Deviant Fixation

by Valencia Carmelita

  Ya'Allah, he's psycho!

  "Rachael and Katie are nothing like you!" I exasperate indignantly. "Have you ever thought of that ?! I'm sure even your parents were decent people!"

  "Don't you fūcking say shįt about my parents from that filthy mouth."He growls in an abrupt threatening tone, eyes gone frigid.

  Ignoring his threat, I proceed condemning and shaming him. "You're evil ! I don't understand how anyone sees any good in you! You're the one who should be eliminated! You're even sicker than that crazy girlfriend of yours! You're a criminal scourge upon the world! You're a psycho killer ! I'm sure if your parents were alive-"

  The words cease from my mouth as my body goes flying, my back is slammed forcefully against the wall. Fury and petrification course through my veins as I stare up at him in alarmed disbelief.

  His face only inches away now. His breathing hard, deranged blue eyes drilled into mine.

  I'm going to die...

  I begin trembling under his abrasive grip clamped on my shoulders, pinning me against the wall. Abruptly he reaches up and grabs a fistful of my hair. He violently yanks my head back, nearly snapping my neck in the process. I suppress the urge to cry out in pain, not breaking eye contact with the monster.

  "Go ahead! Kill me!" I hiss in agony, my scalp felt raw from his horrid pull on my hair. "It wouldn't bring you any peace once you do..You'll never find peace, you'll be known forever as a cold blooded murderer.."

  His jaw clenches, I distinctly hear his teeth grit against eachother in repleted rage. I continue, my voice saturated with contempt. "Kill me! My life is miserable as is! You and so many others want me dead, so get it over with!"

  I was ready to break down into sobs, as the events of my life flashed through my mind. I miss you mom...

  ◆◆◆

  In a split second, his lips crash onto mine. My head bangs back harshly against the wall from the jarring impact.

  My screams of shock and disbelief get muffled. Roughly, his lips and tongue try gaining access into my mouth. I thrash and struggle against him, my mouth pressed closed from allowing him entry.

  Within seconds I manage to pull my mouth free.

  "Get away from me !!" I shriek. He clutches my chin in a vice like grip, the texture of his hand abrasive and forces me to look at him.

  "Get away from me.." I whimper drowning in his scathing stare. "Please..let me go.."

  I begin struggling again, yet his towering solid frame wouldn't budge an inch. His grip on my chin tightens and he leans in again. With a closed mouth, he presses his lips heavily against mine. My heart freezes as I stare into his eyes in such close proximity while his mouth touches mine firmly. There were flecks of various blue shades in their depths, like a kaleidoscope. His lips start nibbling on mine a little, and I begin to feel a prickling hot sensation stir within me.

  After a moment, he pulls back. Both of us staring at eachother, our breathing ragged. My heart races erratically. Perplexity overshadowed by something indecipherable passes silently between us.

  "Y-you're evil..I h-hate you.." My voice cracks weakly, eyes threatening more tears. "I hate y-you so much..everything about you I h-hate.."

  His expression darkens predatorily and he surges forward, lips colliding against mine for the third time. The contact sizzling me inside out by a foreign sensation I never felt before. I close my eyes, losing myself as he begins viciously suckling at my lips in between his. I let out a helpless whimper, my mouth allowing him entry.

  Without a second to spare, his tongue invades me. Wet heat of it licking in, clashing against mine like a tidal wave of rage. His lips incessantly attacking my lips. The taste of him is as stimulating as his scent swathing around me. I end up fisting the front of his shirt. I was only less than half aware if I was pulling him in or pushing away, my mind swam in the feel of his rough kissing.

  His hand grabs ahold of my hair again and tugs my head back, gaining deeper access into my mouth. A sharp moan of pleasure escapes my lips followed by a low animalistic growl emerges from his throat as he savagely attacks my mouth. My entire body was slackening under his grip, under his weight pressing me painfully against the wall.

  I felt something akin to feverish and let out moans while his tongue flicked deeper into my mouth. He drew my lips in between his teeth, then let go and dove his tongue all the way in again. I was dissolving in the intensity of the sensations clouding my judgment. I begin matching his rhythm with my own mouth.

  Until he was getting increasingly brutal, biting down more. I sense a distinct metallic taste in my mouth, and realize my lip is bleeding. He laps and suckles at it. My knees start buckling under me.I weakly clutch at the front of his shirt, the heat from his body simmering my own. I allow him to continue plundering my mouth mercilessly while I bask in the force of it. He holds me in place by his sturdy arms, as my legs give away.

  I don't know how long it goes on, when I start to feel my lungs aching from the lack of oxygen. He won't stop. He won't let me breath. He's suffocating me.

  I try mustering the strength to push at him. Instead he shoves me back against the wall without breaking the kiss. He slams his lower body against me and I blink up at him in shame when I feel a certain hardness of his pressing at my leg.

  In repleted anger, I shove at him with my palms, trying to break free of the kiss. My vocal objections are muffled by his mouth. I try clamping my mouth shut but he bites down hard on my lip, I scream in anguish. I can only do but one thing left, I manage to knee him harshly in between his legs.

  "What the fuck was that for ?!!" He howls and breaks away, nearly doubling over in torment. "Fucking bįtch!"

  "What the hell are you doing?!" I scream at him, as I sprint away past him.

  "You fūcking kneed me !" He seethes while openly grimacing from apparent agony.

  "You deserve it you-you shameless monster !!!" I bellow and reach the double doors. "Forcing your self onto me, you lunatic serial killer !!"

  "You fucking kissed back, you daft little bįtch." He hisses as he clenches his jaw in ire.

  Ignoring his statement, I shake my head in denial at him while inwardly shame guilts me. "Don't you ever touch me again! Don't you ever dare !"

  He furrows his brows and makes a sordid face. "Don't flatter yourself. I've had far better."

  "Don't ever again.." I warn, beginning to finally sob in complete shame. I dash out of the kitchen, wanting to be faraway from him as possible.

  Chapter 20

  This morbid asphyxiation remains constricting around me. My strength evanescing, inept to repel it any longer. Suffocating despite not expiring.

  I drown in seemingly perpetual tears but yet remain breathing. Impelling towards the ebbs of extremity, however not fading.

  Through the reflection of the mirror, the girl peering back at me is nothing short of an immeasurable condition.

  Dark tresses in wild disarray, primally engulfing her small frame. Eyes brimming with drops of desolation. Leaving a trail of damp misery down the apples of her cheeks.

  Minutes must have elapsed and my eyes hesitantly shift to her face's lower feature-my feature..I had strived and yet failed to avoid a glimpse of.

  Swollen, bruised, and trembling..the appearance of my lips took my breath away.

  Leaning forward at the mirror, I take a closer examination. The tip of my tongue darts out, flicks moisture over the bloody fissure and pain signals it's way from the wound to my mind.

  My eyes blink shut, yet there materializes in view, a blazing sapphire gaze. A chilled shiver runs down my spine.

  And you were defenceless..permitting him to drink you in with his eyes..before you lost yourself in the forbidden of his lips..now it feels like an eternity of sin..

  A low burning ire stokes within my heart and gradually spills magma of fury throughout my body.

  What chagrins me beyond belief was the ambivalence I had displayed in utter disgrace.

  The worst of the worst, when I had submitted into wave aft
er wave of shamelessness from a prohibited osculation.

  The harrowing fact that he had been correct on one issue..

  ..I had kissed back...

  ..He cornered you...Forced himself on you...

  ..the fault subsides with him..yet..it intensifies with you...

  My brows crease in gradual bewilderment. I reach up a fingertip to slowly graze at my abused mouth.

  Why did you give in...?

  A darkening Scarlett hue flushes my cheeks.

  The relish of his mouth remains staining mine in a trace of hostile desire. Again, I visibly shudder in remembrance.

  His lips were enticing of taste, a taste vastly overpowered by danger.

  No! That's not a valid excuse.

  You had no right to kiss back!

  Nothing is a valid excuse ...you kissed him back ..

  I flip on the tap. My hands frantically cup water from under the running faucet and splash it over my face. I rinse my mouth and scrub at my lips furiously, trying to rid of his remnants.

  Uproot the shameless memory of less than two hours ago.

  My fingernails end up scratching at the bite marks on my lips, fresh blood seeps out.

  Finally out of shame, I hang my head low enough to avoid meeting my gaze in the mirror.

  I start weeping freely and clutch at the basin with both hands.

  AstaghfirAllah ...forgive me, for I've sinned..

  No later than three minutes, I drown my sobs of regret in a scathing hot shower.

  Hoping it would remove his intoxicating scent from me, let my sins wash down the drain.

  ..I'm so sorry...

  for committing something I never thought I would..

  ..and I'm so sorry mom..

  for disappointing you as well...

  Few minutes later in preparation of myself for a beseeching prayer, I wrap my hair in a borrowed shawl of Rachael's.

  Unravelling my mothers prayer rug, soon enough I lose myself in a heartbroken discussion with the Creator.

  I'm unaware of how much time has elapsed when a rap ensues against my bedroom door, obstructing me from my supplication.

  My posture stiffens in repleted anxiety as I dread the demon's presence might lurk behind the knock.

  Another knock issues and I let out an exhale of relief when I hear Rachael's muffled voice. "Sanam? Are you alright in there ?"

  They're home early ...

  I vault to my feet in apprehension.

  Did he tell her something ?

  I nearly canter towards the door when I'm halted by my dismal reflection in the dresser mirror.

  I couldn't allow her to view me in such a tattered state.

  "Uh..just a sec!" I call out before rushing to switch off the lights.

  Tiptoeing towards the door, I unbolt it without opening. Then I dash over to my bed and dive under the covers. I bring the duvet up to conceal my bruised lips.

  "Come in!" I announce.

  The door knob shifts. Light floods in from the corridor as the door opens.

  I spot Rachael, Arielle and Mrs.Agnelli holding Haruki the cat in her arms.

  They are adjusting their visions into the darkness of my room before Rachael questions. "Are you alright ?"

  "Yes." I give an emphatic nod as I huddle my lower face further under the duvet.

  Rachael angles her head in puzzlement. "Well, we've been texting and calling you for some time now and you never answered..so we got worried."

  "Oh um.." I scour my mind for an excuse credible enough.

  "She must have fallen asleep." Mrs.Agnelli remarks instead. "Poor thing, got sick over the cold eggnog..hmm let me check on her."

  Mrs.Agnelli struts from the doorway over towards me. Rachael holds back a whining Arielle while saying. "I need to put the children to bed. Get well soon dear, if you need anything don't hesitate to ask. Goodnight"

  I'm hoping Mrs.Agnelli doesn't pry the duvet away from my face. She extends a hand over and feels my forehead, before letting out a gasp. "Cara Mia ! You're burning ! A fever !"

  A nervous chuckle escapes me. "It's nothing really.."

  Haruki the cat meows while leaping from Mrs.Agnelli's arms and tumbles next to me. I let out a giggle. "You must have missed me a lot huh, Haruki?."

  "He was giving us issues. Dinner was nearly a disaster when Haruki decided to misbehave and the kids followed his lead!" Mrs.Agnelli apprises with a chortle as she tries frowning at the cat.

  "Mister Molotov was beyond annoyed I tell you! He called it a night."

  "You naughty cat!" I chuckle, nearly flipping the covers over to pet it's raven fur.

  Haruki meows, stretching out and gets comfortable.

  Mrs.Agnelli glances my way and suggests. "I'll make you some hot Italian soup right now, lessen that fever."

  "No it's fine really.." I object politely. "I had some tea, I'll be better by morning.."

  "You sure ?"

  "Yes, please go rest Mrs.Agnelli, you've been working too hard over this month.."

  She provides me a brief hesitant look before giving in. "Alright..well I guess today Haruki wants to spend the night with you."

  "That's okay, I missed him too." I vocalize my approval.

  She wags a finger at the cat, warning. "Be nice! And have a goodnight you two."

  When she leaves, I flip the duvet away from my face and gather the serene cat into my arms. Soon enough he starts purring deeply as I stroke his fur.

  The distraction is not enough to ward off the guilt of the kiss earlier.

  I hadn't realized I was silently weeping again until I felt Haruki licking at the tears on my cheeks.

  Eventually I end up falling into slumber from the cat's affectionate strokes at my face.

  ◆◆◆

  "You are beyond awesome!" Katie squeals, encasing me into a hug after I open my room door early next morning.

  Haruki slips out into the corridor probably to head down to the kitchen.

  In puzzlement, I reach up and pat at Katie's back awkwardly. "uh..thanks?"

  She pulls away and grins widely, showcasing rows of pearly teeth. "Don't pretend you're unaware! Rachael pieced your Christmas surprise together for us! We're ever so grateful, Sanam."

  "Sorry..I don't understand ?" I query.

  Katie chuckles and rolls her eyes before gripping my arm and drags me out of my room. "Come, with me and you'll see what I mean!"

  As we near the foyer, the air is becoming colder. And no later than a minute, I understood why as I gape in amazement.

  The sight is nothing short of a winter wonderland. What appears to be snow, blanketed the entire foyer.

  Artificial snowflakes drizzle out continuously, from a dozen large cylinder pipes horizontally held by ceiling to floor posts. They surround the walls.