Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice

by Hayden Hunt

  I tried to deny it as much as I could; I built up a wall between me and a future I never thought I’d be able to have. But I couldn’t do that anymore. Not when that future was standing right in front of me.

  I would be happy. Not just with Luke in my future, but with Jake too. Hell, with our own future children. I loved my happy little family, and I wanted to form another one.

  It wasn’t as if all my fears about being a parent had disappeared. Absolutely not, I was just as worried as I’d ever been. But for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to think about what it would be like to actually have kids. And I finally believed it was a risk I had to take.

  “Oh my God,” Luke gasped, sending my heart rate skyrocketing. “Okay, yes, we’ll be right there.”

  As soon as he said ‘we’ll be right there’ my heart sank. I could think of very few reasons why we would need to rush to the hospital on Halloween night to see Sabrina.

  “We need to go to the hospital,” he said quickly.

  “The hospital? To see Mommy?”

  “That’s right, bud, go put your shoes back on.”

  Jake sprinted out of the room as fast as possible.

  “Babe, what is it? What’s going on?”

  “They… they said Sabrina is responsive. That she actually spoke tonight. And she asked for us.”

  12

  Luke

  I drove to the hospital as fast as I could while still being safe. There were still kids lining the sidewalks and I had to keep a careful eye out, but we got there fairly quickly.

  Normally, the hospital depressed me. Not just because I had to see Sabrina here in her worst condition. They’d actually always depressed me. They just gave off a negative vibe.

  But tonight was different. Tonight, walking into the hospital filled me with warmth. Maybe it was the fact that my sister may be improving, maybe it was the Halloween decorations that littered the hall, maybe a bit of both. But right now, I felt good. Better than I could ever remember feeling in my life.

  We got our visitor tags and ran to Sabrina’s room. When we got there, I could feel butterflies overtaking my stomach. Because I wasn’t staring at Sabrina’s limp body…

  She had her head turned toward the window, and she was elevated only slightly in bed. Not sitting up, but clearly not laying down.

  “Mommy!” Jake yelled as he sprinted toward her and wrapped his tiny arms around her.

  “H-hi, b-baby,” she said slowly and in a voice that wasn’t her own. Her words were slurred so much I wouldn’t have recognized her voice on a recording.

  But I believe that was to be expected. After being out for as long as she had, the doctors had always said she would need intense physical therapy.

  But she recognized Jake. She recognized her son. She still knew us, and that was what mattered. Whatever damage had been done, she was still in there somewhere. And we’d do everything we could to bring her back to her former state.

  “Hey, sis,” I said, walking over and grabbing her hand. She smiled at me, but didn’t speak. She didn’t have to.

  Doctor Rushmore came in right after, a grin on his face.

  “Looks like we’ve got the whole family here now, don’t we, Sabrina?”

  She nodded slowly, but her facial expression showed more enthusiasm than I’d ever seen on someone’s face.

  “Well, as you can see, your sister is awake and aware of her surroundings. It’s a shock to all of us, but we couldn’t be happier about it.”

  “Mommy can come home with me now?” Jake said excitedly.

  “Well, not quite, bud,” Doctor Rushmore continued. “After the damage that has been done in her brain, she is going to pretty much have to relearn everything she once knew how to do. It’s going to be a rough road. She’s going to have to learn how to speak fluently, how to grasp things, how to write properly, how to walk… And, to be completely frank, some of these goals may never be reached. Or, at least, not for many years. Not to discourage you, I’ve seen patients with severe traumatic brain injury walk again and regain their lives again. But we are looking at years of very intensive physical therapy.”

  “Right, of course.” I nodded. I looked over at my sister but her expression hadn’t changed. She still looked as excited as ever to be seeing me and her son.

  “So what’s the next step?” I asked.

  “Over the next month, we’ll start her on intensive physical therapy here. Then she will be moved to a facility that will work with her on a very strict schedule. She won’t be able to come home for a while, but you will be able to visit her whenever you guys like.”

  “We can come every day now, Uncle Luke?”

  “Absolutely.” I smiled at the both of them, tears overtaking my eyes. “We’ll come every single day. I promise.”

  And I meant it. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay away.

  As hard as Doctor Rushmore was making the next few months sound, I really didn’t care. I couldn’t feel anything but happiness right now.

  I was sure that may change. As I saw my sister struggle with basic tasks, I probably wouldn’t feel this positive about it forever. But right now I was living on the high of seeing my sister again.

  I never thought I would.

  “But all the physical therapy will start tomorrow,” Doctor Rushmore said nicely. “Tonight, just enjoy each other. And Sabrina, if you’re in any pain or discomfort, please don’t hesitate to let us know.”

  She didn’t even look at Doctor Rushmore in response. She just kept staring back from me to Jake… Mostly at Jake. I’d never seen so much happiness in someone’s eyes.

  “We’ll be sure to let you know,” I told Doctor Rushmore.

  “Excellent, I’ll be back to check in on you guys periodically. And happy Halloween.”

  “Happy Halloween!” I responded in excitement, completely forgetting the holiday. It really was, though; it was the happiest Halloween.

  “Momma, did you see the pumpkin I painted for you?” Jake asked excitedly. “Oh, do you want to see my scary mask?”

  Sabrina gave short nods when she could, but mostly she just listened to Jake as he told her about basically everything that had happened in his life in the past few months.

  I didn’t dare interrupt. They needed this time together. Even though Jake had come in every week to tell his mom about his life, it became immediately clear to me that even Jake knew she couldn’t really hear him. Because he was retelling everything all over again but this time, he knew he was being heard.

  I grabbed Peter’s hand and took him over to a small bench in the corner of her room. We sat and we watched them. I had to wonder if this was boring for Peter, but if it was, he didn’t say anything. Actually, he looked just as excited and bleary-eyed as Jake and I did.

  “And Uncle Luke has a new friend!” Jake said excitedly. “A friend he loves and kisses!”

  Sabrina turned her head to me, eyebrows somewhat raised. It was hard to read her expression, but I knew her well enough to know it was surprised.

  “Sabrina, this is Peter, my boyfriend. He’s been helping me out a lot with everything that’s been going on. He’s, uh…” I blushed. “He’s a really good guy.”

  “Hello, Sabrina, I’ve heard so much about you and it’s so great to finally meet you.” He reached out to her hand to shake it, but she couldn’t extend her fingers so he mostly put his hand on top of hers.

  “Th-thank you,” was all she said with a smile.

  I could feel a big change coming. Not just in Sabrina, not just because she was getting better, but an entire shift in my life.

  I was sitting here with the three people that meant most to me in the world. And I couldn’t be happier to be with them. And I saw a future with all of them.

  Future Thanksgivings, future weekend lunches, Sabrina being better and actually being able to care for Jake. Me and Peter taking him on day dates to the zoo.

  I could see even farther into the future than that. I could see a future w
here Peter and I had our own kids. Where Jake had cousins. I saw this little family of mine growing quite a bit.

  And I fucking loved it.

  Truth be told, I didn’t really know if Peter was going to want kids yet. I had a hunch, but I wouldn’t know until he discovered that for himself. Still, that didn’t keep me from imagining it. Nothing was going to keep me from imagining a happy future, now that I knew my sister was going to be okay.

  We spent the rest of Halloween night in the hospital with her. Mostly, Jake talked to her, but when I could see she was getting tired, we turned on her hospital TV to some horror movie marathons. I was the only one in the room who didn’t love them, but I didn’t care. I was with everyone I loved and they were all happy.

  I’d never had a better Halloween than this one. From now on, Halloween was going to mean more to me than simply a busy time of the year. It was going to remind me of the day I got my life back.

  We finally left at around 1 am. Only because I could see Sabrina was exhausted and needed her rest.

  “Okay, it’s time to go, time to let Mommy sleep,” I told Jake.

  “But Uncle Luke!” he pushed.

  “Jake, if Mom is going to get better, she needs to sleep. She has to start physical therapy tomorrow and it’s going to take a lot out of her. You don’t want her to feel tired, do you?”

  “No…” He sighed.

  “Okay, then go give her a kiss goodbye. We’ll be back tomorrow.”

  “Okay…” he said begrudgingly as he walked over to her and planted a kiss on her.

  “Bye, I love you, Momma.”

  She wrapped her arms around him as tight as she could, which wasn’t tight at all with the muscle atrophy, and then planted a kiss on the top of his head.

  I went and kissed her on the head too. “We really will see you tomorrow, okay? And every day after. I’m so glad you’re getting better.”

  Peter put his hand on hers one more time. “It really was great to meet you, Sabrina.”

  She smiled at him, at all of us, and we said our last goodbyes before leaving the room.

  “Are we really going to see Mommy every day now?” Jake asked excitedly.

  “Of course. Any day she’s up to seeing us, we’ll be here.”

  “Babe, I’m so happy for you,” Peter told me. “I’m so happy for all of you. And Sabrina seems like a fantastic woman.”

  “She is,” I assured him. “Just wait until she can talk more. You’ll love her. Everyone loves her.”

  “It’s not hard to see why,” Peter said.

  On the way to our apartment, Jake fell asleep in the backseat. Which I was grateful for, because it gave me some time to talk to Peter after we pulled up.

  “Peter,” I began, “everything has been happening so fast I really haven’t had time to thank you for everything tonight. Thank you for finding it in your heart to forgive me. Thank you for taking us to the hospital and spending all night with my sister.”

  “Of course.” He took his hand in mine. “You know I’ll always be here for you. And finally getting to spend time with Jake and your sister was the best possible way to spend Halloween night. I have absolutely no regrets about it. I feel blessed.”

  “So… we’re together again, right? At least, until we can figure out the kids thing?”

  Peter sighed, making my heart leap in my chest. My mind immediately went to the worst case scenario.

  He was going to break up with me, he was going to say now that Sabrina was going to be okay it was better to end it because he really didn’t want kids. That happy future I’d imagined was never going to come to fruition…

  “I think I’ve already decided on the kids thing,” he said suddenly, making me more nervous.

  “Are… Are you sure?” I stammered. “It’s only been one night. You can take more time, who knows how you’re going to feel after you think about it some—”

  He cut me off. “Luke, I’m sure. I am one hundred percent sure.”

  “Okay…” I said slowly.

  He smiled at me. “I want them. I want to have kids with you. I want to be part of your family and I want to work through my fears of being a shitty parent.”

  “Really?” I squealed so loudly I was afraid I might wake Jake up. He was sound asleep, though. “But are you sure? I mean, I don’t want this to be a decision you made just because you want to be with me.”

  “It’s not. Really, it's not. Like I said earlier, if I never had this fear of being a horrible parent, I’d want kids. I’ve always liked kids. I just pushed them out of my head. But then, tonight, when Jake latched his little hand around mine, I just knew… I needed to have my own kids.”

  I glanced back at Jake, snoring slightly as he curled up against the window.

  “Jake made you realize it, really?” I asked, tears welling up in my eyes. This affected me so much more than if he had just made the decision on his own. It made me feel like Peter truly was becoming part of my family.

  “He’s a sweet kid,” Peter said, glancing back at him too.

  “He really is,” I agreed, a smile on my face.

  “Are you… crying?” Peter asked, only barely noticing the tears in my eyes.

  “Yeah, I’m just so happy. I’m overwhelmed with happiness. Twenty-four hours ago, my life was falling apart. I felt like I’d lost everything, including you and my sister. And now I feel the complete opposite. I’ve got everything I could ever want or need. I didn’t know life could be so good.”

  He kissed me, slowly and deeply. A chill ran down my spine because I hadn’t kissed him like this in so long.

  “I see a future in you,” I told him after he had pulled his mouth away from mine.

  He smiled softly. “So do I, babe.”

  “Things may get difficult,” I reminded him. “Sabrina may be alert now, but life is still going to be hard for a while as she tries to regain her health and strength. I may even get to see you less, since I’ll definitely have to go see her every day.”

  “I understand completely. I’m by your side, no matter what. And, hey, a lot of days I may be able to come see you now. There’s no more pumpkin patch anymore, you know. And my family will be more than willing to pick up the slack for me on the farm knowing what you’re going through.”

  Right, I had completely forgotten that this was the last day of the patch. A part of me was actually sad that it was over. I was going to miss lunch times at the pumpkin patch, taking in the view of the pumpkins, the smell of hay, and the cool fall breeze.

  It was never going to be like that again. Where we were getting to know each other and talking about our lives over lunch every day, feeling enthralled with the mystery of a new person. That little phase was over now.

  But we were going to be so much more. We were going to grow into one another, we were going to find a comfort in each other that we’d never found with anyone else. Slowly, we would grow into our own unique family. We’d have a brand new life.

  “It’s going to be weird,” I told him, “not seeing you at the pumpkin patch every day.”

  “Well, you can always see me next year.” He smiled. “We come back every year.”

  I nodded thoughtfully. “Where do you think we’ll actually be a year from now?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean… Can you even imagine? Us being together a year? Sabrina being a year into her therapy? Like… What is life really going to be like? What comes next for me?”

  He laughed. “Happiness, I hope. I hope what comes next is happiness. That’s what’s in store for me, at least. I already know.”

  “Well aren’t you confident.” I nudged him.

  “Yeah, I am, extremely. There is no doubt in my mind that with you by my side, I’m going to be happy.”

  I laid my head onto his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his torso.

  “Thank you, for coming into my life.”

  “You’re very welcome. Now, you should probably get that sweet boy into b
ed. And you need some rest, too, it was a hell of a day.”

  I sighed. “That it was. I don’t think I’ve had a day this jam packed in… Well, I’ve probably never had a day this jam packed.” I paused for a moment, still not getting out of the car, just staring at Peter.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “Do you just… want to come in? Stay the night?”

  He looked over at Jake. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, with Jake here and everything…”

  “I mean, he’s obviously comfortable with you, right? I don’t imagine he’d object to seeing you in the house when he wakes up tomorrow now.”

  “Right. But I’d just feel better if we got Sabrina’s okay for sleepovers first. I mean, she should probably make that decision, right?”

  “No, right, you’re right,” I agreed.

  And even though I really wanted him to come in with me, after he said that I didn’t really mind. And not just because it was true, though it was. But because, for the first time in a long time, the parenting decisions weren’t up to me. They were once again Sabrina’s. I was going to be an uncle again. And I fucking loved that, because it meant Sabrina was back.

  “Well, I’ll call you tomorrow, then?” I asked.

  “Yes, call me tomorrow.” He gave me a quick peck before I got out of the car and scooped up Jake.

  Even sleeping alone, I knew I was going to sleep better tonight than I had in a long while.

  13

  Peter

  “Yeah, not this weekend, Grandma,” I said as I spoke on the phone. “You know how busy he is right now. I promise, as soon as we can, we’ll come by. Okay, I love you too.”

  I hung up the phone and turned to Luke.

  “She wants us over this weekend?”

  “Yeah, but it’s not a big deal. She completely understands how busy you are with Sabrina and Jake and everything.”

  “We can go,” he said half-heartedly, and I knew he didn’t mean it. “I mean, if you want to, we can definitely go.”