Easy

by Jordan S Gray

  The weight of everything crushed Shayler, pressing down until something cruel inside of her snapped. “You know what, Rebecca? I’m not your keeper. I’m not your mother. Why don’t you figure this shit out on your own?”

  Shayler stood and shuffled into a pair of old flip flops, ignoring the frown on her best friend’s face.

  “What? I … I…”

  “You, you? Spit it out. Some of us have real problems. You wanted to move in with your boyfriend, so shut up about it. It’s not my fault, and not my fucking issue to solve.” Shayler marched out of her room and whipped around to face her roommates. “And you guys can stop asking me questions, because my life is none of your business.”

  Rebecca followed her. “Shayler…”

  “You clearly know where the door is, so I assume you can show yourself out.” Shayler gave her best friend one last glare before she tore out of the apartment and ran to her car.

  Her mind spun too fast for her to latch onto any one thought, but the anger remained, pulsing in her veins and distracting from the pain and regret. She was sick of having to take care of Rebecca.

  Wasn’t her best friend supposed to be the mature one? When had Shayler turned into the mom of the group? When had she gone from party girl to responsible girlfriend? Her stomach tumbled, bringing back the aching emptiness from earlier. She was hungry, but food wasn’t going to fix anything. She needed something more potent.

  The red lights weren’t forgiving, and they came often. Each time, she sat at the light and revved the engine until it flashed green. Sitting still was only making her frustration worse, taking her over the edge. Skeeter’s was five minutes away, but it took years before she saw the weathered building and crooked sign.

  “Finally.” She pushed a curl behind her ear and parked the car in a compact spot.

  The bar was busy, and the buzzing of people talking dulled the ringing in her ears. She couldn’t have asked for more. The business meant distractions, and if she need anything at that moment, it was a distraction. She plopped into a seat at the bar and got the bartender’s attention. It was Ruby. The sight of the girl made an image of David holding her hair pop into her head.

  “Vodka. Now,” she ordered.

  Ruby rolled her eyes and set down a double in front of Shayler, snatching the ten from Shayler’s hands as though she were afraid it’d disappear. Shayler took one last look at the clear liquor before she tossed it back, thankful for the hearty burn that followed.

  “I’m gonna need two more,” she said, throwing a twenty on the bar.

  Her gaze followed the men in the room, searching for someone to properly take her mind off things. But there was an apathy in her brain that she wasn’t used to. Tons of perfect candidates were drinking around her, but she felt nothing. No part of her wanted them, ached for them. She cursed and gulped down another double.

  Shayler was broken. She just knew it. Her body wasn’t working right anymore, and her mind wasn’t cooperating. Was she still herself? Even if she didn’t feel like it now, wasn’t she still that same fun loving twenty-year-old who hated boyfriends and responsibilities and vegetables?

  David had been nothing more than an accident, and Rebecca had been a long time coming. She was Shayler Thompson, for fuck’s sake. She wasn’t responsible for anyone, least of all her neurotic best friend. If Rebecca had problems, it wasn’t her duty to solve them. Shayler sipped her third glass, feeling less angry. Rebecca was adult enough to take care of herself.

  “Shayler.”

  Shayler sighed, beginning to hate her name as she tilted her head in order to get a good look at the intruder. “Green Eyes.”

  Of course Derek had found her. Why wouldn’t he? Rebecca had probably called him crying, begging him to fix her issues since she obviously couldn’t do so for herself.

  “Rebecca called you?”

  “She may have.” He gestured for Ruby and asked for a beer. “She was upset.”

  Shayler huffed. “Shocker. You have some big speech prepared on her behalf?”

  “Rebecca didn’t ask me to come, Shayler.”

  “So why are you here?” Shayler said slowly, hoping the hate seeped into her voice.

  “You’re going off the deep end.”

  She let out a harsh cackle, ignoring his empty expression. “Am I? Wow, Professor Dipshit, tell me more.”

  “Just listen to yourself. I get that you’re upset and something must’ve happened, but—”

  “Look, you’re cute, Derek.” She ran her gaze down his body. “But let’s not pretend like you’ve got a lot going on upstairs or like you know me.”

  “No. I don’t know you, but I know me, and it’s basically the same thing, isn’t it?”

  “You and me? You think we’re alike?”

  “What’d you run away from tonight, Shayler? What’d you take out on Rebecca?”

  “I didn’t run from anything.”

  “She was sorry, you know. She didn’t realize anything was wrong.”

  “Yeah, because nothing’s ever wrong with me. I’m the fun one.”

  “You’re upset about something. I’ve never seen you so pissed before.”

  “Are we using that the American, angry way, or like the British drunk way? Because both might be true.”

  He shook his head. “Why are you here?”

  “I wanted to get drunk.”

  “Why?”

  “No reason in particular.”

  He sighed. “I get it, you know. When Rebecca said she loved me, it was a lot to handle. I didn’t want that, but it was too late. So I ran.”

  “Am I supposed to relate? Pat you on the back? Tell you that you’re right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Derek, I’m just here to drink.” She tipped the glass back and finished it off.

  “Why aren’t you at dinner right now?”

  Shayler sucked in a breath, but refused to break eye contact. Derek thought he could see right through her, and that made her even angrier than Rebecca had. He was nothing like her, and he had no clue what was going on.

  “Derek, you ran away because you were scared of getting your precious, little heart broken.”

  “And you?”

  “I’m not scared of anything.”

  “We’re all scared of something.”

  “Are we?” She glanced into her empty glass. “I’m not. And I’m also not designed to be someone’s wife or caretaker. I’m sick of having to deal with you and Rebecca’s drama, and I don’t want to sit around a stuffy table talking about whether or not it’s going to rain in the next week. That’s not who I am.”

  “We change for the people we love, but it doesn’t mean that it turns us into someone else.”

  “Oh?” She spun in her seat and crossed her legs. “If this were six months ago and you and I were sitting at this bar, just like this, what would’ve happened?”

  “Six months ago, I was in a dark place. I didn’t love anyone, didn’t have friends, and was just trying to get through the fucking day. I would’ve screwed anyone who came up to me. That doesn’t mean anything.”

  “You changed. I’m not going to. I’m going to pick one of these guys, go home with them, and fuck their brains out.”

  “You’re smarter than this, Shayler. You’re better than this.”

  She internally screamed. When had people started having expectations for her and what she should be? Shayler had been nothing but herself, drinking and having sex and partying, but as soon as David had blown into her life, that had gone away. She’d become responsible, had started studying and being monogamous and caring. He’d turned her into the person she hated, the person she’d sworn she’d never be.

  “Am I?”

  Shayler reached for Derek’s shirt and yanked him forward, her lips brushing against his for a brief moment. His reaction was instant as he jumped back, using his hands to push her off of him. Eyes widened, his jaw was slack as he backed up. Her heart beat fast as she watched him wipe his mouth with his
sleeve. Shaking his head one last time, he turned and stormed out. Just like David had.

  Shayler clutched her stomach, trying to stop the panic from rising. It wasn’t panic, though. It was another round of torment sent via her intestines. She didn’t even make it off the stool before vodka poured out of her mouth and clogged her nose. Gripping the edge of her seat, she waited for it to end, confused as to why liquid kept trickling out of her.

  That was when she realized it wasn’t throw up anymore, it was tears. They streamed out of her eyes in hot streaks and mixed with the vomit and snot on their way down her chin. She rubbed her face frantically, wanting to not only make the nastiness disappear, but make her own lips disappear as well.

  What had she done?

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Shayler had fucked up big time. Yelling at her best friend was one thing, kissing the love of her life was another. She smacked the backseat of her Uber ride, wishing the path to Rebecca’s house would clear up. Her leg jogged up and down nonstop, and no matter how much air she inhaled, she couldn’t quite catch her breath.

  When the driver pulled into her friend’s apartment, Shayler paid him and climbed out, getting tangled in her seatbelt as she rushed. She untucked her arm from the belt and slammed the door behind her. There were only a few things she’d thought of to say, but that didn’t matter. She needed to apologize, to grovel, preferably before any more damage was done.

  The staircase was usually an obstacle for Drunk Shayler, but tonight she climbed it two by two at a speed she didn’t think was possible. A chorus of fucks rang in her ears and an impending doom type of feeling stayed in the bottom of her gut like wet cement.

  She knocked on Rebecca’s door, continuously banging her fist until her best friend pulled it open slightly. When Rebecca stayed in the small crack, Shayler began to shake. There was no smile on her best friend’s face, no warmth.

  “What do you want?” Rebecca asked, her voice wavering like she’d been crying.

  “Rebecca, I…” Shayler shook her head. “I’m so sorry. I did something terrible tonight, and I … I … I don’t have an explanation for it. I fucked up, and I was just going crazy and … God, it’s so hard.”

  Rebecca stepped forward, and Shayler wanted to hug and comfort her. Her best friend was crying. Rebecca hardly ever cried. And she knew this was because of her. In her gut, she knew that Rebecca already knew.

  Instead of speaking, Rebecca drew her hand back and slapped Shayler across the face. The stinging was the first thing Shayler felt and then the warmth and soreness that spread over her cheek. Her face heated, tears fell, and Shayler held her face with her hand as Rebecca crossed her arms.

  “You kissed my boyfriend, Shayler. You kissed Derek. That’s not fucking up, and it’s not hard. It’s… It’s… unbelievable.”

  “Becca, I didn’t … I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

  “You never do. That’s why your life’s the way it is. That’s why I can’t have you in mine anymore.”

  “What? B-but, Becca, please, I’m sorry,” Shayler sobbed.

  Rebecca closed the door even more, and her body hid the rest of the house behind her. “Do you know why this is so bad?”

  “Because I kissed your boyfriend,” Shayler muttered.

  “Because there was no other reason to do it than hurt me. You’re not in love with Derek, he’s not interested in you. You tried kissing him just to hurt me. I was supposed to be your best friend, Shayler. Why would you do that?”

  “You’re still my best friend.”

  “No.” Rebecca shook her head and sniffled. “Best friends don’t treat each other that way.”

  “I’m sorr—”

  “I don’t want your apologies!” Rebecca screeched. “I want you to go away. Go figure your shit out, Shayler. I hope you do, really. But I can’t help you anymore.”

  “Becca,” Shayler tried.

  Her best friend ignored her and disappeared behind the door, shutting it, and their friendship, with one final click.

  Shayler spun, letting her back rest against the wall as the weight of the evening pressed on her chest, suffocating her with every shitty thing she’d done. Her cries grew louder, messier, as she slid down the wall. She hit the ground and brought her knees to her chest, howling with pain and anger. Anger, not like before, though, this anger was directed at herself.

  She’d royally fucked up, and she wasn’t sure what to do. The only person to give her good advice had just slapped her. Shayler exhaled shakily. Well, not the only person. She dialed another Uber and prayed this would work out.

  Shayler knocked on David’s door, much like she had Rebecca’s, but he didn’t answer right away. It took six minutes for him to open, not that she was checking her phone after every bang. Seeing him made her breathe a sigh of relief. He looked the same as he had earlier, though he’d ditched the blazer and tie, and his shirt was wrinkled and rolled up at the sleeves.

  David stayed in the threshold, keeping one hand on the door and one hand behind him. “What, Shayler?”

  “David.” Saying his name made her feel a bit lighter, like there was still hope. It’d only been hours, but she missed him. “I screwed up, and I don’t know what to do, and I need help.”

  “Are you okay?” He seemed like he wanted to come forward, but he didn’t.

  Shayler was hollow. Why wasn’t he wrapping her up in his arms? Why was he just standing there, staring? “I did something totally stupid, and Rebecca hates me, and I don’t want my best friend to hate me. And I don’t know what to do because I can’t … I’ve always had her, but now, I don’t.”

  “What did you do? I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.”

  “I … I kissed Derek.”

  His gaze snapped up to her face. “Why would you do that?”

  “I was frustrated with everything that happened tonight, and Rebecca came over and she didn’t care. She was talking about Derek again, and then he stalked me and found me at the bar and tried giving me a lecture. And, I don’t know, I just … did.”

  “That’s not an explanation. Why did you do it?”

  Shayler shrugged, hating the hatred she felt from him. The coldness. She wanted his warmth, his protection. She wanted him. “Because it’s what I do?”

  He clenched his jaw and ran a hand across his chin. “I’m sorry, Shayler. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “What?”

  “You don’t want me, you want freedom. So deal with the consequences that come with that. You have to learn to put yourself back together some time.”

  “David, please.”

  “Stop.” He shut his eyes. “I can’t. Not anymore.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He smiled, but it didn’t crinkle his eyes or make her stomach flutter. “You don’t have to apologize to me. Some people aren’t compatible. Figure out your life. Okay? Figure out what you want.”

  The door shut, and Shayler was left on his porch. Tears continued to dampen her face, but this time, she cried for David. She cried for how much she’d fucked things up between them. He’d been the first guy she liked, the first one who genuinely cared about her and made her laugh, and she’d screwed him over.

  Why? She tried to remember when it’d gone south, and she was left with memories of Hale’s speech. She frowned. It’d only been some creepy ass pressuring her into running away. She’d let him manipulate her into leaving, had trusted his words and fallen for his mind games. And now, she had nothing.

  As she trudged back to the road, waiting for another Uber, Shayler sat on the ground. A chill swept through her, but it wasn’t from the humid March air. It was because this was the first time Shayler Thompson was totally, completely alone.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Shayler’s roommates were gone, had been gone since she’d gotten home. She sat on her bed, wondering what the hell she was going to do. Then she remembered it was Spring Break. Rebecca, Ansley, and her had planned to go home together, but now… Shayl
er had no plans and no want to do anything spectacular.

  Her phone rang, and she huffed. No one good would be calling her, but optimism poisoned her mind until she grabbed it and hit the Talk button.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, love.”

  Of course. “Hey, Mom.”

  “I was starting to think your phone wasn’t working.”

  “Sorry, I’ve been busy lately.”

  “How’s school?”

  “Fine.”

  “How’re your friends?”

  “They’re fine, Mom.”

  “Any boys lately?”

  “No boys and everything is fine, okay? I don’t want to talk.”

  “Well, we miss you. Your father and I haven’t seen you since Christmas, so we’re excited for Monday. I’m just wondering if you feel like going to the beach or—”

  “I’m not coming anymore.”

  “What?”

  “I… Stuff happened. Think I’m gonna stay here.”

  “Shayler Leslie Thompson, you’re coming home, and that’s final.”

  “Mom,” Shayler said, laughing for the first time in hours. “You haven’t ordered me around since that time I got lipstick all over your favorite blouse.”

  “I know. I thought I’d try it out. How did I do?”

  Shayler smiled. “I guess I can come home. But … it might be earlier.”

  “Oh, when? I was gonna make you a big dinner with all your artery-clogging favorites, but I can—”

  “I’ll be there in a few hours.”

  Even before she hung up the phone, Shayler was tossing things into a tote bag. Tank tops, her computer, her charger, shoes… She couldn’t think of what she really needed, so she took it all. There was no point in staying on campus if there wasn’t anyone there. And a part of her did miss her parents.

  Shayler grabbed the bag and her phone and chucked them into her car, settling in for a three-hour drive. The liquor had long ago worn off, and she figured it was better to leave as soon as she could. She spent the car ride avoiding mopey love songs on the radio and wishing Ansley or Rebecca was there to talk to. No doubt Ansley hated her as well. She groaned as she thought about the night again. No more, she wouldn’t let it ruin her time home. It’d happened, and it was done. She’d spend the week taking her mind off of it.