Behind the Robe

by Barbara Sattler

  Mary buzzes, “Anne Levy on line #1”.

  “Hi, Anne.”

  “Judge, I thought you might be interested in what happened with Meghan?”

  “She’s okay, isn’t she?”

  “Yes, fine. I took her to the abortion clinic. Pretty dismal place. Dark. Old furniture. A young woman crying. Meghan’s more used to high-end places. While the nurse was explaining the procedure she freaked out. Said she wanted to leave.”

  “What happened?”

  “She began to sob. Asked for a ride to a friend’s house. I hated to leave her in that condition, but there’s only so much I can do. I didn’t hear from her again until yesterday. Long story short she’s gone back to her parents’ house. They told her they loved her and would support whatever decision she makes, keep the baby, put it up for adoption or have the abortion.” Anne coughs.

  “You okay?”

  “Just allergies. She’s still not sure what she wants, but she’s with her folks.”

  “Has that happened before?”

  “I haven’t represented that many girls who wanted an abortion, but no. Every other one got the abortion as far as I know.”

  Lourdes wonders if Carlos would feel differently if she told him the girl never got an abortion. Probably not. It didn’t change her ruling.

  “I’d like to get together for lunch.”

  “Great.” They settle on a date.

  Lourdes’ mother calls her every night. A new habit. Lourdes realizes she’s worried about her, but last night’s conversation was about Steve. “I’m so excited we met Maricela. I never thought he’d be with a Hispanic woman. I know Lourdes, Latina, but I forget.”

  “Mom, you don’t know if they’ll wind up together. Lots of couples break-up at their age.”

  “Your Tia Gloria and I discussed it yesterday. We both think they’re going to get married.”

  And that was that. Lourdes hoped they were right, but she was a tad irritated when her mom added, “And I’m going to be a grandmother.” She could’ve said she liked Maricela without bringing up her grandma obsession.

  Becca knocks on her door around 4:30 p.m. The jurors want to go home. Lourdes tells Becca to call both counsel.

  Both lawyers arrive in a few minutes and Lourdes calls the jurors back to the courtroom.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, you are to reconvene here tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m. Please remember you are not to discuss the case with anyone including your family. Don’t do any research. It’s unlikely this case will be in the paper, but don’t read it just in case. Drive safely. See you tomorrow.”

  Lourdes and Bev had agreed to meet at Pastiche, a quiet bistro in midtown at 5:30 p.m. Lourdes texts Carlos, Dinner with Bev. Home late, even though he never tells his plans. He probably wouldn’t realize Bev is a judge friend. Bev’s there, a glass of wine in her hand when Lourdes arrives. Lourdes orders a glass of Pinot Grigio and they agree on an appetizer of fried calamari. Both are presiding over trials. “Mine’s a possession case. The jury’s out,” Lourdes says. “The drugs were found in her bra so she couldn’t say they weren’t hers.”

  “Don’t be so sure. When you’ve been a judge as long as I have, you’ll hear everything.”

  “What’s your case?” Lourdes asks.

  “Mine’s fascinating. The charge is Conspiracy to Commit First Degree Murder. The defendant, Mike, had bragged in bars around town he was available for hire as a hitman. One night he was in one of those bars and met Nick, an undercover cop posing as a Mafia type. Nick complained about a guy, Joe, who owed him ‘a shitload’ of money. Nick said he’d pay $5000 to get rid of him. “Make Joe an example.”

  Nick agreed to kill him.

  “The defendant agreed to kill a fictional person?” asks Lourdes.

  “Yes, Mike went to the hotel where Joe was supposedly staying. He took the elevator to his room on the third floor. He never got out of the elevator and returned down to the first floor. Mike was arrested in the parking lot of the hotel as he got in his car. He had a knife, duct tape and a garbage bag on him.”

  “That sounds like a law school exam.”

  “I know. The defense filed a motion to dismiss based on the theory the conspiracy couldn’t be proven as Joe didn’t exist. My law clerk’s researching it.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  They chat a while longer about Bev’s case. After she drinks half a glass of wine, Lourdes begins to unwind.

  “It’s been a horrible week. One of the Drug Court clients, a young man, committed suicide.”

  “God, that’s a bitch. What was he using?”

  “Started with opiates and went on to use heroin when he couldn’t afford pills.”

  “Not meth?”

  “We still get meth users, but very few. It’s opiates and heroin.”

  “You ladies ready to order?”

  Lourdes choses the steak salad and Bev a burger. Both decline another drink.

  “I could sure use another,” Bev says after the waiter leaves. “But best wait till I get home.”

  “We of all people should know when to stop.”

  “I need to stop with food as well,” Bev says as she eats the last piece of calamari. “I’d like to meet your husband.”

  “Me too,” Lourdes says.

  Bev looks at her quizzically.

  “Things aren’t going so well with us right now.”

  “I’m a good listener if you want to talk.”

  “I’m embarrassed. I don’t want you to think less of me.”

  “I’ve been married twice. Not getting along isn’t something I’d hold against anyone.”

  “I can’t even explain what happened. We didn’t have a big blow up. Well, we did, but it started before that. Things haven’t been okay since Carlos got home from Afghanistan. He has PTSD.”

  “I didn’t even know he was in the military. Army, Marines?”

  “Army. He joined up after 9/11. Because some of his friends did. I was getting ready to start law school. He’d graduated college and was drifting.”

  “How many times did he deploy?”

  “Only once, but that was enough.”

  “I don’t know much about PTSD other than the little I’ve read. I’ve had some veterans in my court that used or tried to use PTSD as a defense. Very sad cases.”

  “I want him to get counseling, but he denies having a problem. He doesn’t sleep well, drinks too much, has nightmares. He’s going through a bad time. He appealed his bad paper and lost.”

  “Bad paper?”

  “When you receive a less than honorable discharge, they call it bad paper. You can lose your VA benefits, including health care depending on what level your discharge was. Also some employers discriminate against people who have less than honorable discharges.”

  “If you don’t mind telling me, how come Carlos didn’t get an honorable discharge?”

  “He got into a fight shortly before he was going to be discharged.”

  “Serious?”

  “No, just bruises.”

  Bev didn’t respond.

  “Carlos isn’t a violent guy. I’ve known him since high school and he’s never had a fight before. The other guy only got a reprimand. They were the same rank.” She looks at Bev defiantly. “The other guy was Anglo.”

  THIRTY-FIVE

  We the jury duly impaneled and sworn in the above entitled cause do find, Diana Baker, GUILTY of Possession of Illegal drugs.

  The jury deliberated five hours which Lourdes considers a victory for the defense. No one is surprised by the verdict except maybe Diana.

  The prosecutor makes a half-hearted motion to have her taken into custody pending sentencing, but Lourdes denies it, allows her to remain free till sentencing on the condition she attends drug
counseling, drug tests twice a week, and reports to pretrial services. Pretrial will help her find counseling and monitor her. Lourdes plans to sentence Diana to probation and Drug Court assuming she follows her conditions.

  Lourdes is drafting an opinion, on a defense motion to dismiss for lack of probable cause, on a case she heard last week, when she hears Jack talking to Mary.

  “Hi, Jack, come on in.”

  “You busy?”

  “Nothing that can’t wait. What’s up?”

  “Molly’s in trouble. She’s acting erratic. There’s no doubt in my mind she’s drinking.”

  “Jack, can I ask you something?”

  “Depends. Will you hold me in contempt if I don’t answer?”

  Lourdes laughs. “Why are you so concerned about Molly? You’re a nice guy, but your concern is beyond nice.”

  Jack says nothing for a few moments. Closes his eyes. Lourdes is about to tell him to forget it. “I adore Molly. I didn’t want to end it with her, but I had to. I couldn’t stay with her knowing she was screwing another guy behind my back.”

  “Did you ever try to get back with her?”

  “At first, I was too angry. She’d started drinking more after we broke up. I was glad when she started AA, but I wanted her to be sober for a while before I tried to see her. About the time I thought she could handle a relationship she started hanging out with that Jared jerk.”

  Lourdes agreed about Jared, but kept silent.

  “Now she’s drinking again. I’m an alcoholic. I can’t be with someone who has a drinking problem.”

  “You’ve been clean, what, six, seven years?”

  “Seven, but that’s no guarantee I can stay clean. One drink is all it would take. My sobriety is more important than anything.”

  “I guess we both love Molly, but sometimes. . .”

  “Sometimes you want to kill her. Don’t say a word to Molly about me talking to you.”

  “Of course not.”

  “I had better go. I have a new client scheduled to come in.”

  Lourdes always knew Jack cared for Molly. She’s surprised he admitted it. Molly hadn’t wanted the break-up, but she’d cheated on him. Jack was a solid guy who cared for Molly, but that hadn’t been enough.

  Lourdes goes back to drafting the opinion. One of her least favorite tasks. With some angst she decides to grant the defense motion. Another pro-defense decision. She’s nearly done when Mary buzzes, “Molly, Line 1.”

  “Hey. . .Molly. . . What? . . . I can’t hear you.”

  “I need to talk,” Molly sobs.

  “Are you okay”

  “No.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “. . .It’s Jared. . .(more sobbing). We’re . … We’re done.”

  “Molly, have you been drinking?”

  “No, is that all you care about? My whole life’s going to shit.”

  “When did you want to get together?”

  “Now.”

  “I’m at work. You should be too.”

  “I took the day off.”

  “Well, I didn’t. I can’t meet you till 5:30 p.m.”

  “Okay, come over here. I don’t want to go to your house. I can’t talk if Carlos is there.” Lourdes doubts he’ll be there, but says nothing.

  Lourdes hates to see Molly upset, but she’s glad they broke up. She doesn’t trust Jared. He isn’t good for her. Molly’s probably drinking. Why can’t she be more independent?

  Lourdes needs to figure out what to do about Carlos. He comes and goes while she clings to the fantasy of their old life. Should she text him? If she doesn’t tell him where she’s going he’ll probably accuse her of cheating. If she does tell him, he’ll yell about Molly being more important than him. Truth is her best option.

  At 4:30 p.m. she gives up. She’s not getting her work done. She calls a pizza place near Molly’s, orders a large salad and a pepperoni pizza. She texts Carlos. Molly in crisis. Be home late.

  Even with the stop at the restaurant she arrives at Molly’s close to five. Rings the bell. “It’s me, Molly.” Toby barks excitedly.

  “I’ll be there in a minute.” Lourdes can hear the clinking of glasses or bottles. Several minutes pass. Molly comes to the door wearing a ratty bathrobe and flip-flops. Her hair is lank and dirty-looking. Her eyes are swollen. At first Lourdes thinks she has a black eye, but it’s only smeared eye make-up.

  “Hi, Toby,” Lourdes says as the dog walks over to her holding a toy in her mouth. Lourdes grabs the toy, throws it. Toby doesn’t move.

  “Thanks for coming. Sorry I was bitchy. Pizza, great. I haven’t eaten all day.”

  Lourdes puts the food she brought on the table and Molly gets dishes and napkins. “I’ll get some drinks.”

  “No, I’ll do it,” Molly says. She goes to the fridge and pulls out two cans of Coke.

  Molly digs in like she hasn’t eaten for days. She looks even thinner than the last time they were together. Toby hovers by the table, a begging look on her face.

  “Has Toby eaten?”

  “Shit, shit, shit. It’s past time.” Molly grabs a bowl and walks over to the pantry. She measures out the dog food and Toby devours it.

  By the time Molly has eaten half the pizza and some salad she perks up. “Give me a minute,” she says and goes into the bedroom. Toby follows her and whines when she closes the door.

  “Good girl, come here,” Lourdes says. Toby does.

  A few minutes later Molly comes out, her face washed, changed into jeans and a t-shirt.

  “So are you ready to talk?”

  “Yeah. We’ve been fighting since that day I stopped at your house. Jared accused me of seeing someone. I denied it. He started to follow me. I didn’t go to AA. He would’ve found out.”

  “Would that have been horrible?”

  “Yes, he wouldn’t have understood.”

  Lourdes isn’t sure what to say. She waits for Molly to continue.

  “A couple days ago I had to go to the jail to see a client. The prosecutor offered a decent plea, but it was only open for 24 hours. The jail was on lockdown so I went home. I had a date with Jared that night. Told him I had to go to the jail. He didn’t believe me. He cussed at me. Called me a lying slut. I thought he was going to hit me. Toby started growling at him.” Toby hears her name, the hero wags her tail.

  “Good job, Toby,” Lourdes says.

  “I told him to get the hell out. Half the stuff, most of the stuff, he told me were lies. His project wasn’t going anywhere. I loaned him some money. I’ll never get it back. He’s such an asshole.”

  “I hope it wasn’t too much money.”

  “More than I can afford to lose. I’m so stupid.”

  “No, you’re not. Do you think he’ll stay away?”

  “I don’t know. I have some of his stuff.”

  “Have you thought about getting a protective order? Following you and cussing should be enough.”

  “I’d rather not. I don’t want the judges knowing my business.”

  “They have to keep it confidential.”

  “Come on, Lourdes, don’t be naive. Maybe you would, but no one else.” Lourdes doesn’t agree, but doesn’t want to argue.

  “You could send him his stuff or meet him at a public place. If you do, make sure to take someone with you.” Lourdes wonders if she should offer to help.

  “I don’t know. The only reason he might come around is to get the last word. Make sure it’s clear he’s leaving me.”

  Lourdes wants to bring up drinking, but doesn’t want Molly to yell at her. Why else had it taken Molly so long to answer the door? She must have been cleaning up. Hiding wine bottles. Why else would she try to keep Lourdes from opening her fridge? Molly seems to read her mind.

  “Lourdes, I know you think I’ve bee
n drinking, but I haven’t. Since I got back in AA I’ve been sober.”

  “Glad to hear it.” She checks her phone for the time. “I need to get home. Are you okay?”

  “I’ll be fine when I get some sleep.”

  “You can stay at my place if you want.” So what if Carlos is pissed. It’s her house, too.

  “Thanks, I’ll be okay here.”

  Lourdes wonder if Carlos will be angry or gone when she gets home. She doesn’t know which she wants. The two of them have to talk. But they’ll probably wind up arguing.

  THIRTY-SIX

  Lourdes walks into the house. Carlos is watching baseball and drinking a beer. He doesn’t realize she’s there. She looks at his face and sees the guy she’s been in love with since she was a girl.

  “Carlos,” she says softly.

  He turns and looks at her. “What’d you want?”

  Lourdes feels defeated. A moment earlier, she had a vision of the old Carlos, a vision that only existed in her head. “We need to talk. Things can’t go on like this.”

  “You’ve changed since you became a judge. I feel like I don’t know you anymore.”

  “You’re the one who’s changed. And you’re the one who pushed me to be a judge.”

  “I didn’t know you’d help young girls kill their babies.”

  They’d grown so far apart. “I can’t change my abortion ruling, but she didn’t go through with it. At least for now. What I ruled was the right thing to do. People have strong feelings about abortion. My job is to follow the law and that’s what I did. If the law outlawed abortion, I’d follow that.”

  “Why did she change her mind?”

  “Her lawyer took her to the clinic and when they started explaining the procedure she got all upset and left.”

  “How do you know she didn’t go back?”

  “She reconciled with her parents who are supporting her in whatever she does. I don’t know for sure she won’t change her mind again, but she doesn’t have that much more time left or it won’t be legal.”

  “I guess the young girl was smarter than you.”

  “I didn’t force her to have an abortion. She asked for it. Do you think turning your family against me was right? Your dad called my work and screamed at me.”