by Aurora Rey
Olivia laughed. “Maybe a little. He’s condescending to just about everyone, but especially women. Even more so when he knows the women wouldn’t be interested in him.”
“That’s gross.”
“I know. I just wanted you to know that’s how he is. It has nothing, or at least hardly anything, to do with the fact that you’re not an academic. He’s a button pusher of the lowest order and doesn’t even bother with being subtle.”
Joss seemed to mull over what Olivia said. “Thanks, I appreciate that.”
Olivia sighed. There was more, and Joss deserved to hear it. “It’s also why I don’t engage him. Calling him out only makes him more difficult, both in the moment and at some point in the future when you least expect it.”
“That makes sense. I’m all for picking one’s battles.”
“Well, I don’t like being a placater. I should have stood up for you.”
Joss reached out and stroked her hair. “I meant what I said about not needing you to defend me. I’ve handled guys like him and worse. It was how it made me feel about us that got under my skin.”
Olivia wasn’t sure she wanted the answer to that question, but she knew she needed to ask. “And how are you feeling about us?”
“To be honest, I’m not entirely sure.”
Olivia tried to ignore the knot that had formed in her stomach. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Joss rolled onto her back. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but no.”
Olivia felt the disappointment wash over her. “Okay.”
Joss rolled over again and looked her in the eye. “Can I convince you that’s not a bad thing?”
Olivia didn’t think so, but didn’t say as much.
Joss continued. “When we started dating, I felt like it wasn’t going to go anywhere. I figured we’d ride out the physical chemistry and then go our separate ways.”
Olivia nodded. It shouldn’t surprise her to hear that, considering how their first interactions had gone.
“It feels like maybe more than that now, but I’m not sure what that means, or what it should mean. I’m not one of those women who sorts out her feelings by talking about them. I need to think it through first. Does that make sense?”
It did. Although not knowing made her almost as uncomfortable as being let down, Olivia understood. “Yes, it does.”
“I promise I’m not trying to avoid having a conversation altogether.”
Olivia wasn’t convinced, but she desperately wanted to give Joss the benefit of the doubt. “Okay.”
Joss leaned over and kissed her. Olivia couldn’t tell if it was meant to be reassuring or was Joss’s way of ending the conversation. Either way, Olivia allowed herself to sink into it. When Joss’s arm slipped around her waist, she let herself be pulled close. And when Joss’s hands began to roam, Olivia gave herself over to the part of their relationship she knew worked just fine.
Chapter Twenty-one
The knock at the door ripped Olivia from the erotic daydream she’d been indulging in. It wasn’t the first time that had happened in the last few days. Although she and Joss were specifically not talking about feelings, there was nothing amiss in their physical connection. Olivia wouldn’t have thought it possible, but the sex was even better than when they’d gotten together in the first place. She shook off the reverie and turned her attention back to her office and whoever had done the knocking.
She looked to the doorway and found M.J. hovering, waiting to be asked in. M.J.’s hair, purple this week, stood up in jaunty spikes. It was a stark contrast to the dejected look on her face.
“Hi M.J. What’s up?”
M.J. looked as though she might burst into tears. “Do you have a minute, Dr. B?”
“Of course. Come in.” Olivia knew it couldn’t be M.J.’s performance in class that was upsetting her. She’d aced the first paper and was one of the most reliable participants in class discussion.
M.J. stepped the rest of the way into the office, closed the door behind her, and flopped in the chair across from the desk. Olivia waited a long moment, but M.J. didn’t speak.
“Is something…”
“My parents are going to disown me.”
Olivia’s heart sank. M.J. had come out to her the previous spring and, as far as Olivia knew, had yet to come out to her family. “Tell me what happened.”
“I went home for my brother’s birthday and my mom wouldn’t stop pestering me about my hair and my clothes. She said I wasn’t ever going to get a boyfriend if I didn’t start acting like a girl.”
Olivia winced. It wasn’t unlike conversations she’d had with her own mother. Although Olivia had always gravitated toward feminine clothes, she refused to show any interest in boys. Her mother was relentless, threatening a long life as a proud but lonely old maid. “I can imagine that was very hard.”
“I kept my mouth shut for two days. I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I told her I didn’t want a boyfriend and that my girlfriend was perfectly happy with how I looked.”
It was hard not to smile at her verve. “Probably not the ideal way to come out to one’s parents.”
“Understatement of the century. My mother started crying and my father started yelling about how I was breaking her heart.”
“And then what?”
“Then I started crying and I locked myself in my room. I couldn’t stand sticking around, so I took the bus back by myself.”
Olivia breathed an internal sigh of relief. As traumatic as it probably felt, it didn’t sound like M.J.’s parents were on the cusp of shunning their only daughter. She needed to convince M.J. of that without being dismissive. “So, have you not spoken to them since?”
M.J. shrugged. “My dad texted to make sure I got back okay, but I haven’t called them. I don’t know what I’d even say.”
Olivia remembered coming out to her parents. At first, they’d hardly said anything. Then they’d had a very civilized conversation about the kind of gay person she could be that wouldn’t be too embarrassing for everyone. In retrospect, she probably would have preferred it if there’d been some crying. Or feeling, at least, of some sort or other. “Well, it sounds like they were caught off guard.”
M.J. threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t even get how that’s possible. I mean, seriously, look at me.”
Olivia couldn’t stifle a smile this time. “I’m sure they see their little girl, the one they’ve known and loved and, unfortunately, had assumptions about her whole life.”
“You’re not kidding.”
“I’m sure it must have been very hard to have them react that way.” More than anything, she needed to provide empathy. If needed, they could deal with finding solutions later.
“I thought it would be satisfying, to finally turn all of their nosy, know-it-all lectures back on them.”
“But it wasn’t.”
“I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. If they’d just been mad, it would be different. They seemed so…hurt.” Olivia passed over the box of tissues from her desk. M.J. yanked out a few and swiped at her eyes. “It’s a disaster.”
This was the moment to step in. “It might not be a complete disaster.”
M.J. looked completely unconvinced. “You didn’t see their faces.”
“True. They didn’t say you had to leave, though, did they?”
She sighed. “No.”
“And they didn’t say you weren’t their daughter anymore.”
“They didn’t.”
“So, they’re upset. That sucks, but it’s not the end of the world.”
M.J. looked the tiniest bit hopeful. “You think?”
“I think. Parents are funny. Even if you feel like you’ve been obviously gay your whole life, it doesn’t mean they saw it.”
M.J. shook her head. “You’re going to tell me I should call them, aren’t you?”
It was Olivia’s turn to shrug. “I’m saying that there are times when the children must act like the adults.”
; “Thanks, Dr. B. I knew talking to you would make me feel better.”
Olivia wasn’t certain she was right. She could have M.J.’s parents pegged completely wrong. She hoped not. “Don’t thank me. You’re the one doing all the hard work.”
“That’s what you said about my thesis proposal, but I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Again, I’m just your cheering section, and maybe your voice of reason.”
M.J. finally cracked a smile. “Well, I seem to be in need of both.”
Olivia leaned forward. “Can I tell you a secret?”
M.J. nodded.
“You’re one of the most together college students I’ve ever met.”
M.J. blushed and looked at her hands. “You’re just saying that.”
Olivia made a stern face. “I’m not. Your writing is more sophisticated than some of the graduate students I’ve taught. You’re balancing your schoolwork with a job and a girlfriend. And you’re the editor of the undergraduate literary magazine. As far as students go, you’re a rock star.”
“Thanks. It’s nice to get a compliment when you feel like your life is a hot mess.” M.J.’s grin was shy, but genuine. “How are you doing?”
Olivia smiled. “I’m good, all my classes are great. I bought a house a couple of months ago and it’s been quite a project.”
“That sounds awesome. Are you doing the work yourself?”
Olivia thought of her escapades in wall paper and carpet removal. “Some of the basic stuff. I hired a pro to do the major work.”
“That’s so cool. When I’m not working or writing papers, I’m kind of obsessed with Rehab Addict, and not just because Nicole is hot.”
Olivia chuckled. “You and me both.”
“I feel a lot better. Thanks for talking me down.”
“Anytime.”
M.J. stood. “I’ll let you get back to work.”
Olivia stood as well. “I’m glad you stopped in. You’re welcome anytime. I mean it. I’d like to hear how things turn out.”
M.J. opened the door, but hovered, shuffling her feet. “Thanks, Dr. B.”
Olivia looked at the young woman who was so different than who she’d been at that age, yet who was so very similar. She turned to leave, but Olivia stopped her. “Hey, M.J.”
“Yeah?”
“Everything is going to be okay.”
M.J. bolted around the desk to where Olivia stood and threw her arms around her. “You’re the best, Dr. B.”
Olivia hugged her back, feeling like a cross between a big sister and a cool aunt. “So are you, M.J. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
M.J. nodded and left. Olivia smiled after her, feeling confident that things would be okay, at least with time. She glanced up and sighed. It was almost time for the faculty meeting. Olivia shut off her computer and gathered her things. As she pulled her office door closed, she realized Gerald, whose office was across from hers, was hovering.
“Is everything okay?” His voice carried a tone of concern Olivia didn’t trust one lick.
“Of course.”
“The student you were just with seemed pretty upset. Was her life over because you gave her a bad grade?”
Olivia set her jaw. “Actually, she’s one of my best students. She just needed to talk.”
Gerald shook his head. “I hate when they do that. That’s why there’s a counseling center on campus. If I’d wanted to listen to their problems, I’d have become a social worker.”
“They’re still kids. Sometimes they just need a friendly ear.” Olivia pitied any student who sought that out from the likes of him.
“Not in my class. I treat them like adults and expect them to act like adults. If they don’t like it, they can drop.”
“That doesn’t make you a good professor, Gerald. It makes you an ass.”
“It’s about respect, Dr. Bennett. I command respect in the classroom.”
In the conference room, she scanned for an empty seat and an escape route. “That’s the tricky thing about respect. Demanding it has little to do with actually getting it. If you’ll excuse me, I need to ask Suzanne about something.”
She walked away without waiting for a reply.
Chapter Twenty-two
Olivia pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine. She was exhausted. There was something about a department meeting that could suck all the life out of a person. As much as she liked most of her colleagues, they had a way of provoking one another that was reminiscent of a bunch of ten-year-olds. Today’s battle had centered around the allocation of teaching assistant hours and who should move into the prime office spot being vacated by a retiring faculty member at the end of the year. In an hour and a half, they’d accomplished, by Olivia’s estimation, absolutely nothing of any real consequence.
She picked up her bag, weighed down with the stack of papers she really needed to grade and hand back by the end of the week, and climbed out of the car. Joss’s truck was parked in front of her, which made her smile and helped to lighten her mood. As much as she’d had her fill of people for the day, maybe they could go out for a casual dinner. With the kitchen still a mess and the stove—her gorgeous, special-order stove—stuck on backorder, the thought of putting anything together at this point was too daunting.
She opened the side door and was immediately surrounded by the aroma of something warm and savory. She sniffed the air a few times and decided that it was something with sausage and maybe onions. It made her mouth water. Ethel was sound asleep on her bed. Since that meant Joss would likely spend the night, Olivia’s mood improved even further. She looked around, but there was no sign of Joss.
“Hello?”
Joss’s voice came from upstairs. “I’m in your bedroom. Come on up.”
Olivia set down her things and started upstairs. “I don’t know what you’re cooking, but it smells amazing. I’m suddenly starving.”
“I took a page out of your book. It’s a stew in the crock pot. It should be ready in about half an hour.” Joss stepped out of Olivia’s room just as she reached the top of the stairs. “But first, I have something to show you.”
Olivia perked up a little bit more. “Did you get my bed in?”
The finish on the floors was supposed to be set. She’d hoped to have Joss help her move in her furniture over the weekend. She’d been sleeping in the office turned bedroom for nearly two months. Although comfortable, it was starting to wear on her psyche.
“You could say that.” Joss kissed her, then took her hand.
Joss led her into the room and Olivia felt the breath leave her lungs. Not only was her bed in the room, but it was made. The new bed skirt and duvet she’d bought were on it, and her grandmother’s quilt was folded over the foot board. Her nightstands sat on each side, complete with lamps. The curtains she’d ordered but had left in the box were hanging from the windows. A braided rug she didn’t recognize, but that matched perfectly, pulled everything together.
“I…you…when?”
Joss was grinning. “I asked Ben to swing by after you left this morning. He helped me move the furniture and, because he’s better at it, hang the curtain rods. I know it might not be exactly how you want it, but I wanted to surprise you. I figured we could rearrange anything you wanted different this weekend.”
“It’s perfect. It’s utterly and absolutely perfect.”
“I know you’ve been wanting to have this room in particular finished.”
“I have. And after the day I’ve had, coming home to this, you have no idea.”
Joss’s arms came around her from behind. “I’m glad you like it, that it makes you happy.”
Olivia turned so that they were facing each other. She wound her arms around Joss’s neck. “I like you. You make me happy.”
Joss kissed her again, but more earnestly. “I was hoping you might let me help you christen it later.”
She pulled back, locked eyes with Joss. “You said dinner would be a while yet. Do
es it need any tending?”
“None whatsoever.”
“Well, in that case…” Olivia began undoing the buttons of Joss’s shirt.
“God, I love the way you think.” Joss’s hands were in her hair and she pulled Olivia in for another kiss.
Olivia pulled the shirt from the waist of Joss’s pants, then ran her hands up Joss’s front to her shoulders. She pushed the shirt aside, leaving her in a tight undershirt. She loved the way it showed off the muscles of Joss’s shoulders and arms, the way it pulled tight across her small breasts.
She let out a small moan of approval as Joss’s mouth went to her neck. She felt the zipper of her dress being pulled down and warm, strong hands on her back. Her moans intensified as Joss slid the material from her shoulders and the dress fell in a pool at her feet.
Joss’s arms were back around her, lifting her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around Joss’s waist and allowed herself to be carried to the bed. With one hand, Joss yanked back the duvet. Olivia felt the cool, clean sheets on her back and Joss’s warm, hard body over her. She couldn’t think of a single sensation that had ever been more pleasurable.
She played with the short hairs on the back of Joss’s neck while Joss kissed her way down Olivia’s torso. Joss stood briefly. Olivia heard the unbuckling of her belt, the rustle of fabric as Joss discarded her pants and underwear. In a flash, Joss was once again hovering over her. Olivia felt her skin flush under Joss’s gaze. Unable to contain herself, she began to squirm, desperate for Joss’s touch.
Joss pressed her leg between Olivia’s thighs. Olivia’s hips rose to meet her. Joss began teasing her breasts through the lace of her bra, taking one of her rock-hard nipples between her teeth. She was driving Olivia mad. “Oh, God. Yes, please, yes.”
She felt Joss slide down her body, pull off her underwear. The urgency she felt, the need, was overwhelming. When Joss started lightly kissing the insides of her thighs, she thought she might lose it. She was on the verge of begging when Joss’s mouth covered her.
Olivia felt her body buck as the heat poured out of her. She grabbed at the sheets, fisting them in her hands and trying desperately not to come. Joss’s tongue worked her slowly, with long, firm strokes. The rhythm of it was intoxicating; her hips moved as if under a spell. Despite feeling like she was teetering on the edge of an orgasm, Joss found a way to draw her higher, to continue building the pressure that had taken over her.