A feeling of calm washed over me. There was no doubt in my mind that Flynn was safe with these people. How and why I came to trust them so quickly was anyone's guess, but I had a feeling it had much to do with the kind of man Logan was.
You don't raise such an incredible man without being a little incredible yourself.
I gave my son a quick kiss and promised to be back soon, but he couldn't care less. The ranch and the animals had all of his attention. I wasn't too sad about it, though, how could I be when Flynn was beaming with happiness.
With my arms wrapped around Logan's waist and my head resting against his back, we made the slow drive to wherever it was he was taking me. He'd wanted to take one of the ATVs instead of his truck and now, being able to breathe in the midday air and feel the rays of the sun warm my cheeks, I was glad he did.
He turned left, off the main road, and headed straight for the tall trees. I squeezed my arms tighter as the path became bumpier. After a couple of minutes, the ATV rolled to a stop and once the rumbling died down, I could hear the faint sound of running water.
"We're gonna have to walk from here. That alright, Sugar?"
Still holding on to him, I said, "Yeah."
Logan slid off the four-wheeler with ease before helping me do the same. Surrounded by nothing but trees and nature, I felt isolated and peaceful. Even the sun had difficulty touching us through the shelter the leaves provided.
Grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers, Logan started his trek to who-knew-where. The scary thing was at that moment I'd happily follow this man anywhere.
It became darker and the further we ventured, the soothing sound of the water grew louder. The rustling of the wind through the leaves filled my ears at the same time as the trickling water of the creek came into view.
"It's beautiful," I breathed, and it truly was. We were surrounded by forest, moss-covered stones and branches hanging so low, their tips dipped into the stream of crystal-clear water.
"This used to be my refuge whenever I couldn't figure life out." Logan pulled me closer and I went without hesitation, allowing him to wrap me up in his arms. "I don't come here as often as I want to anymore, though."
With my head resting against his chest, I closed my eyes and took a moment to fill my lungs with Logan's unique scent and listen to the steady rhythm of his heart. After a few moments the sadness in his voice registered. Lifting my head, I gazed up at him. "I can't imagine you not having a handle on life."
His smile was rueful. "Ah, sugar, you have no idea."
I was being greedy and selfish again when I asked, "Tell me?"
Logan didn't speak right away; instead, he searched for a spot where the ground was level. Pulling me down with him, he positioned me between his long legs allowing us both to face the water. With my back to his front, he reached around me and grabbed my hands, sliding his fingers between mine.
We sat like that for a while before he broke the silence, "I was a troubled kid. My parents had done nothing but love me and still I felt as if I didn't fit," he cleared his throat and continued, "I still feel that way sometimes. Anyway, Chase and Eli pretty much had their lives mapped out early on. While they were dreaming of their futures, I was trying to figure out who the hell I was and where my place was in this world."
I didn't know what to say but luckily, I didn't have to say anything, after another deep inhalation he spoke again, "It wasn't long before I fell in with the wrong crowd. You know the kind of people your momma usually warns you about. The kind who only care about two things: When your next hit or lay is."
His strangled words almost broke my heart. I gave his hands a squeeze, as much as I wanted to know more about him, I didn't want to have it at his expense. I told him as much but he was adamant that he wanted to continue, so, all I could do was listen.
"The more my parents and brothers begged me to step away from that lifestyle, the deeper I fell down the rabbit hole. Sugar, I was so far gone I didn't even recognize myself."
That was the kind of pain I was all too familiar with. It took a very long time for me to find myself after Drew had stripped me of everything. But this conversation wasn't about me, and I had a feeling that whatever Logan was going to tell me next was the cause of the heaviness I had spotted in his eyes a couple of times.
"I wish I could sit here and tell you that I came to my senses on my own, but I really can't. It took the worst kind of tragedy to stop my one-man-wrecking-show."
I was terrified of what came next and it wasn't because I thought that it would make me think less of him. It was the exact opposite. I was slowly realizing that the carefree person I thought he was, was simply a façade. This man was just as broken and bruised as me, maybe even more so. And, damn, if that didn't have me wanting to take away all of his hurt.
My gut twisted when my conscience reminded me that I was most likely going to add another scar to his already splintered heart. It took all of my strength to keep sitting where I was instead of running away like I wanted to.
"I'll never forget that night as long as I live," his voice was soft and filled with regret. "As usual, we were partying hard until we ran out of booze and everything else. I knew a guy and volunteered to get more party-treats. I'd made it a couple of miles before I lost control of the Chev and drove it straight into another car."
I held my breath while I waited for the rest.
"I can still hear the screeching of the tires and the clatter of metal scraping together. Even the burning stench of rubber hasn't left me. But all of that is nothing compared to the sobering moment when I noticed the girl next to me." Logan let go of my hands, pushed to his feet and started pacing with his long fingers buried in his hair.
His beautiful face was twisted into a pained expression; I felt it in my soul. Slowly, I got to my feet too and approached him. I needed to get him out of that awful memory that was causing him so much anguish. Reaching out, I wrapped my fingers around his arm.
"Logan," it was a whisper, but he heard me. When he turned those deep, dark eyes on me, I swallowed down a lump and continued. "You've shared so much; you don't have to go on."
He pulled his hands from his hair and encased mine in them. "I want you to know everything, but I'm afraid of what you'll think of me."
"I'm the last person whose thoughts you should worry about." I tried to free my hands from his grip but he held them in a vice.
"You don't get it, do you?" Logan traded one of my hands for my cheek, gently stroking over my skin with his calloused thumb.
"I don't," I answered honestly.
His heated gaze held mine captive. "Your opinion is the only one that matters."
I shook my head while I tried to take a step back, but Logan was still holding onto me as if the connection was grounding him. I looked at him, really looked at him, whatever secret he was carrying was eating him up. That was the moment I realized that it was within my power to lessen his burden, even if that could be potentially detrimental to my heart.
"I could never judge you." Everything around us became eerily quiet; like Mother Nature was holding her breath in hopes that my words would register.
A couple of dark strands flopped over his forehead when he steadily nodded. Again, I was left waiting with bated breath for the words that were about to spill from his lips.
"The girl," his voice was hoarse and strangled; he had to clear his throat twice before he could continue. "To this day I have no recollection of her getting in the car with me. At that time, I didn't even know who she was." At the admission shame masked his face, I was very tempted to just pull him to me and hold him until all the hurt left his body.
I didn't.
After licking his lips, he braved on, "Her name was Valerie and climbing into my car cost her her life. I was drunk and high out of my mind, and yet she was the one to die that day."
"Logan, I'm-"
"And because Pop and Eli -" he continued on as if I hadn't said a thing. "- were able to pull some strings, I got 3
years and a $5000 fine while a girl lost her damn life."
Maybe this little fact should've put me off of this man—I was silently hoping that his secret would be so terrible that I couldn't possibly fall for him any more than I already had. But as it stood, I was in awe of him.
I took a step closer and pushed my fingers through his beard before taking his cheeks in my hands, keeping his attention on me. I needed him to hear me and understand me. "What happened to Valerie was tragic. But, Logan, to come from where you were to where you are now, is nothing short of amazing. It would have been so easy to fall back into your old habits, but you turned your life around for the better. I can only admire you for that."
His eyes burned with emotion as he narrowed them in confusion. Logan, my big, fearless Logan, looked so vulnerable and lost in that moment, it just about crippled me.
Something else hit me; while I had been fighting so hard to keep him from breaking down my walls; he was already taking up residence in my heart.
The warmth of Harper's palms seeped through my skin and kick-started my heart. The way she was looking at me—like I was something to be admired—might've had a little to do with it too. I didn't know what I'd expected when I let her in on my past, but it wasn't this.
It almost seemed as if the last of her walls came crumbling to the ground the moment I shed light on that dark blotch that had stained my heart for so long. There was more, though, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her the rest. Not when all I wanted to do was confess to her how deep my feelings ran.
I was about three-quarters of the way to loving this woman. In my own head, my admission sounded like the ramblings of a madman, I could only imagine what it would sound like if I said it out loud.
Therefore, instead of making a complete and utter fool of myself by confessing my feelings, I wrapped my fingers around each of her hands and first dragged her right wrist to my lips before doing the same with the left.
Her irises darkened, and I swear, the leaves on the giant trees surrounding us had nothing on Harper's eyes. They were big, round, and entirely unguarded. Helpless, I surrendered to the temptation to taste her tongue.
Releasing her hands, I wound mine in her hair and pulled her face to mine. That first hesitant brush of our lips shot through my veins like a powerful drug. To me, that's exactly what she was. My drug. My remedy. My salvation.
With my tongue gliding over her lips I asked—and then was given—permission to invade her mouth. I had to resist the urge to dive straight in and assault her with the hunger I felt. I took my time in tasting her, savoring her.
But, apparently, that wasn't what she wanted. Harper grabbed fists full of my tee, bunching the material in her palms. A small moan sounded from the back of her throat and hit me right in the groin.
As I slid my hands down her back and dug my fingers into her waist, a little voice whispered that I needed to slow down before I was unable to stop at all. I pushed the warning to the side as our kiss became more urgent; Harper matching every bold stroke of my tongue.
Her palms flattened against my chest and she gave me a small shove. Confused, I pulled back slightly just to get caught in Harper's desire-filled gaze. Her lips were swollen and the sexiest shade of just-kissed-stupid. We hadn't been kissing that long, or had we? Whenever I was with her, the world just seemed to melt away.
I raised an eyebrow in question when she sank her teeth into that lush bottom lip and shoved me again. "Sit." Her voice taking on that commanding tone was sexy as sin and I felt it everywhere. I was half-tempted to bait her a bit, just to hear more. Instead, I found myself saying, "Yes, ma'am."
My ass had barely hit the ground before Harper was on top of me, straddling my thighs and kissing me with fervor. I skimmed my hands up her legs and palmed her perfect, plump cheeks. It was my turn to release a groan when she flexed her hips and pushed down into me.
With every roll of her hips, I felt my sanity slip more and more. I don't even know how I managed to drag my mouth away from hers long enough to confess, "Sugar, this is most definitely going to be my only moment of clarity. If you're not up for some al fresco lovin', you'd better stop me now."
Moments of clarity sucked. The words had only just slipped out of my mouth when Harper slid off my lap and pushed to her feet. Not gonna lie, my ego took a bit of a battering right then. More than a little disappointed that our time was over, I started to get up when Harper's sandal-covered foot pushed into my chest.
"I said, sit." That stern tone was back but the glint in her eyes and the sexy smile on her lips told me I was about to be one hell of a lucky guy. Meeting her gaze, I placed my palms on the ground behind me and leaned back. Licking my lips, I stretched out my legs, crossed them at the ankles and waited.
The few rays of sun that managed to sneak through the trees illuminated her frame. For a few seconds, she just stood there, her eyes glued to mine. There were so many emotions shining in them, but the only one I cared about was hesitancy.
There was no way that I was going to let this woman do anything she wasn't comfortable with. I was prepared to wait however long she needed me to.
"Harper, we don't need to do this. Not now and not here."
Shaking her head, she pointed her index finger in the air, indicating that I should give her a minute. Easing back onto my palms, I gave her what she asked for. A few seconds later my eyes zeroed in on her tongue gliding over her bottom lip. Even from my vantage point, I could see her throat work as she swallowed hard.
I understood exactly how she felt, because sitting there on my ass, looking at the girl I had desired for months, made me nervous. My heart was on such a wild gallop; I was afraid that she might see it trying to break through my ribs. Even my palms were clammy. All of that just because even though she knew I was broken, she was still looking at me with a mixture of want and hope.
It was my turn to swallow the lump stuck in my throat when she gripped the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head before dropping it at her feet. Whatever words I wanted to utter then got sucked right back in when she released the button on her jeans with a soft pop.
Torture, it was pure torture watching her shimmy out of them before kicking them to the side. If her nerves from before were because she was self-conscience, as so many women were, they were perfectly unnecessary. She was gorgeous. Inches and inches of creamy skin just waiting to be explored.
I was about to tell her as much when she reached behind her and undid her bra. That was also the time I was reduced to a gawking idiot. Honestly, who could blame me though? Here was Harper standing in front of me wearing nothing but a pair of black panties.
Panties that soon joined the rest of her discarded clothing. I couldn't help it, my eyes drifted over her body in a slow appraisal, possibly lingering a bit at her breasts—I was a man after all. Yeah, gorgeous was a damn understatement, she was whatever trumped that.
As my gaze lowered, I felt the smile form on my lips. "So," I said making eye-contact again. "That's what those strips were for."
Harper looked to where my stare had been moments ago and then shrugged. "It feels better this way."
I nodded my head and tried not to envision what she looked like waxing herself between the legs. Without thinking I found myself saying, "Next time you do that, call me."
"Why?" She asked with a chuckle. "Do you want to pull the strip off?"
"No, Sugar. I want to kiss it better afterward." Winking, I patted my thighs. "Now get that pretty little ass over here."
Not even the highest high could compare to how magnificent it felt to have Harper's legs wrapped around me and her body moving with mine. The most melodic song had nothing on the soft moans slipping from her lips.
Bottom line: sex with Harper was absolutely incredible. There was just one problem; I didn't want just the physical. I wanted to own her mind, body, and soul.
One might have thought that I'd completely lost it by jumping Logan like that. Maybe I had, but it was so much more than a qui
ck release. He'd given me a part of him, a deep, dark part. I was merely returning the gesture. I could never confide in him about my past but I could give him something of me. The problem was, I hadn't just given him my body, I gave him a part of my heart too.
Still, I couldn't muster up a single ounce of regret.
As we made our way back to the ranch, I noticed that there were a few more cars parked; meaning Eli and Chase were joining the BBQ too. The mere thought of spending the afternoon in Sheriff Jackson's presence gave me the wrong kind of chills. My brain was already coming up with valid reasons for me and Flynn to head out early when the ATV pulled to a stop.
Both Logan and I were slow to leave the little bubble we'd created for ourselves. About halfway between the house and the parked vehicles, he brought us to an abrupt halt. Stepping into my line of vision, Logan cupped my cheeks.
With his eyes roaming over my face, he whispered, "Thank you."
The intensity of his gaze and the gentle tone to his voice was too much. Suddenly I was feeling raw and emotional. What I wanted most was to get out of there. Before I could voice my thoughts, the front door swung open followed by, "And where have you two been?"
I peeked around Logan's shoulder to find Chase looking at us, amusement brightening his features. Logan, on the other hand, did not look impressed at all. Shooting his brother a look, he gritted out, "Give us a minute." Chase opened his mouth, possibly to make some smartass remark, but quickly shut it again before disappearing into the house.
When I was the sole focus of those whiskey-eyes again, my heart started to beat furiously. I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down in a hard swallow; I swear I'd never get used to seeing this man display nervousness.
Shattered (Willow Creek Book 1) Page 12