Shade

by Jamie Begley

  Lily shook her head. “I have to finish school.”

  “You will. Beth talked to your school and arranged for a medical emergency so you can complete your coursework on the computer.”

  “But why can’t I go back to school?”

  “Lily, someone tried to run you over with a car and then tried to break into your house. We feel it’s safer to keep you where we can watch who you come into contact with.” Shade knew she didn’t remember the events, but if he was going to convince her to stay, she had to have the information.

  “I can stay at my house,” Lily said before picking up her toast and nibbling on it.

  “That won’t work with Beth’s work schedule. We need to figure out who tried to harm you twice.”

  “I just can’t stay cooped up in your room,” she argued.

  “You won’t. You can go back to work at the factory and finish your classes,” Shade replied reasonably.

  “I don’t want to stay here at the club,” Lily protested.

  “A few weeks won’t hurt you, Lily. By then, we may have some idea who is after you, and it will give you some time to figure out why you forgot the last few days.”

  Lily looked away from him. “Do you know what caused me to have the episode?”

  “Yes. Actually, it was Diamond who figured it out. Do you want to know?”

  “No.” Lily got to her feet. “Where are my clothes? I want to get dressed. Do you mind if I use your shower? I could use the one in the other bathroom; it doesn’t look as complicated.”

  Shade twisted his lips at her attempt of humor. “Use mine. I think you can figure it out.”

  “All right.”

  Shade opened one side of his closet, showing her the clothes he had brought for her from her house.

  Lily took a step back. “Those are the clothes I boxed up to give the church. I bought new clothes. I was going to buy some more.”

  Lily tried to turn her face away but Shade caught her jaw in his tight grip, making her look him in the eyes.

  “Those new rags you bought are the ones being donated. They look like what someone would wear to a funeral—all black, brown, and grey. Since I’ve known you, you’ve worn dresses with every color under the rainbow. Why have you suddenly stopped wearing color?”

  “I don’t know,” Lily said, her eyes clouded over with confusion.

  “Yes, Lily, you do. There are some things I’ll let you hide from me for a while longer; others, I won’t,” he said implacably.

  Lily stiffened, trying to turn away from his firm grip.

  “Why the dark colors?”

  She mutinously refused to answer his question.

  “We’ll stand here all day until you answer me.”

  Lily didn’t answer as her hand went to her wrist to snap at the red band. Shade already knew what she would find. It was gone. He had taken it while she was still sleeping.

  Her eyes widened when she found it gone. He wouldn’t let her look at her wrist, though; his hand was still on her jaw, forcing her to maintain eye contact with him.

  “I took it.” At her look of horror, he spoke before she could. “I’ll give it back on two conditions.”

  “What are they?” Did she know how desperate she sounded? Her red wrist showed how much she had come to depend on that band which could do nothing except inflict pain.

  “You have to tell me about your clothes and secondly, every time you snap it, you have to tell me why if I’m there. If I’m not, then you have to write it down in a small book I’ll give you. Each and every time,” Shade stated his conditions firmly.

  “All right.”

  Shade dropped his hand to his side.

  Taking a step back, he demanded, “Tell me about the clothes.”

  Lily licked her lips. “I don’t know how to explain it. When I wore my dresses, the colors made me feel happy. I would choose the color some days because it matched the sky or the sun or was the color of a flower I saw.” She shrugged, seeming embarrassed by her confession.

  Shade wasn’t surprised. He had noticed the color of her dresses often matched her mood. She would always wear yellow or blue on sunny days, red if she was grumpy, and purple if she was content.

  “The new dresses?”

  “I don’t know. I just guess … I don’t know. The color is … I—”

  “Do you feel sad?” he probed.

  “Yes, but not like depressed sad, like someone died.”

  Shade nodded his head, catching her eyes with his. “Who do you feel like you lost, Lily?”

  “Beth.” A lone tear slid down her cheek.

  “Anyone else?”

  “Razer.” Another tear joined the first.

  “Who else, Lily?”

  Lily remained quiet.

  “Who else, Lily?” Shade’s voice became firmer. He needed to know if he mattered to her. It wouldn’t change what he was going to do, but he needed to know if he was making any headway with her at all.

  “You,” she whispered.

  “Why do you think you lost me?” His voice went taut.

  “I don’t know. You were my friend. Then I saw you with Evie and Rider, and I knew that”—Lily took a shuddering breath—“I don’t know you.”

  His thumb traced over her high cheekbone. “You know me, and you sure as fuck haven’t lost me, even though I know you want to.

  “Go take a shower then change into your workout clothes. I’ll lay them out for you while you’re in the shower. I’ll meet you in the gym.”

  “Okay.” Lily moved away. She seemed too relieved his questions were over, missing the brief expression that passed over his face.

  He had gained a tiny portion of her trust, and Lily had taken it away much easier than he had earned it. Her trust in him was fragile and until it grew into something stronger, he would remain teetering on the cutting edge of a sword, precariously close to losing her permanently.

  Chapter 49

  “Today, I just want you to stretch then work on your weight training.”

  “Okay.” Lily warmed up then moved over to where the weights sat.

  Shade handed her some weights. “From now on, when you feel uncomfortable trying something or you get scared, I want you to say a word that lets me know you’re getting scared and want me to stop.”

  “All right. What’s the word?”

  “You make one up. That way, you’ll remember it better.”

  “Blueberries.”

  “Blueberries?”

  “Yeah, I like blueberries. Even saying it makes me happy.” She smiled at him.

  “Christ.” Shade returned to work on his own weights.

  “What’s wrong with blueberries?” Lily asked curiously with innocence shining in her eyes. It made him feel guilty for wanting to fuck her.

  “Nothing,” Shade stated, his jaw clenched. Other than it’s a word a kid would use.

  Why couldn’t she have picked a word which reminded him she was a grown woman? Red would have been good. He would have even taken strawberry. He could have worked with strawberry; it was sexy. Blueberries reminded him of when his dad would take him to pick them in the summer, making him imagine Lily picking them. It was a boner-kill. The more he thought about it, blueberries was the perfect safe word for her.

  “Then why are you frowning?”

  “I don’t know. Most women would pick a color or an object, not a fruit.”

  Lily continued lifting her weights. “I can pick a color. I like pink.”

  “Lily, blueberries is fine,” he snapped. It went from bad to worse. He would have seriously doubted Lily’s maturity if he wasn’t staring at her breasts as she lifted the weights.

  “Why are you getting angry?”

  “I’m not getting mad; you’re just distracting me.”

  “Oh.” Lily lifted the weight again. “I like baby blue.”

  Shade stopped and glared at her. “If you don’t quit bugging me, you’re going to be using your safe word in the next sixty seconds.”
He was going to prove to himself she wasn’t a kid if she didn’t shut up.

  She did, though.

  “You finish up while I get showered and changed,” Shade told her after he was done with his workout, going to his room.

  He took a shower long enough to remind his hard cock it wouldn’t be getting any for a while before getting dressed in faded jeans, boots, and a black T-shirt with his dark hair still wet. After he went to the closet he had placed Lily’s clothes in, laying his choice on the bed, he returned to the gym to find her still cooling down.

  “Get showered. I laid out another outfit for you.”

  She threw him an angry glance over her shoulder as she left the room to go take her shower. Shade couldn’t have cared less. He wasn’t going to see her in another black dress which was not only three sizes to large, but represented the death of her friendship to him.

  She was brushing her hair when he went to see if she was ready.

  “Dinner’s ready,” Shade said. “Let’s go.”

  “We’re going out to eat?” Lily asked with hopefulness in her voice.

  “No. We’re eating upstairs like everyone else.” He dashed any hope she was building to return to her house.

  “But I’m not allowed upstairs,” Lily argued, trying to pull away from him as he took her hand, leading her to the steps.

  Shade stopped and looked down at her. “If you’re going to get used to living here, that means you get used to going upstairs. You don’t want to stay down here all the time, do you?”

  “No, but I don’t want to go up there, either,” Lily insisted, her eyes wide.

  Shade’s mouth tightened into a grim line. Did she really think he would let her walk into the same situation she had before? The members were going to be themselves within reason until she could cope with more.

  “Come on.”

  Lily tried to pull away again, her hand going to the rubber band on her wrist.

  “Remember our deal,” Shade warned.

  “I already told you, I don’t want to go up there.”

  “Lily, the club isn’t going to hide itself from you anymore. That cat’s already out of the bag. At first, you’ll be uncomfortable, but then you’ll become familiar with how things work around here.”

  Dinner turned out pretty well, considering Lily’s initial hesitations. It took her a few minutes to warm up to everyone, acting like she was meeting them for the first time. However, she came out of her shell when she asked Rider about giving Killyama a ride yet.

  Rider’s previously amused expression disappeared. “Not yet. I’ve been busy.”

  “Pussy,” Train goaded.

  Rider’s hand clenched on his fork. “That woman probably expects me to ride bitch,” Rider made excuses for himself.

  “If the panties fit, wear them,” Train said, dodging the fork Rider threw across the table.

  “I like Killyama,” Lily said, cutting into her pork roast. The men stared at her in silence. “She saved my life, and I heard Star’s mother had to have plastic surgery after she got in a fight with her. I can see where she might be too much for you.”

  Everyone at the table burst into laughter.

  Rider turned to Shade. “Set it up,” he ordered, all humor gone.

  “Will do,” Shade replied, keeping a straight face.

  “Make sure you take protection,” Train goaded.

  “Which one are you talking about? Condoms or my gun?” Rider asked.

  “Both,” Train said truthfully.

  Lily threw Train a reproving look. “I think you should volunteer to give Crazy Bitch a ride, Train. I think you two would have a lot in common.”

  Evie put her hand on her mouth while Bliss, sitting next to Lily, asked, “Is she serious?”

  “I think so,” Evie said, getting to her feet before she broke into laughter, taking the dirty dishes with her.

  After dinner, Lily followed Shade nervously into the other room where everyone was sitting around and talking.

  “I thought Beth would have been here by now,” Lily stated when she became aware Train and Cash were pouring drinks at the bar.

  “Beth won’t be here tonight. Mrs. Langley had surgery to remove her gall bladder, and she’s staying with her at the hospital,” Evie said, taking a seat across from her.

  Lily looked at Shade sharply, which he returned with mock innocence, before her eyes went back to the bar where several members were going back and forth, taking beers.

  “But I need to talk to her.” Her voice began to unconsciously rise.

  “I’m sure you do, but it’s not going to make a difference,” Shade replied decisively.

  Lily’s hand went to her wrist as Viper and Winter came in through the front door. As a breath of relief left Lily, Shade knew Lily thought Winter would be her savior and drive her back to college or drop her off at her house.

  Viper stopped at the bar long enough to take a beer before the couple came to sit down on the couch, forcing Lily to slide closer to Shade. He was more than willing to take advantage of the situation by sliding his arm along the back of the couch, touching her shoulders.

  Winter sat next to Lily. “I’m relieved to see you up. How’s it going?”

  “Fine.” She paused, and Shade saw her staring at Viper’s beer. “Do you think you could give me a ride back to my house? I really need to get back to school.”

  “You’re going to be staying here. Didn’t Shade tell you?” Winter asked, meeting his eyes.

  “He mentioned it, but—”

  “Did he tell you why?” Viper asked, looking at Shade.

  He shrugged. He didn’t think Lily would believe him, but coming from Viper would have a greater impact.

  “Yes, he did. Someone tried to hit me with a car then break in my house, but at school, I’ll be perfectly safe.”

  “Lily, when Cash followed the prints of who tried to break into your house, they led to the house behind yours. Someone’s been watching you for some time.”

  “That house belongs to a couple who vacation here a couple of times a year. It’s usually empty,” Lily explained.

  “Knox traced the ownership of the house to a corporation, and that’s as far as he can get. Cash said that whoever has been staying there is watching your house. There were video cameras, Lily.”

  As her face filled with fear, Shade was glad. He didn’t want her to feel safe in her home; he wanted her to feel safe there at the club, where he was. He had no intention of taking something away from her without replacing it with something better.

  Winter took Lily’s hand. “That’s not all.”

  “Your dorm room had listening devices planted there. There’s really no safe place for you to stay other than here, for now. Cash and Knox are both trying to find out who could be doing this, but until they do, you have to be patient. At your home, you would inevitably be alone, but what if Beth or Razer’s presence didn’t deter them? You don’t want them hurt because you didn’t take our help, do you?”

  Viper’s harsh words had her shaking her head in denial. “Of course not.”

  “Good, then everything is settled,” Winter said, leaning back against Viper.

  “I was afraid you wouldn’t listen to reason. I’m sure Beth will be relieved, too. She doesn’t want you unhappy, but she wants you safe,” Viper told her.

  “I know.” She bit her bottom lip, and Shade shifted closer to her.

  Viper took another drink of his beer, and someone turned the music up louder. Winter and Evie started talking about Mrs. Langley while Lily’s eyes wandered the room. The members had spread throughout the large room, giving her plenty to gape at. Shade debated telling her that her mouth was hanging open.

  It wasn’t long before her gaze caught on Bliss sitting with Cash. She had leaned forward, and her top had fallen open at her breasts. Cash was tracing the outline of her tattoo.

  As Lily hastily turned her gaze away, joining into the conversation with Evie and Winter, Shade got up then re
turned, handing her a bottled water and sitting back down with a beer in his hand.

  Lily ran her hand nervously through her hair. Shade was aware she was uncomfortable, but he wanted her to see the brothers could handle their alcohol, and no one would force her to drink or do anything she didn’t want. The Last Riders believed in personal freedom, and that included not participating if it was the person’s choice.

  When her eyes followed Cash and Bliss as they went up the steps to the upper floor, Winter leaned sideways, breaking off her conversation with Evie.

  Shade heard her whisper to Lily, “The members will watch how they behave around you for a while, but eventually, you’ll walk into an embarrassing situation. Just do what I do: leave the room.” Winter’s face was blood red as she talked.

  Shade appreciated her placing herself on Lily’s level, showing her that she had been uncomfortable, too, when she had first become a member. It couldn’t have been easy for her since she had been Lily’s high school principal.

  “At least she did the first few times,” Viper corrected her, cutting into the conversation.

  Winter threw Viper a dirty look.

  “Bring it on, pretty girl,” Viper warned.

  Winter’s face went an even darker shade of red.

  Evie got up. “Anyone want another beer?”

  “I’ll take one,” Viper spoke up.

  Lily started fiddling with the rubber band around her wrist.

  “Sorry, Lily. The men might refrain from acting inappropriate around you, but there’s no way to keep them from their alcohol,” Winter said.

  Lily burst out laughing. “I guess beer outranks sex.”

  They all laughed in return, and the tension in the room lessened. Shade breathed his own sigh of relief when she unconsciously leaned back against him.

  Evie sank back down in her chair, taking a long swallow of her own beer. “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”

  Lily’s face went pale at Evie’s suggestion of her taking a drink.

  “I was only joking,” Evie said in apology.

  Shade’s hand went to Lily’s face. “Stop it, Lily. No one expects you to drink, okay? Evie was only joking like she would with anyone else.”

  Lily nodded, blushing. “I think living here for a while might be good for me. I need to get used to being around different people. This will make me quit being sensitive about people drinking around me. I wonder if cowboys drink a lot.” Lily looked at Evie that time, being the one to make a joke.