Delphi Collected Works of Hugh Walpole (Illustrated)

by Hugh Walpole

  She had understood from Grace that it was expected of her that she should be at home on one afternoon in the week to receive callers. She thought it a silly thing that she should sit in the ugly drawing-room waiting for people whom she did not wish to see and who did not wish to see her, but she was told that it was one of her duties, and so she would do it. No one, however, had any idea of the terror with which she anticipated these Friday afternoons. She had never been a very great talker, she had nothing much to say unless to some one in whom she was interested. She was frightened lest something should happen to the tea, and she felt that they were all staring at her and asking themselves why her hair was cut short and why her clothes didn’t fit better. However, there it was. It was her duty.

  One Friday afternoon she was sitting alone, waiting. The door opened and the maid announced Mrs. Purdie. Maggie remembered that she had been told that Mr. Alfred Purdie was the richest man in Skeaton, that he had recently married, and was but now returned from his honeymoon.

  Mrs. Purdie entered and revealed herself as Caroline Smith. For a moment, as Maggie looked upon that magnificent figure, the room turned about her and her eyes were dim. She remembered, as though some one were reminding her from a long way off, that Caroline had once told her that she was considering the acceptance of a rich young man in Skeaton.

  She remembered that at the time she had thought the coincidence of Caroline and Paul Trenchard strange. But far stronger than any such memory was the renewed conviction that she had that fate did not intend to leave her alone. She was not to keep the two worlds apart, she was not to be allowed to forget.

  The sight of Caroline brought Martin before her so vividly that she could have cried out. Instead she stood there, quietly waiting, and showed no sign of any embarrassment.

  Caroline was dressed in peach-coloured silk and a little black hat. She was not confused in the least. She seized Maggie’s hand and shook it, talking all the time.

  “Well now, I’m sure you’re surprised to see me,” she said, “and perhaps you’re not too glad either. Alfred wanted to come too, but I said to him, ‘No, Alfred, this will be just a little awkward at first, for Maggie Trenchard’s got a grievance, and with some reason, too, so you’d better let me manage it alone the first meeting.’ Wasn’t I right? Of course I was. And you can just say right out now, Maggie, exactly what’s in your mind. It’s not my fault that we’re both in the same town. I’m sure you’d much rather never set eyes on me again, and I’m sure I can quite understand if you feel like that. But there it is. I told you long ago in London that Alfred was after me, and I was in two minds about it-but of course I didn’t dream you were going to marry a parson. You could have knocked me down with less than a feather when I saw it in the Skeaton News, ‘That can’t be my Margaret Cardinal,’ I said, and yet it seemed so strange the two names and all. Well, and then I found it really WAS the same. I WAS astonished. You of all people the wife of a parson! However, you know your own mind best, and I’m sure Mr. Trenchard’s a very lucky man. So you can just start off and curse me, Maggie, as much as you like.”

  The strange thing was that as Maggie listened to this she felt a desire to embrace rather than curse. Of course Caroline had done her harm, she had, perhaps ruined Martin’s life as well as her own, but the mistake had been originally Maggie’s in trusting Caroline with more confidence than her volatile nature would allow her to hold. And now, as she looked at Caroline and saw that pretty pink and white face, the slim beautiful body, the grace and gaiety, and childish amiability, her whole soul responded. Here was a friend, even though an indiscreet one, here was some one from home, the one human being in the whole of Skeaton who knew the old places and the old people, the Chapel, and the aunts — and Martin. She knew at once that it would have been far safer had Caroline not been there, that the temptation to discuss Martin would be irresistible, that she would yield to it, and that Caroline was in no way whatever to be trusted-she realised all these things, and yet she was glad.

  “I don’t want to curse you, Caroline,” said Maggie. “Sit down. Tea will be here in a minute. I was very unhappy about what you did, but that’s all a long time ago now, and I was to blame too.”

  “Oh, that’s just sweet of you,” said Caroline, running over and giving Maggie an impulsive kiss. “I said to Alfred, ‘Maggie may be angry. I don’t know how she’ll receive me, I’m sure. She had the sweetest nature always, and it isn’t like her to bear a grudge. But whatever way it is, I’ll have to take it, because the fact is I deserve it.’ But there you are, simply angelic and I’m ever so glad. The fact is I was ridicilous in those days. I don’t wonder you lost your patience with me, and it was just like your honest self to be so frank with me. But marriage has just taught me everything. What I say is, every one ought to be married; no one knows anything until they’re married. It’s amazing what a difference it makes, don’t you think so? Why, before I was married I used to chatter on in the most ridicilous way (Caroline always said ridicilous) and now-but there I go, talking of myself, and it’s you I want to hear about. Now, Maggie, tell me—” But the sudden entrance of Grace and Paul checked, for the moment, these confidences. Caroline did not stay long this first time. She talked a little, drank some tea, ate a biscuit, smiled at Paul and departed. She felt, perhaps, that Grace did not approve of her. Grace had not seen her before, certainly she would not approve of the peach-coloured dress and the smile at Paul. And then the girl talked too much. She had interrupted Grace in the middle of one of her stories.

  When Caroline had departed (after kissing Maggie affectionately) Grace said:

  “And so you knew her before, Maggie?”

  “I knew her in London,” said Maggie.

  “I like her,” said Paul. “A bright young creature.”

  “Hum!” said Grace.

  That was a wonderful spring evening, the first spring evening of the year. The ugly garden swam in a mist faintly cherry-colour; through the mist a pale evening sky, of so rich a blue that it was almost white, was shadowing against a baby moon sharply gold. The bottles on the wall were veiled by the evening mist; a thrush sang in the little bush at the end of the lawn.

  Paul whispered to Maggie: “Come out into the garden.”

  She went with him, frightened; she could feel his arm tremble against her waist; his cold hard fingers caught hers. No current ran from her body to his. They were apart, try as she may. When they had walked the length of the lawn he caught her close to him, put his hand roughly up to her neck and, bending her head towards his, kissed her. She heard his words, strangled and fierce.

  “Love me, Maggie-love me-you must—”

  When he released her, looking back towards the dark house, she saw Grace standing there with a lamp in her hand.

  Against her will she shared his feeling of guilt, as, like children caught in a fault, they turned back towards the house.

  CHAPTER V

  THE BATTLE OF SKEATON

  FIRST YEAR

  Afterwards, when Maggie looked back she was baffled. She tried to disentangle the events between that moment when Grace, holding the lamp in her hand, blinked at them as they came across the lawn, and that other most awful moment when, in Paul’s study, Grace declared final and irrevocable war.

  Between those two events ran the history of more than two years, and there was nothing stranger than the way that the scene in the garden and the scene in the study seemed to Maggie to be close together. What were the steps, she used to ask herself afterwards, that led to those last months of fury and tragedy and disaster? Was it my fault? Was it hers? Was it Paul’s? What happened? If I had not done this or that, if Grace had not said — no, it was hopeless. She would break off in despair. Isolated scenes appeared before her, always bound, on either side, by that prologue and that finale, but the scenes would not form a chain. She could not connect; she would remain until the end bewildered as to Grace’s motives. She never, until the day of her death, was to understand Grace.

 
“She was angry for such little things,” she said afterwards.

  “She hated me to be myself.” The two years in retrospect seemed to have passed with incredible swiftness, the months that followed them were heavy and slow with trouble. But from the very first, that is, from the moment when Grace saw Paul kiss Maggie in the evening garden, battle was declared. Maggie might not know it, but it was so-and Grace knew it very well.

  It may be said, however, in Grace’s defence that she gave Maggie every chance. She marvelled at her own patience. For two years after that moment, when she decided that Maggie was “queer,” and that her beloved Paul was in real danger of his losing his soul because of that “queerness,” she held her hand. She was not naturally a patient woman-she was not introspective enough to be that — and she held no brief for Maggie. Nevertheless for two whole years she held her hand...

  They were, all three, in that ugly house, figures moving in the dark. Grace simply knew, as the months passed, that she disliked and feared Maggie more and more; Paul knew that as the months passed — well, what he knew will appear in the following pages. And Maggie? She only knew that it needed all her endurance and stubborn will to force herself to accept this life as her life. She must-she must. To give way meant to run away, and to run away meant to long for what she could not have, and loneliness and defeat. She would make this into a success; she would care for Paul although she could not give him all that he needed. She would and she could... Every morning as she lay awake in the big double-bed with the brass knobs at the bed-foot winking at her in the early light she vowed that she would justify her acceptance of the man who lay sleeping so peacefully beside her. Poor child, her battle with Grace was to teach her how far her will and endurance could carry her...

  Grace, on her side, was not a bad woman, she was simply a stupid one. She disliked Maggie for what seemed to her most admirable reasons and, as that dislike slowly, slowly turned into hatred, her self-justification only hardened.

  Until that moment, when she saw a faded patch of wall-paper on the wall instead of her mother’s portrait, she had no doubts whatever about the success of what she considered her choice. Maggie was a “dear,” young, ignorant, helpless, but the very wife for Paul. Then slowly, slowly, the picture changed. Maggie was obstinate, Maggie was careless, Maggie was selfish, idle, lazy, irreligious — at last, Maggie was “queer.”

  Then, when in the dusk of that summer evening, she saw Paul kiss Maggie, as the moths blundered about her lamp, her stolid unimaginative heart was terrified. This girl, who was she? What had she been before they found her? What was this strange passion in Paul isolating him from her, his sister? This girl was dangerous to them all-a heathen. They had made a terrible mistake. Paul had been from the first bewitched by some strange spell, and she, his sister, had aided the witch.

  And yet, to her credit be it remembered, for two years, she fought her fears, superstitions, jealousies, angers. That can have been no easy thing for a woman who had always had her own way. But Maggie helped her. There were many days during that first year at any rate when Grace thought that the girl was, after all, only the simple harmless child that she had first found her.

  It was so transparently clear that Maggie bore no malice against any one in the world, that when she angered Grace she did so always by accident, never by plan-it was only unfortunate that the accidents should occur so often.

  Maggie’s days were from the very first of the utmost regularity. Breakfast at 8.30, then an interview with the cook (Grace generally in attendance here), then shopping (with Grace), luncheon at 1.30, afternoon, paying calls or receiving them, dinner 7.45, and after dinner, reading a book while Paul and Grace played bezique, or, if Paul was busy upon a sermon or a letter (he wrote letters very slowly), patience with Grace. This regular day was varied with meetings, choir practices, dinner-parties, and an occasional Penny Reading.

  In this framework of the year it would have appeared that there was very little that could breed disturbance. There were, however, little irritations. Maggie would have given a great deal could she have been allowed to interview the cook in the morning alone.

  It would seem impossible to an older person that Grace’s presence could so embarrass Maggie; it embarrassed her to the terrible extent of driving every idea out of her head.

  When Maggie had stammered and hesitated and at last allowed, the cook to make a suggestion, Grace would say. “You mustn’t leave it all to cook, dear. Now what about a nice shepherd’s pie?”

  The cook, who hated Grace, would toss her head.

  “Impossible to-day, Mum ... Quite impossible.”

  “Oh, do you think so?” Maggie would say.

  This was the cook’s opportunity.

  “Well, for you, Mum, I’ll see if it can’t be managed. Difficult as it is.”

  Grace’s anger boiled over.

  “That woman must go,” she insisted.

  “Very well,” said Maggie.

  Cook after cook appeared and vanished. They all hated Grace.

  “You’re not very good at keeping servants, are you, Maggie, dear?” said Grace.

  Then there was the shopping. Grace’s conversation was the real trouble here. Grace’s stories had seemed rather a joke in London, soon, in Skeaton, they became a torture. From the vicarage to the High Street was not far, but it was far enough for Grace’s narrative powers to stretch their legs and get a healthy appetite for the day’s work. Grace walked very slowly, because of her painful breathing. Her stout stolid figure in its stiff clothes (the skirt rather short, thick legs in black stockings and large flat boots), marched along. She had a peculiar walk, planting each foot on the ground with deliberate determination as though she were squashing a malignant beetle, she was rather short-sighted, but did not wear glasses, because, as she said to Maggie, “one need not look peculiar until one must.” Her favourite head-gear was a black straw hat with a rather faded black ribbon and a huge pin stuck skewer-wise into it. This pin was like a dagger.

  She peered around her as she walked, and for ever enquired of Maggie, “who that was on the other Bide of the road.” Maggie, of course, did not know, and there began then a long cross-questioning as to colour, clothes, height, smile or frown. Nothing was too small to catch Grace’s interest but nothing caught it for long. Maggie, at the end of her walk felt as though she were beset by a whirl of little buzzing flies. She noticed that Paul had, from, long habit, learnt to continue his own thoughts during Grace’s stories, and she also tried to do this, but she was not clever at it because Grace would suddenly stop and say, “Where was I, Maggie?” and then when Maggie was confused regard her suspiciously, narrowing her eyes into little thin points. The shopping was difficult because Grace would stand at Maggie’s elbow and say: “Now, Maggie, this is your affair, isn’t it? You decide what you want,” and then when Maggie had decided, Grace simply, to show her power, would say: “Oh, I don’t think we’d better have that ... No, I don’t think we’ll have that. Will you show us something else, please?”-and so they had to begin all over again.

  Nevertheless, throughout their first summer Maggie was almost happy; not QUITE happy, some silent but persistent rebellion at the very centre of her heart prevented her complete happiness. What she really felt was that half of her-the rebellious, questioning, passionate half of her-was asleep, and that at all costs, whatever occurred, she must keep it asleep. That was her real definite memory of her first year-that, through it all, she was wilfully, deliberately drugged.

  Every one thought Paul very strange that summer. Mr. Flaunders, the curate, told Miss Purves that he was very “odd.” “He was always the most tranquil man-a sunny nature, as you know, Miss Purves. Well now, I assure you, he’s never the same from one minute to another. His temper is most uncertain, and one never can tell of what he’s thinking. You know he took the Collects in the wrong order last Sunday, and last night he read the wrong lesson. Two days ago he was quite angry with me because I suggested another tune for ‘Lead Kin
dly Light’-unlike himself, unlike himself.”

  “To what do you attribute this, Mr. Flaunders?” said Miss Purves. “You know our vicar so well.”

  “I’m sure I can’t tell what it is,” said Mr. Flaunders, sighing.

  “Can it be his marriage?” said Miss Purves.

  “I’m sure,” said Mr. Flaunders, flushing, “that it can be nothing to do with Mrs. Trenchard. That’s a fine woman, Miss Purves, a fine woman.”

  “She seems a little strange,” said Miss Purves. “Why doesn’t she let her hair grow? It’s hardly Christian as it is.”

  “It’s her health, I expect,” said Mr. Flaunders.

  Paul was very gentle and good to Maggie all that summer, better to her than any human being had ever been before. She became very fond of him, and yet it was not, apparently, her affection that he wanted. He seemed to be for ever on the verge of asking her some question and then checking himself. He was suddenly silent; she caught him looking at her in odd, furtive ways.

  He made love to her and then suddenly checked himself, going off, leaving her alone. During these months she did everything she could for him. She knew that she was not satisfying him, because she could give him only affection and not love. But everything that he wanted her to do she did. And they never, through all those summer months, had one direct honest conversation. They were afraid.

  She began to see, very clearly, his faults. His whole nature was easy, genial, and, above all, lazy. He liked to be liked, and she Was often astonished at the pleasure with which he received compliments. He had a conceit of himself, not as a man but as a clergyman, and she knew that nothing pleased him so much as when people praised his “good-natured humanity.”

  She saw him “play-acting,” as she called it, that is, bringing forward a succession of little tricks, a jolly laugh, an enthusiastic opinion, a pretence of humility, a man-of-the-world air, all things not very bad in themselves, but put on many years ago, subconsciously as an actor puts on powder and paint. She saw that he was especially sensitive to lay opinion, liked to be thought a good fellow by the laymen in the place. To be popular she was afraid that he sometimes sacrificed his dignity, his sincerity and his pride. But he was really saved in this by his laziness. He was in fact too lazy to act energetically in his pursuit of popularity, and the temptation to sink into the dirty old chair in his study, smoke a pipe and go to sleep, hindered again and again his ambition. He had, as so many clergymen have, a great deal of the child in him, a remoteness from actual life, and a tremendous ignorance of the rough-and-tumble brutality and indecency of things. It had not been difficult for Grace, because of his laziness, his childishness, and his harmless conceited good-nature to obtain a very real dominion over him, and until now that dominion had never seriously been threatened.