Winter at the White Oaks Lodge

by Abbie Williams

  “What are you two doing this evening?” Grandma asked as I danced around the kitchen, too excited to sit still.

  “Grandma, thank you for watching Millie all of these nights for me,” I said then, my feet stalling.

  “You see her all day, it’s nothing to feel guilty about,” Grandma said. “Don’t you want your daughter to see her mother happy, instead of moping around the house in dirty clothes?”

  I couldn’t even contradict her. I said, “I’m sorry I’ve worried you.”

  “I just love you so much,” Grandma said, hugging me close. She smelled like lemon soap and the spaghetti sauce she had cooked for dinner. I clung to her and she patted my back. She added, “To see you happy is a blessing for all of us.”

  “Mama! I see his truck!” Millie shouted then, all excited. She was perched on one of the old recliner chairs near the front windows, her newest doll baby in her arms.

  I ran to open the door, glad I’d bundled so well; Mathias was decked in his full winter gear. He came near and hugged me and then said, “One more layer at least.”

  “Are you going to be walking?” Grandma asked, coming up behind me.

  “Not exactly,” Mathias said. “But we’ll be outside for a little while.”

  “This sounds so mysterious,” I said, smiling at him as I rummaged for my ski pants.

  “Please don’t freeze,” Grandma said to both of us; I didn’t tell her that the fire that burned between us was so hot that there was no danger of that.

  “Don’t worry, I would never let Camille freeze,” Mathias assured Grandma and I felt a heated rush low in my belly at his words.

  “Lift me!” Millie commanded Mathias, tugging his coat to get his attention and then reaching up. He obliged her at once, settling her onto his forearm and giving her a bounce. She reached and patted his cheeks and his eyebrows lifted. I saw the tenderness that came over his face at this unexpected affection from my daughter. She patted him again and then said, “Can I come with you and Mama?”

  I could tell he was so charmed that he was about to agree, and so I said firmly, “Not this time, Millie Jo-Jo. You stay here and play with Grandma. It’s cold out.”

  She made her pouty lips and wriggled to get down. Mathias watched her scamper over to the couch before turning back to me. He said, “I think my heart just melted all over the floor. Just the same way ice cream would.”

  “She likes you,” I said softly, giggling at his words.

  He said quietly, “I was hoping her mama might just like me a little too.”

  “Maybe just a little,” I teased him, though my heart was going like a jackhammer.

  “Here, let me help you,” he said, reaching for my coat. He held it so I could shrug inside, keeping his hands on my upper arms for a moment.

  “Kids, you have fun and we’ll see you later,” Aunt Ellen said as she came from the kitchen.

  “Drive safe,” Grandma told Mathias.

  He nodded seriously.

  I bent down to kiss Millie. I told her, “Behave yourself.”

  Millie quit jumping on the couch and gave me a hug. She said, “Have a good time, Mama.”

  Mathias said, “Aw, we’ll bring you next time, kiddo, I promise.”

  “She won’t forget that, you know,” I warned him as we headed to his truck. He was driving the plow truck again, but with the plow attachment removed. It was such a giant cab that it sat about ten feet above any other vehicle on the road. Mathias opened the squeaky passenger door for me and helped me inside. Once there, I inhaled and breathed the scent of him; this was his space and it smelled delicious, just the way his neck always did.

  He jogged around the hood and climbed in, loudly telling me, “I would bring her, but it’s so cold. And I really want you to see your Christmas present.”

  “So where are we headed?” I asked as he drove us slowly back around the lake road.

  “White Oaks, first,” he said and grinned at me, all anticipation. And then suddenly he braked and pulled over and said, “Oh my God, come here for a minute.”

  I was on his lap, straddling him, before he could blink. He groaned deep in his throat and brought my mouth instantly to his, running his hands down my back, fingers spread wide. I clutched his jaw and kissed him back shamelessly, heatedly, incredibly. He was so powerful beneath me, so strong and sturdy. A pulse beat insistently between my legs and I pressed harder to him, even with all of our winter gear in the way. I tore the hat from his head and curved my hands into his hair, overwhelmed with the ferocious need to get every stitch of clothing from his body and mine as fast as humanly possible.

  “Oh my God,” he groaned again, hoarsely, holding me firmly to his body. He said, “I promised I wouldn’t rush you…oh my God, come here…”

  He drew my bottom lip into his mouth, running his tongue over the fullness of it before biting my chin, just lightly, and then kissing my neck, his tongue making hot spots. I was breathing hard, tipping back my head so he could have better access to my neck. I reached to unzip my coat, struggling out of it, and his lips followed as he kissed my collarbones. He ran his tongue in a line upwards, and I shivered and spilled over between my legs.

  “Don’t stop,” I begged him and he breathed out in a shuddering rush, gripping me tightly around the waist.

  “Believe me, I don’t want to stop,” he whispered, his voice husky. “Oh God, Camille…but I can’t take advantage of you like this on the side of the road.”

  I giggled a little, trying to catch my breath, unwilling to move back to my side of the truck. Besides, his hands were yet anchoring me to his lap.

  “You are hardly taking advantage,” I whispered back.

  “One more,” he said, tugging me to his mouth before we managed to separate.

  We reached White Oaks not five minutes later, its grand front windows glowing golden and welcoming into the night.

  “It’s starry,” I noticed in wonder, pausing to look up at the sky. It had been overcast for what seemed like weeks now.

  “I thought that was just your eyes,” he teased me, catching my mitten into his glove. “I told Dad and Ma we’d stop in and say hi before we went.”

  “Went where?” I asked.

  “You’ll see,” was all he would say.

  The dining room wasn’t weekend-busy, just a small crowd. Elaine and Diana were behind the bar chatting with an elderly couple while Bull sat near the fireplace with a couple of men, telling a story about something. He interrupted himself as Mathias and I came into the room decked in our winter gear.

  “Hi you two,” Diana said warmly, coming to give her son and me each a hug. She told me, “Matty has been so excited. He worked like the dickens all day on—”

  “Ma!” he yelped. “No giving it away!”

  Diana covered her mouth with her right hand as Bull came bustling over and gave me a hug too.

  “I don’t know how he deserves you,” Bull said. “But I’m glad you’re giving Mathias a chance, Camille. I had a feeling about you two, I did.”

  Elaine leaned over the bar to say, “Matty, should I tell Tina it’s time to…you know…”

  He made shushing motions but then nodded. And then he asked, “Ma, do you have one of your old face masks that Camille could borrow?”

  Two minutes later he and I resembled snowmen. I pulled Diana’s face mask over my head, the kind that allowed for eyes and mouth to be exposed, nothing else. I felt a jolt of awareness beat all along my skin as I studied Mathias in a similar ski mask; the way his sensuous lips and eyes were highlighted made me want to taste his kiss more than ever. He read my mind, bending to kiss me softly, just a brushing of his mouth against mine, and my knees trembled.

  “You ready?” he asked. “It’s not far, but I want to surprise you.”

  Outside, under the crisp black sky, Mathias held my arm against him, leading me around White Oaks to where three snowmobiles were parked. He bent and scooped me into his arms, and I shrieked and then laughed, clinging to his n
eck. He said, “I am going to blindfold you so that you won’t know where we’re going until we get there. I’ll go slow, don’t worry.”

  I was still mystified, but I allowed him to retie my scarf so that it covered my eyes. Smelling the scent of cold wool, I giggled more as he lifted me back into his arms and helped me astride one of the snowmobiles; it was cold and hard beneath me, even through the layers of protective gear, and I was glad when he settled immediately behind me, warm and solid.

  He leaned close to my ear, taking my hands into his and positioning them around the handlebars. He said, “I’ll be right behind you and we’ll go slow.”

  I nodded and snuggled into him. He kissed my temple and then fired up the sled. I couldn’t help making a small sound as he backed us up, but then the ride was smooth as ice. Mathias’s arms were snug around me, his thighs aligning with mine, his body shifting as we glided together over the snow, the engine purring quietly beneath us. I could only imagine where we were headed; it was exciting and again that he had planned something like this for me was ridiculously romantic. Less than five minutes later he slowed and in the absence of the engine noise, the air around us was utterly silent. I released my grip on the handlebars and cupped his thighs.

  “Are we here?” I asked.

  “We are,” he said, and his voice sounded hoarse; he sounded like he might have a lump in his throat and I tightened my hands around his legs. He wrapped his arms around me and held for a moment, then asked softly, “Are you ready to see it?”

  “Yes,” I whispered breathlessly, and felt his hands move up to slip the scarf from my eyes.

  I stared wordlessly, pelted by the intensity of my emotions. I brought both hands up to my mouth as I gaped in wonder at the sight before my eyes. Mathias rested his hands on my shoulders and all at once I started to cry, the tears hot as bathwater over my chilled cheeks. But they were happy tears, borne of pure amazement.

  “Camille,” he whispered, locking his arms at once around me, cradling me to his chest.

  “It’s…so…beautiful,” I choked out, turning to hug him, as best as I could through the layers between our bodies. “When did…when did you…”

  “Christmas Eve,” he said. “I worked all day and into the night. I cleaned out the chimney and fixed the window and hauled wood. I cleaned out the inside. You could eat off the floor in there now. Come see, sweetheart, come and see.” His words were laced with wonder and anticipation, his voice husky.

  Sweetheart. He had called me sweetheart and before us, as we sat together on the snowmobile, the little homestead cabin was alive in its clearing. Rich, warm firelight poured from the windows and smoke curled upwards into the clear night sky. I had never felt more like I was coming home and tears washed faster from my eyes, soaking the ski mask. Mathias stood and then helped me to my feet. As I was overcome and tearful, he lifted me into his arms like a bride and climbed up the porch steps. He reached awkwardly, hampered by his heavy outerwear, to open the door and then we crossed the threshold into our cabin.

  Ours.

  From this moment forth, I would never think of this place as anything else. I tried to look everywhere at once, to take in the warmth of the little room in the flickering firelight, before realizing that there was a table and two chairs that had not been there before, and atop the table was a round chocolate cake and a small stack of paper plates. I looked at him in stunned silence.

  “Elves. Woodland elves,” he told me, and I laughed through my tears, hugging him around the neck. We were still in our ski masks, like bank robbers, and I was laughing and crying at the same time. Mathias tugged the ski mask from my head, my hair snapping with static electricity, and kissed me with his still mask in place, kissed me deeply. I clung to him and tasted his kiss and felt that there would never be anything more in the world that I would ever need.

  “So happy birthday too,” he said, smiling into my eyes; his own glinted with the sparks of tears.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, my voice so rough with emotion that the words barely formed. “In a hundred years I would never have imagined that this was my present.”

  “The cake was last-minute, since you just told me when your birthday was last night,” he said, setting me gently to the ground and removing his own mask. He added, “I could just stand here and watch you smile. I knew you would love it as much as I do.”

  “I love it so much,” I told him. I thought, I love you so much.

  “See the chimney, doesn’t it look great?” he rejoiced, tugging me over to inspect it. The cabin was squeaky-clean, the floorboards gleaming. The fire reflected in the window panes and in my heart. He explained, “Tina came out here before we did to get the fire going and set out the cake.”

  “Thank you for that,” I said again. “It’s like it’s never been empty. Like it’s been waiting here for us.”

  He nodded and our eyes locked, saying more than any words. He pulled me close for a kiss just as the other two snowmobiles came roaring up. Pressing his lips to my temple, he said softly, “My family. Some of them, I should say. Sorry, they wanted to sing to you. I couldn’t convince them that we wanted a little privacy.”

  I was choked up again, unable to release my hold on him. I kissed his neck, his chin, at last whispering, “They sing too?”

  Feet came stamping up the porch steps.

  “They do,” he said, cradling me close before we turned as one to greet everyone.

  Tina and Sam had ridden one of the sleds, Bull and Diana the other. Elaine had elected to walk, as it was such a pretty night, but she arrived just minutes later, as Tina was arranging candles in the cake. There weren’t enough places to sit, but as the birthday girl I was allowed a chair; Mathias sat on it first and then I sat on his lap. He had stripped down to his thermal shirt and snow bibs, and looked so smiley and disheveled and fucking handsome that my fingers tingled to touch him. To be honest, every part of me tingled to be pressed to him. He kept his arms locked around my waist and the little cabin was aglow with warmth and laughter.

  “You’ll need some furniture in here straight away,” Diana teased, after they had all sung ‘Happy Birthday’ to me and she had sliced pieces of cake. “A leather couch, a nice entertainment center…”

  “Ma, there’s the entertainment center,” Tina said, indicating the fireplace. Her red hair gleamed in its light.

  Sam suggested, his mouth full of cake, “Maybe a bed…a nice feather one…”

  Everyone laughed and Tina slapped at his shoulder.

  “Son, you done good,” Bull said affectionately.

  “You’re right, Dad,” Mathias said back, looking into my eyes as I sat on his lap, one arm hooked around his neck, both of his around my waist. He smiled softly and repeated, “You’re so right.”

  Chapter Twelve

  The very next morning I drove my pickup to the clinic in Bemidji and got on the birth control pill, a birthday present to myself. I also received my period and a case of cramps, but was so elated by Mathias’s surprise that I was not bothered in the least. I had been considering that it was time to be done nursing Millie; as she was approaching two years old, this seemed like as opportune a time as any.

  “Start them once your period is over and be sure to use protection for at least the first two weeks,” the nurse told me, and gifted me with a box of condoms. Just looking at them on the passenger seat next to me on the way back to Landon was enough to make my pulse jump and my belly go hollow. I hid them deep in my purse before I got home.

  We went to Mathias’s apartment in Pine Ridge that evening, after supper at Grandma’s, as Skid was at his second job and the place was ours.

  “I still can’t believe all the work you did on the cabin,” I told him as we lay tangled together on his couch, fully clothed but with our hands all over each other. Mathias had already sung me ‘Happy Birthday’ twice. He was wearing his faded jeans and a soft old Coca-Cola t-shirt, his feet bare. I was in jeans too, and a white, short-sleeved sweater with a deep
v-neck. He had insisted that I take off my socks too, so that he could feel my feet against his own. He kept curling his toes over mine, making me laugh. The television was on in the background, tuned quietly to the local station, which was airing Back to the Future, but we weren’t paying attention to anything but one another. We were lying so that my back was against his front, his left arm curved beneath me, one warm hand stroking my belly beneath my sweater. His right hand was moving in a similar rhythm along my hip, down my thigh and then back up again. I was almost limp with the pleasure of his touches, which sent heated waves all through me. He swept all the hair from the side of my neck and made me shiver and squirm delightedly as he kissed me there repeatedly, occasionally suckling me gently, biting my earlobe.

  And we talked and talked.

  “This next spring I’m going to make it so that it’s livable year-round,” he told me at one point, rubbing his stubbly chin against the sensitive skin along my jaw. I felt him smile against my neck.

  “You won’t change it much, will you?” I asked. “I hate to think of it being too modernized, you know what I mean?”

  “I do,” he said softly. He curled me even closer and went on, “What I really want to do is add on to it. I have to get a permit from the county. I wonder what that would entail, exactly. I want it to be comfortable, not huge.”

  “That sounds incredible,” I whispered, shamelessly picturing myself and Millie there too.

  “It does,” he said softly, his lips near my ear. He kissed my temple and then said, “It’s been a dream of mine since I was a kid. All those summers I’d lay in there and think about who had slept within those walls before me. Then I’d get bitten to shit by mosquitoes but I didn’t care. Sometimes my friends would join me, and then we’d scare the hell out of each other with stories of ax-murderers who wandered the woods at night.”

  I giggled at this, and Mathias went on, “Skid would remember those summers too. One night Elaine and a couple of her friends came sneaking through the woods and tapped on the window and then ran. I realized what it means to have the hair on the back of your neck stand up, like a wolf’s or something. Man, that was scary. The next morning they confessed it. We spent the rest of that summer plotting revenge on them.”