Was his absence voluntary or because he didn't have a choice? I hoped it was the latter, I couldn't imagine someone not wanting to be part of that little boy's life. The longer I stared at them playing the more obvious that big, gaping hole in my chest became. When I couldn't take it anymore, I spun around to find that while my attention had been on Flynn, Harper's had been on me.
"Why do you always look at him with longing?"
I felt as if I'd been caught with my hand in the cookie jar and essentially I had. My worry was that she was completely misreading the situation and thinking I was some kind of creep.
Embarrassed, I ran a palm over my beard and inhaled some much-needed air. "Look Sugar, it's not what you think. I'm not some pervert."
She might have been wearing a frown, but she didn't look angry or freaked out, she looked…sympathetic. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
"I don't think that, Logan." Harper pulled the contaminated chopping board off the counter and started cleaning it. "I think you're hurting over something that has to do with a child."
She kept her focus on the board instead of looking at me and I was so thankful for that. If she'd looked up, she would have seen just how right she was.
Still not making eye contact, she continued, "I'm sorry, it's none of my business."
That had me frowning because until now I hadn't realized that I wanted to tell her everything. Just not now when things between us were still so new.
Before I could say anything, she spoke again, "I think we better get a move on with this pizza. You might think Flynn is adorable, but that's just because you've never seen him when he's really hungry." This time, she did look up, her smile laced with concern.
She didn't know it, but I fell for her a bit more just then. It wasn't because she didn't push; it was because she cared enough to be worried. Giving her a genuine smile, I walked up to her and dropped a kiss on top of her head.
After we had pizza and watched a movie, I found that I didn't want to leave and again it wasn't about sex. I wanted to stay and tuck Flynn in and sit on the porch with Harper and just be.
It was these thoughts that had me heading for the door, anyway. The intensity of what I was feeling was starting to freak me out. I was no stranger to addiction; I knew I was on the edge of becoming enslaved by this woman and her son.
The sun was barely up the following morning when a knock had me heading to my door. I was surprised and distressed to find Pop standing there looking a bit weathered.
"You got coffee, son?"
"Just made a pot," I answered as I stepped back to allow my dad entry. Uneasiness spread through my veins with each step I took. My dad had visited me plenty of times before but never this early in the morning. If it was bad news he was bringing I needed more coffee.
I prepared two cups and sat down with him at my little dining table. Pop took a long swallow of the scolding liquid before setting the cup down and leveling me with a look. "Have you talked to your brother yet?"
"Which one? The decent one or the asshole?"
"Logan!"
By the scowl on Pop's face, I knew he wasn't happy with me. Shaking my head, I brought my mug to my lips, not caring that its contents were too hot. I'd rather burn my mouth than voice my thoughts.
I might've been angry, but I wasn't about to disrespect my old man.
With a heavy sigh, my dad leaned forward and rested his hand on the table between us. "Look, son, I'm not saying Eli went about it the right way but he has some valid concerns."
I threw both of my hands in the air and for the first time in years raised my voice at Pop, "Oh come on! Not you too?" I was beyond the point of anger now; fury blazed through me.
"I'm worried about you, son. You're vulnerable and I don't want a woman to push a wedge between you and your brother."
I knew what my dad was referring to; he was the only one in our family who knew my tragic secret. His concerns were rational but unfounded. "The only one causing damage is Eli, Pop. And, before you walk around passing judgment on the woman, why don't you rather take some time to get to know her?"
"No one is judging her; we're just looking out for you."
"I can take care of myself." I pushed to my feet and poured the remainder of my coffee down the sink. "It was nice seeing you, Pop. If you'll excuse me, I gotta take Dozer for a walk."
It wasn't my intention, but I'd managed to hurt my dad's feelings. The pain I was responsible for was evident on his face when he slowly walked toward me, nodding his head. With his wrinkled hand, he patted me on the back.
"Okay, son. Just, please for the sake of your momma, make things right with Eli. It hits her hard when her boys fight." After giving my pup a quick scratch behind the ear, Pop was gone.
When I walked into the shop on Monday morning my mood was still as sour as it had been the day before. I just wasn't sure if my anger was toward my family or myself. Both Pop and Eli had reasons to be concerned and it was very possible that I wasn't looking at the bigger picture.
Possible but not probable.
I spotted the parts I'd ordered for Harper's car the moment I stepped foot into my office; at least I would have something to keep my mind busy today. Plus, returning her fixed vehicle meant I had a reason to stop by unannounced.
"You don't look like a man who's been getting some."
I looked up from where I was scavenging through the boxes and found Brett leaning against the doorframe.
"What are you talking about?" I pushed to my feet and gestured for him to come inside.
After making himself comfortable on my couch Brett said, "Well, according to Chase you and one of his employees—his only employee - were caught with your tongues down each other's throat in the clinic's kitchen."
My little brother needed to learn to keep his damn mouth shut. At this rate, the whole bloody town was going to know my business. When I didn't answer, Brett threw his head back and laughed.
"I'll take your silence as confirmation. Good on ya for going after what you want."
I hardly managed to contain my snort. "You're happy about this now?" I asked with raised eyebrows. "Last week you were the one who warned me against her."
He pulled his shoulders up and shrugged. "I'm still not entirely sure about her motives, but it's not about me, is it? If she's the one your heart wants, who am I to tell it differently?"
Leaning my ass against my desk, I folded my arms in front of me. "Yeah, if my family would just see it that way." In all honesty, I was fairly certain that my momma and Chase felt the same as my friend. After all, my little brother was the one who had been giving me these little 'ins' with Harper.
Brett studied me for a moment and I knew he was choosing his words carefully. "We've been friends for a very long time, so you know I've always got your back?" When I nodded, he continued, "I know your family too, Logan, that's why I can say that they only ever have your best interests at heart. Even Eli. Hell, especially Eli."
It wasn't that I didn't have any sympathy for my brother's situation; I was just so damned sick of everyone using it as an excuse for him to treat people like dirt. I'd even used it as the reason he'd been so awful toward Harper when we went to pick up Flynn.
Angry at this realization, I gritted out, "He needs to understand that not every woman is going to do what Melissa did." Rubbing my hands over my face I let out a sigh. "I'm not stupid, I understand why everyone is so concerned and I know Harper has secrets. It's just…they don't matter to me. All that I care about is the way I feel when I'm with her."
"I hear ya, man," Brett pushed to his feet and walked over to the door. Nodding his head slightly, he studied me for a long moment before saying, "But just remember, family is important too and no one is worth losing them over." After tapping the frame twice, he disappeared down the stairs, leaving me alone to mull over his words.
It took me all of five minutes to realize that Brett was right. I didn't agree with them whole heartily but I also didn't like fighting with
them, I especially hated fighting with Pop. It reminded me of days I'd much rather forget. Days when I'd been too stubborn to realize that he was trying to help me.
I'd been harsh on him and he hadn't deserved that. Not from me. I was just too pig-headed to understand that Pop was the last person who would pass judgment. This was one wrong I had to make right.
I wasn't too much of a man to apologize that's why I didn't hesitate to pick up the phone and dial my dad's number. We spent the better part of an hour talking things through and by the time I hung up it felt as if a weight had been lifted.
"So no hanky-panky yet?"
Lizzy took a seat next to me on the porch swing and grinned. I'd made the mistake of filling her in on some of the weekend's events, but as usual, she was just interested in one thing: whether or not I got some action.
After swallowing down some lemonade, I shook my head at her. "Really? Were you even listening just now?"
She had the audacity to look offended. "Of course I was listening. And you said Flynn was playing outside with the dog. Has it been that long that you have forgotten how to get creative?"
Clearly, choosing to take another sip of my drink while Lizzy was speaking was the wrong decision because I ended up choking on what didn't spray out of my nose. "Seriously!" I huffed out after I'd regained my composure. "Woman, you need help."
Through her manic laughter she managed to say, "No, sweetie, you need help. The kind of help that only Logan can provide." And then the both of us started guffawing until tears were spilling from our eyes. Again, I was reminded of something else I'd miss when Flynn and I moved on to another town.
"Enough about me," I said in an effort to push my melancholic thoughts away. "Tell me more about this mystery man you're seeing. Are things serious?"
Lizzy started fiddling with the hem of her shirt while she stared into the distance. "For now we're just having fun, but he's kind of intense."
"What do you mean intense?" The battered part of me perked up and paid attention. That was the exact word so many other women I'd met at shelters used whenever they were describing their abusive partners.
Her shoulders rose and fell in a small shrug before she turned her head to make eye contact. "You know," she said with raised eyebrows and a smirk. "Intense…passionate." Sex! She was talking about sex and I couldn't be happier. The relief I felt must've been visible because straight away she added, "What did you think I meant?"
"I…" I'd always kept what had happened to me a secret. No one knew; except for the woman who'd helped me get my new identity. For some reason, I wanted to share part of me with Lizzy. So, after a deep breath, I said, "I thought that maybe he'd been hitting you or something?"
Lizzy looked truly perplexed. "Gosh, no! I feel sorry for the man who ever tries to lay a hand on me. He'll be on his ass so fast; it'll make his head spin." She was silent for a few seconds before her tone turned serious. "Why would your mind go there, Harper?"
Nervous, embarrassed, and, ashamed. I was feeling it all at once. However, for the first time in…well, forever, I felt safe too. "I haven't been entirely honest with any of you," I began. "The thing is: Flynn's father isn't dead. Hell, he doesn't even know he has a son." I couldn't even begin to fathom what would happen if he knew. "He wasn't the best husband," I continued. "Because of that, I knew he wouldn't be the greatest father. And, Flynn deserves nothing less than the absolute best."
Wringing my hands together, I looked out at Flynn playing with his toy cars in the sand before giving Lizzy my undivided attention again. With a quick shrug, I confessed, "That man would've been responsible for my death if I'd stayed."
I'd knocked the air out her lungs, or at least, that's what it looked like. With a slack jaw, her gaze flicked between my son and me, all the blood seemingly draining from her face.
"Harper," Lizzy brought both her hands up to cover her mouth and shook her head. "I don't even know what to say right now. I…I…had no idea."
I gave her wink, "That was kind of the point."
After a few silent moments, she quietly asked, "Are you going to tell Logan?"
Now wasn't it ironic that she'd ask me that? The truth was I'd almost told him about Drew on Saturday but then Flynn interrupted us. There were plenty of opportunities afterward though, but I just couldn't bring myself to say the words.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. What was the point in spilling my guts? I wasn't staying. And if he was to look at me like Lizzy was looking at me now—with so much pity—my heart would break. I didn't want or need anyone's pity, especially not Logan's.
I'd doubted my decision to be more open about my past the moment the words had left my lips. And now, long after Lizzy's departure, I still tasted the regret in my mouth. I thought to letting of some parts of that secret would make the weight of it lighter. I was wrong, so very wrong. The pity I saw in my friend's eyes just made my burden that much heavier.
After reading Flynn a bedtime story and tucking him in, I went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I figured a hot mug of comfort and a good book would take my mind off of things.
I'd just settled into my spot on the couch when a knock sounded. I was smiling before my feet hit the ground because I knew it was Logan. I didn't realize how much I'd wanted to see him until the moment I pulled open the door and saw him standing there.
"I wasn't expecting to see you today," I stepped aside so he could come in. Instead of walking past me, though, he stopped right in front of me and invaded my space in the best way possible.
With that sinfully sexy smile planted on his lips and hair flopping over his forehead, he just stared at me. "Disappointed, Sugar?" He asked, the rasp of his voice gliding over my skin.
I couldn't lie even if I wanted to. "No," I said shaking my head. "Glad."
Those warm whiskey eyes burned a flame straight through my soul and I felt a few more walls crashing down. My lips started to tingle in anticipation of the kiss that I knew was coming. It never came.
With a chuckle Logan continued on into the house, leaving me to frown at his back. When I turned around after shutting the door, he dangled a key in front of me.
"What's that?"
"Your Nissan is fixed and she's running smoothly."
"Ah, I was beginning to enjoy driving your truck around town." I laughed as I pushed past him on my way to the kitchen while throwing a "Coffee?" over my shoulder.
"Sounds good."
I could feel his eyes on me as I went through the motions of preparing his drink, when I handed him the hot mug, he looked thoughtful for a second and then said, "You know, you can still drive it…the truck, I mean."
"It's a kind offer, Logan. But, now that my car is fixed there's no need."
More long, silent seconds. "Or we could drive to work together. It makes sense, doesn't it? Only a street separates the shop and the clinic and we're neighbors. So…" He shrugged his shoulders while eyeing me over the rim of his mug.
I didn't know what to say. That seemed like such a couple-thing to do, and I was pretty sure we weren't there yet. My heart pounded as I came to the realization that he was running while I was still crawling. I either had to tell him to slow down, or I had to pick up pace.
"I'll think about it." With that, I'd bought myself some time to figure out where I wanted to go from here. I knew that I couldn't afford to stay and give my boy the family he deserved but was it so wrong to want to have it—even just for a little while?
"Flynn's in bed already?" Logan's voice filtered through my thoughts. When I confirmed that my boy was fast asleep, disappointment was visible on his face. I was overcome with a strong need to kiss him just then, unfortunately, he wanted to use his mouth for talking.
"Did I interrupt something when I showed up so unannounced?"
I shook my head as we made our way back to the living room. "No, I was just going to read for a bit."
"Oh," His gaze swept across the furniture before landing on me, "You wanna make-out?"
&nb
sp; I couldn't help the sudden fit of laughter that overtook me. I could honestly say that never in my life had a man said those words to me. When I realized I was the only one laughing, it hit me, "You're serious?"
Logan lifted his shoulder and eyebrows as if to say 'Why not?' to which I found myself saying, "You sound like a horny teenager." And I looked like one standing in front of a boy she liked, only just managing to contain her giggles. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing again.
The same lips I'd wanted to kiss a few minutes ago curled into an unbelievably sexy grin. "Not gonna lie, Sugar, I am one of those things." Logan took one step toward me, the heat in his eyes rooting me to the spot. "Every single time I have tasted your lips, I've done so without asking." His freaking smile broadened and he winked. He winked! "I thought I was being polite."
Without breaking eye contact he started moving again and didn't stop until we were standing toe to toe. He'd inserted himself so deep in my space that I could feel the heat radiating off his body.
Logan slipped his hands around my neck, his thumbs resting against my pulse-points, and dropped his head until our noses were almost touching. "Maybe you'd prefer it if I just kissed you silly?"
I had to swallow a couple of times before the lump in my throat went down. After running my tongue over my dry lips, I managed to squeak out, "I would actually." Placing my flattened palms against his chest, I pushed onto my toes and closed the little distance there was between us.
I heard him sigh and felt his breath before our mouths fused together. Back and forth, back and forth, he brushed his lips over mine. Being gentle, but yet, demanding more at the same time.
His tongue danced over the seam of my lips seeking entry which I eagerly granted. He tasted of coffee and broken dreams and something I haven't had in a very long time…hope.
I pushed everything out of my mind as I concentrated on the wonderful sensations running through my body while our tongues twined together. Sliding my hands up, I buried my fingers in his hair, holding his face to mine.
Shattered (Willow Creek Book 1) Page 10