by Lynn Rush
That was about as horrible as it could have gone.
“You know what hurts the most, Willow?” Brodie’s eyes were glassy. “That you didn’t even talk to me about it first.”
“I’m so sorry, Brodie. The timing…everything happening so fast. This wasn’t something I could just call up and tell you or text you.”
“You could have tried.”
“I know that,” I said, defeated. “And I should have. But you know, I also don’t need your permission to make decisions that impact my life.”
“Of course not.” Brodie let his arms fall to his sides. “I just thought you’d talk to me about it. Tell me what you were thinking. You’d seemed interested when I brought up playing hockey and some scouts checking you out as well. And then…you go away on Friday, come back on Sunday, and bam, I find out you’re leaving me.”
“You were looking at my phone. You weren’t supposed to find out that way.” I knew the excuse was weak, but I needed to make the decision on my own or I was afraid I’d talk myself out of it. Not because of my relationship with Brodie, but because of the way I felt when I played hockey. Joy, pure joy.
Brodie shook his head. “I should have known you’d leave me. Abandon the team when we need you most.”
Talk about a sucker punch to the stomach. “You don’t mean that, Brodie.”
“Don’t I?”
He’d known since day one I was on target to get back to skating. I’d never held that back. Then again, I hadn’t intended on falling for him. And I knew he was hurting—over a lot more than just his chances of winning State being in jeopardy.
But this hurt me, too. It wasn’t like I’d made this decision lightly. My heart was breaking, too.
“I sure as shit mean it, Willow. Because it’s exactly what’s happening.” He turned away from me and tugged on his Wolverines stocking cap. “Why did I let this happen? Why did I let you in? I knew it’d burn me. I knew it’d end this way.”
His voice was full of anguish. A pain I hadn’t heard him express before.
“Brodie, I—I love you! I never meant to hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
Brodie spun around, but he didn’t say anything. He just looked at me with those big brown eyes. I’d said the three words, the three words I’d never said to a guy other than my dad or grandfather, and he was speechless. Couldn’t return my words.
He didn’t love me, did he? And now that I was leaving…
A jolt of pain struck my heart like a lightning bolt, and I stepped back at the sensation. He didn’t love me. And I’d just told him I did.
Heat flushed up my chest and pooled at my cheeks. “Brodie, please.”
“Please what, Willow? Please don’t be pissed? Please don’t be upset?” Tears poured from his eyes, but he batted them away and glared at me. “My life is so fucked up right now, this just—I’m happy for you, really. This is your dream. You should go chase your dream.”
A wave of nausea stormed through my stomach. Hot tears scorched a path down my face.
“What about us?” A sob caught in my throat. I could barely get the question out.
“Us?” Brodie shook his head. “I can’t even think about this right now.”
“We talked about giving the long-distance thing a try. I still want that. I know you care about me—”
Brodie wiped the tears off his face. “I can’t do it, Willow.”
Pain coursed through my veins. I reached for him, but he pulled back. “But you said—”
“Yeah, well, a lot sure has changed in the last five hours, hasn’t it?” He glanced over his shoulder toward Preach’s house. “Look. My dad just got busted, my baby brother is inside, crying his eyes out, and my girlfriend is leaving me.”
“Brodie,” I whispered.
“I need to get inside and be with my brother. I can’t do this, Willow. I can’t do long distance. I can’t…” He batted away the tears streaming down his face. “I really am happy for you. Good luck in Miami. You’re going to kill it.”
“It’s not, Brodie. Just…before you decide, let’s think about it. We can—”
“No, Willow. I’m sorry. It’s better this way.” He stepped toward the house. “I’m sure Preach’ll drive you home. Thanks for your help tonight. I—thanks.”
Without another word, he walked into the house.
I covered my face with my mittened hands and sobbed. He’d just walked away. Left me standing out here in the dark. Alone.
No, no, no!
This isn’t how things were supposed to happen!
An icy wind cut through my jacket, chilling me to the core. I was supposed to be happy right now. All my hard work had finally paid off. I’d won a spot back on an elite skating team.
Instead, I was in tears, in the snow, having been dumped by the greatest guy I’d ever met.
“Hey, Willow.” Preach came up beside me, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets.
I barely remembered getting into his Jeep, but as I started thawing out from having been outside the last half hour talking with Brodie—no, getting dumped by Brodie—I realized we were almost to my house.
“Thanks, Preach.”
He nodded, but his jaw ticked. He hadn’t said a word to me the whole drive.
“I really am sorry,” I added. “I didn’t mean to leave the team high and dry like this.”
“I get it. You’ve always been a figure skater, Willow.” He sighed. “I…can’t believe you guys hid this from me.” He gripped the steering wheel with both hands and stared forward. “From Jessa.”
“We felt like we had to.”
He huffed and steered the Jeep down Manchester Street.
“He broke up with me anyway,” I said, my voice cracking. To say it out loud was like a slice to my heart.
“Just keep in mind,” Preach said, “it’s been kind of a rough night for him, you know?”
“And it hasn’t been for me?”
“I don’t know, Willow, did your dad just get arrested? Did everything you own, except what you were able to throw in a car, just get seized?” Preach’s jaw tensed as he looked pointedly at me, then back at the road.
“Shit…” Of course he was right. Maybe…if I talked to Brodie tomorrow, things might look different for him?
“Look. I’m sorry. I’m still pissed off about the lying.” Preach maneuvered the car through a small pile of snow at the base of my driveway and pulled in. “Maybe things’ll shake out.”
“I’m not so sure.” I rested my head back, the full effect of what’d happened today and my fatigue slammed into me like a two-by-four to the chest.
“I’m not, either. The guy’s been through the ringer. Just coming off the two-year anniversary of his mom’s death. First it was his mom getting killed by that drunk driver. Then, within a year of that, his dad started falling off the rails.” Preach pounded the steering wheel. “I can’t believe everything that’s happened.”
Neither could I. Everything got so messed up. “I didn’t mean to hurt him. Or the team.”
“I know. And I’m happy for you about getting an offer. But…are you sure you can’t stay and goal for State first?”
I shook my head. “Against the liability agreement I signed. Can’t chance an injury.”
“But you’ve gotten nothing but super strong being on the hockey team.”
“I know, but that’s how it works in this world. It’s all or nothing.” My eyes burned with unshed tears.
“But it’s what you want, right?”
“Yes. It’s all I’ve ever known.” My voice cracked. “All I’ve ever dreamed of.”
And in five days, I’d be gone. Probably wouldn’t see them again—or at least not any time soon.
Preach let out a long breath and nodded, then reached over and took my hand.
It was finally starti
ng to hit home how much I’d truly miss these guys.
CHAPTER
FORTY-SIX
Brodie
“So, you’re drowning your sorrows with cheeseburgers and chocolate malts, huh?” Preach sagged into the plastic chair across from me while Caleb jumped into the ball pit.
A red ball popped out of the open door and rolled across the tile floor, but I just left it. I had no energy today. Everything in me felt heavy.
“We had to get out of the house. The little guy needed to move.”
“And it had nothing to do with the fact that Willow left for Miami today…” Preach stole one of my fries and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.
How heavy and sad I felt today had everything to do with Willow leaving. She’d gone. Caught her plane to Miami today at noon. I’d heard the day and time from Preach after he’d gotten the info from Jessa.
Willow hadn’t returned to school other than to do withdrawal papers. Seeing her on Tuesday in the office as I passed by felt like a kick to the balls. She was smiling, her eyes were bright, and she seemed…happy. She’d gotten everything she’d wished for.
I can’t believe she’s gone.
It’d been five days since I’d found out my dad was a thief and would be heading to prison.
A swirl of anger clenched my stomach. So much shit had gone down on Sunday, I felt like I’d been walking around in a dream or something. No, a nightmare.
“Well, you know you were a dick for lying to us all, right?” Preach took one of my cheeseburgers and opened it up.
“I know.” I was thankful he was forgiving me. Things weren’t quite the same with us yet, but it felt like he was on his way.
I was just stuck on the fact that Willow left me. Left the team. “You can’t fault her, you know,” Preach added.
Caleb squealed, and a few more red balls came out of the doorway.
“You okay in there, Limp Lungs?” I asked.
“Mm-hmm. Come in with me!”
“Hang on a sec, buddy,” I said, then looked at Preach. “What do you mean?”
“You can’t tell me you wouldn’t jump at the chance if the NHL came calling for you.”
I snagged my soda and took a swig. He wasn’t wrong. It hurt so damn much. I’d let her in. And the exact second that my life fell apart, she’d left. It felt like everyone left me when I needed them. First, my mom was killed. Then, a year later, Dad checked out on us, I’d tried dating a couple times, and they ended miserably. Willow was different, though. A true athlete, nice person, and real.
And yes…she’d never lied to me about her true intentions of returning to an elite figure skating team.
But I’d still fallen for her.
Hard.
It was my senior year, a Friday night, and here I was in this empty McDonald’s play area with my best friend eating burgers. Basically, a homeless orphan.
Oh, and to make things worse, we’d totally lost our game last night. The team wasn’t the same without Willow. Josiah did the best he could, but…he wasn’t Willow.
“This freaking sucks.” I flopped onto my chair again and slammed my drink down.
“You need to chill, man,” Preach said.
“I am.” I took in a deep breath. “I am.”
“Yeah, sure you are.” He lifted an eyebrow. “Willow.”
I scowled.
“Willow Covington,” he said as he jumped out of his chair.
“You’re an asshole.” I charged him, but he ducked out of the way and hid behind the back of the slide.
Caleb started laughing, then said, “Willow. Willow. Willow.”
“You guys suck.” I stormed the ball pit.
Caleb saw me coming, and his eyes widened. He loaded up on balls, and as soon as I leaned into the doorway, he threw one at me.
It didn’t even make it to the doorway, but he laughed. “No. No.”
“I’m so getting you,” I said.
Preach shoved my back, and I fell into the ball pit, then he dove in and tackled me around the waist.
“Let me just reiterate, for the record, you’re a dick for dating her behind our backs,” he said.
“I know, Preach. Again: I’m sorry.” I threw a ball at him.
“But…I can tell you love her.” Preach flopped onto his back and tossed a ball into the air above him. “’Cause you never would’ve put the team in jeopardy if you didn’t.”
When Willow had said those three words on Sunday, when we were out in the front yard of Preach’s house, I wanted to say them back. More than anything. But I couldn’t. I knew I was losing her to skating, so I couldn’t put myself out there, say the words for the first and last time.
But just because I hadn’t said them didn’t mean I didn’t love her.
Because I knew I did.
I loved Willow. As in, I totally loved her. “But look where it got me.”
“Was it worth it?”
I smashed my hand into the balls and flopped onto my back, unsure how to answer that. Was falling in love with Willow and then losing her worth it? Worth the pain I was in now? The bad spot the team was in? Was it worth lying to my best friend and my whole team?
“I don’t know.”
Caleb launched himself at me and about kneed me in the balls.
“Dude. Watch where you’re kicking.” I tossed him a few feet from me.
He squealed, laughing. That made me feel good, because ever since all this crap with Dad went down and Willow stopped coming by, he’d been so sad and a little more sickly than normal. Damn cough. But he was looking better today.
“Have you talked to her since Sunday?” Preach flopped onto his back beside me.
“No.” I just couldn’t bring myself to. She’d texted me a couple times, the last one being last night, saying that she’d miss me and wished me well.
I’d opened her texts a couple of times to reply but deleted them. It just freaking hurt too much.
“She came straight from the airport to tell you about the offer. Then that crap with Pax and then your dad…”
“I know. She said all that.” I scrubbed my face with my hands. “I just thought…”
“That she’d choose hockey.” Preach grinned and stole one of my fries. “I’d be lying if I hadn’t hoped the same thing.”
“She was good, wasn’t she?”
“It defies logic how good she was—considering she picked up a brand-new sport and excelled at it her senior year of school.” Preach laughed, then nailed me with a brown-eyed stare. “She is seriously something else.”
That she was. I sure did love her, but it didn’t matter. She was in Miami, and I was here. If everything worked out the way I’d been planning on my whole life, I’d still be going to Boston College next year. And she’d be traveling the world, working her way to Olympics status.
She must be so happy right now. She was headed back to the ice, competing for gold medals instead of dealing with puck heads, as she called us, and stitches in the cheek.
“Remember that night she got that cut on her cheek?” I asked.
“She is such a badass.”
“Dude. Potty mouth.” I punched his shoulder. Preach never swore, never did anything off the straight and narrow, but twice now, within two weeks he’d sworn.
Preach nudged me with his elbow. “So what are you gonna do?”
“Nothing. It’s over. Focus on winning State and making BC’s team—like I’d planned all along. Only thing that’s different is that I really need a scholarship now.”
“From what Jessa says, Willow’s really upset with how things turned out.” Preach shook his head. “She never meant to hurt you.”
I knew that. Willow wasn’t mean or vindictive. But I was just so hurt. She was gone now, and anyway, I couldn’t do long distance even if I could move past h
er leaving. Those kinds of relationships never lasted. It’d lead to even more hurt than I was feeling right now.
Caleb twitched and took in a ragged breath.
“Is he wheezing?” Preach sat up.
“I’m not sure… He’s been doing this on and off all afternoon.” I rubbed his back. Caleb coughed. His whole body flinched, and his eyes popped open. And then his shoulders relaxed, and his eyes closed.
“That’s plain freaky,” Preach said. “Is he okay?”
I pressed my palm to his forehead. “Doesn’t feel warm. But that was weird. His inhaler wasn’t working super well earlier.”
“Brodie?” Caleb looked up at me from my arms. His chest started heaving as he gasped for air. His jaw tensed.
“Let’s get your inhaler.” I scooped him into my arms and made my way to the table, Preach close behind me.
“Should I call Dad?” Preach asked.
I snatched Caleb’s inhaler from my jacket pocket, and he took a hit from that. “No. Let’s give this a second.”
I rubbed his back as he sat on my lap. “Breathe, Little Man.”
“Do you think Daddy is okay?”
I kissed his temple and hugged him close. I didn’t know what was happening with Dad, but I wasn’t really sure what to say. So I just rocked with him and said, “Yeah. He’ll be fine.” I had to lie—for both of us. If I didn’t, I’d totally lose it.
The thought of losing another parent…that wasn’t something I could handle.
CHAPTER
FORTY-SEVEN
Willow
“Again!” Coach River shouted from across the ice. “Your arms are too sloppy.”
Closing my eyes, I headed back to the center of the ice and started my new routine over for the eighth time. What I thought would be the best time of my life was turning into anything but. The nonstop schedule. The strict nutrition. And the girls… Here I thought Pax and Eric were catty to me when I’d joined the hockey team. They were sweet in comparison to some of these girls.
As I glided across the ice, arms held out as gracefully as possible, I thought back to the team. The guys I’d left behind. Or, in Brodie’s words, abandoned. That word had haunted me each day since he’d said it.