantly when he hears my voice, turning to look at me with eyes I don’t recognize. He grabs her hand, while staring me down with hate in his eyes. He leads her towards the front door. I stand there frozen, horrified, not knowing what is happening. My world is collapsing once again. I twist the ring off my finger and fling it at him, hitting him in the back of the head. He stops in his tracks, but doesn’t turn to face me. The ring falls to the floor. Mikey follows behind him.
My friends supportively form a circle around me, I’m shaking uncontrollably. Billy is next to me with his arm around me, I faintly hear him telling me to calm down; everything will be okay. Next, De rushes over, handing her tray to Cathy. She puts her arms around me and cries with me. “I’m so sorry, JJ. You know that is not him right now. He loves you so much.”
Suddenly, all I can think about is my mom and losing her. What could be worse than that, right? I brush away the tears with the back of my hands. I’m not going to give Alexa’s friends the satisfaction of knowing that he broke me down. That’s what they have been waiting on for two years. I stand straight, grabbing a drink from De’s tray and chug it down.
“I’m okay, really. Go. You’re working.” She asks if I’m sure, I nod as she walks away, glancing back to check on me. “I’m fine,” I mouth to her.
***
(Luke)
Alexa is all over me once we reach the parking lot. We make our way to her car. I ignore Mikey, preaching in my ear throughout the parking lot. I slam the car door shut in his face and tell her to drive off. Nice girl… doesn’t care about driving drunk. Now this is the kind of girl a felon like me belongs with, I think in my distorted mixed up head. Thankfully, my mom and dad aren’t in the kitchen when we arrive at my house. I pull her up the steps, into my room. As we begin to rip each other’s clothes off, she has to go and open up her big mouth and talk.
“Why won’t you look at me?” she asks while she roughly unbuttons my pants and begins to lower my zipper.
At that moment, I realize my eyes are squeezed shut so tight that I’m giving myself a headache. I can’t look at her. Not giving a shit about her feelings, I answer honestly as I slowly open my eyes and stare at the wall. “Cause you’re not her and I’m pretendin’ you are.” Who am I trying to kid? There’s only one person I ever want to be with. If I can’t have her, I don’t want anyone else.
“Luke, I don’t care. You know how I feel about you. Give me a chance. I’ll make you forget her, at least for tonight,” she pleads as she reaches for me.
I’m already pulling my shirt back over my head, while shoving her blouse into her hands. “Get dressed. It’s not goin’ to happen tonight or any other night. Like I said, you’re not her... you need to go.”
I walk into my bathroom and close the door. I wait till I hear my bedroom door slam shut and the sound of her feet flying down the steps. I lean over the toilet and begin to throw my guts up as tears stream down my face.
***
(Jesse)
Billy and Cathy are trying to make me laugh. I smile, trying to keep up the charade that I’m okay. I can see Mikey pushing through the crowd to reach me. Luke’s not with him. I hold up my hand to stop him. If he touches me, I will break down all over again. I mouth, “I’m fine,” to him. He shakes his head, understanding and goes to stand with his friends. I watch him pace around, running his hands through his hair.
I have to get away from everyone. They are coddling me, trying to make me feel better. In a drunken haze, I make my way to the side bar where I had met up with Blake earlier. He’s still sitting in the same spot, martini in hand. “Look, who’s back!” he says excitedly, his arm slides around my waist, pulling me towards him. The pretty bartender appears as he hands her another twenty. She soon is back with that same pitcher, filling up shot glasses. “Did I see Goldenboy a few minutes ago?” he asks, trying to bait me, as he usually did in class, with his sly good looking, I-can-get-away-with-anything, look.
“Me and Goldenboy are no more!” I slur as I take the shot glass from his hand and throw it back, slinging my arm around his shoulders.
�
��Cool. It’s about time. You’re too young to be tied up for the rest of your life.”
“Yep. Let’s change the subject,” I agree, downing the chaser, trying to rid the lump from my throat.
“You got it.”
I feel his warm hand resting on my waist, caressing my side and back with his fingers. Wanting to erase Luke from my mind, I’m sending him signals that I am into this, too. With my arm still slung over his shoulder, I softly brush the side of his face and neck with my hand. He places his hand on my chin, turning my face towards his. I begin to make out with him, without caring who witnesses it. Suddenly, I feel a heavy hand tightly squeeze my upper arm, tugging at me.
“Let’s go,” I hear Mikey say angrily, pulling me away.
“Yo, man, what’s your problem?” Blake protests as I stand there in shock, my mind muddled.
Mikey stares him down. “Right now, you’re my problem and I’m gonna be your problem if you don’t back off!” He is hurting my arm as he pulls me along, not loosening his grip. De is waiting by the front doors. I won’t look at either of them as they talk about me as if I’m not here.
“You’ll take her home?” I hear her ask. “Stay with her until I get there... David won’t be home for a few more hours.”
I’m glad he doesn’t say anything as he puts me in the passenger side of his car and slams the door shut as he angrily gets in the driver’s seat and shoves the keys in the ignition. I can vaguely hear him swearing under his breath. It seems much later than it actually is. It’s hard to believe how your whole life can change in such a short amount of time. You think I’d be used to it by now. I throw my head back on the headrest and close my eyes. It feels like Mikey is spinning us in circles.
“You alright?” he asks angrily, but with concern.
“I’m dizzy,” I answer.
“Shit, JJ, how much did you drink?”
“A lot,” I answer, dizzily, still keeping my eyes closed.
“Looks that way,” he mumbles.