Can You Forgive Her?

by Anthony Trollope

  CHAPTER LXXV.

  Rouge et Noir.

  Alice insisted on being left up in the churchyard, urging that shewanted to "think about it all," but, in truth, fearing that she mightnot be able to carry herself well, if she were to walk down with herlover to the hotel. To this he made no objection, and, on reachingthe inn, met Mr. Palliser in the hall. Mr. Palliser was alreadyinspecting the arrangement of certain large trunks which had beenbrought down-stairs, and was preparing for their departure. He wasgoing about the house, with a nervous solicitude to do something,and was flattering himself that he was of use. As he could notbe Chancellor of the Exchequer, and as, by the nature of hisdisposition, some employment was necessary to him, he was looking tothe cording of the boxes. "Good morning! good morning!" he said toGrey, hardly looking at him, as though time were too precious withhim to allow of his turning his eyes upon his friend. "I am going upto the station to see after a carriage for to-morrow. Perhaps you'llcome with me." To this proposition Mr. Grey assented. "Sometimes, youknow," continued Mr. Palliser, "the springs of the carriages are sovery rough." Then, in a very few words, Mr. Grey told him what hadbeen his own morning's work. He hated secrets and secrecy, and as thePallisers knew well what had brought him upon their track, it was,he thought, well that they should know that he had been successful.Mr. Palliser congratulated him very cordially, and then, runningup-stairs for his gloves or his stick, or, more probably, that hemight give his wife one other caution as to her care of herself, hetold her also that Alice had yielded at last. "Of course she has,"said Lady Glencora.

  "I really didn't think she would," said he.

  "That's because you don't understand things of that sort," saidhis wife. Then the caution was repeated, the mother of the futureduke was kissed, and Mr. Palliser went off on his mission about thecarriage, its cushions, and its springs. In the course of their walkMr. Palliser suggested that, as things were settled so pleasantly,Mr. Grey might as well return with them to England, and to thissuggestion Mr. Grey assented.

  Alice remained alone for nearly an hour, looking out upon the roughsides and gloomy top of Mount Pilate. No one disturbed her in thechurchyard,--no steps were heard along the tombstones,--no voicesounded through the cloisters. She was left in perfect solitude tothink of the past, and form her plans of the future. Was she happy,now that the manner of her life to come was thus settled for her;that all further question as to the disposal of herself was takenout of her hands, and that her marriage with a man she loved was sofirmly arranged that no further folly of her own could disarrangeit? She was happy, though she was slow to confess her happiness toherself. She was happy, and she was resolute in this,--that she wouldnow do all she could to make him happy also. And there must now,she acknowledged, be an end to her pride,--to that pride which hadhitherto taught her to think that she could more wisely follow herown guidance than that of any other who might claim to guide her. Sheknew now that she must follow his guidance. She had found her master,as we sometimes say, and laughed to herself with a little inwardlaughter as she confessed that it was so. She was from henceforthaltogether in his hands. If he chose to tell her that they were to bemarried at Michaelmas, or at Christmas, or on Lady Day, they would,of course, be married accordingly. She had taken her fling at havingher own will, and she and all her friends had seen what had come ofit. She had assumed the command of the ship, and had thrown it uponthe rocks, and she felt that she never ought to take the captain'splace again. It was well for her that he who was to be captain wasone whom she respected as thoroughly as she loved him.

  She would write to her father at once,--to her father and LadyMacleod,--and would confess everything. She felt that she owed it tothem that they should be told by herself that they had been right andthat she had been wrong. Hitherto she had not mentioned to either ofthem the fact that Mr. Grey was with them in Switzerland. And, then,what must she do as to Lady Midlothian? As to Lady Midlothian, shewould do nothing. Lady Midlothian, of course, would triumph;--wouldjump upon her, as Lady Glencora had once expressed it, with verytriumphant heels,--would try to patronize her, or, which would bealmost worse, would make a parade of her forgiveness. But she wouldhave nothing to do with Lady Midlothian, unless, indeed, Mr. Greyshould order it. Then she laughed at herself again with that inwardlaughter, and, rising from her seat, proceeded to walk down the hillto the hotel.

  "Vanquished at last!" said Lady Glencora, as Alice entered the room.

  "Yes, vanquished; if you like to call it so," said Alice.

  "It is not what I call it, but what you feel it," said the other."Do you think that I don't know you well enough to be sure that youregard yourself now as an unfortunate prisoner,--as a captive takenin war, to be led away in triumph, without any hope of a ransom? Iknow that it is quite a misery to you that you should be made a happywoman of at last. I understand it all, my dear, and my heart bleedsfor you."

  "Of course; I knew that was the way you would treat me."

  "In what way would you have me treat you? If I were to hug you withjoy, and tell you how good he is, and how fortunate you are,--if Iwere to praise him, and bid you triumph in your success, as might beexpected on such an occasion,--you would put on a long face at once,and tell me that though the thing is to be, it would be much betterthat the thing shouldn't be. Don't I know you, Alice?"

  "I shouldn't have said that;--not now."

  "I believe in my heart you would;--that, or something like it. But Ido wish you joy all the same, and you may say what you please. He hasgot you in his power now, and I don't think even you can go back."

  "No; I shall not go back again."

  "I would join with Lady Midlothian in putting you into a madhouse,if you did. But I am so glad; I am, indeed. I was afraid to thelast,--terribly afraid; you are so hard and so proud. I don't meanhard to me, dear. You have never been half hard enough to me. But youare hard to yourself, and, upon my word, you have been hard to him.What a deal you will have to make up to him!"

  "I feel that I ought to stand before him always as a penitent,--in awhite sheet."

  "He will like it better, I dare say, if you will sit upon his knee.Some penitents do, you know. And how happy you will be! He'll neverexplain the sugar-duties to you, and there'll be no Mr. Bott atNethercoats." They sat together the whole morning,--while Mr. Palliserwas seeing to the springs and cushions,--and by degrees Alice beganto enjoy her happiness. As she did so her friend enjoyed it with her,and at last they had something of the comfort and excitement whichsuch an occasion should give. "I'll tell you what, Alice; you shallcome and be married at Matching, in August, or perhaps September.That's the only way in which I can be present; and if we can bespeaksome sun, we'll have the breakfast out in the ruins."

  On the following morning they all started together, a first-classcompartment having been taken for the Palliser family, and asecond-class compartment close to them for the Palliser servants. Mr.Palliser, as he slowly handed his wife in, was a triumphant man; aswas also Mr. Grey, as he handed in his lady-love, though, in a manner,much less manifest. We may say that both the gentlemen had beenvery fortunate while at Lucerne. Mr. Palliser had come abroad with afeeling that all the world had been cut from under his feet. A greatchange was needed for his wife, and he had acknowledged at once thateverything must be made to yield to that necessity. He certainlyhad his reward,--now in his triumphant return. Terrible troubleshad afflicted him as he went, which seemed now to have dissipatedthemselves altogether. When he thought of Burgo Fitzgerald heremembered him only as a poor, unfortunate fellow, for whom he shouldbe glad to do something, if the doing of anything were only in hispower; and he had in his pocket a letter which he had that morningreceived from the Duke of St. Bungay, marked private and confidential,which was in its nature very private and confidential, and in whichhe was told that Lord Brock and Mr. Finespun were totally at varianceabout French wines. Mr. Finespun wanted to do something, now in therecess,--to send some political agent over to France,--to which LordBrock would not agree; and no one knew w
hat would be the consequenceof this disagreement. Here might be another chance,--if only Mr.Palliser could give up his winter in Italy! Mr. Palliser, as he tookhis place opposite his wife, was very triumphant.

  And Mr. Grey was triumphant, as he placed himself gently in his seatopposite to Alice. He seemed to assume no right, as he took thatposition apparently because it was the one which came naturally tohis lot. No one would have been made aware that Alice was his ownsimply by seeing his arrangements for her comfort. He made no loudassertion as to his property and his rights, as some men do. He wasquiet and subdued in his joy, but not the less was he triumphant.From the day on which Alice had accepted his first offer,--nay, froman earlier day than that; from the day on which he had first resolvedto make it, down to the present hour, he had never been stirred fromhis purpose. By every word that he had said, and by every act that hehad done, he had shown himself to be unmoved by that episode in theirjoint lives, which Alice's other friends had regarded as so fatal.When she first rejected him, he would not take his rejection. Whenshe told him that she intended to marry her cousin, he silentlydeclined to believe that such marriage would ever take place. He hadnever given her up for a day, and now the event proved that he hadbeen right. Alice was happy, very happy; but she was still disposedto regard her lover as Fate, and her happiness as an enforcednecessity.

  They stopped a night at Basle, and again she stood upon the balcony.He was close to her as she stood there,--so close that, putting outher hand for his, she was able to take it and press it closely. "Youare thinking of something, Alice," he said. "What is it?"

  "It was here," she said--"here, on this very balcony, that I firstrebelled against you, and now you have brought me here that I shouldconfess and submit on the same spot. I do confess. How am I to thankyou for forgiving me?"

  "How am I to thank you for forgiving me?"]

  On the following morning they went on to Baden-Baden, and there theystopped for a couple of days. Lady Glencora had positively refusedto stop a day at Basle, making so many objections to the place thather husband had at last yielded. "I could go from Vienna to Londonwithout feeling it," she said, with indignation "and to tell me thatI can't do two easy days' journey running!" Mr. Palliser had beenafraid to be imperious, and therefore, immediately on his arrival atone of the stations in Basle, he had posted across the town, in theheat and the dust, to look after the cushions and the springs at theother.

  "I've a particular favour to ask of you," Lady Glencora said toher husband, as soon as they were alone together in their rooms atBaden. Mr. Palliser declared that he would grant her any particularfavour,--only premising that he was not to be supposed to havethereby committed himself to any engagement under which his wifeshould have authority to take any exertion upon herself. "I wish Iwere a milkmaid," said Lady Glencora.

  "But you are not a milkmaid, my dear. You haven't been brought uplike a milkmaid."

  But what was the favour? If she would only ask for jewels,--thoughthey were the Grand Duchess's diamond eardrops, he would endeavourto get them for her. If she would have quaffed molten pearls, likeCleopatra, he would have procured the beverage,--having firstfortified himself with a medical opinion as to the fitness of thedrink for a lady in her condition. There was no expenditure thathe would not willingly incur for her, nothing costly that he wouldgrudge. But when she asked for a favour, he was always afraid of animprudence. Very possibly she might want to drink beer in an opengarden.

  And her request was, at last, of this nature: "I want you to take meup to the gambling-rooms!" said she.

  "The gambling-rooms!" said Mr. Palliser in dismay.

  "Yes, Plantagenet; the gambling-rooms. If you had been with mebefore, I should not have made a fool of myself by putting my pieceof money on the table. I want to see the place; but then I sawnothing, because I was so frightened when I found that I waswinning."

  Mr. Palliser was aware that all the world of Baden,--or rather theworld of the strangers at Baden,--assembles itself in those salons.It may be also that he himself was curious to see how men lookedwhen they lost their own money, or won that of others. He knew how aMinister looked when he lost or gained a tax. He was familiar withmillions and tens of millions in a committee of the whole House. Heknew the excitement of a near division upon the estimates. But hehad never yet seen a poor man stake his last napoleon, and rake backfrom off the table a small hatful of gold. A little exercise after anearly dinner was, he had been told, good for his wife; and he agreedtherefore that, on their second evening at Baden, they would all walkup and see the play.

  "Perhaps I shall get back my napoleon," said Glencora to Alice.

  "And perhaps I shall be forgiven when somebody sees how difficult itis to manage you," said Alice, looking at Mr. Palliser.

  "She isn't in earnest," said Mr. Palliser, almost fearing the resultof the experiment.

  "I don't know that," said Lady Glencora.

  They started together, Mr. Palliser with his wife, and Mr. Grey withAlice on his arm, and found all the tables at work. They at firstwalked through the different rooms, whispering to each other theircomments on the people that they saw, and listening to the quick,low, monotonous words of the croupiers as they arranged and presidedover the games. Each table was closely surrounded by its own crowd,made up of players, embryo players, and simple lookers-on, so thatthey could not see much as they walked. But this was not enough forLady Glencora. She was anxious to know what these men and women weredoing,--to see whether the croupiers wore horns on their heads andwere devils indeed,--to behold the faces of those who were wretchedand of those who were triumphant,--to know how the thing wasdone, and to learn something of that lesson in life. "Let us standhere a moment," she said to her husband, arresting him at one cornerof the table which had the greatest crowd. "We shall be able to seein a few minutes." So he stood with her there, giving way to Alice,who went in front with his wife; and in a minute or two an aperturewas made, so that they could all see the marked cloth, and the moneylying about, and the rakes on the table, and the croupier skilfullydealing his cards, and,--more interesting than all the rest, thefaces of those who were playing. Grey looked on, over Alice'sshoulder, very attentively,--as did Palliser also,--but both of themkept their eyes upon the ministers of the work. Alice and Glencoradid the same at first, but as they gained courage they glanced roundupon the gamblers.

  It was a long table, having, of course, four corners, and at thecorner appropriated by them they were partly opposite to the man whodealt the cards. The corner answering to theirs at the other end wasthe part of the table most removed from their sight, and that onwhich their eyes fell last. As Lady Glencora stood she could hardlysee,--indeed, at first she could not see,--one or two who werecongregated at this spot. Mr. Palliser, who was behind her, could notsee them at all. But to Alice,--and to Mr. Grey, had he cared aboutit,--every face at the table was visible except the faces of thosewho were immediately close to them. Before long Alice's attentionwas riveted on the action and countenance of one young man who satat that other corner. He was leaning, at first listlessly, over thetable, dressed in a velveteen jacket, and with his round-topped hatbrought far over his eyes, so that she could not fully see his face.But she had hardly begun to observe him before he threw back hishat, and taking some pieces of gold from under his left hand, whichlay upon the table, pushed three or four of them on to one of thedivisions marked on the cloth. He seemed to show no care, as othersdid, as to the special spot which they should occupy. Many were veryparticular in this respect, placing their ventures on the lines, soas to share the fortunes of two compartments, or sometimes of four;or they divided their coins, taking three or four numbers, selectingthe numbers with almost grotesque attention to some imagined rule oftheir own. But this man let his gold go all together, and left itwhere his half-stretched rake deposited it by chance. Alice couldnot but look at his face. His eyes she could see were bloodshot, andhis hair, when he pushed back his hat, was rough and dishevelled;but still there was that in his face whic
h no woman could see andnot regard. It was a face which at once prepossessed her in hisfavour,--as it had always prepossessed all others. On this occasionhe had won his money, and Alice saw him drag it in as lazily as hehad pushed it out.

  "Do you see that little Frenchman?" said Lady Glencora. "He hasjust made half a napoleon, and has walked off with it. Isn't itinteresting? I could stay here all the night." Then she turned roundto whisper something to her husband, and Alice's eyes again fell onthe face of the man at the other end of the table. After he had wonhis money, he had allowed the game to go on for a turn without anyaction on his part. The gold again went under his hand, and helounged forward with his hat over his eyes. One of the croupiers hadsaid a word, as though calling his attention to the game, but hehad merely shaken his head. But when the fate of the next turn hadbeen decided, he again roused himself, and on this occasion, as faras Alice could see, pushed his whole stock forward with the rake.There was a little mass of gold, and, from his manner of placing it,all might see that he left its position to chance. One piece hadgot beyond its boundary, and the croupier pushed it back with somehalf-expressed inquiry as to his correctness. "All right," said avoice in English. Then Lady Glencora started and clutched Alice's armwith her hand. Mr. Palliser was explaining to Mr. Grey, behind them,something about German finance as connected with gambling-tables, anddid not hear the voice, or see his wife's motion. I need hardly tellthe reader that the gambler was Burgo Fitzgerald.

  But Lady Glencora said not a word,--not as yet. She looked forwardvery gently, but still with eager eyes, till she could just seethe face she knew so well. His hat was now pushed back, and hiscountenance had lost its listlessness. He watched narrowly the faceof the man as he told out the amount of the cards as they were dealt.He did not try to hide his anxiety, and when, after the telling ofsome six or seven cards, he heard a certain number named, and acertain colour called, he made some exclamation which even Glencoracould not hear. And then another croupier put down, close to Burgo'smoney, certain rolls of gold done up in paper, and also certain loosenapoleons.

  "Why doesn't he take it?" said Lady Glencora.

  "He is taking it," said Alice, not at all knowing the cause of hercousin's anxiety.

  Burgo had paused a moment, and then prepared to rake the money tohim; but as he did so, he changed his mind, and pushed it all backagain,--now, on this occasion, being very careful to place it on itsformer spot. Both Alice and Glencora could see that a man at hiselbow was dissuading him,--had even attempted to stop the arm whichheld the rake. But Burgo shook him off, speaking to him some wordroughly, and then again he steadied the rolls upon their appointedplace. The croupier who had paused for a moment now went on quicklywith his cards, and in two minutes the fate of Burgo's wealth wasdecided. It was all drawn back by the croupier's unimpassioned rake,and the rolls of gold were restored to the tray from whence they hadbeen taken.

  Burgo looked up and smiled at them all round the table. By thistime most of those who stood around were looking at him. He was aman who gathered eyes upon him wherever he might be, or whateverhe was doing; and it had been clear that he was very intent uponhis fortune, and on the last occasion the amount staked had beenconsiderable. He knew that men and women were looking at him, andtherefore he smiled faintly as he turned his eyes round the table.Then he got up, and, putting his hands in his trousers pockets,whistled as he walked away. His companion followed him, and laid ahand upon his shoulder; but Burgo shook him off, and would not turnround. He shook him off, and walked on whistling, the length of thewhole salon.

  "Alice," said Lady Glencora, "it is Burgo Fitzgerald." Mr. Palliserhad gone so deep into that question of German finance that he had notat all noticed the gambler. "Alice, what can we do for him? It isBurgo," said Lady Glencora.

  Many eyes were now watching him. Used as he was to the world and tomisfortune, he was not successful in his attempt to bear his losswith a show of indifference. The motion of his head, the position ofhis hands, the tone of his whistling, all told the tale. Even theunimpassioned croupiers furtively cast an eye after him, and a verybig Guard, in a cocked hat, and uniform, and sword, who hithertohad hardly been awake, seemed evidently to be interested by hismovements. If there is to be a tragedy at these places,--andtragedies will sometimes occur,--it is always as well that the tragicscene should be as far removed as possible from the salons, in orderthat the public eye should not suffer.

  Lady Glencora and Alice had left their places, and had shrunk back,almost behind a pillar. "Is it he, in truth?" Alice asked.

  "In very truth," said Glencora. "What can I do? Can I do anything?Look at him, Alice. If he were to destroy himself, what should I dothen?"

  Burgo, conscious that he was the regarded of all eyes, turned roundupon his heel and again walked the length of the salon. He knew wellthat he had not a franc left in his possession, but still he laughedand still he whistled. His companion, whoever he might be, had slunkaway from him, not caring to share the notoriety which now attendedhim.

  "What shall I do, Alice?" said Lady Glencora, with her eyes stillfixed on him who had been her lover.

  "Tell Mr. Palliser," whispered Alice.

  Lady Glencora immediately ran up to her husband, and took him awayfrom Mr. Grey. Rapidly she told her story,--with such rapidity that Mr.Palliser could hardly get in a word. "Do something for him;--do, do.Unless I know that something is done, I shall die. You needn't beafraid."

  "I'm not afraid," said Mr. Palliser.

  Lady Glencora, as she went on quickly, got hold of her husband'shand, and caressed it. "You are so good," said she. "Don't let himout of your sight. There; he is going. I will go home with Mr. Grey.I will be ever so good; I will, indeed. You know what he'll want, andfor my sake you'll let him have it. But don't let him gamble. If youcould only get him home to England, and then do something. You owehim something, Plantagenet; do you not?"

  "If money can do anything, he shall have it."

  "God bless you, dearest! I shall never see him again; but if youcould save him! There;--he is going now. Go;--go." She pushed himforward, and then retreating, put her arm within Mr. Grey's, stillkeeping her eye upon her husband.

  Burgo, when he first got to the door leading out of the salon,had paused a moment, and, turning round, had encountered the biggendarme close to him. "Well, old Buffer, what do you want?" saidhe, accosting the man in English. The big gendarme simply walked onthrough the door, and said nothing. Then Burgo also passed out, andMr. Palliser quickly went after him. They were now in the large frontsalon, from whence the chief door of the building opened out upon thesteps. Through this door Burgo went without pausing, and Mr. Palliserwent after him. They both walked to the end of the row of buildings,and then Burgo, leaving the broad way, turned into a little pathwhich led up through the trees to the hills. That hillside among thetrees is a popular resort at Baden, during the day; but now, at ninein the evening, it was deserted. Palliser did not press on the otherman, but followed him, and did not accost Burgo till he had thrownhimself on the grass beneath a tree.

  "You are in trouble, I fear, Mr. Fitzgerald," said Mr. Palliser, assoon as he was close at Burgo's feet.

  "We will go home. Mr. Palliser has something to do," said LadyGlencora to Mr. Grey, as soon as the two men had disappeared from hersight.

  "Is that a friend of Mr. Palliser?" said Mr. Grey.

  "Yes;--that is, he knows him, and is interested about him. Alice,shall we go home? Oh! Mr. Grey, you must not ask any questions.He,--Mr. Palliser, will tell you everything when he sees you,--thatis, if there is anything to be told." Then they all went home, andsoon separated for the night. "Of course I shall sit up for him,"said Lady Glencora to Alice, "but I will do it in my own room. Youcan tell Mr. Grey, if you like." But Alice told nothing to Mr. Grey,nor did Mr. Grey ask any questions.