Shade

by Jamie Begley

  The smile on Fat Louise’s face disappeared as Lily came into view. She was holding Chance, one of Beth’s twins, looking beautiful. She was just beginning to show her pregnancy, and she glowed with health and happiness.

  T.A. came up to her, snagging the child away and Lily laughed, brushing her windswept black hair away from her face. Then Shade watched her go inside the store attached to the pumpkin patch.

  His attention returned to Fat Louise who was digging her boot in the dirt, casting furtive looks at Cade sitting on his motorcycle. Shade had been surprised when they had parked and he had seen Cade ride in on his bike with her at his back.

  The man was watching Fat Louise the way he had just been watching Lily. The only difference was the sadness in his eyes. Fat Louise might be doing him, but she wasn’t a sure thing. That kind of longing look only came from being tortured about whether feelings were returned. Shade remembered when he had suffered from the same problem. Thank fuck those days are over.

  Lily came out of the store, carrying two cups. Smiling, she headed toward Fat Louise, who scooted over on the hay bale to make room.

  Shade was leaning against a tree not too far way, so their voices easily carried over to him.

  “You looked like you were cold. I thought this would warm us up.”

  When Lily handed Fat Louise one of the cups she was holding, she took a sip. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. The kids are all growing so fast,” Lily said sadly.

  “Thank goodness. I’m on everyone’s speed dial for babysitting. How is Cash recovering from his accident?”

  “He’s been moved to a rehabilitation center. He’s doing better. Shade says he’s getting stronger every day.”

  “It won’t be long before he gets out and makes up for lost time with the women in Treepoint,” Fat Louise wisecracked.

  Lily laughed, tilting her head toward Cade. “Your boyfriend seems nice.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “Does he know that?” Lily teased. “He reminds me of Shade. He never lets me out of his sight, either.”

  Shade let a smile touch his lips at Lily’s words.

  “He’s nothing like Shade. Shade loves you. Everyone knew how he felt about you before you did. Cade doesn’t care about me. He just feels guilty and trapped.” Fat Louise’s voice was filled with hurt.

  Lily went quiet, her eyes gazing back at her in compassion, before she said, “I didn’t see it, and maybe you don’t, either. Sex Piston told me about your loss. I’m really sorry.”

  Fat Louise turned away from Lily. When she did, she was facing him, and he could see the tears in her eyes.

  “I didn’t mean to bring up something so painful,” Lily apologized.

  “It’s all right.”

  “No, it’s not. You looked so sad sitting here, and I wanted to cheer you up, not make it worse.” Lily started to get to her feet.

  “Don’t go. It really wasn’t anything you said. It’s me.” Fat Louise licked her lips. “I was sitting here, watching you, and I’m so jealous I can’t stand it. I see you looking absolutely beautiful and healthy, pregnant with your baby while I lost mine.” Tears slid down her cheeks.

  Shade swallowed hard. His worst fear was losing their child, losing that connection with Lily. Now Shade understood why Fat Louise had been staring at Lily.

  Lily enfolded Fat Louise in her arms.

  “I know I should be getting over it since I was only two months along, but I had already picked out names, and I was pestering Crazy Bitch to take me shopping for a crib. I love babies. I’ve always wanted a lot, and I didn’t miss Cade as much when I felt his baby in me.”

  After several minutes, Fat Louise managed to gather herself.

  Lily released her, taking her hand. “There’s no need to be jealous.” She placed Fat Louise’s hand on her stomach. “We can share. I know nothing will replace the one you lost, but when you want one to hug or love, you can hold this one. He needs a godmother,” Lily said hesitantly.

  Shade felt a lump in his throat as he stared at his wife. She amazed him more each day. Lily didn’t have a selfish bone in her body. She was willing to share the most precious thing to her with a woman who had lost her own. Lily’s first instinct was to help heal the void left behind.

  He knew Fat Louise was hurting; however, he hadn’t felt any emotion for her other than the increasing fear he had about Lily losing the child she carried. He had known all along he wasn’t worthy of Lily yet had always swept the thought away. It would not change anything, because the one thing he couldn’t and wouldn’t do was let her go. Ever.

  “I would be honored.”

  “That’s settled then.” She looked toward Cade before dropping her voice. “Cade is throwing me dirty looks. He thinks I’ve upset you.”

  Shade straightened, walking toward Cade. Stud and Dozer were talking to him, but they broke off when he neared.

  “Shade,” Stud greeted him.

  “Stud, Dozer.” Shade returned the greeting.

  “You met Traveler yet?” Stud asked.

  “Briefly.” Shade gave him a nod.

  “He was one of the men on the helicopter who rescued us in Mexico,” Cade explained briefly.

  “Your kid picked the biggest pumpkin,” Shade remarked to Stud, watching Sex Piston struggle to lift the large pumpkin.

  Stud stood up. “I better go help.” He grinned as he left.

  Dozer stood up also, going to help with the pumpkins Stud’s girls were struggling to carry.

  Shade turned back to Lily, seeing Fat Louise smiling at her.

  “She yours?” Cade asked.

  “Yeah, she’s mine.” Shade lifted his hand with his wedding ring. “You and Fat Louise?”

  “Depends who you’re asking.”

  “I’m asking you.” Shade lifted a brow.

  “Then, yes, she’s mine.”

  Shade’s lips quirked. “How you getting along with the rest of the crew?”

  “Depends on what day of the week it is.”

  Both men were still laughing when Lily stood, throwing the cups away before coming toward him with a mischievous smile.

  “I wish Jane would look at me that way,” Cade said softly.

  “Wishes are like rainbows; they’re always going to be out of reach. Jane is sitting right there, so there’s nothing stopping you from putting that smile on her face.”

  Chapter 84

  “How was the drive back with Cash?” Lily looked up from doing the dishes.

  Shade walked behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and placing his hands on her abdomen. Every time he touched her, he felt a surge of possession go through his body.

  “Pretty well considering he spent four months in a rehabilitation center. We stopped and he went in to see his grandmother before we brought him back to the clubhouse.” He released her as she dried her hands on a dish towel.

  “I love his grandmother. I bet she was happy to see him.”

  “I couldn’t tell. She was too busy giving him a hard time over Rachel.”

  “She’s grown attached to Rachel since she’s been living with her,” Lily defended her.

  Shade shook his head at his wife, hugging her close. “Could you just once agree with me about someone?”

  Lily giggled. “I will when you’re right. Was Rachel there?”

  Shaded nodded. “She didn’t say more than she was glad he was out.”

  “I can’t say I blame her after he humiliated her at Mrs. Langley’s party.”

  “Cash let his temper get away from him, and he regrets it. Rachel might as well get over it and move on.”

  “It’s not so easy for women to get over being hurt that way. This is a small town, and Rachel’s dealt with the gossip about her family selling weed her whole life. She didn’t need Cash making her first time fodder for the local gossips,” Lily snapped angrily.

  “Why are you getting mad at me? I wasn’t the one who did it.”

 
; “You’re the one taking up for him.”

  “I’m not taking up for him. What’s going on between Rachel and Cash is between them.”

  “There is no Rachel and Cash.”

  “If you say so. How was work at the church store today?”

  When Lily sighed, moving to the living room then going out the front door and closing it behind her, Shade followed.

  “Why did you just walk off and leave without answering me?”

  “I thought that was what you wanted.”

  Shade sighed.

  Lily angrily spun around to face him. “Don’t do that!”

  Shade stared at her in surprise. “Do what?”

  “Patronize me. I’m not a child,” she snapped, stomping her foot.

  “Then don’t act like one.”

  Lily stormed past him, running into the house and up the stairs to the bedroom.

  Shade followed her again, swallowing down his anger and trying to figure out what had set her off. He had heard pregnant women became overly emotional, so perhaps her behavior was hormones. He was going to have to research it and find out.

  “What are you doing now?”

  “I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. I have a headache.”

  “Oh, that’s why you’re acting—”

  “Like a child?” Lily finished for him. She sat down on the side of the bed, staring up at him with unhappy eyes. “You treat me like one all the time. If I become angry about something, you change the subject. If I don’t like something, you fix it. You’re constantly trying to make me happy.”

  “And all of that is what’s making you angry?”

  “Yes, because it’s not normal the way you do it.”

  Shade went ice-cold at her words.

  “You don’t try to make yourself happy. You’re going to become bored and find someone else who does things the way you like them without giving me a chance to prove I can handle things on my own.” Lily stared down at the nightgown in her hands.

  Shade knelt down in front of her. “I didn’t realize I was doing that.”

  Lily reached out to touch his cheek then let her hand fall to the bed. “Shade, you’ve already won my heart, so you don’t have to keep fighting for it anymore. There’s nothing left to win.”

  “Yes, there is,” Shade said softly. “Lily, are you happy?”

  She nodded, tears in her eyes.

  “Then I’m happy. Go take your shower, and when you come back, I’ll show you how to make me even happier.” He smiled, taking her hands then helping her to her feet.

  Her troubled gaze caught his as she went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

  Shade took off his clothes then lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. For a brief second, he had feared she had found out about him. If he wasn’t careful, his smothering attitude was going to have the opposite effect he wanted. Instead of making her not want to leave him, it might be what drove her away.

  He couldn’t bring himself to treat her like his other women, because she was more than that to him. He couldn’t treat her like a true submissive, because he was constantly worried something he did would trigger a memory. The few times he had taken her the way he wanted, he had gone gently with her, wanting to ease her into it, but that had stopped when she had become pregnant. He had gone too far being overprotective after the break-in at Evie’s house and had become worse as her pregnancy had advanced.

  They had married on Christmas day, and like a kid who was finally given a toy he had wanted for a long time, he had been excited about getting it yet afraid of touching or playing with it because he didn’t want to damage it.

  Lily was asking him to trust her, to have faith that their marriage couldn’t be broken apart.

  The bathroom door opened and Lily came out dressed in her nightgown, brushing her long, black hair as her eyes gave a soft apology.

  To give her what she wanted, he would have to be willing to take the risk of losing her, and that wasn’t a risk he was going to take.

  * * *

  “You done for the night?” Train asked when Shade stretched from his bent position at the workstation.

  “Finally.” Shade packed the order he had filled, placing it in the mail cart which the truck would pick up and take out early in the morning.

  “You’re looking tired.”

  Shade grimaced mockingly. “Guess I’m getting old.”

  “Or you’re not getting enough sleep,” Train said shrewdly. “I thought your sleepless nights would be over when you married Lily.”

  “I’ve been putting a lot of hours in since Cash wrecked his bike. The last month since he’s been home, he’s doing better, so I’m hoping he’s well enough that he can start working a few shifts soon.”

  Train nodded. “You go ahead. I’ll finish this order I’m working on and lock up.”

  “Thanks, Train.”

  “Welcome. Shade … You know, if you need anything—anything at all—we’re all here for you, right?”

  Shade cocked his head to the side. “Where did that come from?”

  “Brooke has to be a thorn in your side, and with a kid on the way, it would be hard to handle that kind of problem.”

  “If I find proof that Brooke had anything to do with Evie’s break-in last summer, believe me, brother, I won’t have a problem dealing with her the way she deserves,” Shade said ominously.

  “When you make the decision, remember we’re here to have your back.”

  “I will. See you tomorrow.” Shade went out of the factory, sucking in a deep breath. Thinking about Brooke brought back his frustration.

  They hadn’t been able to tie her to the three men who had broken into Evie’s house. He was furious at himself for not leaving one alive to get information, but he hadn’t wanted to take a chance with Lily’s safety if bullets had started flying around the room.

  As he walked up the path, he heard the blaring music from the clubhouse, but he wasn’t even tempted to go inside. He was too fucking tired.

  He saw Cash leading Bliss into the gazebo. The brother had surprised him, since he had thought Cash would have made more attempts to see Rachel. Instead, he was seeking solace from the women in the clubhouse.

  Shade opened the door to his house and saw Lily and Rachel sitting in the living room. As exhausted as he was, he couldn’t help smiling when Lily got up to give him a kiss.

  Rachel rose to her feet. “I’d better go. It’s almost Mag’s bedtime, and I don’t want her to lock me out.”

  Shade went into the kitchen to make him a plate of food as the women said their goodbyes.

  “Would she really?” Lily asked in shock.

  “No,” Rachel laughed. “But she would make me wish she had by the time she quit fussing at me for making her get out of bed.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out the keys. “Here you go. I’ll stop by the store tomorrow to pick them up.”

  “All right. Thanks again, Rachel.”

  “Dinner more than made up for it,” Rachel replied, giving her a hug. “Bye, Shade.”

  He nodded to her while spooning chili into a bowl, mentally debating with himself whether he should stop her. Cash would still be in the gazebo with Bliss.

  Coming to a decision, he let her leave.

  “I forgot something at the factory. I’ll be right back,” Shade told Lily.

  “All right. I’ll put the chili back in the pot so it won’t get cold.”

  He went out the door, easily seeing Rachel walking down the path and coming to a stop by the gazebo. She froze on the pathway for several seconds, and then she started walking again until she barreled into Train.

  Shade leaned on the porch rail, watching the show as Train and Rachel talked briefly before they walked together down the pathway.

  Bliss came out of the gazebo a minute later, stomping toward the clubhouse. When Cash came out, he didn’t go to the clubhouse, walking down toward the parking lot instead.

  Shade stayed on the por
ch until he saw Train and Cash coming back up the pathway toward the clubhouse. Then he walked down his steps, wanting to have a word with Cash yet coming to a stop when he heard the two men talking.

  “Train, I ... I…”

  “Brother, if you don’t want me to touch her, all you have to do is ask.”

  “I’m asking.”

  “Cool, I’ll leave her to you then.”

  Cash slung his arm around Train’s shoulder, and then Train helped Cash inside.

  Shade waited a minute before entering behind them, giving Train enough time to get Cash upstairs. The brother was the most dependable of them. Train always managed to be there when he was needed; however, because he was so quiet, he tended to be overlooked. If Shade was in a life-or-death battle and could only pick one brother to back him up, it would be Train. His skills were as sharp as when he had left the military, and he had been lethal then. His skills as a chopper pilot were unequaled. He was a fucking legend.

  Once, a helicopter he had been flying was transporting troops when he had been shot down behind enemy lines. The helicopters in the Navy were pieces of shit, but Train had managed to bring it down without any loss of life. He and the troops had spent five days behind enemy lines, and they had all made it out alive except one, a woman.

  After Train came back downstairs, throwing himself down on the couch next to Jewell, Shade went up the steps, noticing the members’ eyes on him. He went to Cash’s bedroom door, rapping on it with his knuckles.

  “Go away,” Cash snapped from inside.

  “I want to talk,” Shade snapped back, opening the door.

  The room was dark, and Shade heard the mattress squeaking as Cash rose up to turn the bedroom light on.

  “It couldn’t wait until morning?” Cash asked.

  “Brother, you used to fuck all night and work all day then start all over again,” Shade said, leaning casually against the doorway.

  “I haven’t gotten all my strength back yet.”

  “If you’ve gotten enough to fuck Bliss in the gazebo, then you have enough to start taking a couple of shifts a week. Starting tomorrow morning.” Shade tossed him his set of factory keys.