Shameful Scars: (Scars Book Three)

by A L Williams

  When he was out of the room, we continued our stare down.

  “What do I have to do for you to trust me?” I said, surprising myself. She blinked and clenched her jaw.

  A moment later she stood, walking towards the living room. She stopped at the entrance. “Leave.” She disappeared around the corner.

  I slumped in the chair. Maybe I should.

  I do not care anyway...

  Later that day, I walked through the park, trying to clear my head. The air was hot at midday, and I was sweating, but I needed to get out of that house. I strolled along the path, and my phone rang. I pulled it out, seeing Lucifer across the screen. “Hello,” I said.

  “How are you?” Lucifer replied.

  “I am fine.” I looked away. I had a lot going on in my mind but talking about it would mean telling him about Lilith. “How is your trip going?”

  “It is nice here.”

  I slid my free hand in my pocket. “Good.”

  “Are you well?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Gabriel—”

  “How do you get someone to trust you?” I blurted.

  He did not respond right away, putting my nerves on edge. “I wish I could give you an easy answer. Is it Hayley?”

  “Yes.”

  Lucifer sighed. “She is a difficult woman.”

  “She has much pain.”

  Lucifer paused. Did I say something wrong?

  “Just give her time. I know it is difficult, but you cannot make anyone trust or forgive you. All you can do is repent and hope for the best.”

  I looked down at the cement path and stopped, allowing several joggers to run past me. I knew he was correct, but... the look in her eyes drifted through my mind. Her distrust had been heavy, and the pain underneath had been sobering. What had she been through?

  I heard muffled speech through the phone. “I must take my leave. I will call again in a few days.”

  “Farewell,” I said, ending the call.

  A sound caught my attention, and I looked down, finding the cat staring up at me. I walked over to a nearby bench and dropped onto it. The cat hopped up. “I have not seen you in a while,” I said, patting its head. It had disappeared sometime before Lucifer left. I did not expect to see it again.

  It purred as I continued to stroke its head. My nerves settled. “I have to go.” It hopped into my lap and yowled. I could not help but smile. “Alright. Come.” I didn’t know what I was doing, but I wrapped it in my arms and stood, walking back the way I came.

  Chapter Eleven

  Hayley

  I opened my eyes, squinting from the brightness shining through the blinds. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling of my small room. Several days passed, and there was no sign of Lilith. No children had gone missing again, and the waiting was going to kill me. I sat up, grabbing the heavy library book and opening it in my lap.

  Lilith is seen as the first woman created. In the creation story, she refuses to allow Adam to dominate her. Lilith is said to mount Adam, implying sexual violation.

  Other stories portray Lilith as a demoness who kills children and takes advantage of men while they are sleeping...

  I looked up from the book. That’s exactly what the librarian had said, but she had not mentioned Lilith was a rapist. I furrowed my brow as my stomach curled. Gabriel drifted through my mind. Had she…? I shook my head. It was none of my business.

  I spent the last few days reading about Adam, Eve, and the first Eve, Lilith. There wasn’t much, and the information was not clear.

  Groaning, I placed the book on the bed and pulled myself to my feet. I walked to my closet and grabbed clothes. My phone rang, and I looked at my end table, finding nothing there. I turned to my white dresser and vanity against the wall. This was the same bedroom set from my childhood. Gifted to me by my mother for my tenth birthday before she died.

  My stomach tightened as I walked over and picked up my phone, eyeing the remaining charge and the name flashing across the screen. Jamie.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey. How’s everything there?” he asked. I fought the urge to tell him everything. He’d be back here in seconds if he knew. Jamie and the others needed this time away.

  “Everything is fine.”

  “Good,” he said. A muffled voice came through the line. “Andrew is taking me out for breakfast. I’ll call you later.”

  “Have fun.” I ended the call and exhaled. I told Jamie everything. It didn’t feel right keeping this from him, but we had to. I did miss him, though. Especially with Gabriel around.

  What happened in the kitchen days ago spun around in my head several times. They caught me off guard, and everything in me wanted to curse them out. What, was I supposed to just forget what they did, and everything would be fucking dandy? That’s not how the world worked. If you do bad, you are bad.

  So, instead of yelling, I walked out with only a simple word. I wanted them gone. They had complicated my life. Cory wanted me to get along with them. Like hell.

  The front door opened and closed, and I listened as footsteps grew closer. Cory had a much softer stride, so I knew it was Gabriel. I stood tense, waiting for them to enter their room before I made my way to the bathroom. I wasn’t scared to confront them; I just didn’t have the mental energy to deal with them. My nerves had been on edge for weeks. Where was Cricket?

  I eyed my window. Usually she would be back by now. I wondered what she was doing. Cricket always knew when I was distressed. After I left rehab, it was recommended that I find a comfort animal to curb my addiction. So, Cory went to the local animal shelter and brought me this scruffy little cat. I fell in love immediately.

  Cory always scolded me for leaving my window open and allowing her to leave, but I couldn’t just keep her inside. It felt like I was keeping her hostage.

  You will not go outside.

  Do you hear me?

  Yes, sir.

  I gripped my clothes in my hand and put my phone down on the vanity. Once I came out of the bathroom fully dressed, I went into the kitchen, finding Cory at the table and munching on a piece of toast while reading a magazine. He glanced up and smiled. “Sleep well?”

  I grunted, a yawn bursting from me. He chuckled. “It would seem not.” I shrugged and walked past him to the fridge, grabbing a glass of orange juice.

  I flopped into the chair next to him with my glass. “What?” I asked, glancing at Cory as he stared at me.

  “Are you going to come to the shop today?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  He paused as if he was considering his words and then said, “I’m proud of you.”

  I blinked. “What?”

  “For not fighting with Gabriel lately.”

  “Oh.” It was true, I didn’t say much to Gabriel since that day in the kitchen, but why was Cory thanking me? Was it really so hard to believe?

  “It’s made this whole process so much smoother. The shop is almost done,” he said. A yawn slipped from his mouth, and he chuckled. “Guess I’m not as awake as I thought, either.” I examined his face, noting the bags under his eyes. He usually didn’t get much sleep as it was, but he seemed worse. Corbin also had a habit of overworking if I didn’t keep an eye on him.

  “Have you been dreaming of her?” I asked. He didn’t respond; I didn’t expect him to. Cory was tight-lipped about anything in regards to Laura. I wish he would just talk about it. I wish he would trust me with his pain. I knew why, though. He had been in a dark place back then, and I knew he was fighting with everything he had to not drown in his pain. I knew better than most how easy it was to slip off that cliff.

  “It’s time to get going. The earlier we get there, the more work we can get done.” he said. I rolled my eyes. Corbin was notorious for avoidance. I just wish he would deal with it. Maybe get a therapist.

  “Alright.”

  He walked out of the room, and I followed, walking directly into Gabriel. I jumped back. In his arms was Cric
ket.

  I met their gaze. “What the fuck are you doing with my cat?”

  They tilted their head. “Your cat?”

  “Yeah. My cat. Her name is Cricket.” I wanted to take her from their arms, but I didn’t want to be that close to them, especially with them smelling of lavender. Where had they gotten that? I loved lavender, but on them it was…

  “She has been following me since before Lucifer left,” they said.

  Cricket began to purr. Traitor. “We have to go,” I said.

  Gabriel nodded and released Cricket. She jumped down onto the floor and rubbed herself against Gabriel’s leg and then bounced over to me, doing the same to me. I knelt and ran my hand along her fur. She scooted closer and purred louder. I smiled down at her as my nerves settled.

  I felt watched, so I looked up, finding Gabriel watching me closely. Their usual blank expression was there, but not in full. There was something else. Curiosity? Interest? I cleared my throat and stood, walking past them. I knew they were following, and I kept my gaze ahead, feeling their eyes on me as I slipped outside. The part that confused me most was their gaze wasn’t as bothersome. It felt normal. What did that mean?

  When we got to the shop, we got to work immediately. The walls were fully painted, and now we were just reinstalling the equipment and making sure everything was up to code. Corbin had slipped into the back, after putting us to work.

  Gabriel shifted the refrigerators into place against the wall. I glanced at them, watching their ebony muscles flex below the old T-shirt. Even though I hated them, I could appreciate their beauty. They had all the things I loved. The grace of the feminine form and the strength of the masculine. Gabriel was the most perfect expression of androgyny that I had ever laid eyes on.

  I heard laughter and turned as a couple walked past the window, their hands entwined, and their faces filled with joy. I watched the couple move along, standing so close that it was like their love was magnetic.

  For some reason, I looked over at Gabriel. I found them watching the couple, too. Their gaze was empty and far away, making me wonder if they were thinking of Lilith. My chest tightened, and their eyes landed on me. “What?” I asked.

  “I did not say anything.”

  “Were you thinking of her?”

  Gabriel wrinkled their brow. It was strange seeing such a human expression on their face. “Yes,” they finally said.

  “Why her?” Gabriel studied me for a moment as if they were unsure of the question. “How could you be with someone like her?” I asked.

  “She was not as she is now.”

  “How so?”

  “She was…” They went silent and minutes ticked by.

  I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “If you can’t answer, then maybe she isn’t as different as you think.”

  They tensed and looked away. Confusion took over their features, and I felt a little guilty.

  Maybe they were a victim of circumstances like you.

  You loved the wrong person at one point.

  You loved your step-dad...

  My head began to throb as thoughts spun. “I have something else I need to do. Let Cory know.” I just needed to get some air. This was all too much. They didn’t respond when I left, calling a ride. I needed a little play time. It had been far too long. I needed to take the stress out on a willing sub.

  I climbed out of the Lyft, dropping my toy box to the ground. I re-adjusted my tight skirt and pushed up my breasts that were snugly wrapped in a satin red button-up. The car pulled away as I gazed at the building. It appeared to be nothing more than a warehouse surrounded by other similar structures. A black cloth sign hung from the wall with Lock N’ Key in white writing. It was a small club, even with all the years it had been open.

  I walked around the building, and the entrance came into view. The owners didn’t have the funds to expand, but I really wish they would. It could get crowded. People of all walks of life came here to play, wanting to strip away the masks they wore in their day to day lives.

  This was part of what made BDSM what it was. Not only was it bondage and pain, but it was also an escape. A place to let go and just be. Tonight was one of those nights for me. With everything going on, and having Gabriel around so much, I was on edge.

  When I reached the door, I tugged it open, its weight making me grip the handle. I stepped inside, immediately hit with the pulse of loud music that danced along my skin and sank into me.

  After I signed in and chatted with the staff and other familiar members, I strolled to the back, pushing through the thin veil covering the doorway that led into the main area. The room was dimly lit with red and purple lights that swayed to the beat of sensual techno and dubstep.

  I scanned the room, seeing the silhouette of people lying on padded benches and tables that stood on tile flooring. In one corner, there was a large cage that had a padded top. I walked over to it and put my bag down. The second half of the playroom was separated only by carpet with chairs set up for observers.

  I heard giggling, glanced to the side and froze. Even with the dim lighting, I caught the sight of a familiar face before me. Was that Adam’s nurse? I watched him as I racked my brain for his name, trying not to make it obvious I was staring.

  He was sitting beside a man who was so big next to him I bristled at the possibility of him hurting the guy. The smaller man seemed to be fine if his smile was any indication. He was the prettiest man I had ever seen, with his boyish features and the glint of mischief in his eyes. It was clear he was anything but innocent. He flipped his short golden-brown hair back which did nothing to prevent it from falling back over his large eyes.

  Before he noticed me staring, I turned around and continued my inspection of the crowded room. I felt someone move beside me. I looked and found Kate standing next to me. Her curly hair framing her face, falling to her shoulders.

  She looked so young that when she joined, an extensive background check was requested. Even if she wasn’t young, she looked it, and there was something hot about corrupting someone who looked so... virginal. The idea of corrupting her went straight to my groin.

  She inched closer, and I eyed her bare breasts. She loved to show them off. She just had surgery and couldn’t stop herself from telling everyone about her transition.

  I licked my lips. She was so much fun to play with. I tended to lean towards men the majority of the time, but she was just too sexy. My eyes trailed down her body to her red lace panties. They were sheer and I could see the outline of her womanhood as it started to harden from my gaze.

  She pressed her body into my side, forcing me to tilt my head up to look at her. “Hey,” she purred.

  I smirked. “Who said you could touch?”

  Her expression fell, and she backed away, lowering her head in respect. “I apologize, ma’am.”

  I reached up and stroked her chin, my chest warming from her submission. As many times as I had played with her, it never got old. She submitted so beautifully to me, giving me what I needed.

  I studied her for a moment. “It is fine, girl. I will let it go this time. I need you.”

  “I know, ma’am,” she whispered, never looking up. My smile widened, realizing her misstep was because she sensed something was off with me. She was so perceptive. Almost like a service animal, which was interesting because she loved puppy play.

  She tilted her head up to look at me and she met my gaze. “I want to flog you,” I said.

  She nodded eagerly. “Please, ma’am.”

  “Safe words?”

  “Green, Yellow, Red.”

  “Hard limits?”

  “None.”

  I arched a brow. “Hard limits?” I didn’t have time for a show-off. I glared at her. I crossed my arms over my chest.

  She sighed. “I only like flogging. And sex, of course."

  "Do you want me to fuck you?”

  “Yes, please,” she said

  I wasn’t going to say no to that. Maybe an orgas
m would release some of this tension.

  I led her to an empty table on the floor. “On your stomach,” I ordered. She complied.

  I lifted my toy box onto a nearby stand and opened it, pulling my flogger out and my strap-on and placed it on the table. I inspected the flogger, its long pink tails swaying. I gripped the pink handle that had small little jewels sprinkled along it. I turned my attention to Kate on the table and watched her eyes follow the movement of the flogger, pleading.

  An idea struck me, and I grinned at her. “Do you want something, girl?” I dropped my voice, putting all my authority into it. Her eyes glazed over. I approached. “Ask.”

  “Please, ma’am. Please,” she breathed breathlessly. Moisture gathered in my groin. Bending her to my will was just what I needed.

  My eyes trailed down her form, the dim strobe lights dancing along her smooth skin. Her round ass fit snugly inside her red panties. I wanted to see that ass and watch it turn the same shade. I took a breath, calming myself before I spoke. “Color?”

  “Green,” she said, closing her eyes and relaxing into the padding. I lifted my hand, the music shifting to a darker tune. Circling the table, I dragged the tails along her back. I made sure they touched every part of her body. She trembled as the leather slid along her flesh. I stopped. “Color?”

  “Green.”

  Without another word, I lifted the flogger and snapped my wrist, making contact with her pale, creamy skin. She tensed but moaned softly. I struck her again, harder this time, dragging an even louder sound of pleasure from her. I smirked. “Such a pain slut.”

  “You hurt me so good, ma’am,” she groaned.

  I popped my neck and then rotated my shoulders and walked behind her, admiring her ass. I glanced up, finding her watching me. “Color?”

  Her ass flexed, and her gaze darkened. “Green.”

  Dragging the tails over her ass cheeks, I admired the firm globes as they clenched. I put the flogger down to reach for her panties, tugging them down. She squealed from the sudden action and lifted herself to allow the rest to be pulled off. Once they were removed, I tossed them onto the nearby chair. I turned back to the sight of her bare ass and spread legs, her hole peeking through.