Remembered

by Caroline Hanson

  “Shouldn’t there be more of you?” she asked, and puts some mashed potatoes next to a few slices of roast beef. The buffet was heavily loaded with every variety of meat and fish. Iron and protein were important to keep our strength up.

  “There were,” I said, wishing I didn’t have to eat. “Anne died of Scarlet Fever. Moira had that cut that went septic and….” The alcohol turned to acid in my stomach and my brain was screaming a warning, cutting through the boozy fog in my head.

  “And what?”

  “And there was Caroline. You know, the defenestration.”

  She blanched. “Right. Because she fell out of the window,” she murmured, and I couldn’t even nod in agreement, because we both knew it was crap. She didn’t fall out the window, but was pushed.

  Apparently Lady Cassandra had been heard laughing just as the girl fell. A combination of screaming terror and happy laughter that all swore they could hear from the Marchant estate to the beach a quarter-mile away. Everyone knew someone who claimed to be close enough to hear Caroline scream and Lady Cassandra laugh. I didn’t hear it. I saw her, though. Saw her brains splattered all over the cobblestones beneath Lord Dalmaine’s window. Even though Lord Dalmaine had his own estate, a suite was always prepared for him at the Marchant’s because of their close relationship. I think it was also to keep an eye on Lady Cassandra since Lord Marchant couldn’t.

  “A drink, miss?” A footman asked, his tone indicating it wasn’t really a request. I took it and smiled, even though I didn’t want to do either. We all had a job to do. He gave me my third ribbon for the footman to tie on my wrist, one ribbon for each drink, and then sauntered off to find other girls to intoxicate.

  Trumpets blared, announcing the arrival of the Infinite, and I found myself pressed into a corner, moving without meaning to, wanting to hide and not gain anyone’s attention. Jessica gave me a knowing look and moved with me, standing near me, which I was grateful for.

  I forced myself to relax, and turned with everyone else to watch the procession. The Ladies were dressed extravagantly in dresses bedecked with jewels, the Lords in clothes tailored to perfection, their appeal radiating out from them in almost visible waves. Lord Dalmaine was announced, and a few girls giggled and threatened to swoon. Only because they’d never been locked in a dungeon by him, I thought snidely. He hesitated at the top of the stairs, and all I could think was that I hated him.

  Lady Cassandra was announced and she appeared, dressed in bright, scarlet silk. I think we were all struck silent. Wasn’t it a bit vulgar to wear a dress the color of fresh blood? She took Lord Dalmaine’s arm, smiling radiantly, as they loitered at the top of the staircase. Lord Marchant’s name was announced, and a ripple went through all the girls, as if we had all been lifted up and set down on a wave.

  He was dressed like a romantic hero, his shirt starched white and his boots buffed to a high shine. His hair had been trimmed, and although it was shorter than the other men’s, there was something appealing about it. Something masculine about his short hair. He took his sister’s arm, and they all descended together, Lady Cassandra practically preening because she was flanked by the both of them.

  As the Lords and Ladies mingled with their prospective Primes, I couldn’t help but notice how different they were from us. They were pale, while we were sun-kissed. They were quiet, while we were loud. Compared to their deliberate grace, we fidgeted and moved jerkily.

  “Miss Finner,” a voice said, and I jerked my head around, champagne spilling on my wrist. It was Charles Latimer. It hadn’t occurred to me that he wouldn’t be announced, since he wasn’t royalty.

  His smile was insincere, his eyes calculating. What did he want with me? I extended my gloved hand as I was supposed to, and after a hesitation he took it, giving me a kiss that didn’t even touch my skin. Was that an insult? Didn’t the Infinite at least touch the skin of those they intended to claim?

  “Mr. Latimer,” I managed. “A pleasure to see you again. I confess I am quite flattered by your attention.”

  His laughter was booming. “I’m sure you were! Thought you’d spend your life amongst dusty potions and dying people, and now look at you! Raised firmly out of the gutter. You’re welcome,” he said, and with a small bow he asked me to dance.

  Raised out of the gutter, was I? I had no choice but to accept, and I made a little curtsy. He glanced at my drink. “Finish it and we’ll go.”

  “Oh, I can put it down,” I said, feeling uncertain. It was full, after all.

  “No. Drink it,” he said, impatiently.

  I curtsied. “My Lord.” I swallowed it down, eyes watering in response to the bubbles that scalded my throat.

  “Will that make your blood sweet, Miss Finner? Even after all the death you’ve touched?”

  My eyes kept watering, and my hand shook as I put it in his, following him out to the dance floor, confusion whirling through me. Why would he say that? Why choose me if he thought my blood was tainted? His skin was cool and clammy, and the urge to draw away from him beat inside me like an extra heart.

  I passed by Katrina, who was dancing with Lord Marchant, her expression smug and joyful as she gazed up at him adoringly. His eyes cut away from her, landed on me, and then continued to sweep around the room as if he were cataloguing the location of everyone and everything.

  Mr. Latimer took me in his arms and spun me into the dance. My feet were slow, the alcohol making me stumble. I didn’t belong here! I was in the arms of an Infinite. This was wrong. It was odd and awful to be touched by him. And the way he looked at me, like I was a bug he was considering squishing under his shoe, was terrifying. “How do you know March?” he asked.

  “I don’t,” I said.

  “He came to see me today. Told me to withdraw my suit. Said the people needed you as a healer.”

  I tripped again. His grip tightened on my hand, the sensation becoming painful. I gasped, and he loosened his hold a smidge. “Keep up,” he snapped, then scanned the room as though he might find someone better to dance with. I wished he would. I’d let them have him in a moment! “He even implied you’d been exposed to a lot of diseases, and that I’d do better to look elsewhere.”

  It hurt to hear that, which was ridiculous. “I suppose I’ve been exposed to more illness than most,” I said.

  “But you have no symptoms, do you?”

  This was dangerous. If he decided I was lying, that I was ill and hadn’t told him, he would be in his right to not only discard me but worse, kill me.

  “No sir, I—”

  “Look at me, girl.”

  I did, staring straight at one bushy, gray eyebrow. “It occurred to me that maybe Lee wanted you for his own. Why would that be, though? When he’s got a far more beautiful girl who’s so eager to be his?”

  “He doesn’t want me, sir.” Why wouldn’t the song end?

  “How do you know?” he asked, shaking me lightly, not giving me time to think.

  “I don’t know him, sir! Like you say, Miss Katrina is very beautiful, much prettier than me. I’m sure his reasons are as he says, because Miss Hetty is not a young woman and I’m the only apprentice close to being trained as a healer.” He continued to stare at me, his movements slowing as the song mercifully came to an end.

  “Well, this has been a lovely dance, Miss Finner. And you’re right, he won’t want you as his Prime. In fact, no one will. He wants me to back off, fine. I’m not stupid enough to go against House Marchant. I am, however, petty enough to make sure he can’t have you either. Now, thank me for the dance,” he said, and it was clear he hated me.

  I swallowed hard and fumbled for the plain blade I was issued, having trouble opening it. My eyes were swimming with tears and I could feel everyone watching us. Why had he stopped in the middle of the dance floor? Why had he waited so long to ask for a taste? Everyone else was finished, standing off to the side, waiting for new drinks and giving their feet a rest before the next set.

  I held out my trembling ar
m to him, the blade gripped tight in my other hand, waiting for him to give me the signal that I should make a cut on my forearm. An attendant hurried over to us, a silver goblet in one hand, ready to catch my blood, a clean pressed white towel over his other arm so I could cover the cut when it was done. I waited for Mr. Latimer to nod, a flush stealing over my cheeks as the seconds spun out awkwardly.

  “No, I don’t think I will,” he said, loudly and clearly, and then he turned on his heel and left me there, shamed and disgraced in the middle of the room. I felt every eye on me, heard the murmur of voices as everyone realized what had happened. I wasn’t good enough to drink. I’d offered him my vein in front of everyone and he’d rejected me.

  I was ruined. I could hear it, the whispers and gasps, the murmur of voices as I was rejected. The music started up again, and I walked off the dance floor, keeping my head high, my cheeks hot with shame. He didn’t want me. And everyone knew it. Everyone saw it. By tomorrow everyone would know that I wasn’t good enough to be a Prime.

  It was what I wanted, right? This was good. I would stay a healer. I took a deep breath of fresh air, surprised to find myself outside.

  I like to think that I stood up proudly, nose in the air like a regal debutante, cloaked with dignity and poise. But honestly, I don’t know how I got outside, I just did. And then a footman was there with a drink.

  He looked at me with sympathy, and what’s worse than that? Even the servants felt bad for the girl who wasn’t worth tasting on the one night she was supposed to be at her ripest, at her most lush and valuable. What would happen if I reached out a hand and knocked over his tray of glasses? I wanted to tell him to go away, to leave me alone.

  And such a thought was so wrong, so against everything I had been brought up to believe in and respect, that I felt myself on the verge of some sort of madness. I took a step closer to the footman with the tray.

  “She’s the healer’s apprentice, dammit. Give her two ribbons and be on your way,” Lord Marchant snapped as he left the ballroom and came out to the veranda with me. Of course. Because who else would be here to witness my ruination?

  The footman fumbled in the pouch at his waist while holding the tray of drinks with his other hand, coming up with two ribbons, which he handed to Lord Marchant before backing away hastily.

  “Shall we go down?” he said, moving towards the staircase and the gardens below. I had no choice but to follow him down the steps, his tall, handsome form just a few paces ahead. I could smell his cologne, mingling with the damp sea air.

  “You had me ruined,” I said, surprising myself.

  No response. At the base of the steps was a velvet rope secured so that no one would wander into the gardens. But he ignored it, unclipping the rope and holding the way open so I could go before him. The rules don’t apply to the Infinite, and they certainly don’t apply to Lord Marchant.

  I hesitated. I didn’t want to go with him. I wanted to go home to my bed at the infirmary. But one doesn’t say no to Lord Marchant. I slunk past him, trying to get my emotions under control. The sound of the ocean was loud there, the booming crash of it almost deafening. The waves slammed into the lava rock below, the air damp from all the water.

  He offered his arm and I took it, following him to the right, away from the sea and towards the formal gardens. The torches flickered, casting odd images on the flagstone path. A lizard darted past and I saw a mongoose up ahead, its dark body almost hidden in the shrub.

  “He’s a petty man, Latimer. I asked him to release you and he did, but I should have been more specific in the way he was to break it off.”

  “Maybe the mistake was asking him,” I said, feeling angry.

  He laughed, the sound cultured and easy. “Alas, I’m not the one prone to violence in my family. I could talk to my sister. She’s always looking for an altercation.”

  “That’s not funny,” I whispered, letting go of his arm. He sighed and stopped, running the ribbons through his fingers absently. The wind moved his hair, brushing it against his forehead in a way that made him look different. It took me a moment to identify the difference. He looked human, fallible. Not quite approachable, but less intimidating.

  “I apologize. We have a very morbid sense of humor. I find that the longer I’m here, the worse it gets. When I’m back in New York, away from this, it fades.” I tried to process that information, but had no response. “Give me your hand, and I’ll tie these on your wrist. It will make the rest of the night easier for you.”

  I held out my arm, wrist up. He slanted a look at me, eyes a dark, dark blue. “Palm down, please.”

  “Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t think…I’m not used to the proper way to present myself to a Lord. Although--” I couldn’t make myself finish the sentence.

  “Although what?”

  “I can’t imagine that my wrist is so tempting that it makes any difference.”

  He tied the ribbons on quickly, managing to do it without touching my skin at all. It made me want to cry, and I felt like a damned fool. “Please don’t make me go back.” My voice wobbled.

  A sharp shake of his head. “I can’t release you from the party.”

  “Hetty accused me of poisoning your sister.” My heart pounded.

  His gaze sharpened as he watched me coolly. “Did you?”

  “No! Of course not.” Wisely, I didn’t say that I can see why someone would.

  “What made her accuse you?” he asked, crossing his arms. His head tilted slightly to the side as he contemplated me. And I could feel his gaze taking me in, from my bare shoulders and arms, to my chest.

  “I don’t know. Fear? She seemed frightened.” The darkness accentuated his cheekbones, and his shave was impossibly close. “I think it will be common knowledge tomorrow, because she said it in front of the inspector’s cart men when they brought the body in.”

  His eyes narrowed. “What body?”

  “I don’t know. We’re not sure who it is. The inspector was going to have a sketch drawn. But he said there had been others found, and with no one to identify them.”

  “What do you mean, ‘no one to identify them’?” His voice was cold. “The island isn’t that large.”

  “I only know what he told me. There are three other bodies that have been found recently. They are dressed a little oddly, and no friends or relations were found.”

  He shook his head. “I do read the reports, Miss Finner. I know the counts of who dies. I’ve not seen bodies unaccounted for.”

  “That doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.” His smugness was annoying. I wondered if he had already drunk from Katrina. If maybe he did it while I was dancing and being interrogated by Mr. Latimer. “Perhaps your attention has been taken by other things,” I said, and then regretted it. I flushed in embarrassment, wishing I could take it back.

  His response was a single raised eyebrow. The only indication that I’d surprised him. He shook his head again. “For someone who seems quite intelligent, you have a tendency to behave like an idiot. You cannot say something like that aloud, and certainly not to one of my kind.”

  “Are you going to kill me for saying it?” I asked, feeling reckless. I wasn’t even sure why. Jealousy was certainly part of it. Shame at being rejected publicly. His infernal ego and conviction that he knew everything when he was never even here. When most terrible things could be traced back to his sister, to whom he turned a blind eye. Maybe it was mentioning Caroline and the defenestration when I spoke with Jessica. Okay, maybe I did know why. And maybe I did have reason to be annoyed with him.

  “If I kill you there really won’t be a healer,” he murmured. At least I was confident that he was joking.

  “Latimer let me go because you threatened him.” A nod. We’re far enough away that I can barely hear the music. “But why did he want me in the first place?”

  “I don’t know. He wouldn’t say. And when I compelled him, there was nothing there.”

  “You compelled another Infinite?”
>
  A quick glance at my face. “I did. I’m stronger than he is, so I compelled him to be honest.”

  “I didn’t know that was possible.” I shivered as a cool breeze blew past. “How can you know that you’re more powerful than him?” Curiosity would be my downfall.

  It was dark but the moon was bright, almost glowing, which helped me see him clearly in the dark. He looked me up and down again, hesitating briefly on my chest and my bare arms. I blushed.

  “Latimer let you go. You won’t be anyone’s Prime, after all. You can go back to your quiet life. You’ll be safe. And that’s all that matters.” He put a finger under my chin, making me look at him. “You’re a smart girl; you know that belonging to one of us is dangerous.”

  “And you want me to be safe?”

  A smile, his shoulders raised and lowered. He took a step back, dropping his hand from my face. “I don’t want to be the death of you,” he said, and I’m wasn’t sure if that answered my question.

  “We should go back. I’m glad you’re free, Miss Finner. I don’t like to think of you as someone’s meal.”

  “Says someone who just took a Prime.”

  He led the way back, and after a few dozen steps I thought he was done talking to me. Maybe I made him angry. Considering how he made me feel, I didn’t really mind.

  He stopped at the bottom of the staircase, motioned for me to go ahead. Before I’d gone more that two steps up, his voice stopped me. “I’ve put a lot of energy into saving you, Miss Finner. When I pulled you from the cart all those years ago, you were almost dead. I saved your life. What I did…” We were eye level, close enough to kiss. I waited for him to finish the sentence. He blinked, almost seemed to shake himself from whatever he was going to say. “Every time I return to the island and see how you’ve thrived, I know I did one thing right, at the least.”

  “My life feeds your ego?”

  “I don’t know if I would put it quite so crudely, but to a certain extent, yes. I come here and if I stay too long…I forget what life is worth. I fear that I could become like my sister, ruled by impulse and the hunger we have for your kind. But you’re a testament to restraint. I acted decently. I saved your life, and it reminds me that restraint is a worthy desire.”