Just One More

by Heather D'Agostino

  ooooooooo

  Max

  I meant what I said to her. I was going to help. I’d move, find a new job, whatever it took to be whatever she needed. I’d do it.

  The day after the funeral I came home. I got up early that morning, told my mom that something happened at work, and I left. I probably drove faster than I should have, but I needed to talk to my boss. I loved my job, but Hailey was more important. I wasn’t going to let anything get in my way of being there for her.

  When I got back into town, I went straight to my office. Not the best idea, but I wasn’t really thinking with my head at the moment. I grabbed a box out of the backseat. I’d tossed it in there when I left my parents’ place. If it came to it, I’d have somewhere to put my belongings from my office.

  I took a deep breath as I stared up at the sign above me. Abbott, Watson, and Casey. I’d hoped to one day have my name up there, but I was okay with it not happening. I grabbed the handle on the large glass door, and heaved it open. Cool air wrapped around me, reminding me that it was still summer. I smiled and nodded at our receptionist as I weaved through the rows of cubicles, making my way to my boss’ office.

  “Mr. Watson, do you have a minute?” I knocked lightly on the door.

  “Max. I’m surprised you’re back. I wasn’t expecting you until next week. Come on in.” He motioned for me to step in, and I closed the door behind me.

  “I wasn’t planning to come back until next week. Something important has come up though, and I really need to discuss it with you.” I rocked nervously on my feet as I glanced around. There was a chair in the corner, and I pulled it over to sit.

  “Everything ok?” Mr. Watson rocked back and crossed his legs as he folded his hands in his lap. He reminded me of my father in a lot of ways. He was pushing sixty, but you’d never know that based on the way he acted. His hair was gray and wire framed glasses were always perched on his nose.

  “I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate this job. I loved interning here and getting a full time position has been more than I could ever ask for.” I shifted in the chair.

  “But?” He rocked forward and placed both feet on the floor. “There is a but, right?”

  “I think I need to give my notice.” I grimaced. “My best friend, that’s why I went home; her husband died. It was totally unexpected.”

  “I see.” He rubbed his chin as he clicked the buttons on his computer.

  “I need to be there for her, and I don’t think I can do that while living here.” I started to stand, but he held up his hand, halting me.

  “Max, you’re one of the most talented accountants we’ve had here in a long time. I’d hate to lose you over something like geography. Maybe we can work something out where you can work remotely.” He clicked a few keys again.

  “Like work from home?” I leaned forward.

  “You’d have to be able to travel back here if needed for your clients, but I don’t see why this can’t work.” He smiled at me and for the first time I thought this might actually work.

  “That wouldn’t be a problem. Thank you, sir.” I stood and reached to shake his hand.

  “Don’t go cleaning your desk out yet.” He eyed the box. “You’re going to need office space when you come back. I’ll talk with Brenda and we’ll get you all set up to work remotely.”

  “Thank you.” I grabbed my box, and headed back to my car. I needed to go home and start packing.

  As I was pulling into my apartment complex, I began to wonder if this was falling into place a little too easy. Guess the next step would be telling my parents I was moving back home for a while. Dalton was a small town, and finding an apartment wasn’t going to be easy. Hailey lived in one of the only ones near my family’s side of town. I wasn’t sure how she’d feel if I suddenly became her neighbor again.

  ooooooooo

  It took me almost two weeks to pack my things and move. When I showed up on my parents’ doorstep, they were both happy and confused. They knew I was settled, but I think they could sense my restlessness when I came home last time.

  Mama hugged me, Dad shrugged, and Micah laughed. He’d muttered something about losing a bet as Dad clapped him on the back. I didn’t know it at the time, but it all came back to Hailey.

  “How is she?” I was currently sitting at the table shoveling Mama’s homemade banana pudding into my mouth.

  “We haven’t seen her since the night of the funeral. Ann says that she barely leaves her apartment. I think she’s been living of off Jared’s life insurance. We’ve left her alone, but her depression is bad, son.” Mama sat down beside me.

  “I’ll go see her later.” I nodded as I lifted the glass of milk Mama pushed my way.

  “She might not let you in,” Mama warned.

  “Then I’ll have to convince her.” I shrugged as I finished the milk and pushed back in my chair. After wiping my mouth, I stood, thanked Mama, and turned to head for the door.

  It felt odd being back, but refreshing at the same time. I’d gotten my ‘Cuda out of storage, and when I slipped behind the wheel, I felt a bit of pride swell inside me. I missed this car. I’d bought a pickup after graduation, but this car always had my heart. I’d rebuilt it myself, and had promised Hailey a ride years ago that never happened.

  It was a short drive to her apartment. The sun was setting, and the late summer breeze smelled of fresh cut hay. I pulled up beside her car, and hopped out. The curtains were drawn in her windows, and when I jogged up the steps, my newly found confidence wavered.

  I knocked twice before I started to turn. Maybe Mama was right. Maybe she wasn’t going to let me in. Just as I’d given up, I heard the lock release. The door cracked open, and there she was. Her hair was hanging slightly in her face, her eyes puffy from extensive crying. She was wearing a Dalton football shirt, and pair of cutoffs. She looked beautiful to me, but I couldn’t tell her that. Right now, she needed a friend, and I was going to give her that. I’d be the best friend that I should have been for the last six years.

  “What are you doing here?” she mumbled as she wiped at a piece of hair. She glanced around me, and blinked against the setting sun.

  “Get your shoes.” I smiled as I pointed at her bare feet.

  “I don’t have time for this, Max,” she grumbled as she attempted to close the door in my face.

  “I’m not going away, Hails.” I grabbed the door, and stepped closer to prevent her from shutting it in my face.

  “Well, then you can stand there.” She flipped her hand in the air as she turned and shuffled out of sight.

  I stepped over the threshold, and into her world in a way I hadn’t been a part of in years. The apartment was small, and looked as if no one had tidied up in days. Tissues littered the floor. Containers that had been filled with food from various friends and family had been left all over the counters of the kitchen. I followed in Hailey’s wake down a dark hallway that soon gave way to the bedroom. I stood there as Hailey laid on her side in the middle of the bed, clutching a pillow. Her eyes pooled with unshed tears as she curled into a tight ball. Clothes that appeared to be Jared’s were still draped over a chair in the corner. I spun, taking in the room. It looked as if he’d be home any minute. All of his things were untouched, and Hailey was drowning in them.

  “Come on.” I reached for her as I tried to lift her into my arms. She turned her tear stained face toward me and began sobbing. Her shoulders shook as she climbed into my lap, clutching my shirt as if it was a lifeline. Her face burrowed into my chest as her tears began to soak the cotton of my t-shirt. I’d never thought of Hailey as weak, but in this moment, she was more vulnerable than I ever thought possible.

  “I don’t know how to get past this.” She hiccupped as I slowly rocked her in my arms. “I can’t. I just can’t…” She turned to peer up at me. “I don’t know how to BE without him.”

  “You’re going to be ok,” I whispered as I hugged her. “There’s no getting past this. You get through it.
”

  “Help me,” she whimpered. “Please help me.” Her nails dug in as she gripped my shirt tighter.

  “I’m going to. I promise.”

  Chapter 12

  Hailey

  I don’t know how long we sat there. Max held me in his arms, rocking me softly, until I ran out of tears or at least that’s what it felt like. Every time I thought I was ok, I’d break down again. I’ve been doing this for days. I’m embarrassed that he’s seeing me like this, or that my apartment looks like a hoarder’s. I need help. I know that, but the problem is I don’t know how to ask for it.

  “Thanks.” I pulled back from where I was clutching his shirt, as I wiped at my eyes. “I’m a mess.”

  “You just lost your husband, Hails. You’re entitled to be messy.” Max rubbed his palm up and down my back. “Feel like getting out of here for a little bit?” He offered a crooked smile.

  I glanced down at my wrinkled, tear stained clothes, “I don’t think I’m really dressed to be out.”

  “No one will be where we’re going.” He gave me a quick squeeze before setting me on the bed, and standing up. He held out his hand in silent invitation, and patiently waited for me to give in. “Please?”

  I nodded and placed my hand in his. After slipping into a pair of flip flops, I let him lead me to the door. He waited outside while I grabbed my purse and locked up. When I turned back around, he grabbed my hand once again and led me down to where he was parked. I hadn’t held Max’s hand in years, and doing so now brought back a slew of memories.

  “You still have this?” I murmured as the black ’68 ‘Cuda came into view. I hadn’t seen this car in years. I’d assumed he’d sold it when he was still in school.

  “I’ve had it in storage. I have a truck now too. If I remember correctly, I promised you a ride. I always make good on my promises, Hails.” He reached for the passenger door, and opened it for me. After climbing in, he closed my door before jogging around to the driver’s side. “Ready?” He smiled before cranking the engine.

  “Sure.” I forced myself to smile back as I buckled my belt. The car roared to life, the engine rumbling under me. I leaned forward and rolled the window the rest of the way down and leaned out slightly in the process.

  Max backed out of his space, and turned out onto the main road. As we picked up speed, the wind blew my hair around my face making it difficult to see. Music filled the air and as Jason Aldean sang about fly over states I felt the grief that had been drowning me lighten for the first time since the funeral.

  “Thanks.” I glanced at him as we wound around the country roads. “I needed this.”

  “I told you I’d help.” He reached over and squeezed my hand. “I’ll do whatever I can, Hailey. Just say the word. Whether it’s a drive, phone call, or just someone to yell at, I’ll be there.”

  “I know,” I murmured, and that was the truth. Max had always been there for me when we were kids. I’d be crazy to think that he would have changed that much over the years. I guess I’d just forgotten as we’d drifted apart.

  I don’t know where he was heading, or how long we’d been in the car when he slowed to a stop. We’d gone all over, and every time I thought we’d reached our destination, Max would make another turn and send me back to wondering. I smiled as I looked out at the field in front of us. It was a spot we came to quite frequently when we were younger. In the summer, like now, the grass was cut short where it had been harvested for hay. The farmer that owns this piece of land had cut it recently; it had that smell. Growing up around here, you just knew.

  Max turned in my direction, “Wanna drive?”

  “Here?” I swallowed against my nerves.

  “Sure. You can’t ruin her here.” He chuckled lightly as he rubbed his palm along the dashboard.

  “Her?” My forehead wrinkled as I studied him.

  “You really think my car is a dude? Of course, it’s a her.” He rolled his eyes and tsked at me in a teasing manner. “So, what’d ya say?” He popped it in neutral, and pulled up the emergency brake.

  “I don’t know.” I fidgeted in my seat. I’d only tried to drive a standard once. Jared attempted to teach me in his dad’s truck. After stalling out repeatedly, I gave up. Jared wasn’t the most patient teacher either.

  “It’s not that hard. She’ll go easy on you, and there’s nothing here.” He waved at the windshield.

  “Fine,” I blew out a breath. How hard could it be? I pushed my door open, and climbed out. Max got out, and we switched sides. Once I was settled in the driver’s seat, I took a few deep breaths. “I can do this,” I muttered under my breath.

  “Of course you can.” Max laughed as he made a point to reach for his seat belt, and buckle himself in.

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I rolled my eyes. I calmed my nerves the best I could before turning to stare at him. “Ok, professor. Teach me.”

  Max threw his head back in laughter. “Can you reach the clutch?” He snickered.

  “I’m not that short,” I scoffed as I pushed against the far-left pedal.

  “You have to be able to get it to the floorboard,” he softened his voice. “Push it all the way down. Now is that a comfortable spot for the seat?”

  “No,” I shook my head as I reached down between my legs to pull the lever that would move the seat closer to the dash. As it slid closer, the strain on my calf lessened, and it felt a little more natural the way I was sitting. “Ok. This works,” I nodded with more confidence.

  “So, push in clutch, and put it in gear. Look right here.” He pointed between us. “This is like a giant H. First, second, third, fourth, and reverse. You’re in neutral right now.”

  “Like this?” I pushed the stick up and to the left.

  “Now you’re in first.” He smiled and nodded. “You wanna slowly release the clutch, and as soon as you feel it start to catch you wanna push on the gas.”

  I took a deep breath, concentrated on the feel of the engine, and let the clutch out. The car began to jerk back and forth, and then it stalled out completely. “Damn it!” I growled. “This is what happened last time.”

  “Last time?” Max looked at me, confused.

  “I’ve tried to do this before with Mr. Benton’s truck,” I clarified. “I’m not any good.”

  “Well, you didn’t have me teaching you then either.” He smiled as he reached over and squeezed my hand. “Try again.”

  I pushed the clutch back in, and cranked the engine. Same result. I think I did this at least ten times before anything changed. That last time when I was ready to climb out and throw a fit, it finally worked. The gears started to catch, I eased on the gas, and the car slowly moved forward. Max let out a whoop, as I held on to the steering wheel with a white-knuckle grip. We bounced around the field at a snail’s pace, and just as I was feeling good about things, Max breaks in with a “try shifting to second.”

  I’d like to say that it was a success, but I’d be lying. I ground the gears, and Max cringed as the car started bucking again, ending my success with another stall.

  “I think you did pretty good for your first time out.” Max smiled as he licked his ice cream cone. After my driving lesson, he took over and went through town. Since he promised me that no one would see me, he let me wait in the car while he got us ice creams. Now, we’re sitting not far from Potter’s Farm, a spot where we used to come for field parties during our childhood.

  “It wasn’t my first time,” I grumbled.

  “It was the first time that counted.” He chuckled as he ran his tongue around the bottom where it was starting to drip. “We’ll try again next week if you want.”

  “Sure.” I lifted a shoulder as I took a bite of my chocolate cone. A rush of pain went right to my temple, and I rubbed my forehead as I scrunched up my eyes.

  “You still haven’t learned not to do that after all these years?” Max laughed.

  “Apparently not.” I groaned in pain. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten ice c
ream and not given myself a brain freeze. I can’t help it though. I love ice cream, and chocolate is my favorite. I think it’s the baby’s favorite too because it’s one of the few things that doesn’t make me feel sick. “Thanks.” I leaned my head on his shoulder as we stared out at the sunset.

  “You don’t have to thank me, Hails.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed lightly. “I know you’re hurting right now. I know that what you’re going through is probably one of the worst things a person can endure. I don’t have all the answers, but I know it’ll get better for you. I’ll do pretty much anything to make sure it does.” He turned his head, and pressed a kiss to my forehead. It was innocent, and didn’t evoke any of the feelings it once had.

  Max made me feel secure, and protected. He offered me something that no one else could at the moment… a friendship with no strings. He knew how to push me when I needed pushing, and how to back off when I needed space. He loved me like a best friend was supposed to. He’d be the one to pull me through the darkness, and help me see the light again.

  We sat there in silence eating our ice cream as the sun slowly sunk behind the trees. The sky went from a bright blue to a rainbow of purples, pinks, and oranges. Birds chirping turned into crickets, and an evening breeze filled the space around us. It was a peaceful night despite the turmoil inside me, but it was a start… a start of something beautiful, I hoped.

  Chapter 13

  Hailey

  It’s been a month now since Jared died. Things are slowly getting better. I don’t cry as much, and I’ve been leaving the house more. I see Max at least twice a week when we meet for dinner at his parents’ house. It seems strange that I go there more than my own family’s, but something about it helps. I can’t put my finger on what, though.