The Choice
Page 32
My friends and healers: Gloria Lavis; Sylvia Wechter and Edy Schroder, my treasured fellow Musketeers; Lisa Kelty; Wendy Walker; Flora Sullivan; Katrine Gilcrest, mother of nine, who calls me Mom, whom I can count on day and night; Dory Bitry, Shirley Godwin, and Jeremy and Inette Forbs, with whom I can talk so openly about the ages and stages of our lives and how to make the best out of what we have as we age; my doctors, Sabina Wallach and Scott McCaul; my acupuncturist, Bambi Merryweather; Marcella Grell, my companion and friend who has taken exceptional care of me and my home for the last sixteen years and who always tells me what she thinks right out.
Béla. Life mate. Soul mate. Father of my children. Loving, committed partner who risked it all to build a new life with me in America. You used to say, when I was consulting for the military and we traveled Europe together, “Edie works, and I eat.” Béla, it was our rich life together that was the true feast. I love you.
All of my love and gratitude to my children: my son, John Eger, who has taught me how not to be a victim and who has never given up the fight for people living with disabilities; my daughters, Marianne Engle and Audrey Thompson, who have offered me unceasing moral support and loving comfort during the many months of writing, and who understood, perhaps before I did, that it would be more difficult for me to relive the past than it was to survive Auschwitz. In Auschwitz, I could think only about my survival needs; to write this book required that I feel all of the feelings. I couldn’t have taken the risk without your strength and love.
And thank you to my children’s and grandchildren’s beautiful spouses and life partners, the people who keep adding branches to the family tree: Rob Engle, Dale Thompson, Lourdes, Justin Richland, John Williamson, and Illynger Engle.
My nephew Richard Eger—my Dickie-boy—and his wife, Byrne, thank you for being true relatives, for watching over me and my health and celebrating holidays together.
When our first grandchild was born Béla said, “Three generations—that’s the best revenge to Hitler.” Now we are four! Thank you to the next generation, to Silas, Graham, and Hale. Every time I hear you call me GG Dicu my heart goes pitter-patter.
Eugene Cook, my dancing partner and soul mate, a gentle man and a gentleman. Thank you for reminding me that love isn’t what we feel—it’s what we do. You’re there for me always, every step and every word. Let’s keep dancing the boogie-woogie as long as we’re able.
Finally, the people who word by word and page by page helped me bring this book into being, a collaboration that from the beginning has felt meant to be:
The talented Nan Graham and Roz Lippel and their able staff at Scribner. How lucky I am to have been sent the most qualified editors with hearts as brilliant as their minds. Your editorial wisdom, persistence, and human compassion helped this book become what I always hoped it could be: an instrument of healing.
Esmé Schwall Weigand, my cowriter—you didn’t just find the words. You became me. Thank you for being my ophthalmologist, for your ability to see my healing journey from so many different perspectives.
Doug Abrams, world-class agent and world’s truest mensch, thank you for being a person with the backbone and character and soul to commit himself to make the world a better place. Your presence on the planet is an absolute gift.
To all: In my ninety years of life I have never felt so blessed and grateful—or so young! Thank you.
A Scribner Reading Group Guide
The Choice: Embrace the Possible
Dr. Edith Eva Eger
This reading group guide for The Choice includes an introduction, discussion questions, and ideas for enhancing your book club. The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for your discussion. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book.
Introduction
The Choice is a powerful, moving memoir—and a practical guide to healing—written by Dr. Edith Eva Eger, an eminent psychologist whose own experiences as a Holocaust survivor help her treat patients and guide them toward freedom from trauma, grief, and fear. One of the few living Holocaust survivors to remember the horrors of the camps, Edie has chosen to forgive her captors and find joy in her life every day. The Choice weaves Eger’s personal story with case studies from her work as a psychologist. Her patients and their stories illustrate different phases of healing and show how people can choose to escape the prisons they construct in their minds and find freedom, regardless of circumstance. Eger’s story is an inspiration for everyone.
Topics and Questions for Discussion
1. Dr. Eger defines trauma as “a nearly constant feeling in my gut that something is wrong, or that something terrible is about to happen, the automatic fear responses in my body telling me to run away, to take cover, to hide myself from the danger that is everywhere” (pages 5–6). After reading Dr. Eger’s memoir, do you find this to be an accurate, complete definition? Why or why not? If not, how would you define trauma?
2. In the beginning of the book, Dr. Eger asserts that there is no hierarchy of suffering, a statement she maintains after sharing her story of barely surviving the Holocaust. Do you agree? How does Dr. Eger demonstrate this belief throughout the book? How does she put her own suffering on the same level as that of her patients?
3. On page 18, Dr. Eger writes, “Maybe every childhood is the terrain on which we try to pinpoint how much we matter and how much we don’t, a map where we study the dimensions and the borders of our worth.” How does Dr. Eger’s childhood exemplify this statement? How does your own childhood prove or disprove this statement?
4. Before being taken from her home and imprisoned in an internment camp, Dr. Eger entrusted a beloved photograph of herself to a friend. She said she had no premonition of what was to come, but felt a need to preserve evidence of her life. How important do you think that photograph was in Dr. Eger’s healing process? In what ways do you preserve evidence of your life?
5. After arriving at Auschwitz, Dr. Josef Mengele forces Dr. Eger to dance for him to “The Blue Danube.” Discuss the power and residual effect of this moment on Edie’s life.
6. Several times throughout the book, Dr. Eger offers instances in which SS officers were kind to her and helped save her life—notably on pages 49 and 57. Why do you think she shares these positive glimpses of generally cruel treatment? How do they shape your understanding of her experience in the camps?
7. So often when we learn about the Holocaust—in fiction, nonfiction, movies, museums—the focus is on the horrors of the internment camps. Rarely do we hear about the aftermath as ravaged families and traumatized victims tried to rebuild their lives in a climate that remained anti-Semitic and hostile, even in America. What did you learn from Dr. Eger’s memories of life after liberation? What was surprising to you?
8. How does Dr. Eger’s relationship with Eric compare to her relationship with Béla? How was each relationship uniquely essential for her survival? What needs did each relationship fulfill?
9. What roles do fear and shame play in Dr. Eger’s life, both past and present? How does she describe the constant presence of shame and fear? How do these emotions contour her life after liberation? As a psychologist, how does Dr. Eger recommend dealing with fear? With shame?
10. Why do you think Dr. Eger feels she is protecting her children by hiding her past from them? What might you have done in her situation?
11. On page 135, Dr. Eger writes that she objects to classifying post-traumatic stress as a disorder. She says, “It’s not a disordered reaction to trauma—it’s a common and natural one.” Do you agree? Does that change the way in which you view people suffering from PTSD?
12. What do you make of the casual way in which Béla would often reference the war and his wife’s standing as a survivor? Why do you think he is able to be more cavalier about their past?
13. Discuss the concept of “learned helpl
essness,” which Dr. Eger describes on page 170. Where do you see learned helplessness in the book and in the world around you?
14. Dr. Eger describes her education and training as a psychologist and her work with patients. How does her education and work in healing others help her with her own steps to healing?
15. In the second half of the book, Dr. Eger offers anecdotes from different patients with whom she has worked. Discuss the various patients’ stories—the young girl struggling with anorexia, the man struggling with severe rage after his wife cheats on him, the couple seeking therapy to deal with a drinking problem, the woman traumatized by rape—and the lessons each has to offer.
16. The Choice is full of powerful and profound moments of healing, for example when Dr. Eger stands outside Hitler’s home and yells that she has chosen to forgive him, or when she chooses to forgive herself for inadvertently sending her mother to the gas chambers by identifying her as “mother,” not “sister.” These choices have enabled her to move forward and help others. Which moments resonated most with you?
17. Throughout the book, Dr. Eger provides a wealth of sage advice. What was most helpful to you, personally?
Enhance Your Book Club
1. Watch The Red Shoes, the movie that greatly impacted Dr. Eger after she and Béla saw the film in 1950. Did watching the movie help you understand Dr. Eger’s reaction to the film as well as her connection to dance?
2. Read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. Compare and contrast his testimony and his theories about human freedom and choice with Dr. Eger’s.
3. Compare Dr. Eger’s memories of the Holocaust with widely read accounts such as Elie Wiesel’s Night or Anne Frank’s The Diary of a Young Girl.
4. When meeting with your book club, ask everyone to prepare a traditional Hungarian dish like the meals Dr. Eger describes in The Choice. Enjoy the taste of Dr. Eger’s homeland as you learn more about its past.
About the Author
© JORDAN ENGLE
A native of Hungary, Dr. Edith Eva Eger was just a young teenager when she and her family were sent to Auschwitz, the heinous Nazi death camp, in 1944. Her parents lost their lives there. Today, at age ninety, Dr. Eger maintains a busy clinical psychology practice in La Jolla, California, holds a faculty appointment at the University of California, San Diego, and regularly gives lectures around the country and abroad, also serving as a consultant for the U.S. Army and Navy in resiliency training and the treatment of PTSD. She has appeared on numerous television programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show and a CNN special commemorating the seventieth anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, and was the primary subject of a Holocaust documentary that appeared on Dutch National Television. Dr. Eger was named Psychology Teacher of the Year in 1972, Woman of the Year in El Paso in 1987, and earned a California State Senate Humanitarian Award in 1992. Dr. Eger gave the International Conference of Logotherapy keynote address at Viktor Frankl’s ninetieth birthday celebration. This is her first book.
MEET THE AUTHORS, WATCH VIDEOS AND MORE AT
SimonandSchuster.com
Authors.SimonandSchuster.com/Edith-Eva-Eger
We hope you enjoyed reading this Simon & Schuster ebook.
* * *
Get a FREE ebook when you join our mailing list. Plus, get updates on new releases, deals, recommended reads, and more from Simon & Schuster. Click below to sign up and see terms and conditions.
CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP
Already a subscriber? Provide your email again so we can register this ebook and send you more of what you like to read. You will continue to receive exclusive offers in your inbox.
Index
A note about the index: The pages referenced in this index refer to the page numbers in the print edition. Clicking on a page number will take you to the ebook location that corresponds to the beginning of that page in the print edition. For a comprehensive list of locations of any word or phrase, use your reading system’s search function.
anorexia (eating disorder) treatment, 182–90
anti-Semitism, 19, 74, 98
Arab-Israeli War, 122
Arpad (friend), 166–67, 174
Auschwitz concentration camp, Poland, 34–49
arrival at, 34–35
barracks at, 39
Béla’s mother’s death in, 98
blood donations for wounded German soldiers in, 50
“Blue Danube” dance performance for Mengele in, 39–41, 161
calling on memories of mother during, 43, 45
connection between Edith and Magda during, 37–39, 41, 47, 48, 205
Edith’s first pregnancy and memories of, 107–8
Edith’s later return to, 220, 221–33, 251, 268, 269
fantasies of Eric in, 44–45, 47, 59, 63
first day with head shaving and waiting for uniforms at, 37–39
flashbacks to, 135, 204, 237, 272
food fantasies and desires during, 41–42
Frankl’s experiences in, 161
Horthy’s hold on deportation of Jews to, 47
inner strength of prisoners and hope for survival in, 43–45, 135
kapos (prisoner administrators) at, 35–36, 37, 39, 44, 68, 156
keeping in line with Magda in, 48
kindness of guard at, 48
later memories of, 6
liberation of, 49
line for tattooing in, 47–48
orchestra at, 34, 39
rules of survival at, 41–43
separation from mother upon arrival at, 35–36, 37
sharing of bread at, 41, 64
total number of dead at, 228–29
train transport with Magda to thread factory work, 48–49
Australia, Klara’s move to, 105–6, 121, 123, 137
ballet
childhood training in, 16, 18, 21, 37, 139, 159, 187
dancing for life and, 40
Mengele’s viewing of routine from, 39–41
message about “ecstasy in life” in, 16, 37, 159
Baltimore
Béla’s first job in, 137, 140
Edith’s clothing factory work in, 133, 135
Edith’s job moves in, 142
Edith’s struggles in adjusting to life in, 134–35, 136, 137–38, 142
first apartment in, 138
lack of job prospects in, 144, 145
life with Béla’s brother in, 133–34, 137–38
Magda’s move to, 142–43
move to El Paso from, 145
Bartók, Béla, 27
Berchtesgaden, Germany, visit to, 207–20
arrival at hotel for, 209–10
background on audience for training during, 207–8
daughter’s advice on visit to, 203, 204
Edith’s keynote address during, 211–12
Edith’s thoughts about her legacy from war experiences and, 205–6
invitation to address military chaplains at, 201, 207
train trip to, 208–9
visit to Hitler’s old residence during, 210–11, 212
Bricha, 111–12, 115, 122, 123
calamity theory of growth, 173–74
catatonia, 3–5, 195
Chamberlain, Neville, 207
Choice Therapy, 173
Communists, in Czechoslovakia
Béla’s arrest by, 115–19
Béla’s relationship with, 109, 110, 111
immigration and need to escape from, 105, 111, 117, 119
roster of permissible baby names kept by, 108
concentration camps. See also Auschwitz concentration camp; Gunskirchen Lager concentration camp; Mauthausen concentration camp
connection between Edith and Magda in, 37–39, 41, 47, 48, 51, 52, 53–54, 67, 69, 106, 107, 205
control, in eating disorders, 184–85
Czechoslovakia
Communist in, 105, 108, 109, 110, 111, 115, 117–18, 119
Hungarian Jewish minority in, 19–20
Nazi policy against Jews in, 27
return of Košice to, 85
dance
“Blue Danube” performance for Mengele, 39–41, 161
childhood ballet training and, 16, 18, 21, 37, 139, 159, 187
granddaughter’s classes in, 190
learning music and dances from American soldiers during recovery, 77–78, 79
postwar recovery in Košice and, 97
The Red Shoes movie on, 138–40, 162
social dancing with Béla, 159, 163
danger, sense of
repeated encounters with an event reinforcing, 257–58
Death March to Gunskirchen, 64–65, 80, 135
depression, 95, 179, 218, 245
as common diagnosis, 7
grief work to diminish, 257, 258
as reaction to past, 6
displaced persons camps, 80
Eagle’s Nest (Berghof), Hitler’s residence at, 207, 210–11, 212
eating disorder treatment, 182–90
Eger, Albert, 112, 145
Eger, Audrey (daughter)
birth of, 143–44
family life in El Paso and, 146, 147, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 158, 159, 165
move to El Paso and, 145
parents’ divorce and, 157, 167
Eger, Barbara, 148, 149
Eger, Béla (husband)
accountant job and studies of, 142, 144, 149, 151
American immigration papers secured by, 112–13, 116, 145
arrival in New York City and, 129–31
birth of second child and, 143