A Mother's Trust

by Dilly Court

  ‘You mustn’t take any notice of Dolly,’ Phoebe said, leaning all her weight on the door in order to close it as a sudden gust of wind sent a powdering of snow into the entrance hall. ‘She says whatever comes into her head.’

  Marcus handed the squalling baby to her. ‘I’m forty-three, and a confirmed bachelor, although sometimes I do regret my unmarried state.’

  ‘Perhaps it’s time to think again,’ Phoebe said, hitching Edward over her shoulder as she slipped off her damp cloak and hung it on the hallstand. ‘Come into the kitchen and have a cup of tea and a slice of Judy’s seed cake; it’s the best you’ll ever taste.’

  ‘I’d like to, but I must get back to the theatre. I have a man coming to see me about the play we’re putting on in two weeks’ time.’ Marcus paused, eyeing Phoebe with a worried frown. ‘You didn’t know?’

  ‘I thought Caspar was booked until the end of February.’

  ‘In the present circumstances I thought it best not to mention that Caspar and I had a slight difference of opinion. He decided that he wanted to move on sooner than planned.’

  Phoebe stared at him in dismay. ‘He didn’t say anything to me.’

  Marcus cleared his throat. ‘He probably didn’t want to add to your troubles, my dear. Maybe the man has some human feelings after all.’

  The baby had started to cry and Phoebe patted his back in an attempt to soothe him. She had been so involved in caring for him and coping with the grief of her mother’s sudden death that she had given little or no thought to Caspar or his plans for the future. She frowned thoughtfully. ‘It explains why he took the sudden decision to go to London.’

  ‘He’s an ambitious man, Phoebe, but I’m sure he still wants you to work with him.’

  ‘I never intended to make it a permanent arrangement, but I was hoping to have work for another few weeks. This has put me in a really difficult position.’

  Chapter Eleven

  ‘I’M SURE WE can come to some arrangement,’ Marcus said gently. ‘Judy is a good woman and she won’t throw you out just because you can’t pay the rent, and I could find you a few hours’ paid work at the theatre, if that would help.’ He opened the front door. ‘I really must go now. Perhaps you’d be kind enough to make my apologies to Miss Judy.’ He let himself out of the house, but the door had barely closed before it opened again to admit Rose and Fred.

  ‘Why are you standing here in the cold hallway?’ Rose demanded anxiously. ‘Are you all right, Phoebe?’

  ‘Yes, thank you, Rose. But Edward is hungry. I’d better go and find the wet nurse. She’s probably fallen asleep again in front of the range. I don’t think she can afford a fire where she lives.’ Phoebe hurried off in the direction of the kitchen, where she found Judy soundly berating the unfortunate woman who had just recently given birth to a baby that had survived for only a few days. ‘What’s the matter?’ Phoebe demanded anxiously.

  Judy eyed the squalling baby with distaste. ‘Can’t you shut him up? I can’t hear myself think with that noise.’

  ‘He’s hungry.’ Phoebe approached the wet nurse, wondering if they had done the right thing by hiring a woman who was so obviously down on her luck. ‘Are you feeling up to looking after my little brother, Mrs Oakes?’

  Judy snatched Edward from Phoebe’s arms and plumped him down on the wet nurse’s lap. ‘Now do what you’re paid for, Ivy Oakes and we’ll say no more about the slice of bread and jam you pilfered from the larder, but it will come out of your wage.’

  ‘Ta, missis,’ Ivy murmured, undoing her filthy, tattered blouse and exposing an engorged, blue-veined breast. ‘I’m sorry about the grub, but I hadn’t had a bite to eat since yesterday.’

  Judy wrinkled her nose and turned away as Edward latched hungrily onto the swollen nipple. ‘You can have a cup of tea when he’s had his fill, Mrs Oakes.’

  ‘Thank you kindly, ma’am.’

  Dolly moved to sit by Ivy’s side. ‘I seen Ma feeding me younger brothers and sisters, but then she put them to the bottle with a teaspoon of gin in it. That made them sleep all right.’

  ‘That’s enough of that sort of talk,’ Judy said sharply. ‘Give Phoebe a cup of tea with a spoonful of sugar in it, and one for Mrs Oakes, without sugar. I can’t afford to lavish luxuries on the whole of Brighton.’ Taking a hanky from her pocket, she blew her nose loudly. ‘I’ve just buried my cousin. Who, I wonder, will mourn for me when my time comes?’

  Fred had been sitting quietly at the table sipping a mug of tea but he looked up at this and his moustache drooped at the corners. ‘We’d all be there, Miss Judy. You’ve got friends and admirers in this town, you ought to know that.’

  Judy held her handkerchief to her eyes. ‘I know what they say about me. They call me Miss Vinegar-face in the town, even though they know nothing about my personal circumstances.’

  Fred twirled his moustache nervously. ‘You’re a brick, Miss Judy. You never go on about it when I’m late with my rent, and there was a time when you let me work it off by cleaning the windows and scrubbing the front steps.’

  ‘I haven’t had much to make me smile.’ Judy said, nodding in agreement. ‘Heaven knows, I stayed at home to care for my invalid mother until she died. I’ve had my admirers, but Mamma always put a stop to any gentleman wishing to call on me.’

  Dolly frowned thoughtfully. ‘That ain’t fair. I’m sure Mr Marcus would like to come to tea every now and then.’

  ‘Hush, Dolly.’ Phoebe cast an anxious glance at Judy in case Dolly had gone too far, but she seemed wrapped in her own thoughts.

  ‘Now my cousin has gone too.’ Judy sighed. ‘I’m all alone in the world.’

  Phoebe was sympathetic but she had heard enough. ‘That’s nonsense, Judy. Marcus was just saying what a fine woman you are and how sorry he is that he’s remained a bachelor all these years. If you can’t see that the man is infatuated with you then you’re either blind or stupid. I’ve lost my mum and I loved her.’ A sob rose to her throat and she fled from the room, unable to control the flood of tears that suddenly engulfed her. She ran upstairs to the room she had shared with her mother and Dolly and flung herself down on Annie’s empty bed. The pillow still smelt of her mother’s favourite lavender cologne and she closed her eyes tightly, but now she had given way she could not stop crying. She wept for her mother and for her orphaned brother. She wept for her lost youth spent hiding in dark cupboards while her mother conducted mock séances. She wept for the fact that she must leave the people she had come to love as friends and return to an uncertain life in London. She wept for herself, knowing that she must honour her promise to marry Gino, a man she did not love. Perhaps she would never know true love. At least Ma had loved Ned with all her wayward heart, and had given him a son to prove it. Perhaps Ma had been the lucky one.

  Caspar was late arriving at the theatre that evening, and, as Phoebe had feared, this put him in a foul mood. Although he was too much of a professional to allow it to spoil their act he was surly when off stage, and if he noticed that she was not quite herself he said nothing that might offer her comfort in a time of deep mourning. She was fast losing patience with him and when he turned on her backstage and berated her for her lacklustre performance she retaliated angrily. ‘How dare you speak to me like that, Caspar? You’re the one who’s to blame if the audience didn’t enjoy themselves as they might have done had you been in a better temper.’

  He grasped her by the shoulders, his fingers digging painfully into her flesh. ‘So the little worm has turned, has she? The woman with the countenance of a medieval princess has spirit after all.’

  She wrenched free from his painful grip. ‘Don’t mock me. I’ve just buried my mother and I think that’s reason enough for my not being on top form, but you …’ She took a deep breath. ‘You have no excuse, Caspar Collins. Or did the theatre manager in London turn you down? Weren’t you good enough for his seedy palace of varieties?’

  For a moment she thought he was going to strike her but it
was obvious that he was struggling to maintain his iron self-control, which was normally colder than the blocks of ice that Nonno hauled from the importer’s ice cellars every morning in summer. She met his fierce gaze with a defiant lift of her chin, but to her astonishment instead of berating her he drew her roughly to him and covered her mouth with his in a long, hard kiss that was fraught with passion but without a hint of tender ness. Phoebe could not have been more shocked had he struck her across the face. He released her as suddenly as he had taken her into his arms and he walked away, leaving her staring after him in stunned silence. He had never shown the slightest interest in her as a woman, and she could not begin to imagine what had prompted his actions unless it had been to prove his mastery over her. She rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand, but the taste of him seemed indelibly printed on her lips. The hardness of his athletic body against hers had been oddly exciting, if she were to be honest with herself. She pushed the thought to the far recesses of her mind. He had insulted her and made it impossible for them to continue working together. She followed him to his dressing room.

  When he did not respond to her rap on the door she opened it and stormed into the tiny room, barely larger than a cupboard. He was sitting between racks of props and costumes, staring into the dressing-table mirror. Strewn before him were sticks of greasepaint lying in drifts of face powder and the air was thick with the cloying scent of stage makeup and sweat. He did not turn his head but as she moved closer she could see his face reflected in the mirror. He was watching her warily, his features as still as a marble statue and his eyes diamond cold.

  ‘How dare you treat me this way?’ The words came out in an explosion of pent-up emotion.

  Holding her gaze he remained motionless. She tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Look at me when I’m talking to you, Caspar. What possessed you to insult me in such a way? Haven’t I worked hard for you these past weeks? I’ve done everything you asked of me and more.’

  This time he did turn his head slowly. His expression was carefully controlled. ‘I was rejected by an oaf who calls himself a theatre manager.’ He rose to his feet sweeping the higgledy-piggledy collection of items from the top of the table with his hand. They fell in a colourful heap on the floor and were buried beneath a fine mist of powder. ‘That peasant had the impertinence to call me a conjuror. He hasn’t even seen my act and he dismissed me as if I were a nobody.’

  He bowed his head and Phoebe’s anger dissolved in a moment of pity. He looked for an instant like a naughty child caught in the act of stealing jam tarts hot from the oven, not for reasons of acute hunger but because the temptation was too great for him. Instinctively she put her arms around him and held him. He laid his head on her shoulder and for a brief moment they clung together like shipwrecked mariners on a lonely atoll without hope of being saved. ‘You mustn’t take it to heart,’ Phoebe said softly. ‘You are a great illusionist but he wasn’t to know that.’

  Slowly, as if ashamed of his moment of weakness, Caspar drew away from her, running his hand through his mane of dark hair. ‘I’m sorry, Phoebe. I apologise for my behaviour. It won’t happen again. Now leave me, please. I’ll see you in the morning for rehearsal of a new illusion I want to perfect before we leave this abysmal place. Don’t be late.’

  She opened her mouth to tell him that he had made it impossible for her to continue working with him, but somehow she had not the heart to add to his woes. She saw him suddenly not as a tyrant but as a man unused to failure who was, probably for the first time in his life, having to swallow the bitter pill of rejection. She felt nothing but pity for him, and she left the dressing room without saying another word. But there were still big decisions that had to be made, and February was drawing rapidly to a damp and rainy close.

  The snow had melted, turning first to dirty slush on the pavements and then filling the gutters to overflowing with muddy water. It was almost impossible to get to the theatre without being sprayed by the wheels of passing vehicles, and the grey skies seemed to cast gloom over everyone. The show was due to close at the end of the month and Caspar had not managed to achieve a future booking. Phoebe was still plucking up the courage to tell him that she would be leaving for London at the beginning of March. She had saved as much as she could after paying rent to Judy and the small amount of money that Ivy Oakes demanded for nursing the baby. The remainder of her wages would help see them through the coming weeks until the family returned to England, but she would still have to supplement their income with a few séances. Quite how she would explain Edward’s arrival to her family was still a matter of deep concern to her, and it was discussed at length in the house. Madame Galina was convinced that little Teddy, as he had become known, ought to be adopted by a well-to-do family who could give him a solid upbringing and a good education. Herbert was of the opinion that there were suitable institutions for infants born on the wrong side of the blanket, but Gussie disagreed. She had been raised in an orphanage and she was vehement in her condemnation of such establishments. Fred sided with Madame, saying that the child’s best interests would be served if he remained in Brighton where Judy could keep an eye on his progress. Judy did not seem too keen on this suggestion. ‘I am not maternally inclined,’ she said firmly. ‘He should go to London with his sister.’

  ‘Come, come, my dear lady.’ Fred’s eyes were filled with admiration as he gazed at her. ‘You are a woman above reproach who understands the meaning of the word duty. Your conscience would not allow you to neglect a helpless infant, especially one related to you.’

  Judy curled her lip and changed the subject to demand his overdue rent.

  Phoebe listened politely but she had no intention of abandoning her responsibilities. She loved Teddy unreservedly and for good or ill she would stand by him for the rest of her life, no matter what other people said. Rose agreed with her wholeheartedly although Dolly appeared to be slightly put out by the attention the baby was receiving. She had become quiet and withdrawn since Annie died, and made no secret of the fact that she resented Ivy’s presence in the house, day and night. With a husband who had mysteriously disappeared from the scene before she gave birth to their child, and no family of her own, Ivy was only too glad to be fed and housed. She asked for little and faded into the shadows when her services were not required, but she had proved to be a good nursemaid and lavished the affection she might have given to her own baby on Teddy. Phoebe felt quite safe leaving him in her care when she was at the theatre, but she had still not told Caspar about the baby, and he had never mentioned her mother’s tragic demise. Caspar, she decided, lived in a self-centred world of his own. His act was the reason for his existence and the people around him were only important if they were some way involved in the illusory world he inhabited. Phoebe played her part to the best of her ability, but after his sudden and unexpected embrace, she was careful not to be alone with him.

  ‘You have to tell him that you’re leaving him,’ Rose said on the penultimate evening of the show as Phoebe was putting on her stage makeup. ‘He told me that he’s got a booking in Bournemouth starting next week.’

  ‘He hasn’t said anything to me.’ Phoebe patted her face with a powder puff. ‘As far as I know he’s still looking.’

  ‘You’ve been avoiding him off stage. You’ve made that obvious to everyone. Has he upset you in some way, Phoebe? I thought you two got on quite well, even though he is a difficult man.’

  ‘No. You’re imagining things, Rose. I have to hurry home every day because of Teddy, you know that.’

  ‘Yes.’ Rose eyed her doubtfully. ‘I suppose so. But you must say something. You can’t just walk out of the theatre tomorrow night and not tell him that you’re off to London next day.’

  Phoebe patted her hand. ‘Stop worrying. I’ll do it in my own good time. He’ll find someone else to fill my place. After all, it didn’t take him long to hire me after Hyacinth left to marry her rich gentleman friend. I doubt if he’ll raise an eyebrow when I tell him.’ She
spoke with more confidence than she was feeling, and although she intended to break the news to Caspar that evening after the performance ended, she lost her nerve and left the theatre before he had had time to change out of his magician’s robes.

  It had been a difficult few days at home. Dolly and Ivy had clashed openly for the first time and Dolly had thrown herself down on the kitchen floor, flailing her arms and legs and howling like a frustrated two-year-old in a tantrum. Phoebe had been powerless to stop her but Judy had yanked Dolly to her feet and slapped her face just hard enough to bring her back to her senses. Then to Phoebe’s amazement Judy had wrapped her arms around Dolly and given her a hug, smoothing her tumbled blonde curls and speaking to her in gentle tones quite different from her habitual brusque manner.

  Ivy snatched up the squalling baby and backed away to sit in a chair at the far end of the kitchen, unbuttoning her now spotlessly clean blouse to reveal an engorged breast. Latching on greedily, Teddy was silenced instantly, apart from the occasional muffled hiccup. Ivy sat quietly suckling him, watching Judy wide-eyed. ‘It weren’t my fault, Miss Phoebe,’ she muttered. ‘I only said I was looking forward to seeing London. I ain’t never been no further than Hove, and that were only once.’

  Dolly lifted her head from Judy’s shoulder. ‘I don’t want to go back there. Ma will get me for sure, and I don’t like her.’ She pointed at Ivy and burst into fresh floods of tears.

  Judy met Phoebe’s anxious gaze, shaking her head. ‘You’ll have to take Ivy with you for Teddy’s sake, but Dolly could stay here with me, for the time being anyway. She’s a great help in the house, and if that mother of hers decided to claim her there wouldn’t be much you could do to stop her taking Dolly back, and selling her to the highest bidder.’