by Aurora Rey
“I have to go.”
“What?”
“I need to go find Joss. I have to talk to her.”
“Olivia, it’s Thanksgiving morning. You’re in the middle of making dinner.”
“I don’t think this can wait.”
“You’re being impulsive. There isn’t anything that couldn’t possibly wait until tomorrow.”
“I love you, Mama, but you couldn’t possibly be more wrong. I’m going to get dressed.”
Olivia ran up the stairs two at a time. She took a two-minute shower and got dressed, not bothering to dry her hair or put on makeup. When she reentered the kitchen, both of her parents were standing there.
“Darling, if you’re going to go chasing after Joss, shouldn’t you put yourself together a little more? At least try to look nice?”
Olivia was already picking up her purse. “I’m fine, Mama. The turkey needs at least two more hours. The alarm is set on the digital thermometer. If it goes off while I’m gone, just pull it out and cover it loosely with foil. I’ll take care of the rest when I get back.”
“Good luck, sweetheart,” Olivia’s father called when she was halfway out the door.
“Thanks, Daddy.”
Olivia called, but Joss didn’t answer her phone. Olivia had no way of knowing whether it was because she was occupied or avoiding her. She drove to Joss’s house and found an empty driveway. Instead of being disappointed, Olivia was relieved. If Joss was already at her parents’, it was more likely that she wasn’t intentionally ignoring her.
When Olivia arrived at Sandy and Frank’s house, Joss’s truck, along with Ben’s and a car she assumed was Daphne’s, filled the driveway. She parked on the street and took a deep breath. She had no idea what she was going to say. Or if Joss would even speak to her. This was not the time to chicken out. She took a deep breath and climbed out of the car. She knocked on the door with no idea what would happen next.
Ben answered. After the briefest flash of surprise, he smiled at her as though she was both welcome and expected. “Olivia. Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Hi, Ben.”
“Come in.” He stepped aside so she could enter. “I didn’t realize you were coming. I thought your folks were in town.”
“I wasn’t. They are. I mean…” Great. She was blubbering and she wasn’t even talking to Joss yet. “I just needed to talk to Joss.”
If Ben was curious, he didn’t show it. “She’s in the kitchen. Follow me.”
Joss was standing at the stove with her back to the doorway. Before Olivia could say anything, Ben got her attention. “Joss, someone wants to talk to you.”
“Well, tell them they’ll have to come in here. I’m busy.” Joss turned and Olivia froze. Maybe this was a terrible idea. Not only did she have no clue what to say, she was interrupting a family holiday to do it.
Joss figured it was one of her nieces, or maybe her dad. When she realized Olivia was standing there, looking nervous and uncertain, Joss’s throat went dry. “Olivia.”
“I’m sorry to barge in, but I really needed to talk to you.”
“Okay.” She turned to her sister. “Daphne, can you take over here?”
“Of course.” Daphne took the spoon and stepped in front of the stove.
“Let’s go down the hall.” There weren’t many places in her parents’ house for privacy. She led the way to the bedroom she’d shared with Daphne for fifteen years. Not the ideal place to hash things out, but it was quiet. She closed the door and turned to Olivia. “What are you doing here?”
“Apologizing.” Olivia offered her a pained smile. “Groveling, maybe.”
Joss took a deep breath. “Let’s start with the first. I’m not really interested in the second.”
“Joss, I’m sorry.”
As much as she wanted to hear those words, they weren’t enough. “What exactly are you sorry for?”
“For having my priorities all wrong, for making you feel like you aren’t the most important person in my life, like our relationship isn’t the most important thing.”
Now they were getting somewhere. “Sorry that I got that impression or sorry that’s how you actually feel?”
“I’m sorry that my behavior made it seem like that’s how I feel.”
“So how do you really feel?”
Olivia seemed to choose her words carefully. “I feel like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Joss softened. She felt the same way, or at least she had until recently. But it still didn’t mean they wanted the same things.
Olivia took a deep breath and continued. “It’s been over two years since I’ve spent more than twenty-four hours with my parents. You were right. As much as I told myself I was nothing like them, I was. I got so caught up in what people thought of me, of what my parents would think of me, I started acting like a crazy person. And I took you for granted. I acted like you didn’t understand my job, but really, I was the one who didn’t understand.”
The pocket of hope Joss had for them grew. “I know that your work is important to you. And I know that getting tenure is a big deal and not a given.”
“I know. I lashed out at you because I could. I’ve been feeling so out of control. I think a part of me knew that I was being unreasonable and I was looking to you for validation. The fact that you called me out sent me over the edge.”
Olivia was taking more responsibility than Joss expected. And her words echoed the conversation she’d had with Ben the day before. The fact that Olivia seemed to understand, and not merely apologize, meant a lot. “It felt like you were saying I couldn’t possibly wrap my head around something so far removed from my little world.”
“Oh, Joss. I’m so sorry. You have to know that was never my intention.”
Joss sighed. “I know. I can admit that I’m overly sensitive to that kind of thing. I probably gave you a harder time than was necessary.”
At that, Olivia cracked a smile. “So we’re okay?”
Joss allowed herself to feel relief. “I think we are.”
“Thank God.”
“I’m not going to lie, I kind of love that you drove over here on Thanksgiving morning to make up.”
Olivia smiled for real now and made Joss’s heart do a flip in her chest. “Well, then don’t forget to add the fact that I ran out of my house, abandoning my parents and a half-cooked meal, to do it.”
Joss chuckled. “I love you, Olivia. So very much.”
“I love you, too, Joss. More than anything.”
Joss liked to think of herself as a woman who preferred actions to words, but hearing Olivia say “I love you” made her feel almost giddy. She stepped forward, took Olivia’s face in her hands, and kissed her. She meant it to be tender, affirming. It didn’t take long, however, for the heat to take over. The worry of the last few days gave way to longing laced with urgency.
Remembering where they were, Joss broke the kiss reluctantly. She enjoyed the way Olivia’s eyes fluttered open, as though she was coming out of a pleasant dream. “You know, I’m sure the invitation still stands if you want to bring your parents here. The more people she has to feed, the happier my mom is.”
Olivia laughed. “I’m having a really good day here, let’s not push it.”
“Fair enough. Does that mean you need to leave now?”
“It does. They leave in the morning. Can I see you then?”
“I think that could be arranged. What do you say we go pick out Christmas trees together?”
Olivia’s eyes lit up. “It’s a date.”
“Okay. I shouldn’t keep you now, then.” Joss opened the door and caught a flash of Ben and Daphne scurrying down the hall. “I see you,” she called. God, it was like being a teenager again.
Joss walked Olivia out. They stood in the driveway with snow swirling around them and Joss kissed her again. “Drive carefully and have a good day with your parents.”
“You, too. Feel free to tell everyone I’d rather
be here.”
Olivia climbed into her car and drove away. Even though she was standing in the cold without a coat, Joss waited until Olivia’s car was out of sight before going back inside. When she did, she found seven pairs of eyes looking at her expectantly. “Everything’s good. Nothing to see here.”
Immediately, everyone turned their attention to something else. Joss knew she’d have to give more details later, but for the moment, it sufficed. She returned to the kitchen and resumed her place at the stove with a smile on her face.
Chapter Thirty-four
Joss pulled into the driveway at ten the next morning. Olivia had seen her parents off less than an hour before, happy to see them go. Thankfully, the snow had stopped and the roads were clear. Since neither of them had experience driving in winter conditions, bad weather would have likely prolonged their stay.
Olivia stepped onto the porch, anxious to see Joss. She felt good about their conversation the day before, but it didn’t completely ease the worry, the disquiet that came from realizing how close she’d come to losing Joss. When she climbed into the passenger seat, Joss’s smile was warm, as was her kiss hello. Olivia felt some of the tension leave her body.
“Your parents get off okay?”
“They did. I guess a couple of their friends from the country club are also in the city for the weekend, so they’re going to go to the Four Seasons and Phantom of the Opera.” Joss nodded, but didn’t say anything. Olivia had to laugh. “I promise that if we ever go to New York City, those will be the absolute last two things I want to do.”
Joss shrugged. “I’m not opposed to theater or anything.”
“Of course not. But I like to think we’d be at least a little more original.”
It was Joss’s turn to laugh. “Did they have a nice time here?”
Olivia weighed the question before answering. It hadn’t gone exactly as she’d hoped, but it wasn’t a disaster either. “I think that they enjoyed themselves. We had some nice conversations, dinner turned out well despite my abandoning it halfway through.”
Joss smiled. “I’m glad.”
“And even though I realized it doesn’t matter, they were very impressed with the house.”
Joss didn’t want it to matter, either—to Olivia or to her—but it did. “Good.”
“Don’t get me wrong. They still think I’m nuts, for buying it and living out in the country in the first place, but they said the house was beautiful and the work impeccable.”
Joss reached over and squeezed her hand. They rode for a while in contented silence. Olivia looked over at Joss. She refused to let herself dwell on how closely she’d come to letting Joss walk away. She’d made a huge mistake, but had found a way to fix it. She didn’t plan to take that chance again.
Joss glanced over at her, raised a brow. “You look pensive. What are you thinking about?”
Olivia smiled and rubbed her gloved hands together. “Do you know I’ve never had a real Christmas tree?”
Joss turned her truck onto yet another road Olivia had never been on, taking them farther out of town. She appeared to be scandalized by the statement. “You mean never ever?”
“Never. Isn’t that terrible? My mother put up six Christmas trees every year—every one of them fake and every one with a different, very specific theme.” The idea came from an issue of Southern Living and Olivia had always hated it.
Joss scowled. “Like side by side?”
“No, no.” Olivia laughed. “They were all in different rooms. The one in the dining room was done up with blue and silver to match the wallpaper and her china. The one in the formal living room was all gold and pink. She had a small one for the kitchen that she covered with food-themed ornaments.”
“That’s intense.”
Olivia had the feeling Joss was thinking of a different word entirely. “It fed her deep need to decorate. She could redo the rooms of our house only so often, I think, without driving my father crazy.”
“That’s so strange to me. My family and I are in the business of remodeling, but I can only remember one major overhaul to our kitchen. And we repainted the living room when we got a new sofa, but that only happened two or three times in my memory.”
“It’s probably different when you do the work yourself. For Mama, I think it was mostly a status thing, and maybe her creative outlet.”
Joss turned the truck into a gravel parking lot with a small trailer at one end. “Well, my lady, those days are over. Let’s find us a couple of real, live, amazing-smelling pine trees.”
Olivia took a deep breath. This was her opening. She had to grab it. “Joss?”
Joss looked over at her. “Yeah?”
“What if we only got one tree?”
Joss chuckled. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No, I mean, what if we picked out a tree together for my house?”
She raised a brow. “Are you implying I won’t be spending much time at my place? I like the sound of that.”
“What if we picked out a tree together for our house?”
Joss looked at her searchingly, but didn’t say anything.
“I mean, I love your house. If you feel really strongly about it, I’m open to that, but well, we put so much work into mine, it sort of feels like ours already.”
Joss swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to keep her voice even. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”
Olivia looked down and seemed to be shy all of a sudden. Joss couldn’t decide if she was nervous or wishing she hadn’t opened her mouth in the first place. When she looked up again, her eyes were wet. “I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while and then, well, chaos happened and I was afraid we might break up. I was planning to do it over a romantic dinner, or maybe in bed, but, well, I don’t want to get two trees.”
A tear spilled over and fell down Olivia’s cheek. Joss’s heart was beating so hard, it made it difficult to breathe. “Olivia.”
“I’m so sorry for everything. You are what I want. A life and a family with you.”
It was exactly what Joss wanted. It was what she’d been planning for when things got so out of control. “It’s what I want, too. It’s what I’ve wanted all along.”
Olivia sniffed and laughed. “Except when you were adamant you didn’t want it with me.”
Joss smiled. “A momentary lapse in judgment.”
“So is that a yes?”
“It is.”
Olivia leaned towards her and Joss took her face in her hands. “I love you, Olivia.”
“I love you, too.” The tears were flowing in earnest now, but Joss got the feeling they were the overwhelmed, but also relieved, but also happy sort. She knew the feeling.
“Let’s go pick out a tree.”
They got out of the truck and Olivia looked around. Next to the trailer were a few dozen cut trees leaning against makeshift sawhorses. There were tall ones and short ones and plump ones and gangly ones. Beyond them were rows and rows of trees, interspersed with a few stumps. As they got closer, the door of the trailer opened and a woman stepped out. She offered them a wave and said, “Good afternoon! Welcome to Pulaski’s! I take it you’re in the market for a tree.”
“We are. If you could point us in the direction of the Frasier firs, we’d be thrilled.”
The woman nodded. “The cut ones closest to me are all Frasiers, and then the first four rows here. They go back quite a ways. Pre-cut are forty dollars, cut-your-own are thirty.”
Olivia was unable to contain her excitement. “We can cut our own?”
“It’s the only way to go,” Joss said.
The tree woman nodded in agreement and gestured toward a dozen or so saws hanging from hooks on the side of the trailer. “Help yourself to a saw and just knock on my door when you’re all set.”
Joss picked one up and they started making their way down the rows of trees. “The thing to remember is that they always look smaller out here than they will in your living room.”
“You mean our living room.”
Joss grinned at her. “Our living room. My reach is a little over seven feet, so you can pick one that’s a foot or so taller than that, but no more.”
Olivia nodded. “That sounds good. I imagine it would be very easy to get carried away.”
They wandered for fifteen minutes or so. The snow from the day before gave the whole scene a Currier and Ives feel. And there were so many trees to choose from, Olivia had a hard time deciding. Each time she found what she thought was the one, another one in the distance would catch her eye. She darted from one tree to the next, extolling its virtues. “I want one that’s nice and full, but also has character. I don’t want it to look like it came out of a box.”
Joss followed her around good naturedly, raising her arm on demand so Olivia could assess proportions. Olivia was pretty sure Joss was indulging her at this point. “Take your time. It’s supposed to be an adventure.”
When they were about three-quarters of the way down the row, Olivia spotted a tree that was quite wide for its height. Its top, instead of tapering to a perfect point, spread out slightly, sort of like a pineapple top. Without any hesitation, she declared, “This is it. This is the one.”
Joss came over to assess her find. She gave it the once-over. “This is it? You’re sure?”
Olivia shrugged and shuffled her feet. “I mean, only if you like it.”
“I think it’s perfect. I’m happy to cut it down myself, but if you want to help, I can get down and get it started for you. Using a saw while lying on your side can be tricky.”
Olivia beamed. “I would love to help and I would love it even more if you got it started.”
Joss got on the ground and scooted under the lower branches. Olivia heard the sound of wood being cut and the whole tree began to vibrate slightly. After a couple of minutes Joss emerged, pine needles stuck to her coat and gloves. They were also in her hair and stuck to her forehead. “Are you sure you want to go in there?”