by A L Williams
“I have never been interested in it…”
“It’s not for everyone,” he said matter-of-factly, which relieved some of my discomfort.
“There are others who do not like it?” I asked.
“Yeah. Ace is what it’s called. There is a spectrum of sexualities under it, including asexuality, graysexual, demisexual…” He paused, probably sensing how overwhelmed I was. “Look, take this and go there. They can explain it better than I can. I am far from being ace.” He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and handed me a business card. We Have a Future LGBTQ+ Center printed on it along with an address.
My stomach tightened. “Ace?”
“Yeah,” he replied.
“Is that what I am?”
“Maybe. Go there. They will help,” he said.
“Thank you, Detective.”
“Call me Ben.”
We continued. The street lights flickered on as the city grew darker.
It took about ten minutes to find Hayley at the small plot of grass surrounded by larger buildings. People lay dressed in dirty clothes as the sun sank closer to the mountains.
Hayley stared off into the distance, watching the sun set. She looked up at us when we approached, with wide eyes and a stiff posture.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said to sound the way it did,” Detective—Ben said.
She sighed and leaned back on her hands. “It’s fine.”
Ben studied her for a moment as if he did not believe her but did not push further. His phone began to ring, and he answered it. After a few exchanged words, he slipped it back in his pocket and turned back to us. “Gotta go. Again, I’m sorry.” He left.
When Hayley peered at me, I inched closer. “May I sit?”
She looked down at her side and scooted across the bench, leaving enough space between us that we would not touch. I sat down and watched as cars and people rushed by.
I glanced at Hayley as she stared out at the sky, the sun painting her skin with gold. Her hair glittered in the light. She was truly beautiful.
A gust of wind pushed her hair in her face, and I balled my fists on the bench, fighting the urge to brush it away. “I am sorry,” I said.
She blinked and turned to me. “Huh?”
“I am sorry for what he said. It was uncalled for.”
She wrinkled her brow, confusion plain on her face. She continued to stare at me as if she was waiting for something to change.
“I know I have not been any different. I have disregarded your feelings since—” I chuckled. “Well, since we first met. I am sorry.”
She opened and closed her mouth, looking down at the grass. Car alarms and music filled the air around us. The homeless began to stir, gathering their things to move on to wherever they went at night.
“You couldn’t have come here just to apologize. Why are you here?” she said.
I frowned. I was not sure why I went after her in the first place. I looked up, finding her watching me. “What if it was? Is that hard to believe?”
She chuckled. “Yeah.”
“Well, maybe you should not make assumptions.”
Chapter Fifteen
Hayley
Were they making a joke? I was just about to snap at them for being an ass again, but when I looked at them, I didn’t see annoyance or blankness. What was there was amusement. I gaped at them as they stared back. This was getting weirder by the second. Since when did Gabriel make jokes?
“I can leave if you wish to be alone,” they said. I didn’t respond, still confused as fuck. Everything made less and less sense. They stood and turned away.
“Why did you leave?” I blurted. Gabriel turned back and tilted their head. I cleared my throat. “Why did you leave the club last night?”
“It was…” They started. I waited for them to continue, leaning forward on the bench. “It was unexpected.”
“How did you find me there?”
“Corbin gave me the address.”
Cory?
How did he know? I did everything I could to keep it from him. Not because he would judge, but because of what happened with Laura. The last thing he needed to know was that I liked beating people. I made a mental note to confront him about it and returned my attention to Gabriel, who was still watching me.
“What did you think?”
“Of what?” they asked, glancing away in a way that told me if they weren’t so dark, I’d see a blush. My chest warmed at the shy behavior. It was strange, but cute.
“What did you think of what I was doing to that woman?”
“I—What were you doing?” They inched closer.
“I was flogging her.”
They licked their lips. “She liked it. I’ve never seen anyone like being… beaten.”
“It’s not common.”
“Why?” The question lingered in the air as the final rays of light dipped below the mountain. I looked at Gabriel as their body faded into shadow, their white eyes shimmering in the light of the waning moon, the only clue of their presence.
“Being human is hard. Sometimes we need an escape.” They remained silent, so I continued. “Did you know that pain and pleasure register as the same in our brain? They release the same chemicals. Dopamine, I think. What I was doing with her is called BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.”
I looked at them, still unable to see them clearly in the dark. Gabriel’s silence made me uneasy. “It’s freeing for some subs to let go and just be. To not have to worry about anything and to put themselves in their Dom’s hands. You understand?” I said.
Their answer didn’t come right away, and it was only a whisper. “Let go of what?”
I shrugged. “Everyone has things they need to let go. Work, stress, family problems. Whatever is suffocating. Sometimes life in general.”
Laughter caught my attention, and I turned towards it. A group of what looked like kids walked by with their skateboards and bikes.
When they were gone, I returned my attention to Gabriel, who still hadn’t said a word. I stood and walked over to them. As I approached, the air grew thick, and the tension between us was heavy. Their eyes followed my movements like a wild animal on the verge of running.
When I stopped in front of them, I could see the rise and fall of their chest and the glitter of their dark skin in the moonlight.
“Why do you do it?” they whispered.
“It—It makes me feel powerful when I don’t.” I swallowed, unsure of why I said it.
They looked away, licking their lips, and I moved closer. We were only inches apart. When they looked back at me, something flashed in their eyes. “Show me.”
I sucked in air. “Are you sure?”
They nodded. “I want to know—I want to know what it feels like.”
“Okay. Let’s go back to the house and talk.”
When we arrived home, the lights were off, and there was no sign of Cory’s car. I opened the door and walked in, Gabriel trailing behind me. I pulled out my phone.
The phone rang for a while and, when I almost ended the call, Cory answered. “Hello.”
“Hey, where are you?” I asked.
“Out. I’ll be home later,” he replied.
I furrowed my brow, catching the hint of a slur in his words. Was he drunk? “Okay, be careful. Love you.”
There was silence, and then he finally said. “Love you, too.” The call ended.
I stared at my phone as Gabriel came up beside me. “Is he well?”
“I don’t know.” I didn’t. Corbin wasn’t really a drinker, but when he did, that meant things were bad. I chewed my lip, anxiety settling low in my stomach.
“We can go check on him. This can wait,” they offered.
I shook my head. “Cory doesn’t respond well to being confronted when he is having a hard time.”
“It’s about her,” they said. I turned to them, and they looked down. “When I—bef
ore, when the shop burned down, I saw what happened to him and his wife.” I clenched my jaw waiting for the anger to wash over me. It didn’t.
Before I could give it too much thought, we made our way to my room. I opened the door and walked in, throwing my backpack on the floor by the bed. “Have a seat.”
They walked over to the chair in front of the vanity and dropped into it. I followed, leaning against the wall. “The first thing we need to discuss is what being a submissive entails. You need to know that you always have control as the sub.”
“What do you mean? Dominance means—” They clamped their mouth shut when I shot them a look.
“You always have control. If you want the scene to stop, it stops. No exceptions,” I continued. “Control is given, it is not taken. Are you willing to give up your control?” I asked.
When they nodded, I pushed off the wall and moved closer, making them have to look up. “If we're going to do this, please use your words. Are you willing to give up your control?”
They studied me for a moment and said. “Yes.”
I relaxed. “Okay. First, safe words.”
“What are those?”
"Do you remember what Kate, the woman I was flogging said?”
“She said green a lot after you said color.”
I smiled, impressed by their memory. “That’s one type of safe word. Green for go, yellow for slow down, and red for stop. That’s the traffic light system for people who are new and don’t have their own yet. Safe words are to make sure that consent is always present. It’s a device telling the Dom that you want to stop or slow down.”
I walked to my bed, and, when I turned, I found them before me. They weren’t actually that tall, but compared to my five two, they towered over me. Of course, everyone did, but for some reason, this irritated me. I looked up into their milky white eyes, and I swallowed, pushing away the vulnerability I felt.
“I know this is a lot of information. We could leave it at that for now, or would you like to learn more?” I asked.
“Yes, I would like to learn.”
I smiled at the obvious anticipation. I wondered if they even knew it was there.
“For now, we will use the traffic light system. Okay?”
They began to nod and paused. “Yes.” They were learning.
“Alright.” I took several breaths to center myself for what I was about to do. “On your knees.”
A moment later, they sank down slowly, never breaking eye contact. Once they were down, I circled them, moving my gaze along their tense frame. Their white shirt and black slacks fit their lithe body perfectly, stretching across their flesh in a way that made me want to see what was beneath.
“Take off your shirt.” Without a word, they unbuttoned their shirt. The fabric fell away from their shoulders, exposing their lean torso. Their body was toned, yet feminine in its curve. I trailed my eyes down to the narrow waist that disappeared beneath their slacks. I bit the inside of my lip, fighting the urge to lick their perfect skin. Fucking angels.
My eyes trailed up Gabriel’s body to their neck, continuing to the sharp jawline and parted lips. Calm down.
When I reached their eyes, I was met with a look of desire. My brain spun with confusion. I knew we were not going to get anywhere unless I just asked. “Are you ace?”
Their eyes widened. “I do not know. Ben said I might be. He informed me of a place that could assist me.”
“Okay. Well, until you know for sure, we will keep this nonsexual. Agreed?”
Gabriel nodded. I considered scolding them for the nonverbal response, but the look on their face spoke of how overwhelmed they were. I decided to give them a break. “Get on your back on the bed.”
They stood and did as they were told. I walked over and sat down once they were settled. “I’m going to touch you, remember what I said about the safe words.”
“Yes.”
I reached out, accepting the answer. Gabriel tensed as I brushed their stomach with my fingers. I watched their face for any sign of discomfort. There was none. “Color?” I asked, just to be sure.
“Green.”
I placed my entire hand on their skin and started to run my hand along their skin. It was as soft as it looked. I touched them, feeling the warmth of their body sink into my hand. My skin began to tingle at the contact. Their chest rose and fell much faster now, their breathing labored. I continued to touch and massage as my eyes drifted to their groin, eyeing the prominent bulge there. It was clear that their body was aroused, but from what I knew that didn’t mean anything. “Do you like this?”
“Yes,” Gabriel breathed.
“Do you want more?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I moved closer to their head and brushed my fingers along their jaw. Their gaze darkened as I slid my hands up into their hair and I gripped it, jerking their head back. A growl slipped from their lips, going straight to my groin.
I leaned down, my lips only inches from their face. “Color?”
“Green,” they replied.
I stood and released them. “I’m going to get my flogger. I am not going to hit you as hard as I did her.”
They frowned. “I am not weak.”
I glared. “It’s not about being weak. I am going to ease you into this. It’s my way, or you can go.” They closed their mouth.
I walked over to my closet, pulling out my toy box. I knelt and opened it, pulling out the same flogger I used on Kate that night. Gabriel eyed the flogger as I returned to their side. “Color?” I asked.
“Green.”
I moved closer, lifting the flogger and dragging the leather tails along their skin, listening to their increasingly labored breathing. I continued this motion up and down their body. They never once broke eye contact with me. Under their gaze, I felt naked. I looked away and tried to focus on what I was doing, tried to ignore the gaze still burning through the back of my head. I was the Domme. I was in charge. Why did they make me feel like I wasn’t?
After several attempts to concentrate I stopped and stood, backing away from the bed. They watched me, their expression curious, but annoyingly calm. “Uh, that’s all for now. I need to get some sleep,” I said, hating the shaky quality of my voice. They sat up and scooted off the bed without a word and walked up to me. I tensed until I realized I was standing on their shirt. I knelt and picked it up, tossing it at them.
They grabbed my hand firmly, and I looked up at them. “Did I do something wrong?” they asked.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I couldn’t exactly just say they made me feel weird. That sounded lame, even in my head. “I’m just tired.”
They scanned my face, but released my hand, backing away. They sidestepped, walking past me. I pressed my hand to their chest, stopping them in their tracks. I needed to know…
Before I could stop myself, I reached up and wrapped my hand behind their neck. They gasped as I yanked them down, attaching our lips together. I sucked in a breath at the surge of electricity that spread south instantly. I shuddered and kissed harder, pushing my tongue between their lips. Exploring their mouth. The taste of berries mixed with something I could not place assaulted my senses.
Gabriel stood there unresponsive for a moment, probably in shock, but recovered quickly. They kissed back slowly as if they were testing the waters and then finally dove in. I moaned as they vigorously attacked my mouth with a passion I would have never guessed they had.
They reached up and ran their hands through my hair and gripped it. I trembled, clinging to them and dropping my hands to their shoulders. The kiss went on, and the longer it lasted, the further from reality I went. The world faded into the back of my mind.
Their grip in my hair grew tighter, and they pushed their body closer to me, leaving no space between us. I could feel the outline of their cock pressing into me, and I throbbed as moisture gathered between my legs. My mind was a cloud of need and some other feeling that I did not understand or even want to th
ink about.
So, I didn’t. I focused on them. Their mouths. Their scent. Their hands.
The front door opened and slammed shut, and we froze. I jumped away from their body, the back of my knees hitting the bed, and they dropped their hands to their side. I looked at them, their lips puffy from kissing, and their eyes clouded. They blinked and straightened, never looking away from me. I swallowed and looked to my bedroom door, waiting as footsteps came by my room. I hoped Cory would think I was sleeping with the light on again, and he’d just scold me tomorrow.
His steps stopped, and a door closed. I released the breath I held. With each passing second, the truth of what happened became clearer.
I returned my gaze to Gabriel who had not stopped looking at me. “Uh, I have class tomorrow,” I said, hating the tremble in my voice.
They nodded without a word and left the room.
I dropped to the floor, leaning back against the edge of my bed.
What the hell…?
Chapter Sixteen
Gabriel
Her lips are pure damnation.
Light danced through the small room as I lay in bed, my arm thrown over my face. I had spent hours after everyone was asleep, replaying the events of last night in my head. I still did not know what to do. It happened so fast I was not sure if it was real, but the moment her lips connected with mine, electricity shot through me and everything felt right. Kissing Lilith had been a pleasant experience until she tried to get more, but it had never felt like that.
Through the door, I heard Corbin groan as he walked by. He must have had a difficult night. I sat up, dragging myself from the warmth of the bed. I had become accustomed to the comforts of this room. It would be a shame when I had to leave. I touched my stomach as it dropped.
When did that happen?
I pushed away the unpleasant feeling and turned to the end table, eyeing the business card for the center Ben had recommended. What Ben told me felt right. The lack of interest in sex had been with me from the beginning. Even with Lilith, I shied away from it. It was the cause of many of our disagreements.