by A L Williams
I grabbed the card and pulled my shoes on, stepping out into the hallway. I glanced at Hayley’s closed bedroom door, wondering if she was still asleep. The urge to knock was strong. I decided against it. I needed to figure myself out before I could confront her. I took one final look at her door, the longing to return to her lips still tugging on me.
I went to the front door, stopping at the living room entrance, spotting Corbin taking pills and chasing them with some water. After I considered speaking with him and decided not to, I slipped outside.
The moment the sun touched my face, I sighed, grateful for the solitude. I walked down the driveway, contacting a ride to the center. I needed to figure out what was happening. I longed for a time long since passed when things were simpler.
“Dearest,” Lilith said, pressing her nude body into my side.
I looked down into her lustful eyes. “I…”
She reached up and grabbed my chin. “I want you.”
My stomach twisted tight, and I looked away. “We did it earlier.”
She pouted. “If you love me, you will please me.” I flinched. She leaned in and bit my ear, and I winced. “I promise it will feel good.”
I stood outside a large building with a glass door and a sign that read We Have A Future LGBTQ+ Center. I looked around at aged buildings surrounding it. Some were businesses, and others were restaurants. I crossed the street, looking both ways, and I approached as the sun danced off the glass.
When I reached the front door, I opened it and was hit with a gush of wind. Once inside, I wandered around, studying the colorful walls, posters, and bookshelves with books haphazardly thrown on them. A boisterous group of people stood to one side of the room. They didn’t acknowledge my presence, continuing to chatter away.
“Hey.”
I tensed at the voice and turned around to face a boy, who didn’t look any older than maybe nineteen. He stood behind me with a grin on his golden light brown face. “What’s your name?” he asked.
I backed away, his proximity unsettling. “Gabriel.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Jesús. How can we help you?” He ran his hand through his dark hair. It was swooped back neatly on the top of his head with the sides short. He moved closer, holding his hand out. I eyed it and then reached out and shook it, a strange feeling spreading through my hand. I yanked it back. I studied him.
Jesús cocked his head to the side. “Are you okay?”
I looked at my hand and then back at him. There was something about this boy that I could not place. “Yes.” I examined him. “Do you work here?” I asked.
“Yup. How can we help you?”
“I—” I started. What was I supposed to say?
“You’re trying to figure out your sexuality?” he asked.
I relaxed, grateful for the reprieve, and nodded. “I am unsure of where my... interests lie. A friend said I might be something called ace.”
“And you want to know more?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Come with me.” I followed.
When he led me to a room with a sectional that surrounded a wide coffee table with scattered magazines. There were three people sitting on it. One of them turned and smiled at us as we approached. The other two excused themselves.
“Gabriel, this is Ashley. He—” Jesús paused. “I’m sorry. What are your pronouns?”
“They/Them.”
He nodded and turned back to Ashley. “They have some questions.”
She looked at me “Hey.”
“Greetings,” I replied.
Ashley smirked. “So formal. Mine are she/her.”
“I’ll leave you at it. I hope you enjoy your time here. This is a safe space. If you have any other questions, I’m here,” Jesús said and then sauntered out the door.
“Let’s talk,” Ashley said.
I moved to the couch and sat across from her on the opposite side of the coffee table, sinking into the cushions.
Ashley leaned forward, uncrossing her jean clad legs. “So, what do you want to know?”
I looked down. “I was told I may be ace. But—”
“You’re not sure.”
“I had—something happened.”
“What?”
I frowned. “I have been experiencing urges for a woman.”
Ashley leaned back. “You might be demisexual or graysexual. They’re still ace but can experience sexual attraction under specific situations.” I wrinkled my brow, more confused than before. Ashley smiled empathetically. “We can help you navigate to your own answer. It’s a lot, but don’t worry. You have time and a place to figure it out.” I nodded. She reached for a pamphlet on the table and handed it to me. I opened it, skimming the contents. “Demisexuals have to have a deep emotional connection before sex is even an option or desire. Graysexual’s don’t really experience attraction often, but it does happen sometimes,” she said.
“So, I can still be ace and have sexual attraction to someone?”
“Yes. I am Asexual specifically, and do not have any interest in sex, although I do have it with my partners sometimes. Other Asexuals may be sex-repulsed. The spectrum is wide. Don’t think of it as a linear line, but dots scattered about endlessly. Let me ask you some questions.”
I nodded.
“Have you ever had an attraction to anyone else?”
My mind drifted to Lilith. I had loved her, but every act of intimacy left me feeling uncomfortable. What happened with Hayley was very different. “No.”
Ashley grinned. “Then it sounds like you may be Graysexual.”
“Graysexual,” I said, testing the word out. “Graysexual,” I repeated.
“Do you want something to drink?” Ashley asked.
I swallowed around the lump in my throat and noticed the dryness. “Yes.” She hopped up and bounced out of the room, humming to herself.
When she returned, she handed me a bottle of water, I sucked down a large gulp.
“So, who is the special person, if you don’t mind me asking?” she asked, leaning her chin on her hands.
“Hayley.”
Ashley’s eyes widened. “Is her name Hayley McDonald, by any chance?”
I thought for a moment. “Yes.”
“Really. Well, that’s not surprising. She is attractive.”
I narrowed my eyes. Ashley held up her hands. “Calm down, we’re friends. That’s all.”
I relaxed. “I apologize.”
“It’s fine. It’s normal to feel possessive when you love someone.”
I blinked. Love? I barely knew her. I refocused on the girl in front of me, ignoring the warmth in my chest. Thankfully, the conversation went back to sexuality.
I’m graysexual.
I had a lot to learn, but it felt right, and that was all that mattered.
Chapter Seventeen
Hayley
Something wet and rough touched my nose, and I peeked out between slitted eyes. Cricket was staring at me. She yowled and then purred, rubbing herself against my upper arm. When I rolled over, I peered at the clock. Seven p.m. I must have slept the whole day away. Sometimes that happened if I didn’t get enough sleep the day before. I groaned and sat up, and Cricket hopped off the bed, running to the door and sitting down. “I’m coming. Just give me a second,” I said with a yawn. I stretched and dragged myself from the bed.
Once I made my way into the hallway, I glanced at Gabriel’s door before I rushed by and into the living room, hoping they weren’t there. Last night still lingered, even after they had returned to their room. I was still off balance from the kiss and the force of the attraction. It wasn’t even about sex. It was the magnetic pull of their touch that made me want more. I couldn’t process that. I was used to sexual attraction, but this felt like... more.
“Morning,” Cory muttered, sitting at the table and looking over some paperwork as I entered the kitchen. I relaxed when I realized that Gabriel wasn’t there.
I walked over to Crick
et’s food bowl and scooped some food into it from the sealed bin next to it. Then I made my way over to the table, grabbing an unopened bottle of water from the island. I dropped into the chair across from Cory, eyeing the plate of chicken and vegetables in front of me. He looked like he was run over by a bus, but he still couldn’t help but take care of me.
I gulped down some of the water and then looked at Cory. “So, are we going to talk about last night?” I asked.
He tensed but did not look up. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
I sighed. “Cory—”
“Don’t.” His voice was low and hard.
I clenched my jaw, trying to find the words. When Cory was like this, I had to tread lightly. He was kind, without an aggressive bone in his body, but even he had his limits.
“You can’t hold this in.”
He sighed and finally looked up. I froze at the dark look in his eyes. “Hayley, I don’t want to talk about it. For once in your life, back the fuck off.” The anger in his words stunned me. He rarely cursed.
What happened?
He stood and picked up his half empty plate and walked over to the counter, opening a drawer and pulling out plastic wrap. Once the plate was covered, he put it in the refrigerator. He walked out of the kitchen, leaving me there, staring at nothing. Anxiety washed over me as a familiar feeling returned. A feeling I had promised myself I’d never let myself experience again. I balled my hands into fists as my mother’s funeral drifted into my mind.
I stood in the middle of the room surrounded by old tan couches, the living room crowded with people in black suits and formal dress. I scanned the room before walking around the coffee table that was covered with magazines, unsure of what I was looking for. People stood in groups, chattering away quietly as if they didn’t want to wake the dead.
After weaving through them, I stood in front of a table pushed against the wall. A picture of my family was surrounded by ivory lilies and pink orchids, neatly arranged in glass vases. In the picture, I was in a white dress with a sunflower pattern, and my hair was tied up in pigtails. I was between Mommy and Todd, my step-dad, on their laps with my back against them. Wide smiles graced our faces.
They had taken me to get these photos done about a month ago. I didn’t want to, because I hated wearing these heavy dresses and uncomfortable shoes, but they said it would be fun. So, I went, pouting the whole way there. Looking back now, it all seemed silly. This was all I had left of Mommy. She said she would be home soon.
She lied to me.
She said she’d never leave me. My shoulders trembled and tears gathered in my eyes, blurring my vision.
Someone moved behind me, and I looked back, finding Todd towering over me. He placed his hand on my shoulders, squeezing just a little too tight. “We’ll be okay. We have each other,” he said. I glanced back at the photograph as tears trailed down my face.
I wiped away the falling tears. Cory was not my mother, and I knew that my mother didn’t intentionally abandon me. She was killed by a drunk driver. That was not her fault. Even as I repeated the words to myself, my heart ached. I missed her so much.
A loud crashing sound filled the space, and a flash of light came from the living room. I jumped up and ran into the living room, finding Corbin kneeling on the floor on top of a pile of broken wood and fluff. The room was a disaster. The couch was turned on its side with a massive hole in it and the coffee table was in pieces.
I looked up at Lilith as she stood over Corbin; her pale skin had an almost glow in the light of the full moon. She turned, meeting my gaze and her eyes flashed. “There you are! I have been waiting. Where is my dearest?” she asked.
I frowned. “None of your business.”
Her lips curled into what looked like a cruel smile, but not quite a grimace. “Do you have a death wish, girl?”
I walked across the room to Cory never taking my eyes off her. “Where are the children you kidnapped?”
“They are safe.”
Cory pulled himself from the ground and moved up beside me. “Get out of my house,” he said.
“I will take my leave when my beloved returns.”
I thinned my lips, not liking the use of beloved when referring to Gabriel. They didn’t belong to her. They weren’t property. “If they wanted to see you, they would have come to you.” Cory grabbed my arm and glared at me. I ignored him and continued. “Are you so delusional that you haven’t gotten the hint?”
Lilith narrowed her eyes. “They love me.”
“No. They don’t.” I didn’t know that for sure, but the bitch was getting on my nerves. “Bring the kids back and leave Gabriel alone. They don’t want you!”
Lilith’s eyes started to glow an iridescent red. “You know nothing!”
The air grew thick, and, even though the moon was shining, it seemed darker. Billowing dark clouds gathered at our feet, originating from her feet and hands. Her skin blackened, engulfing her flesh in shadow. I sucked in air, trying to breathe through the pressure around me. The room shook as her unnatural power grew.
“You will not keep my beloved from me,” she said. I glanced down at her groin, spotting the growing erection. It seemed to pulse with the power that she emitted. My blood ran cold. What was wrong with her? Did she get her jollies from overpowering others?
It will be okay, sweetheart.
No please stop.
Just a bit more.
Please…
I pushed away the voice and refocused as she approached. Cory jumped in front of me. “Run!” he said.
“No!”
“Hayley!”
“I said no!”
A second ticked by, and Corbin flew across the room, right into the wall. He slid down it and landed on the floor. I moved to run to him, and Lilith grabbed my arm and yanked me to her. I struggled against her hold, feeling her engorged penis against my thigh. My stomach twisted, and nausea grew as I struggled hard against her, wanting only to get as far away from her as I could.
She held me close and placed her lips on my neck, licking the flesh. I shuddered in disgust. “Get off of me,” I rushed out, trying to keep the tremble out of my voice.
She hummed. “I can see why Gabriel is taken with you. You are pretty, and you taste good. I wonder if you taste good here as well.” She brushed her hands between my legs, and I froze. My heart hammered in my chest, and my vision blurred with tears.
Don’t.
Please don’t.
“You’re trembling. Oh, how delicate you are,” she purred. She started to rub between my legs, pushing her penis into my thigh. It slid across the denim and the sound of rushing water filled my ears. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get away. I couldn’t get away from her. She had me trapped. She would never let me go.
You are mine.
All mine.
I will never let you go…
I drifted to somewhere far off in my head, that same place I hadn’t been to in years. Somewhere in my mind, I knew she was undoing my jeans and sliding her hand inside.
Please help me…
I felt her body leave and another pair of arms wrap around me. A familiar scent filled my nose, and I relaxed into the embrace. My vision cleared, and Gabriel’s face appeared. They looked down at me with a kind smile. “Are you well?”
My heart swelled, and I nodded, calmed by the sudden change from a frigid cold to a blanket of warmth and something else.
Safety.
Chapter Eighteen
Gabriel
After talking with Ashley, I felt better. I still had many questions, but having context took a weight off my shoulders that I did not know was there. A chill rolled down my spine as I arrived at the house. Something was wrong.
As I moved closer to the house, my pace picked up, the feeling growing worse. I turned the doorknob. I heard Hayley yell, and my heart slammed against my chest. I ran inside and halted, struck by the scene before me. The living room was in chaos. Corbin lay on the floor near the wal
l. I would have thought him dead, but I could see the rise and fall of his back.
I turned to where Hayley stood, finding Lilith holding her. Touching her. Hayley stood, her eyes wide, but clouded. She was in a far away place. The same place I had to go to many times. My blood boiled, and the white-hot fire burst from me, heading straight for Lilith. She flew across the room, her back hitting the wall. She blinked once she regained herself and gaped at me. I ran to Hayley, catching her before she reached the floor.
She groaned, and I watched as her vision cleared, and she came back to me. When she recognized me, I could not keep the rush of emotion at bay. I smiled at her, thankful I had arrived in time. “Are you well?” I asked. She did not respond, still in shock. She stared at me with such vulnerability that my anger began to surface once again. I lowered her to the floor and stood, turning my attention to Lilith.
Lilith stepped forward, grimacing. “Beloved. why do you treat me in such a way?”
“What are you doing here?”
She cocked her head to the side. “I came to bring you home.”
“That did not look like you were here for me.”
“I just wanted to know what you saw in her. She does taste good.”
I gritted my teeth. “You need to leave. They have done nothing.”
“Dearest—” she started.
“No,” I said. She flinched. “We are done here. Leave!”
Her shock morphed into what could only be explained as demented rage. “Why are you speaking to me in such a way? You said you loved me. Is that not still true?”
I watched as her confusion deepened. Did I? For so long, she had been the center of my whole world. The only person who had ever loved me. The only person who gave me the time of day. My mind drifted back to the time when we first met.
Raphael stood before me, with his chin turned up and superiority glistening in their eyes. “You should respect your betters.”
I frowned, glancing around at our brethren who watched. They never involved themselves when Raphael harassed me. “We are equal,” I said.