Shade

by Jamie Begley

  Shade saw the way Lily stared at the two and felt a sense of disquiet. She had acted too quiet over the course of the day.

  He frowned in concern as he watched her doing the dishes. She seemed so alone, lost in her own world.

  When she slipped out the kitchen door, he rose.

  “Aren’t you going to watch the game?” Razer asked, looking up at him.

  “No. You can tell me who won later.”

  Shade left, going outside to see Lily several feet in front of him as she walked toward his house. He stepped off the path, walking through the trees silently as he watched her climb the steps to sit on the porch. He had observed her often going there to sit, looking toward the mountains. He didn’t like her out alone, but he sensed her need to be so; therefore, he would stay back and give her time to herself.

  It would become easier once they moved into their house. All she would have to do was walk out her front door. He needed to remind Cash to tell his grandmother to buy an old rocking chair during her yard sales. He thought Lily would like the history of an old piece of furniture on her porch, something which could withstand the test of time.

  It was beginning to get cold. Shade was about to step forward and tell her it was time to go inside when he saw Lucky coming outside and walking up the path.

  “You’re going to get sick sitting out here in the cold without a jacket.” Lucky came to a stop at the bottom of the steps, looking up at her.

  Lily stiffened when she heard Lucky’s voice.

  “I was just about to go in,” Lily replied.

  When Lucky walked up the steps, taking a seat next to her, Lily turned her face away from him.

  “Why have you been avoiding me?” Lucky asked quietly.

  “I haven’t been avoiding you. I saw you last week at the store and Sunday at church,” Lily prevaricated.

  “You hide behind Rachel at the store, you take off as soon as church is over, and you haven’t said two words to me today. What’s wrong, Lily?”

  She leaned her head against the wooden rail next to her, hiding her face in the darkness. “Because I’m so ashamed,” Lily’s voice trembled.

  Shade’s hands clenched by his sides. Lily had never mentioned her abuse other than when she was having a panic attack or when Rachel had helped her those two times. She had never talked about it even with Beth.

  “What on Earth have you got to be ashamed of?” Lucky’s stunned voice had Lily trying to scoot farther away from him.

  “Because I don’t belong in your church.” Lily paused. “I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve done things, Pastor Dean. Things I know God’s not going to forgive me for.”

  “Lily, don’t. Please don’t think like that.” He reached out to touch her shoulder but Lily moved away, not wanting him to touch her.

  “It’s true. I … I…” Lily’s voice firmed. “Before I came to Treepoint to live with Beth’s parents, I lived with my mother. She … she wasn’t a nice person. She had me do things, Pastor, to men she would bring to our apartment.” She shuddered.

  Shade wanted to step forward and hold her in his arms, but standing still, he acknowledged Lucky was what she needed to find the peace he wanted her to find.

  “I didn’t want to, but she would make me drink liquor so I wouldn’t fight them. I quit fighting what she wanted me to do so she wouldn’t make me drink it anymore. Do you think God will forgive me for that? She told me that, if I told my friends, she would kill them. I knew she would because I was her daughter, and she didn’t care if I was dead or alive. She just wanted the money they would give her for me.”

  “Dear God. Lily, stop…” Lucky’s voice was hoarse.

  Shade moved a little to his left, knowing Lucky would see the small movement. When he looked toward him, Shade shook his head. Lucky wouldn’t want to hear Lily’s dark confession, thinking it wasn’t his place, but it was. If anyone could help Lily find solace with her God, it was Lucky.

  “If she couldn’t find someone for me, she would send me to apartments where she knew the men lived alone and make me ask if they wanted company for the night. I learned how to do what she wanted, or she would beat me so bad I couldn’t go outside and play with my friends until I healed. If anyone came to ask about me, she would tell them I was too sick to play.”

  “What happened to your mother?” Lucky’s voice was harsh.

  “Her boyfriend moved in with us. He was nice for a while. He paid the bills and gave her money to spend. He even bought me my first doll, but she would get mad at him because he wouldn’t give her extra money for her pills, so she would wait until he went to work and sneak men into the apartment.

  “One day, he came home early and saw me in bed with a man. Marshall pulled a gun out and made them sit on the bed and told me to get dressed. I heard him call someone, but I was too scared to listen. He made us all sit there until someone knocked on the door.”

  “Who was it?”

  “I don’t know. I’d never seen him before, but he was big and scary to me because, when Marshall told him what he’d seen when he came home, he took the gun and killed my mother and the man on my bed.” Lily took a deep breath. “Then he turned to me, asking me if Marshall had ever touched me, and when I told him yes, he killed Marshall. He lit a fire on my bed and made me leave with him. I didn’t try to scream; I was too scared.”

  “I bet you were,” Lucky said grimly.

  “He took me on a long drive. I slept most of the time. When I woke up, I was in Beth’s house, and he was gone. Her parents told me they were adopting me and to forget about my mom and the life I had before, so I did. I made myself forget every dirty thing I had been forced to do. I forgot the men. I forgot my mom. I forgot Marshall. I forgot my sitter who always smelled like chocolate chip cookies. I forgot my friends, Sawyer and Vida, who were like sisters to me. I forgot every single ugly detail of my life until I forgot me.”

  “Lily, look at me.”

  Lily didn’t.

  Shade ached for her, wanting to give her the comfort she deserved.

  “Please, look at me,” Lucky pleaded.

  Lily broke, crying as if her heart was breaking. Shade fought back his own tears as Lucky put his arm around her shoulders, letting her cry until she lay quietly against him.

  “I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry anymore,” Lily said.

  “I think that one was well deserved. That’s why you wanted to become a social worker, isn’t it, to help children like yourself?”

  Lily nodded. “Yes, I think so.”

  “Lily, do you plan on judging children if you find them in situations like you were in?”

  “Of course not,” Lily said, clearly shocked that Lucky thought she would.

  “When people start coming into the church store tomorrow, are you going to judge them for being in need?”

  “No,” she repeated. “They need our help.”

  “Yes, they do, like you needed help and no one was there for you. You chose to survive, Lily. You’re the kindest, most compassionate woman I know, and it’s a true miracle that part of you wasn’t destroyed. As your pastor, I couldn’t be more proud. You make my Sundays worthwhile because when I look out into my congregation and see your face, I know God has graced my church with your presence.

  “You have done nothing to feel ashamed of. The ones who should be ashamed are the ones who are responsible for hurting you. You don’t have any lessons to learn from me, but I have many to learn from you, Lily, because as God is my witness, I would have killed every single one of the bastards who touched you.”

  “Thank you, Pastor.” Lily smiled at him with relief.

  “Go on inside. It’s freezing out here. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  She stood up, pausing when he didn’t follow. “Aren’t you coming in?”

  “In a minute. I want to say a prayer.”

  “Would you like me to stay and pray with you?” Lily asked.

  “No, you’ve been out here long enough.
I won’t be long.”

  “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight, Lily.”

  When Lily had walked down the path and out of hearing, Lucky spoke up.

  “You don’t deserve her,” he said, standing up.

  “I know,” Shade stepped out of the shadows, not taking his eyes off Lily as she walked back toward the clubhouse.

  “It’s a good thing they’re all dead, or we would be riding tonight.”

  “It seems they’re all dead but one,” Shade said thoughtfully, turning to his brother.

  Lucky frowned at him. “Which one?”

  “The one who gave her to Beth’s parents.”

  “You think something from her past may be why someone is trying to kill her?”

  “Whoever has been watching her house has been doing it for years. Who else could it be?” Shade said, coming to the only conclusion which made any sense.

  “Damn.”

  “Talk to Knox, tell him what we found out tonight. I’m going to talk to Beth again and see if she remembers anything from when Lily first came to live with them. At this point, any adoption papers, even fake ones, would be a lead.” Shade’s only hope of finding the papers was Beth.

  “I’ll talk to him before he leaves tonight.”

  “Let’s get inside. I don’t want Lily alone tonight.”

  They walked up the path together. Shade was about to go inside when Lucky’s hand on his arm stopped him.

  “Promise me one thing.”

  “What?” Shade asked.

  “If we find out whoever took her could have stopped that shit, I get him first.”

  Shade couldn’t make him that promise; he didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep.

  * * *

  He heard her teeth chattering when he opened the door. Closing it, he quickly undressed then pulled the covers back, scooting closer to her in the bed and holding her shivering body to his.

  “Shade?”

  “Yes?”

  “That day in the diner when I had that panic attack, there was a little girl at one of the tables. What happened?”

  “I had left with you, but Knox told me Diamond had seen you staring at the family. Knox talked to them. The little girl was placed in her grandmother’s custody.”

  “It’s funny how things turn out, isn’t it?”

  “I don’t think it’s funny at all,” Shade said, pulling her tighter.

  “I believe sometimes it’s meant for us to have to bear trials so we can recognize how to help others.” Lily’s voice grew drowsy.

  “Go to sleep.” Shade’s voice was soothing.

  It was then Shade realized the room was encased in darkness. She hadn’t turned the bathroom light on.

  Her hand laced through Shade’s, and he pulled her closer, his cheek resting on her damp one.

  The little girl in the restaurant had been abused by her mother. If Lily hadn’t recognized the signs, it would have continued. Lily’s suffering had changed that girl’s life for the better, but no one had been there to save Lily.

  Shade raised his face from hers when he realized it wasn’t her tears on her cheeks. It had humbled him that her beautiful soul held no bitterness, trying to make the best out of what cards life had dealt her. He, however, was a mean motherfucker, and he was going to exact the revenge which she had been denied.

  Chapter 61

  He heard the music at the top of the steps. Lily must have turned it on after he had left her washing clothes in the basement.

  He had expected her to be finished when he was done, but he had wanted to make sure she still wasn’t in the basement before he went upstairs. He knew she was all right in the club but he couldn’t keep himself from checking, making the excuse to himself that he would pack the clothes back upstairs for her.

  Shade stood at the bottom of the steps with his mouth dropped open. She was on the pole, making experienced moves a stripper wouldn’t be able to perform. He quietly went to sit down on the couch to watch the show she didn’t know she was giving.

  Lily was at the top and using her arms as leverage, she pushed her legs out from the pole. He could see the fine trembling of her arms and almost stopped her, afraid she would hurt herself, but she kept a firm grip before circling the pole with her thighs, making his cock harden at the sensuous movement.

  Sliding down the pole, she stopped her momentum a few feet from the floor. Using her thighs, she held on to the pole, going backward until her hands touched the floor. Releasing her grip, she flipped her body, doing a brief handstand before continuing to flip until she stood straight, facing the steps. Then the buzzer for the dryer went off, and she moved toward the machine.

  Thinking herself alone, Lily walked confidently with seductive grace across the floor, coming to an abrupt stop when she saw him sitting on the couch and staring at her. All her sexual confidence disappeared, and the shy woman was back.

  “How long have you been there?” she asked suspiciously.

  “Long enough to see you climb then come down the pole.”

  “Oh.” Lily went to the dryer, pulling out the clothes and putting them in the basket. She didn’t meet his eyes as she jammed the clothes into the basket.

  He made her nervous, which was a shame because she made him horny as hell.

  “Come here, Lily.”

  “Uh, no,” Lily said firmly.

  “Why?” He tilted his head to the side, studying her reaction.

  “Because I can tell by the way you’re looking at me that … you’re in a mood,” she finished helplessly.

  “You’re right. I’m in the mood to fuck. Come. Here.”

  Lily’s trembling hands set the basket down on the dryer before she slowly walked toward him. “Shade…”

  “What do you call me when we’re down here?” He wanted her to have the same confidence with him that she’d had when she was alone. To do that, he had to build her trust.

  Lily stopped in front of him.

  His hand came out, cupping the back of her knee, touching the flesh below her workout shorts. He was well aware of how sensitive the flesh there was. Many men thought only the pussy or tits were sensitive to pleasure, whereas he had discovered a whole woman’s body could be used to raise her pleasure if touched the right way.

  “Answer me.” Shade’s firm expression wasn’t harsh; however, he left no doubt that he expected her to obey him.

  “Sir,” Lily answered.

  He raised her knee, pulling it toward him until she had to lift the other on the other side of his hip, making her have to come closer. Shade maneuvered her body until she was kneeling over him while he stared up at her.

  He slid his hands up the sides of her thighs, curving around toward her butt until his hands cupped her bottom, pulling her closer to him.

  “Kiss me.”

  He was pleased when Lily bent down, touching her mouth to his. Shade parted her lips, sucking her tongue into his mouth, letting Lily explore timidly.

  His hand slid forward from behind, rubbing her crotch through the thin material of her shorts. He teased her clit with a brief touch before sliding back, not giving her a full caress, only a promise.

  Lily moaned against his mouth as he slid his hand back and forth until her butt was pushing back against his hand, and her arms circled his neck.

  Shade leaned forward, rising to his feet with her thighs clenching his hips as he carried her back to his bedroom. He opened the door and then closed it with his foot. Bending down, he laid her on the side of the bed before rising and standing between her spread thighs.

  He turned to the bedside table, turning on the small lamp in the dark room. He wanted to see her face when she came.

  In a split second, she had turned and scrambled off the other side of the bed, breathing heavily. Her breasts lifted and fell with her erratic breathing. She pushed her hair back from her face, her erratic movements causing the flesh of her tits to tremble. When she lifted her arm, Shade waited expectantly to see if they would spi
ll out of her top.

  “Cut it out, Shade.” Lily blew out a deep breath, unconsciously rubbing her tummy. “I can’t do that.” She motioned to the bed.

  “Why not?” he asked, staring at her in amusement. His eyes dropped to her hand’s tell-tale movements. Mentally, she might not be ready to fuck him, but her body was begging for it.

  Lily quickly dropped her hand to her side. “Because I’m not ready yet. I haven’t made my mind up if I want to and,” she paused, “I’ve always planned to wait until I was married.” Lily lowered her eyes to the floor. “It means a lot to me,” she spoke softly, seeming embarrassed about telling him her feelings.

  “I see.” Shade walked toward the door, opening it for her. The only way she was going to build trust with him sexually was to see he could stop when she wanted him to without freaking out on her.

  She walked toward the doorway, giving him a relieved smile. “Thanks, Sir.”

  “No problem.” Of course—he narrowed his eyes on her ass—that didn’t mean he had to keep building trust at her speed.

  What had she meant that she hadn’t made her mind up yet? If they were in a relationship or not? He had a newsflash for her: they had been in a relationship for several months already. He was going to help his woman make up her mind.

  Lily gave him a curious look as she went through the doorway but Shade kept his face impassive, not letting her see she wasn’t free. He was merely moving her seduction to a less-threatening room.

  Shade carried the laundry basket to their bedroom, his lips twitching at her morose expression as she went to shower and change. He used the shower in the hallway, anxious to get downstairs.

  Evie had fixed a huge roast with all the trimmings. Shade talked to the others at the table during dinner while Lily kept giving him angry glances.

  “Train isn’t back yet?” Lily asked with a frown.

  Shade had noticed the brother wasn’t back. As a matter of fact, he and Rider had joked that he had driven Killyama back to Jamestown to get Stud’s help to get rid of her.

  Train had offered to give Killyama a ride on his bike when she had insulted the club about keeping promises when Rider’s bike wouldn’t start, and Viper had been gone with the keys to the metal door where Rider kept his extra bikes. Train was probably going to kick Rider’s ass for constantly losing his own key.