by Tina Beckett
“Carly. Sorry. I left my phone in the office at the clinic to get water to make coffee and it had just finished ringing when I got to it.”
She remembered the small silver pot he’d had that day in the cafeteria. That was what had gotten this whole thing started. She’d never even gotten to try it, and after today, it was likely she never would. Once he heard the news, he’d probably want nothing more to do with her, especially if she wasn’t open to terminating the pregnancy. Surely he wouldn’t even suggest it after what she’d shared with him. Even if he did, there was no way...
She would just make it very clear that she was fine raising this child on her own.
“It’s okay. Listen, is there somewhere we can meet?”
There was a long silence on the phone, making her heart cramp. Had he already guessed what this was about? “I take it you’re not at the clinic right now. Do you want to come in or meet at my apartment?”
No. She suddenly knew she needed it to be somewhere other than one of those places. Somewhere neutral. She glanced up and saw a sign for Hyde Park. Why not there?
“How long before you finish up at work?”
“Just tying up a few loose ends, then I’m free.”
And I’m about to give you a whole lot more loose ends. Ones that can’t be tied up in a day or even a few weeks.
Should she ask him about the patient he was so upset about the other day? No. She was pretty sure there had not been a happy ending in sight. There had been a desperation in his kiss that she hadn’t recognized. It made what happened a lot more understandable. He’d been distraught, and she’d been a welcome distraction.
A distraction. She was pretty sure that made what she was about to tell him even worse.
Adem had a reputation for keeping his business life strictly separate from whatever life he had outside of the clinic. None of the women there ever claimed to have slept with him or even dated him. So either he didn’t date at all, or...
But he’d earned that reputation somehow. And he’d known exactly how thick that glass was.
There were a few other hints that the man didn’t live completely like a monk. But she was pretty sure if he’d had a steady relationship, she would have heard about it at some point or other. Not that she’d gone around trumpeting what had happened between them at the clinic.
And a baby? Would the news of who the father was somehow get out?
What a mess.
“Is there any way you could come over to Hyde Park? I’m not far from there now. I can wait.”
“Tell me where in the park, and I’ll be there.”
Carly gave him a spot that she knew could afford them a bit of privacy. She could have suggested one of the nearby restaurants, but she really didn’t want anyone to overhear what she had to say. There might be joggers or cyclists in the park, but those folks were normally not interested in anything other than enjoying their surroundings.
She was there within ten minutes, walking down a shaded pathway lined with trees. There weren’t as many people here as she expected, but maybe it was the time of day. Coming to the Italian Gardens, where she was supposed to meet Adem, she found a bench facing one of the ponds. Various fountains shot plumes of water into the air, the mists cooling the surrounding area. The portico off to the right featured a Mediterranean-style tile roof and a white stucco finish. All in all, the atmosphere was just what she needed.
She settled back on the bench to wait. Something about the water soothed her senses and maybe even infused a little bit of that lost courage back into her. Calling him had been the worst. And that silence...
She couldn’t blame him, and she hated to think about what that drive to Hyde Park was going to be like for him. But telling him was still the right thing to do. And knowing her mom had vowed to help in whatever way she could made her feel...well, not quite so alone, even if Adem wanted nothing to do with the baby.
Stretching her legs out in front of her, she sucked down another cooling breath. If this had happened when she and Kyle were engaged, would it have spurred her into marrying him?
No, and looking back she realized she hadn’t been ready for marriage. She still wasn’t. She hadn’t finished doing the things she wanted to do in life. She enjoyed her freedom, wasn’t ready to give that up.
Except a baby would change all of that, anyway, wouldn’t it? Yes. In the best possible way. Right now, in this very moment, she was growing a little person inside of her. What she’d thought was impossible had turned out to be very possible. Her hand crept across her belly in wonder, her heart filling with a hope and love she hadn’t known existed. How could this possibly be happening?
But it was.
She closed her eyes and concentrated on the light breeze blowing across her body, and the hand on her stomach. No change in the way it felt. Yet. But if things continued to progress, she would soon become aware of it.
Adem hadn’t noticed the tiny scars from the laparoscopic surgery she’d had as a teenager, and she hadn’t felt the need to tell him the specifics, only that she’d tried to get pregnant and hadn’t been able to.
She’d been too caught up in what was happening and in the certainty that the times they’d spent together weren’t leading to anything permanent.
Ha! But they had been. Just not the kind of “permanent” she’d been thinking about at the time.
She tilted her head back, trying to enjoy this moment in her life as she listened to the sounds around her. The steady splash of the fountains as water hit water. The twitter of birds in nearby trees. The conversations of people passing her location.
The bench gave a quick lurch as someone sat beside her, and she had to force herself not to jump. It was him. It had to be. Making her movements slow and deliberate, she straightened and opened her eyes, turning to glance at the spot next to her. “Hi.”
“Hello, Carly.” Adem’s dark eyes met hers, the expression in them unreadable. When he glanced at her hand, she realized it was still splayed across her stomach. She quickly moved it back to her side.
So how did she do this? Blurt out the news in the same way you would rip an adhesive dressing off a wound?
The way he was looking at her made her decide against that. She didn’t want to add more stress onto whatever else he was dealing with today.
He saved her the trouble. “I take it your period didn’t arrive, despite what you said.”
Gulping, she shook her head. “No. It didn’t. I had a little queasiness, so I decided to go ahead and take a pregnancy test.”
“There’s no way it could register that quickly.”
“You’re right. It couldn’t. But it could after almost three weeks.”
Was it her imagination or was there a quick flash of relief that crossed his face?
“I haven’t been with anyone else, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
The look fled in an instant. God. Had he actually thought—hoped—she might be carrying someone else’s child?
“I guess I was right worrying about additional protection.”
She clasped her hands in her lap. “I really didn’t think it was possible. Not with my history.”
“Cehennem.”
The word rolled off his tongue and passed through her gut with a shivery sense of doom. “I don’t know what that means.”
Whatever he’d just said was nothing like those sexy words he’d muttered in Turkish during their times together.
“Sorry. I just never wanted... So the test came back positive.”
He never wanted what? To have children? Her insides clenched.
“It did.”
He blew an audible breath. “I see. What do you want to do?”
“I’m glad you phrased it that way. This is my issue. I don’t expect you to do anything. It’s my decision, and I want to have this baby. I need to have this
baby.”
“Why?”
The question was so quick in coming that she didn’t have time to formulate a coherent answer. Instead, the truth came tumbling out in a rush. “I told you I tried to have a baby. It was with my fiancé. But it never worked, even after a year. We broke up soon afterward.”
“Did you get checked out?”
“No. I already knew the reasons. I had a twisted ovary when I was younger. It had to be removed, so that left me with one. Which should have been enough. But it wasn’t. I assumed I would never have a baby.” She looked at him. “But here I am.”
“Yes. Here you are.”
He still hadn’t said how he felt about it. “Like I said, I don’t expect—”
“This is my baby too. Of course I want to be part of his or her life. I will be a part of it. I just can’t... I can’t do the whole marriage thing.”
She turned toward him in an instant, trying to ignore the quick sting of hurt. “I never said anything about marriage. I don’t want to get married. At all. I was engaged once, and it was a disaster. You said you wanted to know...about the other. So I felt you should know.”
Evidently he hadn’t expected quite that vehement a response because he stopped her with a rueful-looking grin. “Okay, okay. I didn’t realize I was that unattractive a catch.”
She couldn’t hold back a smile of her own, very glad he didn’t seem furious that she was keeping the baby. “I didn’t realize I was that terrible of a catch either.”
He touched her face, one finger sliding down her jawline in a way that made her shiver. “Like I told you, my family is a mess. Believe me, you’re a very good catch. For a man who is better than I am. Marriage and permanent relationships just don’t seem to be in the cards for me.”
“I’m sure if the right person comes along...”
“Doubtful.” He gave a half-shrug, dropping his hand as one ankle came to rest on his knee. He looked over the water in the distance. “Anyway, if you’re going to have this baby, I intend on being there.”
“Like I said, there’s no need. My mom is great, so I have a wonderful support system.”
“Hmm. That’s something I’ll have to think about.”
She tilted her head in question.
“About how to tell my folks. They’re very old-fashioned. I love them, but we don’t always see eye to eye about certain things. Basir...well, he seems to have a monopoly on happiness in our family. And I’m very glad for him.”
“I’m serious, Adem. You don’t have to play any role you don’t want to play.”
He turned back toward her. “But it wouldn’t be a role, like in a play, would it? I am actually going to be a father. And yes. I am going to be part of his or her life. I just need to think through how to go about it.”
What did that mean? That he was going to throw money at the baby, without actually spending time with his child? She needed to make something pretty clear to him right up front. “I don’t want or need your money. And I also don’t want some kind of benign uncle who will slide in and out of the baby’s life. I want stability—the kind that I had growing up. Either you’re known as his or her father or you can bother not showing up. I’m not going to lie or pretend otherwise.”
He touched her arm. “Hey, I didn’t mean that at all. I just need some time to sort through the logistics of it. It’s going to change a lot. Maybe even our working relationship.”
“Why? People have children together all the time.”
He dropped his hand back to his side. “Yes, but I’m heading up the clinic. I don’t want rumors swirling around about what happened between us. So I need to decide if I have to step down or not before this gets out.”
Horror washed through her. She hadn’t even thought about that possibility. She’d been worried about the changes to her own life and hadn’t even stopped to think that it might change things for him as well. She’d assumed as long as he knew she didn’t expect marriage or much of anything from him that life could pretty much go on as usual. “No! I don’t want you to do that. There’s no reason to.”
“I think there might be. You work for the clinic, and I head it up. If the information were twisted in just the right way...”
“I wasn’t planning on shouting the baby’s parentage from the rooftops. I understand this is a huge deal, but...” She clasped her hands. “You do good work at the clinic, Adem.”
“So do you.”
“Do you want me to resign?” Lord, she didn’t want to do that. She loved her job. Loved helping people like Naomi. The stress that she’d released into the universe came crashing back down onto her shoulders.
“No. The fact is, we shouldn’t have slept together in the first place. And since there are always consequences for actions, I need to be willing to face them.” His eyes dropped to her abdomen for a second before coming back up. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re keeping the baby. And happy that you were able to get pregnant. Truly. Just give me a few days to process things.”
She nodded her agreement, even as her brain tore through the possibilities. He could step down, which would devastate her. He could decide to keep the baby’s parentage a secret. Which would also devastate her.
Or he could decide that the reward was worth the risk and parent this child alongside of her.
She already knew which choice she was hoping for. She just wasn’t so sure Adem would be willing to walk out on that limb and risk having it breaking off behind him.
CHAPTER SIX
OVER THE NEXT WEEK, Adem vacillated between optimism and dread. He and his brother had grown up in a household filled with tension. What he’d told Carly had been the tip of the iceberg.
Once his brother’s health improved, his dad hadn’t been around much, needing to spend the time on his fledgling restaurant, and his mum had seemed relieved by his long work hours. And when they were together, the chilly silences were worse than any fight could have been. They smiled and said the right things when they were out in public, but they were both miserable, and because of their deep-rooted belief in duty, they refused to take the obvious way out.
Despite all of that, his knee-jerk response toward the news that Carly might be pregnant was the M word. But because it had kept rushing to the tip of his tongue, even though he knew in his heart of hearts that it would be the wrong thing to do, he carefully and deliberately told Carly that marriage was off the table. He’d seen the instant flash of hurt that went through her eyes before she countered his words by saying that she didn’t want to get married either.
He believed her. That kind of vehemence wasn’t feigned. She’d said she’d had a failed engagement, maybe that was part of the reason. So at least she could understand what was at stake. But despite all the rational reasons for not getting married, he’d been surprised to find that her words actually did sting. Damn.
The pregnancy was definitely not planned. But, according to Carly, not unwanted.
His younger brother was ecstatic over the fact that he and Adeline were having a baby. Maybe like Carly, he’d wondered if it were even possible because of his tumor. He’d never talked about the fear of it coming back, but he wouldn’t be human if it hadn’t at least crossed his mind. But despite all of that, Basir had been willing to plunge into those waters and accept the challenges of fatherhood with joy.
Adem was not his brother. And he’d spent a lot of time as a teenager stepping in to provide the things he felt were lacking in their household. And he’d got rid of his own anger as a result.
His brother seemed fairly well-adjusted. Or, maybe as Carly had said, he’d just found the “right” person. The person who could erase childhood wounds.
Adem had no desire to erase them. Or to try to bypass them only to discover he’d been wrong. He wanted no child of his to grow up in the kind of atmosphere that he had. So the kindest thing he could do for thi
s baby was to take a step back and make sure history did not repeat itself.
Hadn’t he already wondered if his many hours spent at work didn’t mimic his father’s blinkered approach to life? Marriage might even make that worse, causing him to retreat to old patterns when things went badly.
Adem didn’t even know if he was capable of a healthy relationship.
He got up from his desk and decided to go for a walk to clear his head. As soon as he made it to the front of the clinic, he encountered a couple of familiar faces. Naomi with her husband, daughter and baby in tow were walking across the foyer. Carly came out of a bank of white mini-offices and smiled at them, ushering them toward her cubicle.
Unable to resist, he started toward the group. Carly spotted him first, and the smile that was on her face faded.
He’d caused that. And he hated it. He remembered his dad’s unexpected appearances at home doing much the same thing.
Ignoring her look of dismay, he smiled at the couple and Naomi waved, waiting for him to catch up. “How are you, Mr. Kepler?”
“I’m well.” He shook their hands, including Tessa’s. “How are you? Adjusting to having a newborn?”
He hadn’t meant it as a jab, but Carly stiffened almost immediately.
Douglas held his finger below his left eye, tugging down the lower lid. “Does this tell you anything? We adopted Tessa when she was nearly two, so we got to bypass the nighttime feeds and nappy changes.”
Despite the bloodshot eyes, the new father seemed ecstatic with their newest family member.
Naomi shifted the bundle in her arms and swatted at her husband’s arm. “You’re not the one feeding her in the middle of the night.”
“I’m not equipped to do that.” He grinned. “But seriously, Doc, you should try it sometime. There’s nothing like seeing this little person you helped create look at you for the very first time.”
Of their own volition, Adem’s eyes went to Carly, whose face looked a little more pink than it normally did.