by R. J. Garcia
Later in the afternoon, my grandparents came over and another awkward visit ensued. I planted myself at the same wooden, backyard table. Again, my grandfather held out his deep-blue-veined hand with a twenty-dollar bill rolled in between his finger and thumb, saying, “You’re a nice-looking boy.”
Awkwardly I said, “Thanks,” and took the money.
Monday came. I hoped I’d see Finn at the bus stop, but he didn’t show up. It seemed like I would never see him again. I went to his house and pounded on the front door like a crazy person.
Polar Bear jerked the door open, already in his sheriff’s costume. He grabbed me by my hoodie, hissing into my face, “You better never knock on my door again.” He picked me up from the porch and sent me flying.
I landed hard on the front lawn, right on my butt. “Where’s Finn?” I shouted, winded from being thrown across the lawn. Polar Bear stomped over to me. Thinking, he might beat the shit out of me, I hurriedly clambered back on the grass.
He snarled down at me. “You’re dead now!” His balled-up fist appeared freakishly large, with bulky knuckles.
To my relief, I heard the tires on the bus screech and hiss to a stop. I staggered, getting back up to my feet, running to catch the bus. I watched Polar Bear glaring at me from the safety of the window as we drove off.
“What was that about?” the bus driver asked with motherly concern. She was a friendly woman, about forty, or fifty.
“He just wants to kill me, that’s all,” I muttered.
Within minutes, the girls got on the bus and sat down in the seat across from mine. Before they had a chance to say anything, I started to ramble on about Polar Bear. I told them I was afraid he killed Finn.
Annie said, “His stepdad probably just knocked him around. He’s a sheriff, not a killer.” She rubbed her eyes, looking sleepy before concern overtook her face.
Silence rolled her eyes. “I went to your house and Reese told me that you and Finn were both grounded for sneaking out.” She sounded angry. “Why would you say he killed him?” Her lips curled with distaste at the thought of it.
“See, Polar Bear was really mad. I guess, I don’t know. I have a bad feeling. He threatened us. Yeah. He’s going to drop us in a well.” Fifteen years of uncertainty dribbled out in my shaky voice. Nothing I said made much sense. Was I going nuts? Looking at the passing trees, telephone poles, and mailboxes, I tried to regroup.
No, I wasn’t crazy. Polar Bear had hurt Finn before. Who knew what he was capable of? He was also a reasonable suspect for the kidnapping and murder that took place in this town. I had to calm down and present my case logically. “A lady was found dead in the woods about two years ago. Only her name wasn’t Laney Serel, it was Sarah Evans. She had been missing for over ten years. Maybe Laney Serel’s body hasn’t been found yet. I think Finn’s stepdad is somehow connected. The woods are practically in his backyard.”
I took out the copies of several newspaper articles I’d printed from the Internet. I handed them to Silence. She immediately began to read them.
I looked at the girls. “I might be crazy, but what if I’m not?”
Annie looked at me funny until her look changed to one of deep deliberation. I hadn’t realized she could look intense like that. Silence continued to study the papers.
“And why is Finn grounded from school?” I asked them.
Annie said, “I don’t think you’re crazy, Tommy, but I’m not worried about Finn because he’s real tough. You saw him the other night. He’ll be fine.”
Silence came and sat next to me and looked me straight in the eye, the papers in her hand. “I’m going to see Finn tonight, no matter what and make sure he’s alright. We are all in this together.”
It was exactly what I needed to hear. “Yeah. We are.”
I told the girls we’d talk later and headed toward the freshman wing.
Hailee was at her locker and I slowed down.
“Good morning,” she said.
I may have had an out-of-body experience. I stood there, hearing myself tell her I couldn’t go to the dance. My heart always beat fast around her, but never more than it did then.
“Okay.” Her lips pinned into a straight line before she turned and faced her locker. No tears, no questions. I exhaled in relief, completely off the hook. Unexpectedly, Hailee turned back and asked, “Why?” She appeared expressionless.
I hadn’t even planned on canceling, so I had no excuse. My pulse beat like a clock set to go off. The longer I didn’t answer, the sharper her gaze became. She crossed her arms, peering into my face, with her beautiful toffee-colored eyes. Her lips pressed up tightly into a taunting smile. “It’s a simple question. Why can’t you go to the dance?”
Feeling like I was in a mental pressure cooker, I was startled into telling the truth. “I don’t want to.” I slammed my locker and rushed off.
In first hour, I attempted to readjust my memory of what happened by our lockers. I tried to convince myself it was no big deal, but I couldn’t. It built on the stress I already had. Of course, now that the moment passed, all the excuses flooded my brain: my fake Uncle Albert died, I got in trouble, or I had a family emergency. The words, “I don’t want to,” played in my head. It was harsh. Who says that?
Nervously, I tapped my pencil on my desk during class. I hadn’t realized I was doing it until the teacher asked me to stop. The entire class looked at me. I slid down in my chair.
I avoided my locker, but once fourth hour came, I saw Hailee, anyway, in art class. It didn’t matter because she wouldn’t even acknowledge me with a glance. After class, I overheard Hailee’s friend Kelly talking to another girl. “Who does he think he is?”
The other girl commented, “He’s too skinny, anyway.”
Lunch came, and I went in the library. I saw the metal bookshelves, rows of computers and clusters of wooden study tables. It could have been a library anywhere. There was something comforting in the slightly dusty smell of books and quiet. I hunched over a book, pretending it was where I wanted to spend my lunch hour.
As I exited the library, Brandon came up to me, asking, “What’s your problem, Tommy?” He had taken my nickname back. His friend, Lucas, stood behind him looking bored. Next, Brandon asked, “Are you gay?” This made Lucas smirk. He continued, “It would make sense. No one would judge you.”
“No,” I replied. “I just have a lot of—”
“You know what? Save it for someone who cares.” He walked away, and Lucas followed him.
The day continued in strained, uncomfortable beats. Everyone shot me hostile glances, students and teachers alike. I didn’t have a friend in the universe. At least that’s what it felt like.
Like my day at school didn’t suck enough, my CPS caseworker snatched me straight off the school bus. I had forgotten she was even coming. I sank into the beige, microfiber sofa in Reese and Holden’s living room, wanting to fade into another dimension. Her gaze searched my face. She may have been young and soft-spoken, but it didn’t matter. She remained a nameless, faceless person, involved in the conspiracy to ruin my life.
I stared at the oak coffee table with coasters and carefully positioned books. The lady kept asking the stupidest questions. She wanted to know my date of birth, hobbies. Finally, I just broke in. “I need to check on my neighbor.”
The caseworker looked puzzled for a second and then recovered enough to ask, “Why do you need to check on your neighbor?”
“His stepdad was really mad at him for sneaking out. He never showed up at school today.” An idea hatched in my head. “Can you go over there and check on him for me? Please? I just want to know he’s okay.”
She took a deep breath as her shoulders rose and descended. “I’m here to talk to you and your sister right now. This visit won’t take too long. After you can go check on your friend. How’s that, Tommy?”
“His stepdad’s this evil sheriff and he threw me off his porch this morning when I tried to ask about Finn. Could you please
help me out?”
“Wait, who threw you?” She gave me a confused look.
“The sheriff, Polar Bear. Yeah, you see, I was worried because Finn didn’t show up at the bus stop. Anyway, I went and banged on his front door this morning. That’s when his stepdad picked me up and threw me.”
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” the social worker asked.
“No. I’m fine. But if you could please check on my neighbor, I would really appreciate it. Finn could be beat up, or worse.”
“Let’s talk about you first, Tommy. Are you nervous and worried about things a lot?” She studied my expression. She thought I was crazy, which made me feel more uneasy. I mumbled a curse word. The questions went on and wasted more time. I heard a knock on the door.
A moment later, the lady and I both looked up as Reese walked toward us, saying, “Finn and Silence were at the door to see you. Sorry, but I told them you were grounded.”
“Is that the neighbor you thought was in danger?” The caseworker asked. She and Reese exchanged a look.
Reese commented, “Tommy is a little dramatic sometimes.”
“No, I’m not like that. Wait. Did he look okay? Was he beat up?” I asked in a state of disbelief.
“No, he looked fine,” Reese answered.
“Okay. Okay.” I allowed myself a small smile, feeling lighter with one less worry. Sure, the CPS lady thought I was a freak, but Finn was alive.
Chapter 12
Tommy
Finn
“Sometimes the most unlikely people wind up being homosexual and it doesn’t make them bad,” my mom said.
“Huh?” My eyes got big in response. I had showered and dressed and just really wanted to check in. “Yeah, but I’m not that,” I replied an octave higher than intended.
My mom smiled. “I knew it, Finn. Good. I wanted grandbabies.” She was all about procreation, I thought, watching the little ones climb up on her in the bed. Polar Bear had probably put it in her head that I was gay. It didn’t really bother me much.
My mom pushed a couple of pillows to the floor, pulled the covers back, and motioned for me to sit. I did, and my three-year-old brother, Gunnar, and two-year-old brother, Aaron, deserted our mom and started to climb on me. Ten-month-old Sóla slept next to our mom on the bed. A baby bottle lying beside her.
My mom, had me grab Pop-Tarts from the nightstand. I tore back the foil and handed one to each of my tiny brothers, even though they were practically giants for their age. I wasn’t in a Pop-Tart mood. She directed them to, “Eat your breakfast and watch TV.” The television on her dresser was tuned in to Thomas the Train. The boys scooted to the end of the bed, ate their breakfast, preferring sweets to me and staring mindlessly at the TV.
“It’s going to be better around here without him,” I said, looking at my mom. The lines on her face had stemmed from stress and fatigue. She looked younger and her complexion brightened since she had thrown Polar Bear out. Still, her beauty faded from her hard years with him.
“Yeah, it will be,” she admitted, but a tilt of her head to suggest a slight doubt. I didn’t get it. She leaned forward and smoothed her hand gently across my forehead and down my cheek, her eyes studying me.
“Okay, enough of that.” I smiled and got up.
“Oh, Finn, you’re no fun.” Suddenly she looked dreamy. “When you were little, you would give me chocolate kisses, strawberry kisses.”
Not this story again. “I know. You’ve told me about a hundred times.”
The baby started fussing. My mom lifted Sóla up. She was the smallest, youngest one. My mom raised her up a little higher, seeming to take in the sweet, pure scent of a baby. Sóla burped and was instantly soothed. That kind of thing made my mom smile.
The house exhaled. I had waited so long for this. Yet, he wouldn’t go down without a fight. I looked at the little ones and my mom, wanting to cast a spell of protection around them. “I’m worried what he will do.” I admitted, “I want to stay home from school.”
“I don’t know,” my mom said. “We may need a gun for protection.” It looked like she was thinking. “I don’t want you to miss school again, baby. Reese said we can go hang out at their house today.” She decided,
“Everything is fine.”
Everything is fine seemed like a big leap from needing a gun, but I took it. I bent down and kissed Sóla’s soft cheek. My mom smiled into my eyes.
I heard the bus stopping and burst out the front door with my backpack. Tommy turned around as he stepped onto the bus, waiting for me.
“Hey, you!” I exclaimed.
“So, you are still alive!” Tommy broke into a wide smile.
“Oh, hell yeah,” I happily replied.
We grabbed seats next to one another.
Tommy nodded his head and eyed me. Even though he looked a little like a pretty boy, he always dressed simple and was a cool guy. I missed him, too.
“Your mom really threw Polar Bear out?” Tommy asked, amazed.
“Yeah, she did. He wouldn’t leave at first until we threatened to call the cops. He went crazy Friday night.” I looked out the window at Silence and Annie as the bus pulled up to their stop and then back at Tommy. “Man, life’s good.” I thought about how his family wasn’t back together. “We can hang out all the time,” I offered up.
“Yeah, we can.” There was a small smile on his face.
Silence sat next to me, as usual, and Annie took her spot, across from our seat.
That’s when Silence said, “Aren’t you looking. . .” She seemed to be searching for the right word. “Schooly.” She punched me in the arm with her small fist. It felt like a show of affection from her.
“What’s that?” I asked, grinning at Silence.
“I think she means scholarly,” Tommy said.
“I know the word ‘scholarly.’ I made up my own word.” Silence shook her head and squinted her eyes at Tommy.
“Glad to have you back.” Annie leaned in closer to me, adding, “We really missed you, Finn.”
“Okay, I was absent for a couple days.” What was the big deal?
“Yeah, well, someone almost convinced us you were dead.” Silence remarked, and her eyes slid over to Tommy.
“I’m glad I was wrong!” Tommy said, “Sorry, I stressed you out.”
“Me stressed? Forget it.” Her nostrils flared a little and she frowned. She never wanted to seem to care too much.
I peered out the window, watching the familiar scenery zip by. I basked in the tranquility of this new life. A life where I would be the man of the house and wouldn’t have to find a place to go when some idiot started drinking. “My mom says you can come over whenever you want now, Si.”
“Good, but remember, I don’t do diapers,” Silence remarked, pointing her finger at me.
I liked her style. “I’m with you on that,” I said to her, although I had changed more than my fair share of diapers. My eyes shot back over to Tommy. “How are things with you and Hailee Palmer?” I asked, still deeply impressed.
“I messed it up.” Tommy looked at the floor and the bus slowed down a little, bumping along a road full of potholes.
“You’re still going to the dance, right?” I asked.
His words were as choppy as the ride. “I, I, um, canceled.” He met my gaze again briefly.
Shocked, I asked, “Why?” Who would cancel a date with Hailee Palmer? That was just plain weird to me.
Silence had a satisfied look. This made me roll my eyes at her.
Tommy thought for a minute. “I hadn’t planned on canceling. I was nervous about everything I guess.”
The brakes shrieked to a complete stop. Four kids got on the bus. The boy was the only one that spoke to me. He told me, “Hey Wilds, I heard you kicked Mudget’s ass.”
I put my good hand up and led with a fist bump but didn’t stop talking to Tommy. “Well, try telling Hailee that. She might still go with you.” I hoped this, for selfish and unselfish reasons.
; “Just let it go, Finn!” Silence snapped.
My face grew warm and I was even more irritated at her. Silence punched me in the arm, but this time I complained, “You’re always punching me.”
Silence’s big green eyes scanned my face. Her lips parted a second. It made me think about kissing her. These kinds of thoughts had been occupying a large portion of my brain for the last year. I knew she was too young.
“I just think Hailee’s perfect and boring, that’s all,” Silence said.
Annie explained, more innocently, “Yeah, and Tommy would be too popular to hang around us.”
Tommy’s eyes widened, in disbelief. “I would still hang around you guys.” He looked over at Annie. “You’re my friends.”
“Talk to her, stupid,” Silence said to Tommy, letting her head drop on my shoulder. She mumbled, “If you like someone, you should tell them.”
As always, I played dumb. I liked things the way they were. Polar Bear probably wanted to kill me and Mudget, too. None of it mattered. The morning was perfect.
My body immediately tensed as I got off the bus at the end of the day and saw Polar Bear’s police cruiser parked in our driveway. “No.” I moaned. “I’m a dumbass. I shouldn’t have gone to school.”
Tommy shot me a hopeful look. “Your family is at my Uncle Holden’s, remember? Maybe Polar Bear is getting his things.” I stood there like a statue. Tommy put his hand on my shoulder, shaking me out of my stupor. “Come on, let’s check my place and see if they’re there,” he reasoned.
Panicked, we exchanged a wide-eyed glance and ran to his house. Tommy burst inside first. I stepped in right after him. Reese was on the sofa with the baby, Sóla, asleep on her lap.
I could feel my face drop. “Where’s my mom?” I asked her.
Reese spoke softly. “Polar Bear came by with flowers. He apologized. I heard him promise it would be better.”